Author's Note: Ok, I know this chapter is fairly short, but I believe it wont matter...considering that as you have probably noticed that it's from my 'Erik's Eyes:' perspective...and what does that mean, my beloveds? Oh yes, my dears...he is indeed alive...did we really think I could kill off the love of my life:) Yeah...so I am leaving once again...this time involuntarily, but I will be back next week Saturday...(I have the next two chapters written and so all I must do yet is type them...so after I return, you should get another chapter fairly quickly...) Until then, enjoy my loyal readers and fans...I adore you all! (Love to my Gracie, who without her I would die in the week to come, and also love to my PeaceofStar...I'm sorry I wont be around to make your week better...but I love you too!) Alright...I present to you...Chapter 37!
Why Cant The Past Just Die?
Erik's Eyes:
All of my searching throughout the years has led me to the same dreary city; the city that has given me both moments of immense joy and colossal pain. This damned place that has nothing but memories attached to it, even after nearly 4 years of being absent from it. It's quite humorous, really…that the one place that I have so much hatred for, holds the one thing that I would do anything to have again; funny really, that as much as I would like to forsake the entire city of Paris from my existence, I am brought back to it, in all it's horrific splendor.
Everyday since the wretched fire that maimed and injured me, keeping me from coming back for her, I have been petrified by the thought of my Gabrielle being hung in the gallows; her sweet and slender neck tilted at an odd angle in between the noose, her eyes dull and clouded over; the bright blue sky that once was in them, is now that of grey storm clouds. And her magnificent lips, still as full and delicious as if they would open again to release that melodious sound that was her voice, or to meet mine in a passionate kiss.
Day in and day out, that recurring image clouded my mind, leaving all rational thoughts out of my grasp. Once I had finally recovered from the injuries, with the help of the priest who married us, I set off immediately in search of any trace that my Gabrielle might have left behind. For so long, I could find no evidence of her death, nor of her survival. I searched nearly all of France and never found so much as a whisper of a blonde haired beauty. It seemed as if she had simply vanished, without a trace.
I began to lose hope after the first three years. My heart kept telling me to continue searching, and so I did, but my mind told me that it was over; that she was gone from me…forever. It wasn't until the fourth year of searching that I could bring myself to search Paris for what would be the fifth time. As much as I hated the city, it seemed like the likely place for her to be near…I had searched it four times before but with no luck.
Then, one day, I was walking the main streets of Paris, when my eyes were drawn to the back of a blonde haired woman. I stopped in my tracks and stared at the woman facing the shop's display window. My heart was hammering against my chest and although I knew the shadows from the buildings concealed me, I still felt completely vulnerable as the pounding seemed to echo against the brick around me. Her hair was bright blonde and it shimmered in the sunlight, and her sleek back was strong, but visibly slim and feminine under the lavender colored dress. I faintly remembered the shape of her back imprinted on my mind by the memory of running my hands along it's long graceful curves that last night I spent with her. I cursed at myself. Quit this! You are torturing yourself…It CANT be her…it just cant be…
Just then, two little girls came running out from the candy shop next door, the younger one calling out happily to get her mother's attention. You see…this woman has two children…a family of her own…how foolish…what an idiot you are! Break your own heart, that's a brilliant idea…break it continuously until there is nothing left to pump the blood through your veins! At that moment, the woman turned around, taking the younger girl in her arms, and wrapping her arms tightly around her daughter. She looked at the girl with her eyes twinkling and her smile as bright as the sun.
There I stood, in the shadows, completely stuplified as I watched what was without a doubt MY Gabrielle…holding a child of her own, with such happiness on her beloved face. I barely blinked as I took in the scene displayed before me with a bitter happiness. SHE IS ALIVE! AND HAPPY! And with a daughter, I reminded myself bitterly. How could she move on so quickly? Gabrielle rested the girl on her hip, holding the child gently against her body, as the older girl clung to Gabrielle's skirt. The daughter in Gabrielle's arms looked over her mother's shoulder and met my stare head on. My first reaction was to back deeper into the shadows, but the minute our eyes caught, I was frozen where I was.
Her stunning light blue eyes on my own, felt as if they saw straight through me and into my heart. My hand responded, coming up to rest protectively on my chest. I felt my insides melt as her face lit up with a dazzlingly gleeful smile. She was a mirror image of Gabrielle in all of her features; her astonishingly blue eyes, her rosy pink cheeks and her petal soft mouth. The only noticeable difference was the long, wavy chestnut hair that fell gracefully down from her small head, resting gently on her shoulders.
The other girl remained clinging onto Gabrielle's skirt as they both admired a yard of fabric hanging in the shop window. As they talked, Gabrielle's free hand, stroked the older girl's brown curls, gently twirling each curl around her fingers. This child looked less like Gabrielle, but she was still a beautiful child. I also noted that this one couldn't be more than a year older than the other. Been busy in my absence, hasn't she? Who are these children? WAS IT SO SIMPLE FOR HER TO MOVE ON…TO FORGET ME… WHEN I COULDN'T KEEP MY THOUGHTS FROM BEING ONLY OF HER FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS? Has she moved on so easily?
A cold and cruel voice that I thought had left me for good, returned to taunt me. I knew the voice from when I had been obsessing over Christine…he was the one that urged me to kill, in order to get my way…he spoke to me again, for the first time in years, but this time, he was fighting against me instead of with me. OF COURSE, SHE HAS! What a fool you must be to think that a woman with her mind and beauty would wait four years for a creature such as yourself!
It was then that I knew I had to run, to leave everything I once knew behind in the past, otherwise, I feared that in my anger I would harm anyone who got in my way, and the last thing I wanted was Gabrielle or a child of hers harmed. I began to turn away; to flee from this nightmarish scene like a wounded animal but another character intruded on the scene; Raoul.
My hands clenched into tight fists and my knuckles turned white. Just when you thought the treachery was done…when you dared to trust someone, they turn on you…as it has always been and will always be! It was true; I had thought that Raoul and I would never feel hatred towards each other again; but the moment I saw him coming towards my wife, all emotional treaties were fed to the flames that had originally caused me to lose the love of my life. It took all the self control I contained to force my feet to remain planted where they were.
He patted the girls' heads and then draped his arm around Gabrielle's cloaked shoulders. HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY WIFE, BOY! But then it hit me; She thinks I'm dead…She feels as if she has lost me as well…Raoul and her share a bond of grief. Raoul lost Christine as Gabrielle believes she has lost me; through death's dark veil. What did it all mean? I had no idea and I had no desire to think of any rational explanations that I knew would only be depressingly proved wrong. Was Gabrielle MEANT to be with Raoul…and if so, was I MEANT to die in that fire; to be with Christine through our mutual deaths? Through my bewilderment, I noticed that they were leaving for their carriage which would, no doubt, bring them back to Raoul's extravagant home. Somewhat bitterly I noted that I could have never lavished her so completely as he could, with his respectable station and his endless supply of funds. Perhaps she IS best like this… As they climbed into the carriage, I watched as the older child called out for her daddy to pick her up. I watched Raoul respond with a loving smile and open arms.
I couldn't stand it anymore! I loved Gabrielle more than anyone else in the entire world, including Christine and I would rather die than see Gabrielle or any child of hers hurt by my returning presence; which was why I made the decision to leave her…for good. If she had made this new life for herself than so be it; she could be happy with Raoul and she wouldn't have to know that I lived through the fire…I would leave her…content and with Raoul for love.
It was time to end the Opera which was my life. How unfortunate for me, that it would be another death; my own in fact, that would end it.
