Disclaimer: I don't own any Sakura Taisen characters. This is just a fanfic.
Author's notes: Cold weather enhances inspiration. I have to admit. Unfortunately, winter also means exam for me. It's hard to control inspiration, isn't it? It comes when I least expect it to yet goes when I need it the most. That must be the punishment from my dearest goddess for my previous thoughts.. Anyway, enjoy!
Chapter 5 Sin Vs Sincerity
It was raining dogs and cats. Rain dropped onto the floor and splashed up. Her boots were web all over. Not only was her boots wet, but water was also dripping from her hair, the tip of her coat and her face. There it was the wet figure sitting on the floor.
"Why? You're still here?" Lumilla reached the alley, seeing that Maria was still sitting there. Holding the umbrella, she approached Maria and held the umbrella over her.
"I have to wait for him.." Maria replied as if she was in a dream. She buried herself in her knees.
"Him? Who is him?" The long haired, twenty-year-old woman asked.
Him? Who is him? The question repeated in Maria's heart. Who do I mean?
"Whoever you think he will be.." she replied with a dry smile.
"They told me you've been here the whole morning," said Lumilla. Yes, she had been in the rain for an hour, waiting for him who might have forgotten that she was still waiting. "Go home.. he won't return."
He won't return, will he? She looked up. Her head was all wet and water drops were all over her face. Are they rain or her tears? He won't.. No, he won't.. "Come on," Lumilla took Maria's right arm. The sixteen-year-old girl pushed her hand away. "Leave me alone! I'll wait for him!" she cried as she buried herself between her knees again.
The push was so forceful that Lumilla lost her balance on the slippery ground and fell on the floor. The umbrella was thrown on the ground and now, the victim was wet all over. She knew she would not be able to persuade the strong-willed girl; instead she took off her coat and threw it over the figure on the floor. The girl made no move. She picked up her umbrella and went away.
Lumilla cared for Maria? Was it out of sympathy or regret? Out of sorrow? For the sake of her past brother? Or out of guilt..? Only she herself knew. "If she ever finds out the truth, she'll absolutely strangle me.." she thought.
Stone-hearted, isn't she? He was her only brother! What had she done to him? Where on earth had her conscience gone? She did not know.. What she had she got left? Jealousy and regret? She did not mean to kill him, did she? "Future is nothing one can predict.." That's what he said. She thought she forecasted the outcome but the situation was nothing she could control. If only she had kept him home that day.. If only she had told him.. She had made the choice. She could not turn back the clock.. No one knew that her tears at his funeral were those mixed with agony, sin and regret. What could she do for him? To compensate her sin?
She started to run in the rain. Thunder and lightning would not stop her. Lumilla reached a pub, hesitated whether to go inside. Her conscience was urging her forward but her darker side was holding her. "Let her suffer. Kazuar deserves it," she thought.
"Get out!" shouted a man from inside, "You're blocking my way!"
Who knows what a decision of jealousy and anger could have caused?
"I.. I'm so sorry," said Lumilla. She made up her mind to go inside. She spotted the man she would like to find. "Lubimaya! (Darling!)" she shouted.
"Izviníti," her target whispered to his customer. He hurried all his way to Lumilla. "Didn't I told you not to call me like this in the public?" he hissed.
"Ka.." she faltered.
"What's the matter?" he said impatiently, without looking at her.
"Ka.." she began but he interrupted.
"Why are you wet all over?" he glanced at her umbrella, "you're really.. got nothing to say." He sighed and went for a match to ignite a cigar.
"Kazuar.."
"That gal? You know what she had done?" he interrupted again upon hearing the name. The match dropped onto the floor. All his rage rushed up.
"She nearly.." she murmured.
"Nearly? She did shoot him!" he growled, fixing his eyes on her face.
"She's still waiting for you," she said.
"Let her wait. She deserves it! I still have work to be done," he turned to go.
"But at least, please, please tell her to go first. It's raining outside," she begged, grasping his cuff. He took off her hands.
"Strange. You care?" he smiled wryly. "Didn't you say: 'I don't care' at that time?" She had expected that yet he continued, "What a dilemma!"
"But.." she tried to explain.
"The one who caused her agony would care?" he continued to tease her.
"I didn't.." she wanted to defend yet explanation was useless for him.
"Guess who's that foul?" he said.
"I.." she took the chance to explain but then he would not stop.
"Yes, you're right!" he exclaimed
"I didn't mean to.."
"Of course, you didn't mean it for your brother, but for her!" he smiled evilly.
"I.." she gave up. She failed to convince even herself.
"Tell her to go yourself," he said and went away to entertain his customers.
Now how could she ever help Kazuar? The point is: would she ever want to help her if her conscience is at peace?
Maria got up from the floor. She could not just sit there and wait. Why don't I go and find him myself? He'll never come back if I don't try to find him.. Yes, that's what I want to.. But where is he? What if I can't find him? Maybe he's in heaven and I'm going to the hell! That was why she dare not commit suicide. Committing suicide would mean going to the hell. But that doesn't make much difference, does it? My hands are full of blood and the hell is waiting for me.. If only she remembered that someone has been waiting for her in the chapel..
She languished down the darkest corner of the ally. It has stopped raining and she was wet all over. She was freezing all over but she did not shiver a little. She was frozen from the inside. The thick cloud gave way to the sun. The rainbow appeared. The warmth of the rainbow seemed to be filling into her heart. Faintly, she saw him – the indistinct figure of her dearest captain, waiting in front of her. Is this my illusion? Illusion or not, I'm not going to let him go this time.
She began to run towards him. The faster she ran, the further away he seemed to be away from her. She felt that she was just a few inches from him but unfortunately, she fell down. He stretched out his hand for her. She tried her best to reach the hand but it seemed that her energy was all gone. He smiled as he always did. The image drifted away.
"No.. don't.. please bring me also.." she cried desperately. No matter how hard she screamed, he would not stop. Even though she knew that it was all her imagination, her illusion, she could not help. Even if this is just a dream, I would not want it to end. No longer did she want to move. Grievance conquered her heart again..
"Maria, Maria?" She heard a faint voice calling her. Maria opened her eyes. "Thank God! You wake up.." It was Pavlov. "Thanks be to this lady who found you in the corner of the ally.." Maria followed his hand and found Ayame.
"Fujieda-san.." said Maria who was reminded of their appointment. Her head ached as she said those words.
"It seems that I'm not needed anymore. Then, excuse me," saying those words, she went out of the door.
"Wait.." Maria could not even afford to speak loud. She tried to get up from bed but she did not seem to have enough energy to. She managed to move her head but a towel fell onto her eyes and blocked her vision.
"You had better take a rest," Pavlov pushed her down, putting back the towel on her head. "You've been having a fever the whole day," he yawned. "Fortunately, it's gone coz of the professional care by Miss Fujieda. I'll take a nap in the chair. Call me if you need anything."
"Why? Don't you even mind?" she tried her best to say those words.
"Mind what? I'm not your prince. I understand.." said Pavlov.
Why? Why has he changed so drastically?
Author's notes: Apparently I am affected by the songs that I've been listening to recently.. That's why the development is becoming a bit awkward. (Just a bit?) Well, extremely awkward..
Anyway, Merry Christmas, Maria! (Today's the Orthodox Christmas, which is also the Christmas in Russia.)
Thank you for reading.
