Author's Note: Hey all! SURPRISE! NEW CHAPTER ALREADY! Yesterday, I looked at the 'stats' of my story and I must say that I was touched…overwhelmed even…there have been so many loyal fans and I thank you all! So…as a reward to you all…This chapter is going to be EXTRA long and posted a day later! Just because I love you all…that and I couldn't shut myself up in this chapter (lol)…anyway…I love you and thanks for your devotion. I am truly moved by you all.
I must here give credit to Susan Kay; the author of Phantom;
the Author of the play Aida and Andrew Loyd Webber
for the use of their words...I only tweeked them a bit...
My thanks friends...
My Spirit and Your Voice In One Combined
Erik's Eyes:
Gone. She was gone; lost to me forever. How could I have been so selfishly ignorant, thinking that she wouldn't have moved on? I had to admit that she completely deserved to have moved on…to have healed and started a new life in which she could be happy with her family. Silently the voice in me commented, But who would have thought it would have been so soon… I couldn't remember how I had ended up back at the Opera House cellar, but somehow I had and I was once again in my lair…the Phantom's lair.
But where was the Phantom when I needed him most? That cold and solitary man who didn't let himself be controlled by others…the man who decided his own fate and took all matters into his own hands…The Phantom; the cold, cruel and at times heartless creature that existed in my own body…
I now barely knew the man. It was impossible to see myself become him once again. He was the monster I had considered myself to be, but as soon as Gabrielle entered my life in the absence of Christine, that man had fled to the shadows…and allowed the true me to live.
Gabrielle was the best thing that could have ever happened to me and because of all she did for me, I decided that I would never allow the Phantom to return. She showed me compassion, caring and most of all, love; a kind of love that I had never expected to feel returned within my own heart. I would not dishonor my wife and become the Phantom once again. He was gone from me forever as well.
So now what? What was I to do? I paced the floor of my lair and tried not to notice the furniture covered in dust and rags…remnants of memories shared with my Gabby. I allowed my thoughts and sorrows to consume me and soon it became too much to handle. I broke down and fell to the floor, hiding my tears with my hands, in shame.
I must end it…I must end all this…there is no other way… I stood up and wiped away the remaining unshed tears. I searched my room for something to use to kill myself. The pain! I cant live with it! I must end this! For my own sake…for Gabrielle's… I soon found an old cedar box in which I kept medications and other remedies. I slowly ran my fingers along the edge of the box…contemplating what the next step would be.
Throughout my years of reading in my solitude, I learned much more than most people ever do and in that time I gained knowledge in medicine. I knew exactly how much of which bottles I would have to take in order to end it all quickly, but I still couldn't seem to force myself to open the lid. A battle raged within myself.
Why can I not do it? Because your not sure whether you can do it… But that was nonsense. I had killed many other people before without even blinking an eye. But that was the Phantom…he killed…you do not… No. I could kill if I wanted to. And separate yourself forever from your Gabrielle? Let's face it…you have never been a very religious person and you are unsure of the afterlife…and if you are right and there is none…Gabrielle will be TRULY lost to you for eternity… NO! YES!
"NO!" The word echoed off the walls around me. My breathing was harsh and my anger had taken over. I picked up the box and hurled it across the room, smashing it on the stone wall. GREAT! NOW WHAT! Something will come to me…maybe I'll just sleep on it…not like there's a rush to die…
I found one remaining velvet blanket and wrapped myself in it. Memories of Gabrielle and I, entwined in the same colored velvets came back to haunt me and I began to cry softly. Luckily, I soon fell asleep.
The soft night breeze was whirling around me and I opened my eyes, only to find that I was truly outside. The sky was midnight blue and stars danced across it's surface in a slow waltz. I stood up and tried to figure out where I was and how I had got there. There was a large house off in the distance and close behind me there was a line of trees that seemed to lead into dense woods. WHERE WAS I? WHEN DID I GET HERE? I was about to find my way back to the Opera House when I heard something behind me.
It was the sweetest and most sorrowful sound in the world, almost like that of a nightingale. The notes were sung softly, but with more feeling and emotion behind them than I could ever imagine. The emotion behind their music could have easily put mine to shame and that was saying something. The sound increased in both intensity and volume until it was recognizable as a song being sang by a woman. I listened hard to see if I could make out any of the breathtaking lyrics.
"You
were once my one companion. You were all that mattered
You were
once a friend and lover, then my world was shattered…"
The words filled my senses and I immediately recognized them…but somehow, the way in which they were escaping from the singer's mouth, gave them an entirely different sound and I couldn't seem to name the tune nor where I had heard it before. Before I could realize what was happening, I was blindly following the voice. It was strange to actually experience this sort of trance-like state; I knew my music had done the same thing to all others who heard it, particularly women; but still it was fascinating to have the effect turned back onto me.
I soon found myself hidden behind a large tree, staring at the back of the woman who was singing. The forest was so dark that I could barely make our her outline, let alone her face. I could just barely see that she was sitting in front of a large stone statue, but it's shape I couldn't identify either. Her voice cut through my thoughts like a searing knife and I was given no choice but to cease all thoughts and listen.
"Wishing
you were somehow here again, wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes
it seemed, if I just dreamed, somehow you would be here
Wishing
I could hear your voice again, knowing that I never would
Dreaming
of you won't help me to do, all that you dreamed I could…"
Her voice! That song! What an angelic sound, such a sad song, but sang with so much love it was a contradiction inside itself.
"Passing
bells and sculpted angels, cold and monumental
Seem, for you, the
wrong companions, you were warm and gentle...
Too many years
fighting back tears…Why can't the past just die?"
It felt as if I had just fallen off of my horse. The song…it was the one Christine sang while walking to her father's grave. My heart pounded against my chest. Christine's voice could never be as flawless as this one's…it couldn't be Christine…it just couldn't be…
"Wishing
you were somehow here again, knowing we must say goodbye
Try to
forgive, teach me to live, give me the strength to try!"
She turned and I saw her face bathed in moonlight. My vision was blurred and I reached up to rub them only to realize that tears were the culprit. 'Gabrielle! How did she know that song?', I thought. But it didn't matter to me at this point. 'No wonder she hid her voice from me…being that magical, I would have wanted nothing but her constant singing if I had known…' She once had told me that Christophe had beat her when she sang, and if he hadn't already been dead, I would have left immediately to kill him myself. A crime! It was a crime to hide such magnificence from the world! She began to walk past, tears on her cheeks, sparkling in the glimmer of the stars. I reached out to her only for my hand to go straight through her, as if she was a ghost. "NO!" I cried aloud, but she didn't hear…she only sang.
"No
more memories, no more silent tears
No more gazing across the
wasted years…"
She was walking past me and I couldn't touch her…I couldn't speak to her. It was truly as if I had died and I began to wonder if I truly had gotten the courage to kill myself…
"Help
me say goodbye. Help me say goodbye!"
She looked around as if she had suddenly been startled by a noise. Tears were now falling sequentially from her cheeks and down onto the ground before her.
"Goodbye Erik…" she whispered softly into the darkness and then left me to my solitude once more. I ran after her, but as soon as I reached the clearing, she had vanished into the silence of the night. I slowly sauntered back to where I had first saw her, feeling over twice my age. I now could see the statue clearly. It was an angel carved out of ivory and at it's base was a plaque with an inscription. It read:
None of us can choose where we will love, but none the less it was you I loved until
your death and now, into this tomb I made my way by stealth, and here,
far from every human gaze, in your arms I wished to die...'
But that was no option for me…death…and so I swear that
All the songs anyone will ever hear me sing will be
echoes of your name, our voices blending forever ascending high above.
One day I'll fly as high with you and in Heaven's arms we'll be eternally joined.
I stepped away from the monument and lost my balance, falling flat onto the ground in front of it. I didn't even bother to feel ashamed as I bawled as if I was once again a child of four years. Closing my eyes and wishing for release from the pain…
And then, all was quiet and I opened my eyes to find the fireplace blazing in front of me. I was finally certain of what was to come…I had to leave, to go to her…in that moment I knew…She still loved me as much as I loved her. It was all a misunderstanding… I fled from the Opera Cellar and sped towards my future…one that I was determined to create.
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Before I realized it, I was standing in front of the large house that I had seen only moments before, but it wasn't real then, it was just a dream…Now THIS was no dream.
I had no plan and this disheartened me slightly…What are you going to do? Simply waltz in after four years of not seeing her, and expect her to willingly fall into your arms? She loves me. That's all that matters. She wont fight it. But the more I thought about it, the more doubt came into play. Would she REALLY accept that it was truly me and I was truly alive? Would she not become hysterical and throw me out of the house…thinking me to be an impostor… I noticed that I could feel the cold porcelain mask upon the right side of my face. I contemplated taking it off, but then decided against it.
I walked around the back of the house, thinking that a walk would clear my mind; then noticing an open window and two silhouettes inside, I snuck over to peer inside. There, before my eyes I saw Gabrielle tucking in the darker haired daughter. The young girl had her thumb in her mouth as she was curled gently on her right side. Gabrielle was speaking to her softly, telling her how much she loved her. Can she truly miss me when she lives with this child and her father?
Gabrielle left, extinguishing the candle and shutting the door, so that only a crack of light shown through. My eyes then drifted back to the empty bed. EMPTY! I frantically looked around the room, to see if she had gotten up to retrieve a toy, but I saw her nowhere. I was about to panic, when she all of the sudden popped up in front of me.
"Boo!"
I gasped and nearly fell backward as she giggled softly. I thought of running, but I couldn't see what good that would do since she had already seen me. I regained my composure quickly, ashamed that I had been startled so easily by a mere child. But I had to admit to myself that she had uncanny stealth…In my prime, I could have snuck up on even a scent hound and no one could have turned the act around upon myself…my hearing was exceptional as well…and yet somehow a little girl had caught me by surprise.
"You shouldn't be out of bed, young miss…you'd better go back to sleep before your mother finds you…" I said to her carefully.
"I saw you, you know…in front of the seamstress shop…watching sissy, mummy and I…"
"I know…" This child was intelligent. I felt as if I could have a deep discussion about anything with her and she would respond not only intelligently but with the maturity of a woman three times her age. "If I may ask, why did you watch me for as long as you did that day?"
"Well…I guess it was because you looked at momma with sadness in your eyes…"
"Yes, well…" This child already had me at a loss for words. "I once loved your mother very much…"
"Why did you stop?"
I stared back at her patient and awaiting face. Truthfully…I hadn't stopped… "Honey…I…well…what does it matter…she has your daddy to love her now…" I turned away harshly, angry that I had even come here.
"Daddy?…Well…my daddy does love my mummy, but…I think she misses him too much for it to matter…I think that she should be happy just knowing that he loves her…but she is just too sad…"
"Oh? Is he gone away on business most of the time, or something…some father he must be…to leave his wife and children often for something that trifling."
"Sir, my daddy is never here…I have never known him…the closest thing to a daddy I have known is Uncle Raoul…"
"Uncle Raoul?" I was flabbergasted. Uncle? Did Raoul have a brother that Gabrielle met…?
"Yes…I think Raoul wanted to be my daddy for a while…he even asked momma to consider loving him…," she blushed and started playing with the edge of her nightgown. "I once snuck out of bed when I heard momma crying and yelling at him…"
"But she said no?" She isn't with Raoul?
"Yes…Raoul once told me that she was to stubbornly loyal to my real daddy and that's why she wouldn't give in to him…"
"Your…Your daddy?" I could barely get the words out. My hands were shaking and my heart felt like it was about to burst from my chest.
"Momma always tells me about him…I think it makes her happy…remembering him, I mean. The told me that she nearly died after he did…out of grief…," slowly, her face lit up with a look of triumph. "But it was I, who saved her…she said that if she hadn't been pregnant with me, she would have had no reason to live."
"So…you don't know who your father is?" A lump formed in the back of my throat. The world and even life itself seemed to all matter on what her next words were. A thought. A thought so miraculous and so unbelievable was beginning to form in the back of my mind. It's not possible…it cant be…no…most definitely…and yet… I cursed myself for even thinking such a glorious thought…for if it was only that…a thought and nothing more, I would be ruined once again.
She sighed. "NO…I already told you…my momma couldn't tell me stories about him very easily if we didn't know who he was, now could she? I just never knew him…he died before I was born. Momma always says that he was the single most, greatest man she has ever known. He was a genius…and he adored music, which is why she is teaching me to sing and read music. Momma says I have inherited both her and daddy's voices and I sing like a cherub."
"Maybe you can sing for me sometime…when you wont wake your mother…" The doubt I had that I was the father, was beginning to dwindle and I was running out of rational explanations as to why her father and I had so much similarities.
She smiled, a genuinely Gabrielle smile. "Yes…I would like that…Sometimes, momma and I sing to the monument she had Raoul buy in memory of my papa. Momma always said that he loved singing and what little he heard of her singing he loved…and she wishes she would have sang for him more…"
My Gabrielle! The love of my life…and her daughter…our daughter…MY daughter! My heart melted then and there staring at her. There was never a greater phrase than 'our daughter'. Dully, through the mist these words created in my mind, I remembered the other child.
"And your sister…who is her father?"
"She is not my sister by blood…her daddy is Raoul and her momma died when she was born. I know Helene and I feel closer because we both are missing one of our true parents…both momma and Raoul think that we feel as if we are one family, but Helene and I cant feel that way, when both momma and Raoul are so miserable when together."
Gabrielle! Oh, praise her! She never left me…she was mine all along! "May I ask you something?" I said, restraining the urge to cry out of joy.
"Yes…"
"Were you always as…perfect…as you are now?" She blushed and I smiled, "What I mean is…are you not…were you never…disfigured…in any way?"
She stared at my mask for a moment then stumbled with her words. "I…no…I am not…but…but my momma once said…that my daddy….," her innocent eyes looked even sweeter as realization started to spread within them. They then filled with hope as she reached her tiny hand reached for my mask. I quickly rose my own hand, beating her to the cold porcelain disguise and holding it firmly in place.
"You know momma never liked you wearing that thing…"
I stared at her blankly. She was indeed ingenious; she already had figured out who I was and why I was here. I could feel it. "I know…but I wouldn't want to…scare you…with my face…you don't know what it's like…"
"But I do…I know you are 'deformed' as you call it…but I don't care…I want to see my daddy…and I want to see him now…and how he truly is…I thought I would never truly know him…and now I have a chance to…so let me meet him…please…?" She sweetly smiled at me and I sighed in response. "Please…take it off…for me…for momma…"
Slowly, I reached up and placed my numb fingers around the edge of the mask. What if she screamed and both Gabrielle and Raoul came running? Then what?…but that wasn't what truly scared me. What if she is frightened of me for life? I hesitated a moment longer then, seeing the pleading look in her eyes, I pulled it off, gently lowering it to my chest and holding it there. I hung on to it as if I were drowning and all I had was it for safety. I was petrified of the look that I would see if I met her eyes.
It was then that I felt a soft pair of lips being gently pressed against the right side of my face.
"Daddy!…I love you!…Welcome home…I'm Angelique…" Tears began to fall and she gently wiped them away with her fingers. "Does it hurt if I touch it?" She said skeptically as her fingers encountered both bone and mutilated flesh.
"My Little Angel…no…your touch is more than I could have ever hoped for…you are a brave little girl…"
She giggled a little too loudly. "I'm your brave little girl…" I took her in my arms and sunk my hand into her dark chestnut hair that matched my own; holding her close and never wanting to let go.
We both sprang apart as the doorknob to her room began to turn.
"Honey? Are you awake in there?" It was Gabrielle! I quickly concealed myself in the shadows once more and waited to catch a glimpse of my faithful wife…the love of my life…my earth, my sun, my moon and my stars, once again.
Author's Note- Part Deux: Who wants a reunion! Now...dont you REALLY WANT the next chapter?...muahaha...I'm evil...well...You'll have to wait...how long? who knows...if you're all good...hopefully soon...:) jk...but yea...love you all!
