Chapter 2: So Just Leave me Alone
Have I changed? Everyday, I see myself as the same person. That person looking back at me, that monster…
"Kyo-kun?" Her voice dissolved my dirty thoughts. That day, that summer, during those years, I saw her get hurt, and I did nothing. She asked me to protect Tohru, and I couldn't. More than anything else in my life, that made me a monster. But how does a dog expect to catch the moon with a howl? How does a cat scratch god? She did, she did.
"Kyo-kun, are you out here?" I had no choice but to answer her, because I didn't want to worry her. "Yes." I saw her face peer around the bush I was behind. "Yuki-kun said you'd left. I was worried…" "Sorry." I apologized immediately. "I didn't mean to worry you." She was so beautiful, in the moonlight, that for an instant my heart weakened.
"Tohru…"
"Kyo-kun…"
If she hadn't interrupted me, I might have told her something I'd have regretted. I might have told her the truth. "Sorry, you go…" I held my hand up. This moment required silence. I felt as though words might split my heart in two. I stood still, without speaking, and expected her to leave. I just wanted to be alone. Was that wrong? She didn't, though. She stayed with me, as I hoped she would and I hoped she wouldn't. My head was filled with the things I wanted to say but couldn't, those feelings I couldn't express or didn't understand. That need to never let her feel lonely again…
Shigure sat slumped over a desk, face down and hands all tangled in his hair. "Well, now, here's a sight. I didn't think the dog worried about anything." Shigure lifted his head and glared at Ayame. "I'm not worried." He said. "Well, congratulations, you fooled me." Shigure glanced up and raised an eyebrow. "That's not hard to do." He quipped. "Oh, touché." Aaya said lovingly. "Seriously, though, what's bothering my puppy?" Aaya put on his best look of concern. "Seriously, Aaya? Please. We both know you can't be serious-"
"I can so!" "-and it's none of your business." Shigure finished. "Well! I refuse to converse with a snob." Aaya huffed. "Then at least I never have to worry about you talking to yourself." Aaya looked genuinely hurt. "No need for you to talk to me either. Good day." Aaya stood and sulked as best he could out of the room. Shigure resumed his slumped position over the desk.
"Weren't you a little hard on him?" Shigure didn't raise his head. "He was bothering me." Hatori moved to the chair opposite the desk and sat down. "What did he do now?" He asked. Shigure looked up before answering. "Aaya?" "Akito." Hatori replied. Shigure sharply sat back in his seat and stared at Hatori. "Are you psychic, Haa-san? When something important happens around here do you get a little memo in your brain?" Shigure said sarcastically. "Yes." Hatori calmly replied. Shigure sighed. Hatori was much harder to get rid of then Ayame.
"It was Ren." Shigure said finally. "I'm a bad dog, Haa-san." Hatori sat in thought for a moment. "Don't you think it was wrong?"
"I have a right to be wrong." Shigure answered. "So just leave me alone."
What do we do, when we have no where else to go? I was at the bottom, I couldn't sink any lower. But she cared about me, she pulled me from my dark pit, and I fought her the whole way. Still, she never gave up. She never gave up on me. Yet when that moment came, that time she might need me, I was helpless.
"We should go back. It's getting cold, Kyo-kun. You'll catch cold. And the others are worried about you."
"Why? Why should they be worried about me? I've disappeared before. If I was out all night, they wouldn't worry about me." I flinched inwardly. I couldn't stop it, the self-pity. I hated it more than anything.
"I would." was all she said. Like a dam, it broke. And the eternal mistake was made. "I'm sorry!" I all but shouted. "I'm sorry Tohru. I act like I don't care but I do. All I wanted was to protect you. That's all I've ever wanted. I wanted to protect you and lo-" I stopped so fast I choked. I wouldn't say that. I couldn't ever let her know. I slid to the ground, my back hunched and my head hung down. I heard her close the distance between us and I looked up at her. What I saw was not a girl, or a woman. I didn't see a spirit, or an angel. I saw a goddess, like I had never seen before. The true face of a god. The moon framed her head and created a halo of silver light around her. As long as I live, I'll never forget that sight.
"Mom said that if you can't protect the one you love, you have to have faith they will protect you. Please, don't worry about me." As she stood above me, fearless, ready to face any danger for us, for me, I realized, the whole time, I was not the one doing the protecting. She was. She held out her hand to me. "Let's go back." She said, and smiled. I took her hand and stood in front of her. "This whole time, I was wrong." I said. Still smiling, she grasped my hand tighter. "You've got a right to be wrong." And she scratched god.
Yes,
Akito.
So
just leave me alone.
