Author's Warning: This is yaoi! If you don't like it, please don't hurt yourself by reading it! For all the Vegeta-Kakarot yaoi lovers: enjoy! Weak as I am
Chapter 1 - Nightmares
It's no use trying to be perfect. Believe me, I've tried to live up to the high expectations everyone used to have of me. Circumstances made it impossible to fulfill other people's wishful thinking.
Take Frieza, for example. The heartless Ice-jin son of a bitch destroyed me in more ways than you pitiful ningen can imagine. For most of my life he dominated me. Every minute of every day I had to be on guard not to be spotted and taken by force… But even a little Prince staying awake all night didn't prevent Frieza from getting what he wanted. That bastard was able to take away the most important thing I've ever had.
My pride.
Even now, when he has long been defeated, I cannot find rest. I cannot seem to find peace, even though I have a family. I never talk to them about my past. The onna wakes up every time I fall out of bed, screaming and kicking and yelling at Frieza to stay the hell away from me. She tries to comfort me, but to no avail. Most of the times I fly away and blow stuff up after those nightmares. Maybe it was a mistake to stay alive. Maybe I should have ended it all after Frieza was defeated. My job in this world is done.
"Vegeta? Are you in there?"
Kakarot's at the door. I'm in the worst of moods after a night full of terrifying dreams.
"What the fuck do you want, baka?" I spit in his face. I didn't even bother to fully dress before opening the door.
"Good morning to you too Vegeta! Wanna spar? That is, after you get dressed?"
I growl in the back of my throat. "Since when do you bother about clothing, Kakarot? I've heard stories about you running around naked at the most inappropriate occasions."
He scratched the back of his head. "Heh heh, I don't think it's that important, but since most people on Chikyuu do…"
"Weakling! You shouldn't be told what to do by these filthy ningen." I turn around to get my pants from upstairs.
"Alright. Whatever you say, Vegeta. Let's take over Chikyuu and make them all crawl for us."
"Nani?" I whirl around and look at him in astonishment.
"Just kidding! Geez, Vegeta, lighten up, will you? Let's go spar and your morning grumpiness will wear of."
"It will certainly make me feel better to beat your face into a bloody pulp."
We soon take off to the training grounds.
Perhaps Kakarot is one of the reasons I'm not dead yet. He's not exactly what I'd call a humble servant, but he did save my ass. He tried to make me feel at home on this Kami-forsaken planet. I can't stand him when he's acting like his carefree Chikyuu alter ego Goku, but I can't deny I'm attracted to his Saiyan counterpart Kakarot. I've never seen anyone fight like that, with so much grace, so much determination to win no matter what… It's like looking into a mirror, but slightly different. He has less scars than I have, physically as well as mentally…
"Hey Vegeta?"
We lie on the grass, pretty exhausted from our previous fight.
"Hn."
"Where did you get those scars on your back?"
I close my eyes. Shockwaves of the past overwhelm me. I let out a shivering sigh before narrowing my eyes and growling: "That's none of your business, Kakarot."
Suddenly he's leaning over me and I look into his ebony eyes.
"Whoever did that to you, must've really hurt you back then," he whispers. A drop of blood falls from the corner of his mouth. In a reflex movement, I catch it before it hits my skin.
"Just one drop…" I whisper, no longer seeing him in front of me. "I shed rivers for that bastard. Never enough. Always more to come. Always waiting powerlessly for more punishment and humiliation."
"Why don't you just get it off your chest? You've been holding it back for so long, Vegeta. You can tell me. You did it before."
"I was dying at the time, Kakarot." I push him away from me and get up abruptly. "I thought those words would be my last. Perhaps that would have been better." I clench my jaws forcefully.
"How can you say that? It wasn't your time yet, Vegeta, and it still isn't."
"Don't be too sure, Kakarot."
"Nani?" he hisses and in an instant I find myself pinned against a tree, his fingers around my neck. I see fire in his eyes. Fire that reminds me of my own, that has burnt out long ago. I marvel at the Saiyan side of him. His narrowed eyes, his proud stance. His anger with me being as weak as I am.
"Do you honestly think your presence here isn't worthwhile?" he growls.
Kami he's beautiful when he's angry. Where did that come from? I punch him in the face, confused. Stumbling back, he looks at me accusingly. "You have responsibilities here, Vegeta. You've got a family to care for!"
Sure, the family thing. It simply isn't working for me as it seems to be working for him.
"Easy for you to say, Kakarot. You grew up on this mudball, I didn't."
"That's no excuse. I fit in here because I'm openminded, Vegeta. You aren't. There's probably a reason for it but you refuse to talk about it. What do you expect? That everyone can read your mind and account for your past?"
"You know nothing of me, Kakarot," I hiss.
"I can change that," he says in a dangerously low voice. "I can make you tell me, Vegeta."
I step back, surprised at his threat. He wouldn't…
"The only reason I haven't forced it out of you is that I suspect that you have gone through enough horror already. Damn it Vegeta, why won't you let anyone help you?"
"Because I've learned the hard way that no one can be trusted," I say bitterly.
"If you insist on shutting everyone out, this is a fight you cannot win, Vegeta. It's destroying you! Bulma won't see it because she's human, but what about Trunks? He's part Saiyan and will sense your agony soon enough, just like I do. You're bonded to him, Vegeta, whether you like it or not. He's your son."
"What the hell do you know about bonding, Kakarot?"
"I have two sons, Vegeta, and they have Saiyan blood running through their veins. I can't always feel what they feel, but I sure as hell can sense when they are in real trouble."
"Hn." Strange. How can Kakarot be so sensitive? He was never trained that way!
"Just think about it, okay? I'm sure you don't want Trunks to feel what Frieza did to you…"
"I survived. So will the boy."
"I know you don't mean that."
He's right. I would never do that to the kid. That would make me a monster just like Frieza. I know damn well I have to protect him from getting traumatised like that. I need time to think.
"Dad?"
"Yes, son?"
"Can I sleep over at Goten's tonight? Mom said I had to ask you."
Grrr. Damn that onna.
"Fine." I see him beam with joy. He turns to run up the stairs and get his stuff, but I call him back.
"Trunks, come here."
"You said yes!"
"I know. I just wanted you to…" I stretch out my arms and pull him into a hug. I feel his ki change from surprise to happiness and back to surprise.
"Are you okay, dad?" I hear his muffled voice.
"Never felt better." I let go and put him back on his feet. "Now get going before I change my mind."
"I'm gone!" he shouts and flies up the stairs like a bolt of lightning.
Then I feel her ki, faint compared to mine or Trunks's. I don't have to turn around and look to notice the tears in her eyes.
"Don't sweat it, onna, I'm not going anywhere but upstairs to get some rest."
Vegeta woke up sweating, as he did most of the times lately. He tried to figure out where he was, but he didn't recognize the space he was in.
"Bulma?"
"You wish, monkey."
"That's impossible! You are dead!"
"In this world, nothing's impossible, Vegeta. You should know. What if someone wished me back to life with your precious Dragonballs?"
"No one would do such a thing. I'm dreaming. You're not real!"
Frieza appeared in front of his bed and chuckled. "Wanna try me, monkey?" Frieza jumped at him and pinned his arms over his head.
"Real enough for you?" Vegeta could feel the lizard's cold breath in his face. Tears started to form in the corners of his eyes. "Why?" he whispered.
Frieza was about to tear off his pants, when a bright light blinded them both.
"What the…"
Vegeta felt how Frieza's weight was lifted off of him. He instantly rolled his body into a little ball and waited for the things to come.
"It's alright Vegeta, I'm here. He can't hurt you now." Someone sat next to him on the bed and stroke his hair, trying to calm him down.
"K-Kakarot? How…"
"I don't know either. I could hear you scream… Then I suddenly was here, wherever 'here' may be."
Vegeta sat up. "You're in my… my dream, Kakarot. How can something like that happen?"
"I don't know."
"What did you do with Frieza?"
"He vanished as soon as I touched him."
"Strange…"
"I wonder if we're going to wake up soon?"
Silence overtook the space. Then Vegeta got off the bed and walked into the darkness that surrounded them.
"Vegeta, what are you doing?"
"What do you think, Kakarot? I don't want to be stuck here with you forever!"
"I don't think you can just walk out of here."
"Well do you have a better idea?"
"We'd better stay here, Vegeta. What if Frieza is out there somewhere?"
Vegeta stopped dead in his tracks. "Alright, good point. We'll wait here, we can't stay asleep forever anyway."
"Have you thought about me helping you out with the whole Frieza thing?"
"Hn."
"Translation please?"
"I have, Kakarot, I have. I'm just not sure if you can handle it."
"Don't be stupid, Vegeta. Of course I can."
Vegeta turned around to face him and shook his head. "You really have no idea what you're talking about, Kakarot. I saw the look on your face when you just realized what the whole 'Frieza thing' is all about. He did things to me that are a hundred times worse than just abuse, than just rape and torture. He destroyed me!"
"You're still standing, Vegeta. I want to help you. Nothing you say can change my mind."
"Why are you so eager to help me, Kakarot? What do you want in return?"
"To see my Prince happy again."
Vegeta woke up, gasping for breath. 'Kakarot said what?' he thought.
"Are you okay honey?" Bulma asked.
"Fine, onna. It was just a dream."
