Chapter Fifteen

It was a rainy day when Georgiana sat down with Elizabeth in the music room the afternoon before her brother was to return. In fact, it was such a rainy day that the rain was pounding on the roof and they could hear it two storeys below; for the ladies, there was no question of shopping or walking. Thomas and Richard were at Tattersall's, the Earl was attending to business, the Countess and Jane were sitting with Mr Bingley, and Rosalind was staying a few nights with a friend several miles west of London.

"It will be so good to see William tonight, Elizabeth," said Georgiana happily, flicking through a pile of music. "It was quite a disappointment to come to town, only for him to be obliged to leave."

"Yes," said Elizabeth, smiling. "I must say I am looking forward to meeting him again."

Georgiana eyed Elizabeth with a small smile. "I am sure he will be also."

"And why are you smiling so, Miss Darcy?"

"No reason, Lady Fitzwilliam!"

"I had best not bother asking. You are just like your brother."

Georgiana giggled. "Thank you, Elizabeth."

"I did not mean it as a compliment!"

"Why ever not?"

Elizabeth chose to remain silent, and merely returned to her pile of music. "Oh, look, Georgiana, here is one we have not tried."

Georgiana looked. "Oh yes, I have heard that one played before. It is delightful. I think we would suit it." She paused. "Elizabeth, were you troubled by that horrid column in the newspaper the other day?"

"Not in the least, I assure you. It was merely malicious nonsense. Is it bothering you, Georgiana?"

Georgiana sighed. "I suppose it should not. I hate it when people say things about him."

"Of course you do. But you need not let it trouble you!" said Elizabeth, looking back at the piece of music.

"Even if he is sometimes like that," burst out Georgiana, absently, "no one has the right to write about him in such a dreadful way!"

Elizabeth suddenly held the music still, staring blindly at an A with a mordent above it, three staves down. "What did you say?" she whispered.

Georgiana looked at her in surprise. "Why, he might have made a few mistakes in the way he treated people, but that is hardly reason to treat him like that! I daresay most men do that sort of thing!"

Elizabeth had a horrible feeling of the earth falling beneath her feet. If Georgiana said it was true…

"Are you feeling quite well, Elizabeth?" asked Georgiana, concerned.

Elizabeth tried to smile. "I believe … I have a headache coming on, that is all. Will you excuse me? I think I should probably lie down for a while."

"Oh, of course, Lizzy! Is there anything I can get you? Any service I can perform?"

"No, I am fine. If you will just tell my Mama that I will probably not be down for dinner?" She left the room hurriedly, not waiting to hear Georgiana's reply.

It was not until Elizabeth gained the safety of her bedchamber that she allowed herself to panic. Could it be true! Could Darcy, of all men, be so immoral? And Georgiana condoning his actions! She slowly pulled across the curtains, sunk onto her bed and stared blindly at the wall, unable to escape the nightmare. Oh, it could not be true. He could not do that. She could not feel that kind of disgust for him.

But what other explanation could there be?

She fell back on the bed, succumbing to tears, but she felt frozen inside.

"Lizzy, how are you feeling?" It was Jane, entering the room and stroking her hair, somewhere past eight o'clock.

Lizzy was only conscious of a deep, raw pain as she awoke. "A little better, Jane," she said drowsily.

"I am glad. Do you feel able to come downstairs yet? Mr Darcy has arrived. He was most worried to hear of your headache."

"No!" cried Elizabeth, more aggressively than she had meant to. Jane looked mildly surprised. "I mean, no, I am sorry. I do not feel quite well enough yet."

"If you wish," said Jane gently. "Do you want anything to eat? Something to drink?"

"Oh, yes, please, Jane," said Elizabeth gratefully. "I am very thirsty. Could I just have some water?"

"Of course. I will send someone with it at once." But she stayed where she was, with a little smile. "Lizzy…"

Elizabeth opened her eyes again, wearily. "What is it, Jane?"

Jane took her sister's hands. "You knew Mr Bingley was here?"

"Yes?"

"Oh, Lizzy, I am so happy!"

Elizabeth gasped. "He proposed!"

"Yes, Lizzy! I was not going to tell you until you felt a little better, so I apologise, but I couldn't hold it in! We are engaged!"

How Elizabeth got through the next few minutes she did not know. All that Jane's declaration had done was to plunge her further into despair. She was conscious of an extremely guilty feeling that she was not at all happy with the news, and so she tried to act how she was sure she would have acted had it been yesterday that Mr Bingley called. Apparently her performance was good enough for a not-so-penetrating Jane, who left with a glowing smile, an exclamation of how much she loved her Lizzy, and a promise that she would send the water up directly.

Elizabeth lay back on her pillows with a sigh and closed her eyes. Mr Darcy was downstairs, the father of illegitimate children, and Jane was engaged to Bingley – of all moments to become so. She would have to face him again; she would have to face everyone else, appearing almost as happy as Jane was.

Unfortunately, in the past, Lizzy had had nothing but disgust for men who fathered children in that way and left the poor women unmarried. She had never experienced the feeling of being as in love as one can suppose oneself to be – with one of these men. She supposed her feelings on the subject to be due to her lack of experience in the high society she was now a part of, as obviously Georgiana had been brought up to hardly think it a sin. Perhaps even her parents knew, and didn't care. But the combination now of repulsion and love made her more heartsick than she had ever been, and although she did not weep again, she could not look on anything without the deepest despair. All she could hope for was that her love for him would eventually fade.

"Why, good morning, Elizabeth!" said Lord Matlock, looking up from his newspaper at the breakfast table. "I hope you are feeling better?"

"Yes, I am quite well now, Papa," she said quietly. "I am not very hungry though – I thought I might go for a walk? I feel the need for fresh air."

"Of course, my dear. You do look slightly pale still. You will take someone with you?"

"Yes, Papa. I have asked Hilda to come."

"Hilda? Oh, the maid." He looked at her for a few moments. "Come here, Elizabeth, just before you leave." She looked surprised, but came and sat beside him, and he put his arm around her. "My dear, are you really well?" he said quietly, scanning her face.

For a strange reason she felt like crying again at the kindness in his voice, so she looked down. "Yes, Papa. I simply need to get out of the house, I think."

"Well, if you say so, my pretty wee girl." He laughed at her expression at being called thus. "That was my pet name for you as a baby."

She couldn't help smiling; he was glad to see it. "It was?"

"Yes. Have a good walk, Elizabeth." Just as she reached the door, he called out again. "Oh, Elizabeth, Darcy will be here soon. I know he would like to see you again."

Elizabeth forced a smile, and slipped out the door.

John Fitzwilliam looked back at his newspaper but it was not the advertisement for soap that he was frowning at so. He wondered what was going on with his second daughter that she did not want to tell him. He had rarely felt so protective.

Elizabeth, oblivious, collected Hilda and they left the house, walking faster than Hilda would have liked, in the direction of the Park. A few minutes later, the Darcy carriage stopped outside the Fitzwilliam townhouse.

"Good morning, uncle!" said Georgiana, walking into the room with a smile. "How are you this fine morning?"

Lord Matlock forced the worry off his face and greeted Georgiana and her brother with a bigger smile. "Good morning, both of you! I am pleased to see you, and pleased that we will not have rain today, at the very least."

Darcy smiled. "Yes, it bodes well to be a very fine day." He paused. "Is Cousin Elizabeth better?" He had been troubled with a feeling that all was not well with his cousin. He could hardly stop thinking of her.

"She is up, at least," said Lord Matlock. "But she still seems not quite herself. She has just gone for a walk."

"Oh," he said, looking a little disappointed. But he roused himself to a smile. "I understand Bingley is coming around soon also?"

"Yes," laughed the earl. "I wonder why it is we are to see so much of him."

Georgiana laughed. "I am very happy for Jane."

"And I for Bingley and Jane," said Darcy. "It gives me great pleasure to see my friend and my cousin so happily matched."

Just then Thomas entered the room. "Good morning, all!" he said enthusiastically.

Darcy was amused to see the smile that passed between Georgiana and his cousin. He remembered it had seemed like Thomas had been a little overwhelmed by her two weeks ago. Now she seemed just as impressed. If he was not mistaken, sometime in the future he would find himself, for the first time in his life, being applied to for permission to marry her. He supposed he would have to say yes, too. She was still plenty young, of course, at seventeen, but she was a mature girl, and she would be turning eighteen soon.

Elizabeth was away from the house for about half an hour. She had wanted to stay longer. Although she knew the meeting with Darcy would come, she wanted to delay it as long as possible. However, fate, in the form of Hilda, declined all possibility of this. Hilda was not a country girl like Elizabeth; she took no pleasure in walking as fast as Lady Elizabeth did; she did not hesitate to complain when she began to feel blisters forming. Elizabeth longed for the conscience to ignore her, but she knew it would be unfeeling to force the girl to walk any longer now. They made their way back to the house.

"Cousin Elizabeth!" beamed Darcy when he saw her.

"Cousin," she said quietly, after a short hesitation at the shock of love she felt on seeing him. "I am happy to see you returned safe." O no, what if something had happened to him?

"Thank you," he said, a little puzzled. "I am happy to see you recovered. Or are you still suffering from the effects of your headache?"

"A little, sir," was all the response he gained. She briefly smiled, and walked past him into the sitting room where her mother was.

He had expected a better welcome than this and was aware of a feeling of disappointment. For a moment he stood in the entrance hall holding the small gift he had been planning to give her, before Georgiana's voice recalled him, and he turned into the sitting room also.

Elizabeth was employed in talking to her mother. "Oh, Mama, I confess I have been so much looking forward to the time when we would return to the country. I am so glad we will be off soon. I long to see Matlock. And London – although it is enjoyable for a time – can never be the same to me as the country."

"I am glad to hear it, Elizaviv." (Lady Matlock's new nickname for Elizabeth – a mixture between Elizabeth and Vivian.) "I own I have wanted to show it to you and Jane these twenty years."

Elizabeth smiled. Darcy thought she looked very tired.

"Cousin," he said. "I have brought you a present from Yorkshire. You missed out on the general present-giving, so I must give it to you now."

Elizabeth looked up, startled at being spoken to. "Oh, Cousin, there was no need to…"

He stopped her with a raised hand. "I know, but I thought that if I brought everyone else a present, but not you, it would look very strange in me, and people might discover my dislike of you."

Elizabeth did not even smile. He began to worry.

"Naturally, I am honoured to receive a gift from you, Cousin," she said, sounding very formal.

He pulled the box out of his pocket, feeling like a schoolboy again. "Here it is. I hope you like it."