This is the fifth time I've written this chapter, but the first one I've posted, so no, you haven't missed anything. I'm not sure I like it, but it's the best one of the bunch.
VII
It was the perfect day.
There were just enough clouds in the sky, there was a light breeze in the air, and Shikamaru was on the second of three free days.
Kakashi must have known this when he sent a nin-dog to Shikamaru's window this morning, waking him up with a wet nose in the face. Shikamaru concidered ignoring the dog right up untill he looked out the window. With a sky like that, he couldn't say no to anyone, even if Orochimaru were to come down to the city gates and ask to discuss Konoha's most secret documents over a cup of tea.
Hit by a sudden sense of superstition, (it couldn't hurt) he crossed that last one off the mental list and then got up from where he had been staring at the ceiling for a few minutes and got dressed under the watchful (and probably perverted) eye of Kakashi's dog.
Grabbing a book off of the nightstand and hollaring down to his mother that he was going out, he gave the mongrel a pat on the head and said, "Okay, pup, let's go find your master."
Shikamaru looked a little with envy at the boundless energy the dog showed, running forward a few steps and then trotting back a few more, all the while leading him towards the forest of death. But when they arrived at the heavily chained and barred gates, the dog didn't go inside, he just trotted along the fence. Eventually the ground under the path rose and Shikamaru caught on to how Kakashi was expecting to placate him: a new sky-watching hill.
When they got to the top, Shikamaru could grudgingly see how it could be expected to work: trees hanging over the clover-dotted field that would provide ample shade in the afternoon and a sharper embankment on the other side to allowing for easy viewing of the city.
He told himself he wasn't convinced yet, even though he knew he already was. And there was Kakashi himself, who had been avoiding him awkwardly ever since that midsummer, rubbing the stomach of the dog that had lead Shikamaru to him.
"Aah, Shikamaru-kun, Beatle says you didn't throw any sticks for him. What a spoilsport."
Shikamaru blinked and noticed two things: the dog's name was Beatle and Kakashi had started calling him Shikamaru-kun again.
Kakashi was maybe doing too good a job of making up for those kisses.
He sat down on the springy grass and breathed in the beautiful, warm summer air.
"You're forgiven, Kakashi," Shikamaru sighed, laying back and staring up absently into the blue vault ahead of him. It was too nice a day to argue, and Shikamaru figured that this sucking up would only continue to ruin it by association to what it was supposed to correct.
He could see Kakashi's foot out of the corner of his eye.
"Shikamaru, I know you don't like having to deal with lies, so I won't lie to you."
Shikamaru mentally nodded at this obviously preprepaired speach, but let him continue talking.
"You remind me of me when I was younger," Kakashi sighed. "Except less broken. That's why I didn't want you to go into ANBU. That's why... Well, that's probably where these feelings came from."
Shikamaru folded his arms under his head in a silent signal: I'm not going to hurt you, so keep talking.
He was tired of dodging around when in public places, of seeing Kakashi walk into a room and immidiately turn away from him, of the times when he's caught himself daydreaming about those kisses and not being able to say why, of his friends teasing him that he's been depressed lately and had he broken up with his girlfriend?
"I don't know how to do this whole... wooing thing. I'm used to just fucking someone and dissapearing in the morning, asshole that I am."
The dog settled around Kakashi's ankles and bumped into Shikamaru's side, obscuring his sole view of Kakashi, which irritated him more than it should on a normal scale.
"So, um, Shikamaru, do you want to go out to dinner or something tonight?"
Shikamaru sat up and looked at Kakashi for a long time.
He was smiling carefully under that gaze, unable to guess what was running through that black-haired head.
"You idiot," Shikamaru sighed finally, turning his gaze to look out over the villiage that he had sworn to protect. "I was never mad at you."
Kakashi flushed, and Shikamaru felt it rather than saw it.
"Ah, well... Supper then?"
Shikamaru laughed and looked at a sheepish Kakashi. He felt the knot in his stomach relax, knowing that they were standing steady again.
The rest of the day was spent on the recently discovered diamond-in-the-rough hill, watching the clouds and gossuping and feeling each other out.
At one point of comfortable silence, Shikamaru let one hand reach down and rest on the soft grass beside Kakashi's, just brushing the fabric of his glove.
Kakashi would know it was intentional. It was the thing he liked most about him, that ability to see a shadow as a thing and not just a reflection of another thing. The underneath under the underneath, or whatever it was he called it during his twisted training sessions.
"I'm glad I'm not your student," Shikamaru mused out loud.
"Oh yeah?"
There is only the mildest of teasing challenges in Kakashi's tone. They have come to know how to wait for each other to sort out their thoughts, place them carefully, testing each word before saying it.
Most people talked much too quickly, Shikamaru found. Another thing to like Kakashi for, and filed it away.
"I'm sure they're the strongest team in the villiage, but you really are quite hard on them."
"Well, you know how that works," Kakashi said quietly, tracing a cloud's outline with his finger.
"Maybe I just don't want to be first. Maybe I'm fine with not being remarkable, with just doing what I'm supposed to do and nothing more, nothing less."
They turned to look at each other, and Kakashi was smiling. There was another reason: Shikamaru loved that smile, when it was true, like now.
"That's worth something too."
They turned to look back at the sky.
"Who's going to get married and have the children while crazy genious idiots like me go out fighting?"
Shikamaru frowned and narrowed his eyes at the touch of bitterness in Kakashi's voice. Kakashi shouldn't think like that.
"Don't be stupid," he sighed, not sure what to say to change this misconception. "You're still young. You're not... ibroken/i."
"Very broken," Kakashi corrected. "Shattered to bits. A mess of pieces glued together but not quite as good as before."
Shikamaru could tell that Kakashi had dwelled on this for a long time before now.
"You have people who love you," Shikamaru said, picking at his teeth. "And a villiage, and a job. You're alive. What more could you want?"
Shikamaru felt a jerk in his stomach as soon as he said it. What a stupid, stupid lapse in concentration, it would be impossible for Kakashi to mistake...
"I think you already know that," Kakashi said quietly and slowly, shifting uncomfortably on the cool grass.
They were saved from a long, awkward silence by the sudden arrival of one of the hokage's aids.
"Kakashi-san, the Gondaime wishes to speak with you."
Kakashi hauled himself to his feet with a false weariness and Shikamaru followed to see him off.
"Tell Hokage-sama that I'm coming," Kakashi said to Hagane and he nodded and dissapeared with a jounin's efficiency. He then turned to Shikamaru and waved a hand to wave goodbye, smiling cheerfully.
Shikamaru bit the inside of his mouth, and Kakashi saw that face that he always made when he was fighting with himself.
Musing on how cute it was distracted him enough that he didn't notice Shikamaru's hand come out of his pocket and grab the front of his vest, but when he did notice it, he didn't stop it. Shikamaru leant forwards a bit and kissed him on the cheek quickly.
"Supper," Shikamaru confirmed, putting his hand back in his pockets with a calm that didn't match his age. "Meet me outside my apartment at six, if you can."
"Wouldn't miss it for the world."
Kakashi grinned, cast one more appraising glance on this quiet, sulky, very attractive young man before finally completing his wave and disspearing into the afternoon sun.
Shikamaru let out a long sigh and stared into the distance, thinking about what he had got himself into.
Critical comments are appreciated very much.
