I'm posting this chapter today in order to mark a very special occasion: Elden Henson's 28th birthday. Happy birthday, Elden! And thanks again to all my reviewers, especially the new gals in town, antiIRONY, BlackRoseFt4, and Rocketshipper. Welcome aboard!


A Better Fate Than Wisdom

Chapter 10: Crazy Circles

I put on a different pair of jeans, a black t-shirt, and the Blackhawks jersey I got for Christmas last year. It's getting kind of tight, but it still fits, and anyhow it's the coolest shirt I've got. I'm wondering if this is a date or what. Probably it isn't, but if it is, I guess I shouldn't wear a hat, so I head to the can to make sure my hair looks okay. And it does, but I notice I've still got this goofy grin on my face that I can't seem to get rid of. Oh well.

I've still got a few minutes to kill so I go to the computer lab to check my email. I don't have any new messages, and I'm just about to log off when Aerinah comes in. She's wearing bright orange boots, blue jeans, a black shirt, and this shiny, shimmery orange coat. And makeup, I think. Her eyes kind of look bigger and brighter than usual. And her lips look full and pink and really soft. And really kissable.

"Max?" she says, and I realize I'm staring. And that I missed whatever she said before my name. "Are you looking at the movie listings?"

"Oh," I say, tearing my eyes away. "Um, hang on." I google the theater to find their website, and by the time Aerinah sits down beside me, I've found the listings.

We settle on the latest James Cameron movie, which starts in an hour. Then I go back to my room to get my coat, and we head out.

"You want to walk, or take the bus?" I ask her when we get outside.

"Let's walk," she decides. Then she pokes me playfully in the side. "But listen, you're going to have to walk slow. My legs are like half as long as yours."

I look down and see that she's grinning up at me. "You know," I say, "It almost sounds like you like being really short."

"Well, sure I like it," she answers. "Why shouldn't I?"

I don't know what to say. But I think it's pretty cool. That's one of the things I really like about her, even though I don't understand it. She doesn't care if she's different or weird, she actually seems to enjoy it. In a way, it kind of reminds me of something Worm said once, about how she doesn't really care if people call her a Bookworm because it's sort of an honor, since books are so important. She said she actually feels sorry for the people who tease her about it, since they obviously don't understand how magical and exciting and powerful books can be. Aerinah's kind of like that, too. Not about books, necessarily, but about not being hurt or embarrassed when other people think she's strange.

So the whole way to the theater, I have trouble concentrating on our conversation, because I'm trying to decide if I should offer to buy Aerinah's ticket for her. The thing is, I don't want to creep her out by asking, if she just wants to be friends. But, I also don't want her to think I'm not interested in her, or that I'm cheap or whatever, by not offering. The other problem is, I don't know how to bring it up without making it sound like this is a date. Which I want it to be, but if that's not what she wants, then that would make everything really awkward, not to mention embarrassing.

Finally, when we get to the theater, what I do is just ask the guy at the counter for two tickets, and pull out my wallet. Aerinah starts digging around in her pockets for money, so I tell her, "It's okay, I got this." She gives me this big smile and lets me pay, which is great… but then when we go to the concession, she insists on paying for our drinks. So I'm not sure what that means.

When we get into the theater I let Aerinah pick the seats, and she marches right up to the back row, which surprises me since she sits near the front in classes. But I like the back better too.

I cram myself into my seat, careful not to elbow Aerinah in the head. Before she sits down, she folds her coat into a square, and then puts it behind her back. "The seats are too long," she explains when she sees me watching. "I need something behind me so the backs of my knees clear the edge of the chair." Aerinah glances down, at my knees crammed against the back of the seat in front of me. "I guess that's not a problem for you, huh?" she says cheerfully.

"Nope," I agree, smiling. You know, I usually hate it when people point out how big I am, but I don't mind so much when she does it. Maybe

because I can tell she's not doing it to make fun of me.

Then we don't talk for a while, and I'm feeling fidgety because I'm kind of nervous, but I'm trying to sit still. I'm not really hungry, but I realize if I had something to eat then I'd have something to do with my hands.

"I think I'm gonna go get some licorice," I say to Aerinah. "Do you want anything else?"

"No, I'm good," she says. She's smiling up at me, chin tilted, her right hand flicking a shining lock of hair back over her shoulder at the same time, and for some reason the juxtaposition makes my breath catch in my chest. "Thanks, though."

It's dim in the theater, and the steps are narrow, so I have to concentrate on not tripping over my enormous feet and landing on my ass. Which is kind of a relief. Because my mind is going around in these crazy circles, from Aerinah's smile to the smell of her hair to wondering if this is a date to imagining what might happen if I held her hand or… or kissed her… to telling myself we're just friends and not to be so stupid.

So that's what I've decided by the time I get back with the licorice. But then she smiles at me again, so her whole face lights up, and I'm back to thinking that maybe, just maybe, there's something special here after all.

The movie's pretty good, and I'm finally relaxing and getting into the story, when all of a sudden I feel Aerinah put her hand on my forearm. She leans towards me, her shoulder touching my arm, and I bend my head towards her. My heart's thumping so hard I can barely hear her whispering.

"Can I have some of your licorice?" she's saying.

"Sure," I whisper back, and hold the bag out to her. The candy's gotten all stuck together but between us we finally manage to wrestle a piece out for her.

"Thanks," she says softly, and she seems to look at me for a long time, before turning her attention back to the screen. She shifts in her seat as she nibbles the licorice, and her leg ends up just barely touching mine. She doesn't move it away, and I'm wondering if she did that on purpose or if she was just getting more comfortable. I keep turning these thoughts over in my head, and finally after a long time I realize the movie's over. And I hope she doesn't want to talk about the movie on the way home, because I have no idea what happened or what it was about.

Aerinah doesn't say anything about the movie, though. We don't talk much at all, really, on our way out of the theater. I can't think of anything to say – or at least, nothing that's not dangerous, like I had a great time with you, or Can I hold your hand? or So, is this a date? – and she seems lost in thought.

It's a lot colder outside when we get out of the theater – the temperature has probably dropped ten degrees – so we decide to catch the bus back. When we get to the bus stop, Aerinah hops up on the bench and sits on the back of it. I stand in front of the bench, fidgeting around to keep warm. There's a crumpled old newspaper on the ground, and I kick snow over it until it's completely covered.

When I look up, Aerinah's watching me, but right away she looks down, biting her lip and tucking her hair behind her ear. She's still got her pop from the movie, and she starts rolling the cup around in her hands, making the ice rattle inside. I wonder if she's nervous, and if she's nervous for anything like the same reasons I'm nervous. I notice that her hands are really small, tiny even, with short little fingers, but they also look wide and strong.

I say the first thing that comes into my head. "Are you ready for paleo on Monday?"

"Yeah, I think so," she says, and I'm amazed how unconcerned she sounds about it. Tests always make me feel like I'm going to crawl right out of my skin. "I'll read my notes again over the weekend, but I don't think it'll be too bad. You?"

"I guess," I say unhappily. I wish I had half her confidence. "You think we'll really have to know all the geological periods and taxonomic groups and everything?"

She looks surprised. "Yeah, probably. I would think that'll be a big part of the exam, actually." Maybe she notices how worried I am when I hear that (freaked out is more like it; I have no idea how I'm going to keep all those weird, long, unpronounceable names straight), because she says, "I make up acronyms and mnemonics to remember stuff like that; I could show you. We could study together, tomorrow, or Sunday. I mean, if you want."

"Yeah," I say, and we both smile in a kind of goofy way. Or at least I can see she's got this lopsided grin on her face, and my face feels like it looks about the same. I take a step closer. "That would be really great. Um, what time d—"

"Hey, check it out!" someone shouts behind me, and I jump and spin around. A blue Camaro pulls up to the curb right next to us. All the windows are coming down, and I see that asshole Darren in the passenger seat; his buddy Jason is driving and there are two more of their friends in the back.

"Well, well, well," Darren smirks, looking from me to Aerinah and back. Aerinah's standing up on the bench now, her drink forgotten in one hand, the other hand clenched into a nervous fist. "If it isn't Maxi Pad and Air Jordan, out on a daa-ate…" His friends laugh; one of the guys in the back seat has this loud braying laugh like a donkey. It's even more annoying than Darren's laugh, which I wouldn't have thought was possible.

I can feel my face turning red, and I don't dare even glance towards Aerinah. "So, you try her on yet, you big freak?" Darren's gaze shifts to Aerinah and I move to my right a bit, in front of her. "I think she's too small for you, freakshow. But then, you like little girls, don't you?"

His friends are laughing so hard now he has to shout. "Yeah, didn't you know?" he yells at Aerinah, grinning viciously. "He kidnapped a little girl a couple of years ago. It was in the paper. So what'd you do to her, you sick fuck?" Now he's yelling at me again. "Did you r—"

A wax cup hits him right between the eyes, and his voice stops as suddenly as if it got switched off. Ice cubes fly in all directions and I almost laugh at the sight of Darren blinking stupidly with his mouth hanging open, like a big frog or something, as diet Coke drips down his face.

I look over at Aerinah. She looks shocked, and she has her hand to her mouth. Maybe she didn't mean to throw it at him. But then her lips narrow into this determined line, and her eyes are glittering and sharp. "You don't know what you're talking about," she says coldly. "Leave us alone."

"You little bitch!" Darren's really pissed off now, and he goes to open his door. I step right in front of Aerinah. I don't like to fight, but if he even reaches for her I'm going to take him down. He's got muscles, but he's a foot shorter than I am and at least a hundred pounds lighter. One punch will probably do it.

But just then a loud horn blast cuts the air, and we all jump and look around. The bus has arrived, and the driver's honking at Jason to move his car out of the bus stop.

Darren sits back down and closes his door. "See you later, asshole!" he shouts as Jason pulls out, tires slipping on the hard-packed snow. Donkey Boy in the back seat gives us the finger. Then they're gone, and the bus is pulling up right in front of us.

----

Well, that sure killed the conversation. Neither of us says anything the whole way back to school. I don't know about Aerinah, but I have no idea what to say.

Darren's right about the newspaper articles. When Worm and I ran away together, her stepdad, the Undertaker, told the cops I'd kidnapped her, and he put a ten thousand dollar reward on my head. I saw some of the stories after – I looked them up at the library one time. They never came right out and accused me of being a rapist or anything – Dip told me they couldn't do that, it'd be slander or whatever – but they sure

implied that I was up to no good. And went on and on about what Worm must be going through, and how scarred she was going to be if and when they ever got her away from me.

Man, I was barely fourteen. And Worm was eleven. We were just kids, both of us. I don't understand how anybody could think such things.

There were different stories in the papers after, of course. About how they got it wrong and it was really the Undertaker who was hurting Worm and her mom, and how her mom told me to take Worm away, but then she lied to the police because she was so scared of what the creep would do to her. One paper even called me a hero, because I rescued the Undertaker from that cave-in and landed up in the hospital myself.

But I guess Darren never read that part. I wonder how many other people at school think I'm a kidnapper and a child molester.

I look at the doors opposite me and Aerinah, at our reflection in the glass. Is that what people think, when they see us together? She's my age, yeah, but she's so small. Her feet don't even reach the floor of the bus; she's swinging them back and forth.

I suppose it'd look better if I found a girl my own size. Problem is, there aren't any girls my size. I mean, I wear size nineteen shoes, I'm over seven feet tall, and I weigh like three hundred and fifty pounds.

I remember our snowball fight earlier, and how I accidentally gave Aerinah a bloody nose. And how light she felt in my arms when I carried her over to the wall. And then I can feel my face burning as I remember Darren sneering You tried her on yet? Not that this would ever happen, because I'm sure she doesn't like me like that, but even if Aerinah did like me, if I ever tried to even hug her I'd probably crush her, never mind if we were, you know, making out or whatever.

Probably I was right the first time, when I thought she was the one who put my poem on the bulletin board, and I decided it would be better for both of us if I just stayed away from her.

Except I don't think I can. I've never felt like this before, about anybody. Everything feels so right when I'm with her. It feels like that song, that song she was dancing to in the record store that one day, that was too beautiful for words. I like talking to her, I like laughing with her, I like looking at her, I just like being with her. I don't want to find a different girl. I don't know how she feels about me, but she at least seems to want to be friends. That can't be wrong, can it?

We get off the bus at the university terminal and walk south, towards Maclean Hall, and still Aerinah doesn't say anything. Okay, maybe she doesn't want to be friends. Not after hearing what Darren had to say. But I don't say anything either. I mean, what is there to say? 'So, I know I just about broke your nose earlier, and you probably think I'm a dangerous sex offender, but would you be my girlfriend?' Yeah, I don't think so.

We get to the steps leading down into the courtyard behind the dorm, and I start going down, but Aerinah stops and says slowly, "Max, look…"

Her voice is tight, sympathetic, and I make sure my face is expressionless before I turn around. This is it, then. She's going to remember some pressing appointment for tomorrow, so sorry, we can't study together after all; and there'll be an excuse for the next day too, and pretty soon I'll just be a face in the hall. Not even that – a chest, rather.

"Fuck him," she says abruptly. I'm so busy expecting the worst I think for a minute she must have said Fuck you, but then I realize what I actually heard.

"Huh?" I say before I can stop myself. God, this just gets better and better.

"Fuck Darren, and fuck his friends," she says, and she's angry, but not at me. I think she's angry for me. "Who cares what they say? If they even tried to get to know you they'd know you're a good person, and that you'd never hurt anybody, and, and… whatever."

She turns abruptly and jumps up onto the wall, and runs her hands through her hair, making it flicker in the moonlight. She's sitting almost exactly where she was before, after our snowball fight, just closer to the stairs. Only now it's dark out, and there are fat fluffy snowflakes silently tumbling out of the sky. And, of course, this time she isn't covered in blood.

"I don't know how you feel about me," she says, not looking at me, and so softly I can barely hear her. I take a couple steps closer, wishing my heart would stop pounding so I could listen. "I know we look really stupid together, like a circus act or something, and I'm sure you don't want to get picked on any more than you are already. I don't either. But…"

She finally looks at me, and I can see she's even more nervous than I am, if that's possible. Her lips are trembling and she's very pale, but she holds my gaze as she speaks. "But, I just wanted you to know, I… I really like you, Max."

I didn't realize I was holding my breath, but I let it out now, feeling suddenly dizzy. And happy. Man, I don't think I've ever been this happy.

"I really like you too, Aerinah," I say. I hope my voice doesn't sound as shaky as it feels.

She smiles at me again, that slow sweet smile that lights up her whole face, and without thinking I lean in and press my lips to hers.

I don't really know what to do, but her lips are even softer than they look, and I can smell that sweet apple scent of her hair all around me. Through my coat, I feel her hands landing gently, tentatively, on my chest, and she's kissing me back. And I wonder if maybe I might just burst, because this is really intense.

I reach out with shaking fingers, as gently as I can, and touch her hair, then her cheek. She tugs lightly on my coat and I take a step closer, so her knees are touching my stomach, which is trembling like crazy. Aerinah's trembling too, or maybe shivering; it's getting really cold out here. But I don't care how cold it is.

I want to stay like this forever.