He didn't come and get me this morning. I was seriously thinking he was going to let me rot in here with my self pity when the door opened as if by itself. At first I wasn't sure what to do. Do I go out and get yelled at or do I stay here and eat the apple I smuggled into the room. I probably shouldn't eat that. It's like two weeks old. Fruit doesn't go bad. Right? Of course it does. Honestly, and you're the smartest witch in your year? Huh. They might want to rethink that after that little though.
And now I'm talking to myself.
Actually I'm fighting with myself.
Even better.
I cautiously stood up and smoothed down my clothes. I hated this stupid uniform. It was blue and crinkly and if I sat down and then stood up again, it was still in the sitting position. What I must look like. Well actually I got a glimpse of myself and it wasn't pretty. I really look like a scullery maid. Ew. The thought makes me shudder.
I walked down the stairs with tiny, silent steps. Just as I was at the bottom, I let out a giant yawn that sounded like a mammoth. I didn't get enough sleep last night. My dreams were plagued with what ifs. Like what if Snape hadn't come looking for Wormtail? What if I was raped? What if I had thought to draw my wand that night last month? What if no one finds me in time? What if I had been raped? That one showed up dozens of times. Every little noise startled me. I sat up in bed with the bedside lamp switched on, just staring at the door waiting for it to open and reveal that rat of a man standing there smiling. I shuddered at the memory of his breath on me. I honestly never thought he would go that far. Sure I heard the things he said about me under his breath, I didn't know it went from that to attempted rape.
There was a creak on the floor board and I jumped. Snape rounded the corner and looked startled to see me.
"How did you get out?" he said turning slightly pink.
"My door opened," I said and he started.
"Close doors," Snape said in a loud voice and dozens of slams were heard throughout the house.
"I could have escaped," I whispered miserably. I felt a sense of defeat run through me.
"I am really going to have to change that code. These doors must fling open at all times of the day," Snape muttered to himself. "There is leftovers in the kitchen." Snape finally turned his attention to me.
"Thanks," I muttered and walked past him. I could almost feel his eyes boring in me. He didn't follow me into the room this time and I was shocked. He usually follows me everywhere as if afraid I am going to find a way out the minutes he turns around. That would be kick ass.
It would never happen but I could still dream. I have been here twenty-seven days. I didn't even get an owl from my mother. She must not have written back. Unless…
"Snape?" I called. I heard footsteps getting closer and I waited for him to enter the kitchen. I narrowed my eyes.
"Yes Granger and please make it quick I have errands to do," Snape said annoyed.
"Did you mail my letter?" I asked feeling anger and hurt boil inside of me.
"I already told you I did," Snape said angrily walking away.
"Its my birthday," I lied. He didn't know when it was.
"And? I hope you don't expect a present from me?" Snape asked looking amused.
"My mother never sent me a gift. She never misses a birthday. She would have sent it with the reply she wrote to me letter. I never got a reply. You didn't send my letter did you?" I asked sharply.
"I said I did. Trust me," Snape said coolly.
"This coming from my kidnapper who has said on dozens of occasions that he would love to kill me right now," I said sarcastically.
"No this coming from the man who saved you from being violated last night," Snape barked looking as hurt as I felt. I didn't think he was going to throw that back at my face.
"If I don't write my mother is going to tell the Order," I said realizing everything that was happening. "Which is just what you want. You want Harry to come looking for me. You'll lead him here under pretenses that I am alive. But it will be too late. I'll probably be dead for hours. Of course you need me to be alive so he can track me. That is why you didn't send my letter. I really am bait," I said feeling panic surge through me. Thoughts were flashing in my mind. I needed to think.
Pushing past Snape I stomped up the stairs and into my room. I closed the door over and sat down on my bed. I went into meditation mode trying desperately to calm my nerves and wipe my mind clear.
Harry no matter what don't come for me. I'm fine. I mean it Harry don't come looking for me. I have a plan. Harry if you hear this, I'm fine. I needed to get away from everyone. I left home and I don't want to write. I just need to be alone. Please don't come looking for me. You'll just drive me away…
I thought that over and over and over again. I thought about it until late in the night. I was praying Harry got it. I knew his Occlemency was worse than my flying, I thought maybe because I am being held by Voldemort he'll get the message.
Snape knocked lightly on the door. He didn't wait for an answer and just pushed in.
"What are you doing?" he asked sharply.
"Playing Quidditch. What does it look like I'm doing?" I snapped angrily. I wasn't happy with him.
"It looks like you're doing something you shouldn't be," Snape said in a low whisper. "Something the Dark Lord wouldn't like very much like."
"Well tell him he can get his bony ass up here and discuss it with me. Unless you forgot, I am not on your side. I fear him in a different way than you. You fear him for your own ass, I fear him for my friends," I said looking at his furrowed brow. "How Gryffindor of you," he and I said at the same time. "You need new lines," I said and closed my eyes.
"I don't think Potter will ever get your message. Even if he does, it'll only make him want to come get you more," Snape said leaning against the doorframe watching me with a mixture of disappointment and curiosity.
"Well it goes to show you that you don't know him as much as you think you do," I snarled.
"They know you would never run away," Snape said with a small satisfied smirk.
"I have before," I muttered.
"Oh?" Snape asked amused. "Couldn't take the heat and came back?"
"No more like I was picked up at the train station. I sat there all day. They thought I was trying to plant a bomb or something," I said shaking off his look of amusement.
"What exactly is a bomb?" Snape asked. I looked at him like he was crazy.
"It's a cross between Expellriamus and a firework. Only more powerful," I said trying to explain it in wizard.
"Powerful huh?" Snape asked intrigued.
"Are you serious? Can you sink no lower? You can not just stroll into a store and demand a bomb! They'll arrest you. You need to make them. Even then you have to get the nerd who knows bio-chemical physics," I said in an annoyed voice. My cousin watches all types of silly teen movies.
"Miss Granger, we have techniques more powerful than this bomb you speak of," Snape snapped.
"Is this the part I'm supposed to act scared and beg for you to not kill me? It isn't going to happen," I said closing my eyes again. "You are messing with my meditation bubble."
"Your what?" Snape snorted. Once again I was shocked.
"I don't think I have ever seen you smile. Well there was the time that my teeth grew or the time Neville's potion exploded and he shrunk. I guess I've never seen you smile when someone isn't in excruciating pain," I said frowning. "It would do wonders for your face. You'd look your age."
"I look my age," Snape said angrily.
"No you're like what? 45?" I asked tempting him.
"I am 38," Snape snarled.
"Right see you like your pushing fifty," I explained. "It would help if you weren't on the run from everyone. And if you weren't so evil!"
"Well there's no changing that," Snape said gruffly.
I sniffed again and closed my eyes.
"So like what's your deal?" I asked while sending another message.
"I beg your pardon?" Snape asked and I could just imagine his expression.
"How did you get here?" I asked trying to not blurt something out.
"Well I moved here in 1983-" Snape began.
"No, I mean how did you become who you are today," I asked trying not to laugh. For a potions MASTER he wasn't too bright.
"Lots of things," Snape said stiffly.
"You don't wanna talk about it?" I asked becoming interested.
"No," Snape said shortly.
"Ashamed?" I tried again.
Snape studied my for a moment. "For some things," he finally said slowly.
"Like what?" I asked watching his face relax slightly.
"I once stole a book from the book shop and blamed it on my friend at the time," Snape said slowly.
"Yeah? Once I told Ginny that she was too fat for sweets so I could get the last brownie. She started making herself sick after every meal and I never forgave myself for that," I said topping what he just said.
"Ginny?" Snape asked trying to place her.
"Ron's sister," I said slowly. "Christ."
"Right. The red head who's face seems to always be stuck to Potters," Snape said with a small smirk.
"Right," I said nodding slightly. "Anything else your ashamed of?"
"Many," Snape said pausing again. It was like part of him wanted to let me in and the other half wanted me to stay out and just die already.
"Like what?" I asked trying not to sound too desperate.
"Sometimes in the middle of a long class, I'll peek into students minds," Snape said with a small smirk. I couldn't help but giggle a little.
"Harry was always sure you could read minds. I told him he was insane," I said frowning. I guess I should have listened to him for everything he said about Snape. I looked over at him and was confused. Snape looked different, more relaxed. "So how come you don't like Harry? Because of his father?"
Snape gave me a sharp, swift look. "I guess you could say that. Partly."
"Were James, Sirius, Remus, and Wormtail, your Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle?" I asked peering at him. He stiffened slightly.
"You could say that," Snape said again.
Suddenly I could relate to him. Malfoy made my life a living crap bubble. Any minute he was going to burst it and just cover me in so much shit I couldn't stand it.
I nodded.
"So what about you? Anything you're proud of?" Snape asked peering at me.
"Many. Nothing that would please you," I said seriously. I could see I grabbed his attention.
"Like…?" Snape said looking curious.
"I gave Malfoy a shiner in third year," I said smiling at the memory.
"I always suspected so," Snape said frowning.
"In first year I got past your test to help Harry get to the stone," I said watching his frown lighten. "I made a correct Polyjuice potion in second year. I turned into a cat mind you," I said watching as he smiled slightly. "I saved Buckbeak in third year. In fourth year I helped Harry get his broom for the first task. In fifth year I fought Death Eaters and in sixth year I did also," I said frowning now. I almost said something that would completely ruin the moment we were having. I was going to say that the thing I was most ashamed of was the fact that I let Snape pass by me on my way to get outside. I just thought if I had stopped him…
"Nice list of accomplishments," Snape said with another frown.
"What about you what are you proud of?" I asked.
"Not much," Snape said bitterly. I paused.
"I whisper the ingredients to Neville every potions class. I mean every potions class," I said smiling slightly.
"I thought as much," Snape said peering at me. "I can bring my foot over my head."
"Excuse me?" I stuttered.
"I'm proud of that," Snape said standing up straight.
"Oh," I said not sure what else I should say. Should I ask for a demonstration? No! What is the matter with me? My hormones are like trying to sex me up.
"I'll see you in the morning," Snape said and left the room. "Good night."
The door snapped shut and I just stared at it. What the hell just happened? I am wicked confused. I think I just had a normal conversation with Snape. And he didn't insult me. Or call me names. Or try and kill me. He's saving that for September.
With a small cry of disgust and I fell back into my pillows. I couldn't not believe it. I have a crush on Snape.
A/N Please review.
