Who Lies Beneath
Disclaimer: I own nada.
Summary: LL. "There's only one thing that can stop me." She told her best friend... She's made many mistakes before, but which one's the mistake this time? The wedding, or the night before?
Authors Note: I really do apologize that it takes me a month to update. I seriously had no idea that much time passed until Annick mentioned it. So, sorry for being a compulsive liar and saying it wouldn't take me another month even though it very well did. ;)
You guys have blown us away with the reviews yet again. Thank you so much for all your sweetness, you guys are seriously the best. Big thanks to everyone on FF as well, you know who you are. Keep up the great reviews, please!
Special thanks to Lor for making the WLB music video a while back. I used the song for part of something in this chapter. The lyrics to the italicized sentences are to the song 'The Weakness in Me.'
Annick, thanks for your support all the way through so far. This chapter is for you despite how much I didn't want to write it :P (PS, see you in 17 days. Are you nervous? Heh, I am…xx.)
Anyways, I'll shut up now. Enjoy the chapter and please leave a review! We love to know what you think.
As Max pulled off the highway at the exit labeled Stars Hollow, he gazed at the oncoming traffic he had to suffer to get through once he got off the ramp.
But wait, there was absolutely none.
He almost forgot how small Stars Hollow is. Sure the highway exit was all the way at the other side of the town but it wouldn't take him more than five minutes to get to where he needed to be; the center of the town.
Maybe that's why he didn't like Stars Hollow that much. It's not that he didn't admire the small town charm; it's that he'd rather be somewhere a little more upbeat and well, a little bit larger. He was a Hartford kind of guy, plain and simple. Lorelai on the other hand, total opposite. She loved Stars Hollow. No matter where she lived, Stars Hollow would always be her home.
For the moment, her Hartford estate was nothing but a house. A convenient blurb in town they settled in. And yes, settling is exactly what they did.
Sure, it was convenient though. If Lorelai was working, it would be a different story. She would be again soon but for the mean time she needed to take some time off and settle. It was an agreement she made with herself despite how much she would rather be at the Inn than at home all the time. How much settling did she need?
Max drove the streets toward the center of town. He wasn't sure where he was planning on going but he figured she'd be around here somewhere. Deciding to take a detour to get to town, he turned down Lorelai's old street. It wasn't until he reached the end of the block that he noticed her familiar jeep parked in front of the abandoned house. He arched an eyebrow, hesitating to get out but decided to keep driving.
'She's definitely around here somewhere.' He thought to himself as he drove to the square.
This could be considered weird if asked by some. Here he was, roaming around the once familiar streets of a town his wife used to live in. He didn't necessarily have a purpose to being there though, curiosity struck him spontaneously.
So what if he did see her? It's not like she's a committing a crime or anything.
xx
"I've got to go. I need to be home when Max and Rory get home, which evidentially, is too late." She said.
"Oh so…you're leaving?"
"Yeah but I'll call you when I know what's going on."
He frowned to himself, wishing she didn't have to leave. He knew they still had to talk about things through, her and Max, and he accepted that.
"Alright, come here." He motioned.
She walked up to him and kissed him softly on the lips.
"Wait is the diner busy? Should I sneak out the back?"
Luke thought for a moment before asking her, "where did you park?"
"In front of my old house."
"Well yeah, I'd say sneak through the back."
"With one final kiss, she was out the door.
xx
He circled the town's center one last time before giving up. He figured if some random onlooker saw him going 'round and 'round in circles around the town that they would think he lost his mind.
He wasn't going to find her; it was plain and simple, despite how tiny the town was.
He took a left at the light and was on his way again. On his way back home.
xx
Lorelai closed the apartment door, leaning against the wall in the hall and sighing loudly before walking down the stairs.
Everything had gotten so messed up. Absolutely none of this was supposed to happen. It was so unlike her to be lying, not only to her husband, but to the only strand of her true happiness she had left.
And it wasn't like she was lying about something simple. She wasn't lying about eating her vegetables when secretly she spit them in her napkin and threw it in the garbage. She wasn't lying that the oven burners were hot devils to keep Rory from going anywhere near them. She was lying to her husband and her best friend who had grown to be so much more about something life changing.
And she didn't know how to resolve it.
She exited through the back door and took a short cut her and Rory once found to get back home. She walked the streets back to her old house, hoping she wouldn't see Babette or Maury suddenly arriving home because she knew they weren't there when she first got there.
Luckily, she didn't see their car in the driveway but she quickly got into the car anyways, turning on the engine and leaving the town as quick as possible.
She fumbled with the radio and after a failed attempt to find something good, she settled on a song she had never heard before. She wasn't really paying attention anyways, but something about the tune caught her attention.
Feeling guilty, worried, waking from tormented sleep, this old love has me bound, but the new love comes deep.
Lorelai's eyes widened as she listened intently to the words.
If I choose now, I'll loose out, one of you has to fall.
She almost stopped the car, scared to be listening to how similar these words sounded to her very own problem.
I need you, and you.
She sighed heavily, leaning her head back as she sat at the red light.
She would have turned it off but it was like her fingers wouldn't touch the radio. She felt maybe, if this person who had only sung three lines from the middle of one of the songs they wrote shared the same…condition, as she did, that maybe she'd sing, and there would be an answer, that there would be some sort of mutual agreement within the lyrics that maybe, one day, someday, everything would be okay.
Why do you come here when you know I've got troubles enough? Why do you call me when you know I can't answer the phone? Make me lie when I don't want to, and make someone else some kind of unknowing fool.
'Way to go, Lorelai,' she though to herself.
You make me stay, when I should not, are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?
She hit the 'off' button and drove the rest of the ride home lost in thought, something that could easily be considered a new hobby of hers, one that she didn't enjoy.
She pulled into the driveway, nodding when she saw Max's car already in front of hers. She gathered her purse from the passenger seat and retreated outside of the car and into the house.
"Anyone home?" She asked, dropping her keys on the table in the front hall. She looked in the mirror and rolled her eyes at her image, suddenly feeling very ashamed or herself.
"In here." Rory said from the living room couch.
"Hey kid." Lorelai said walking in, dropping a kiss on Rory's head. "How was school?"
Lorelai plopped down on the couch next to her, retreating to hear about her day.
"It was fine. Paris was annoying me with stuff for the Franklin. She doesn't think we're going to be ready by next Monday to get the issue out."
"Do you think you guys can?"
"Of course. Paris is just really, what's the word, anal about certain things. She doesn't think that the front page is going to 'catch the reader's eye.'"
"I'll give her something that'll catch her eye if you know what I mean." Lorelai said, leaning against the back of the couch, closing her eyes for a moment.
"Long day?" Rory asked, noticing her mother's current position.
"I was just about to ask the same thing." Max said, walking into the living room. He placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek, practically forcing herself to open her eyes.
She smiled softly at him. "Hi."
"How was your day?"
"Fine, I'm just a little tired."
"Oh yeah? Where were you?"
Lorelai closed her eyes as casually as possibly, trying to think as quick as possible of an excuse. This arrangement was starting to get tiring, she thought.
"My parent's house."
"In Hartford." Max said suspiciously.
"Unless there's suddenly another couple of head-ache giving people who gladly admit to me being their daughter, Hartford is the place."
"What were you doing there?" Max asked casually.
"Yeah what inspired you to go there?" Rory chipped in.
"You know, I was just helping my mom plan her DAR meeting at the Inn. I told her I'd help her with you know, passing the information and all over there that it is the Emily Gilmore and to be prepared."
"Oh well that was nice of you." Max said, not completely satisfied with her answer.
'Maybe she went to the Inn to literally inform them,' he thought to himself.
"Yeah it was fine." She said, nodding her head.
"So I was thinking," Max began, "we haven't been out to dinner in a while. What do you guys think of going out tonight?"
"I actually was going to go visit Lane and Dean tonight…" Rory stated skeptically.
Max's eyes averted over to Lorelai. "You don't have to go visit anyone tonight, do you?" He said with no actual meaning behind his statement.
Lorelai gave him a confused look, trying to play as calm as possible. "Dinner sounds great."
"So is it okay if I take your car, mom?"
"That's fine babe, don't stay out too late. You've got school tomorrow."
"Thank you for reminding me."
Rory got up from the couch and walked into her room so she could get ready to go out. After all, the more time the better.
"So did you do anything else today?" Max asked, walking around to sit where Rory previously was planted.
"Mmm," she pretended to ponder the idea, "not really. I just went to my parents and walked around the shops downtown a bit. I need a new pair of shoes."
"You don't have enough?" He asked laughing.
"What kind of question is that?" She acted hurt. "A girl could never have enough shoes, Max."
"Well thank you, for informing me." He leaned over and gave her a small kiss on her lips. She pulled away but he left his forehead pressed against hers.
"Open your eyes." He said softly.
She slowly opened her eyes, suddenly staring into Max's eyes. He smiled and grazed the side of her cheek with his hand. She bit her lip and suspended her smile.
"Everything okay?"
"Of course."
"Just checking. If you want you can go lay down before we leave. Your mom must have worn you out."
"One of her many powers."
"So I'm told." He said laughing a little. "I've got a pile of papers to grade so I'm going to work on those for a little while."
Max got up from the couch, leaving Lorelai alone to think…again. Something she could hardly register to do anymore.
She sat on the couch only for a few minutes before getting up to see what Rory was up to.
"Hey." She said, lying down on Rory's bed.
"Blue or black?" Rory asked, holding up two sweaters.
"Black."
"I knew you'd say that."
"You know me too well, kid. What can I say?"
Rory laughed, tossing on the sweater over her head.
"So you're going to see Dean and Lane, huh?"
"Yeah, we might catch a movie at BWR if Mrs. Kim lets Lane out of the house."
"Ah yes, going out on a school night does go against rule #44 in the Mrs. Kim handbook."
"It does."
Rory sat down on the bed next to her mom, both of them staying quiet. After a few minutes of absolutely no noise, Lorelai began to speak.
"That was weird."
"What?"
"That little awkward silence we just had right there."
"You can never handle silence can you?"
"Oh blasphemy."
"So I think I'm going to get going." Rory said, getting up from the bed.
Lorelai grabbed her arm and pulled her back down onto the bed. "Hey, wait."
"What?"
"Stay here, talk to me."
"But I told them I'd be there--"
"I feel like we haven't talked in a while." Lorelai commented, poking Rory on the side of her stomach.
"Well, that school sure is taking up plenty of my time."
"What do you say you skip tomorrow?" Lorelai said, giggling evilly.
"I can't." Rory said pointedly.
Lorelai pouted drastically. "Why?"
"I only drive with my teacher every single day. What would he think of that?" She said, referring to Max.
"Rory my dear, where have I failed you? Don't you understand the concept of having a teacher as a step-dad? You use him, tell him you're not going to school, tell him to find out what you missed that day and then you'll be all caught up!"
"Step-dad and teacher are two totally different things."
"I guess. But you can fool either one of them, right?"
"I've got to go." Rory said, getting up from her moms grasp.
"Fine. But tonight at dinner, I'm telling Max you're not going to school tomorrow." She said sighing heavily.
"Goodbye crazy lady."
"Have fun."
Lorelai lied back on Rory's bed, resting her eyes for a few minutes.
"I told Max."
"You did? Already?"
"Yeah, and we still have to talk about a few things but he knows."
"He knows."
"Right."
Wrong.
"I had some extra time on my hands this weekend and figured it would be nice to set up the shelves."
"Aw Max! Thanks!"
"It was the least I could do. You've only been asking for them since we moved in here."
"Took ya long enough."
"Yeah, so anyways what did you have to talk to me about?"
"You know what? Never mind, it was nothing."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, positive."
Fact of the matter was, she wasn't so positive to begin with. She wasn't positive the first time she kissed Luke, she wasn't positive the first time she told Max she loved him, she wasn't positive the first time she told Luke she wanted to be with him and she wasn't positive when she decided, tonight, that she was going to tell Max.
No, she certainly wasn't positive about anything.
Maybe figuring out exactly—exactly, what she wanted would help.
But the only way to do that seemed too weak.
Pro and con lists were for children.
xx
"You're not eating your food." Max commented, looking over at Lorelai's practically full plate.
She poked at a piece of her chicken, quickly shoving it in her mouth. "Sure I am."
"You've hardly touched your plate since you got it."
"I'm just…not very hungry."
"That's a first." Max said laughing, Lorelai not remarking at all.
She put down her fork and rested her hands on the table, gazing down at her plate. Max observed her from his seat before placing his hands over hers, squeezing them gently.
"We'll leave soon."
xx
She successfully managed to eat half of her food and even drank a cup of coffee while picking at her coffee cake after dinner. They made subtle conversation on what's been going on with her while he's at school and how his students have been treating him thus far.
There had been something he wanted to talk to her about but waited specifically. He couldn't get the image of her car in front of her old house out of his head. But he didn't know exactly how to bring that up.
As they got into the car, Max put the keys in the ignition but hesitated before shifting into drive.
"What are you doing?" She asked after a few moments of realizing he wasn't driving.
"Looking at you."
Lorelai turned her head and met his eyes slowly.
"What?" She asked, slightly annoyed. She knew she shouldn't be getting testy with him because then he'd definitely be on to something.
"Am I fun to look at?" She joked sarcastically.
"Are you okay?" He asked quickly.
"What?"
"Is something bothering you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You don't?" He asked, surprised.
"No, I don't."
"You've just seemed really out of it lately. We haven't talked nearly as much recently as before, we hardly ever go out…I mean, correct me if I'm wrong but I didn't think this was how the beginning of a marriage was supposed to be."
"Oh Max." She said quietly, looking down, hiding the embarrassment from her face.
It hit her hard, him realizing that something was wrong. She didn't want to continuously lie to him, hurting him even more in the long run but she couldn't figure out how to go upon doing this.
"I'm sorry, it's my fault."
"It's nobody's fault, it's just--"
"No. It is my fault. I've just…Max, I've just had a lot on my mind lately. I guess I'm just a little nuts staying home all the time, not working. I thought it would be nice to take a break from work for a while, but it's making me crazy. I need my Inn. I need my life back."
"Your life," he stated, "before we were married?"
She arched an eyebrow, confused. "What are you saying?" She asked.
"I should ask the same thing."
"I just meant I miss things from my life…before Hartford. I miss my house, my town, my job," she reasoned, "my friends." The word friends lingered on her tongue longer than planned.
She glanced over at Max who had an unreadable expression on his face.
"I'm sorry." She said, biting her lip. "I love…being here too. It's just I miss things sometimes, you know? But hey, I'm being silly. There's nothing I can do about it. So I'm just going to have to suck it up."
"I understand though."
"You do?"
"I do. I get it, you miss your stuff. I just wanted to make sure that was all it was that was bothering you because you've just been acting a little distant lately. I wanted to make sure everything was okay…with us."
Lorelai smiled, looking down to study her hands which were holding each other tightly. She looked up at Max and leaned in to kiss him slowly.
"I'm sorry." She mumbled against his lips. "I'm so sorry."
She knew she wasn't apologizing for missing her stuff. She was apologizing for everything else under the sun. He just had no idea.
"Don't be sorry." He said, pulling back.
She laughed pathetically; 100 completely ashamed of herself.
"Let's go home." She said quietly.
The drive home was quiet with stolen glances in Max's direction. She continued looking at him, no matter how much she wanted her eyes to stay in one civil direction where she didn't have to look at a man, the man, who trusted her to be true to her words. She couldn't bare knowing she was breaking her husbands heart all of this time and he had absolutely no clue.
xx
"Are you ready for your history test?"
Rory fumbled through her backpack looking for a set of her notes to look over last minute while her and Max were headed to school.
"I think so. I've been studying day in and day out with the exception of last night."
"I didn't see you come in last night, I must have fallen asleep before you got home. How are Dean and Lane?"
"They're good. We saw a movie at BWR and ate dinner and Jo's."
"That's good. I'm glad you got to see them."
"It was nice," she agreed, "how was dinner?"
Max smiled, refraining from getting into anything detailed with Rory in fear of upsetting her, knowing how down her mother is.
"It was good. I actually had a small conversation with your mom."
"Okay…"
"And…I don't know, I've just noticed something a little different about her lately. She hasn't been herself lately."
"I know. When we watched Sixteen Candles the other day she hardly recited any lines."
"And she hardly ate last night. She didn't even make one subtly rude remark on our waiter either. So I asked her if everything was okay."
Rory turned to Max, suddenly concerned. "Everything is okay, right?"
"Yes, it is. She just mentioned how she misses your old house, and working…you know general things like that. Things she had prior to moving here."
"Yeah, sometimes I do too."
"It was an admirable town." Max noted.
"Hey you know what?" Rory asked excitedly.
"What?"
"Tomorrow is the firelight festival. Have you ever been to one with us?"
"I can't say I have. I know I've heard your mom talk about them though."
"Yeah well I forgot to tell my mom, but when I was back there yesterday I saw them getting the bonfire ready. And I passed Miss Patty on her way to Doose's. She was getting supplies for her famous founders day punch."
"Her supplies?"
"One packet of fruit punch, multiple bottles of vodka, and ice."
"Got it." Max laughed.
"Anyways, mom always loves going. We should go."
"That sounds like a good idea to me. I'm sure that would boost her spirits up a bit."
"A lot if you ask me."
They drove the rest of the way, both happy the found something that could potentially cheer Lorelai up. Neither loved her being down. Sure she could be annoying with her particular quirks but those quirks are what Max fell in love with and he never liked seeing anyone he cared about being down.
"Oh," Max gasped, "I forgot I have a meeting tomorrow night. But you girls can still go."
"What time is it at? Maybe we can wait for you?"
"It starts at 7…I'm sure I won't even get out until 9 or after, if I'm that lucky. It'd be a lost cause. But you girls can go, have fun without me."
"If you say so."
"I do."
xx
It was around 1 when Lorelai got back from running her errands. She had to drop something off at her parents, return a pair of shoes that unfortunately did not fit as well as she thought, and thought she'd be spontaneous and go grocery shopping.
She hadn't talked to Luke since she left his apartment yesterday. Luke figured she needed time to adjust to the telling of Max. He kept busy with the diner but wouldn't lie, thought about her just about every free (or non-free) second he had.
She knew she had to call him. The last thing she could do was begin to ignore him—not like she wanted to. Even if she wanted to though, he'd have no reason to accept her ignoring him if she ever wanted him to believe she actually told Max the truth.
As she settled in, she grabbed the phone and sprawled across the couch, punching the familiar number.
"Luke's."
She smiled through the phone, admiring hearing his voice. "Hey stranger."
"Who's this?" He asked, obviously in a rush.
She could hear the crowd in the back round, assuming very well that it was busy.
"Comforting."
"What?" He grabbed a plate from the back and slid it down to a man at the counter. "Hello?"
"It's Lorelai!" She practically screamed.
"Oh," his voice softened, "sorry, it's busy. I can hardly hear you."
"Go into the back." She suggested.
"Give me a second."
She waited on the line, hearing a loud crash followed by words of profanity escaping from Luke's mouth. After a few moments, she heard a door close, closing off the noise from pouring into the phone.
"Sorry. Lunch rush." He supplied.
"I figured. You drop somethin'?"
"Just a plate." He said simply.
She giggled. "Cause that's safe."
He smiled through the phone, glad to hear her voice again.
"I haven't talked to you for a while."
She loved that to him a day equaled a while. She agreed though, and that's what made her happy. That she wasn't the only fool who couldn't resist hearing or seeing him for more than a day.
"Hence my calling."
"How are you?"
"I'm fine. I was reading an article today on coffee and thought of you."
"I wonder why." He said, laughing.
She absolutely loved hearing the sound of his laugh. Every time they were together, she'd be sure to do something that would make him laugh, never getting sick of the not so familiar sound she had missed out on over the years.
"Cause you're my supplier, that's why."
"And what did the article say?"
"That drinking coffee is really bad for you. Way to ever inform me, bucko. I'm glad you want me dying when I reach the big 4-0."
"You have got to be kidding me." He said flatly.
"Not kidding at all." She said seriously, holding in her laughter.
"For the past years, I have told you how bad coffee is. Every single time you ask for coffee, I give you yet another reason why coffee is bad for you. Whether it's because it's horrible for your immune system, makes your teeth yellow, keeps you bouncing off the walls until 4 am, name the reason, I am sure that I have told you, and you never listen, you insist on cup after cup after cup and what do I tell you every single time? I tell you that you need to stop drinking…especially if you ever want to live past 40."
Finally, taking a breath, all Luke could hear was Lorelai laughing hysterically.
"What?" He barked.
She continued laughing through his question, causing him to roll his eyes even more so than he started with.
"I love ranting Luke." Lorelai's eyes widened after she said that, afraid it came out the wrong (or perhaps the right…) way.
"You, uh," he began.
She started speaking quickly. "I can just imagine you, gesturing wildly with your hands, yelling at me, especially about coffee. Did you actually believe for a second I haven't heard your excuses, cup after cup after cup?" She exaggerated, slightly.
"So that was all a joke?"
"That was all a joke. Except for the part about reading the article."
"Well then that was one waste of a speech."
"I guess. It's not like it means anything to me."
"I know it doesn't."
There was an awkward silence before Lorelai spoke again.
"So…"
"So," he lowered his voice, "how are things?"
Lorelai took a deep breath, uncomfortable with the question.
"Things are…things."
"They're…things? Okay, well…"
"I just need a little more time, to figure everything out."
"I understand."
"But, things are going to change…and, soon." She said unconfidently.
He almost remarked at the tone of her voice but held back. "When will I see you again?"
"Soon. Probably sooner than we both think."
"Good."
"Good?" She asked, partially joking.
"Yeah, good. Cause, you know, I…"
She smiled. "Me too."
"Well, at least were on the same page here."
"Yeah, we are."
"Anyways, I better get back to the diner."
"Yeah, you should. So, I'll call you soon, okay?"
"Alright."
"Bye Luke."
"Bye Lorelai."
She hung up the phone and smiled to herself, thinking about Luke and being with Luke. She wanted him, she knew that, she wanted every part of him and she wanted to be his. There was just no simple way to grant that wish though and that was the hard part.
She didn't want to be lying to him. She hadn't given it too much thought, the reaction Luke will have when she says she was lying. Maybe she wouldn't have to tell him the truth, she thought, but that was no way to start a relationship.
'It was no way to start, how we started.' She thought to herself.
xx
At dinner that night, Rory remembered to mention the Firelight Festival to her mom.
"I forgot to tell you mom, guess what's going on in Stars Hollow tomorrow."
Lorelai remembered seeing people getting signs and what not together for some event when she was there last. She hadn't remembered what they were doing, probably because she didn't know in the first place.
"What?" She asked, swallowing a bite of food.
"The Firelight Festival."
Lorelai's eyes widened, a smile spreading far across her face. "Really?"
Max looked up from his plate, admiring Lorelai's reaction. "That's what Rory told me earlier." He commented.
"We've got to go!" Lorelai said excitedly.
"I've got a meeting tomorrow night but you girls should definitely go."
"I'm there!"
"I'm right there with you." Rory said.
"Perfect. What time do you think it starts?"
"I'm sure people will be around town all day. But I don't think they light the fire until 8."
"So, we've gotta be there before 10 if we want to catch the lighting, huh?" Lorelai said, somewhat sarcastically though it was probably true.
"Maybe we should bring matches. Just in case, I mean."
"Ah, but then where's the fun in that?"
"You're right. Never mind." Rory said, smiling.
xx
It was around 6:00 the next night when Rory and Lorelai were lounging on the couch. They were getting ready to go to Stars Hollow pretty soon. Rory mentioned how she hadn't had a burger from Luke's in a long time and suggested going there. Of course the idea gave Lorelai butterflies in her stomach. She wasn't sure how well that would go down. She remembered she'd have to get Luke in private, to tell him that she never exactly did tell Rory yet.
Rory, she thought. What in the world would Rory think of all of this? She sure wouldn't be proud with her mom. 'She might disown me,' she thought, biting nervously on her lip. She hadn't given all the surrounding effects of this thing with Luke thought. She hadn't planned on thinking about those things until she got the initial problem figured out, how to tell both Max and Luke the truth.
"Mom, are you paying attention?" Rory asked.
Lorelai came back to life. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Do you want to leave soon? I'm getting hungry."
"Yeah, sure, let me just go change my shirt real quick."
Fifteen minutes later, Lorelai came hopping down the stairs, clad in a fresh new outfit, new hairstyle and fresh makeup over her face.
"I thought you said you were going to just change your shirt."
"Sorry." Lorelai said, blushing. "I didn't like how I looked."
Rory rolled her eyes, getting up off the couch and turning the TV off. "Ready?"
"Yep."
The drive to Stars Hollow was quicker than usual. It had been though for Lorelai lately. She had spent a lot of gas money and mileage going back and forth from Hartford to Stars Hollow and back. It wasn't easy, the sneaking around thing. That's for sure.
"I've missed Luke's!" Rory said, getting out of the car. "Heck, I've missed Luke even."
Lorelai linked her arm through Rory's, nodding her head. "Yeah I've missed Luke's too."
The girls walked into the semi-empty restaurant. Everyone had been getting ready for the festival which was starting in about an hour or so. There was nobody in specific either girls had wanted to see at the diner.
"Corner?" Rory asked.
"You read my mind exactly."
They sat down at a table in the corner where they had sat at often. Lorelai looked around anxiously for Luke who was no where to be found.
"I wonder where Luke is." Rory said.
"Yeah, me too."
"I almost feel like I should look at a menu," Rory commented, "I feel like I haven't been here in forever."
Lorelai smiled, looking up as Luke walked out of the storage room. They locked eyes, smiling at each other, before Rory looked up and noticed Luke.
"Hey Luke!"
Luke poured them two cups of coffee and walked over to there table.
"Hey, Rory, long time no see." He quickly averted his eyes to Lorelai. "You too."
"I know we're here for the festival!" Rory said.
"Couldn't pass it up, could we now?" Lorelai smiled, looking up at him.
"I guess not."
"You look pretty dead around here; you should close up and walk around with us." Rory offered happily.
Luke looked over at Lorelai confused. He wasn't sure if Rory had known everything that was going on. He didn't think she did because she seemed way too cheery to see him. A little part of him thought Rory saw what everyone else did, the chemistry between him and Lorelai. He knew that he loved Rory regardless how she felt about him, mad, sad, happy, angry, whatever it was. He felt like a father to her, more than her pathetic actual dad had ever been. He had watched her grow up over the years and watched her blossom into a wonderful person. He didn't want to hurt her, or cause any drama in her life. That was the last thing he wanted for Rory and Lorelai.
For now, he kept the thought that she didn't know anything stored away in his head.
"Yeah, you should." Lorelai agreed.
"Well, after you two…I guess I don't see any point in sticking around. At least during the festival."
"Wow, you're actually agreeing to come to the festival with us?" Lorelai asked surprised.
"Well, you offered…or, well Rory did so…"
"I'm not complaining." She smiled.
"So, do you guys know what you want?"
"They usual." They both said at the same time.
"Extra cheese?" He asked.
"Yep."
It only took a few minutes before the girls got there cheeseburgers, both with extra cheese, onions for Lorelai, none for Rory, both extra fries and a refill of coffee. The two of them together inhaled their food in a matter of minutes, leaving Luke speechless.
"Wow."
"What?" Lorelai looked up.
"I just brought you your food and now it's already gone."
"We missed your food!"
"Do they not feed you in Hartford?" He asked.
"Not the way you do." Lorelai said seductively, biting her tongue afterwards. She probably said that a little too seductive but Rory didn't even notice as she gazed out the window.
"Lane's outside. I think. Is that Lane?" Rory asked, pointing to a person far from all of their views.
Luke and Lorelai both squinted their eyes, trying to make out who she was pointing at in the first place.
Lorelai looked up at Luke who was still fixed on the person outside the window. She looked back at Rory. "You know what, I think that is." She said confidently.
"I'll be right back then. I'm going to see if she can come to the square with us." She got up from her chair and walked out the door leaving Luke and Lorelai alone in the diner, the other man getting up to leave as well.
"Come again soon." Luke said to the man who nodded his head and left.
Lorelai looked up at Luke and smiled. "Hi."
He smiled back, looking towards the kitchen where Caesar was singing happily to himself.
"Caesar I'll be right back." He called into the kitchen.
"K, boss!"
"Hi." He said softly, looking out the window before grabbing Lorelai's hand and dragging her (willingly of course) into the storage room. He closed the door behind them.
"Hi again." She said, walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his waist, pulling him in for a kiss.
"I think we've said hi enough." He said pulling away.
She smiled, keeping him close to her. "I'm glad to see you."
"You too."
"You're really going to come to the festival with us?"
"If you want me to."
She kissed him again, resting one hand on the waist band of his jeans, the other on the back of his neck.
"Of course I do." She mumbled in between kisses.
"Well then I'm there."
"Oh," she said softly, pulling away from Luke slightly, "uhm, I haven't you know, told Rory yet. So we can't be…well, like this." She said pointing at the two of them.
"I didn't think you did. You've only told Max?"
Lorelai swallowed guiltily. "Uhm, yeah."
"How did he take it?" He asked, not wanting to enter the conversation there, right now, but he asked anyways. It had just slipped.
"He uhm," she started, not sure what to say, "he didn't, really, well, he wasn't really happy."
Luke sighed. "I'm sure."
"We haven't talked about everything yet, just, you know, general stuff."
Luke pulled her fragile body into his, holding onto her tightly. She kept her arms to her side, but rested her head against his chest, pressing her body harder into his. He kissed the top of her head, inhaling the smell of her shampoo.
"You're okay, right?"
"Mmm hmm."
"You sure?"
Arms still wrapped around her, she leaned her chin on his chest, gazing up into his eyes.
"Luke?"
"Yeah?"
"I have you. Right?"
He nodded his head confidently, pressing his cheek against hers. "You have all of me." He whispered into her ear, giving her shivers.
She smiled, holding back any sort of tears he might see, and mumbled 'good' into his ear.
"We better get back out there. In case Rory's already back."
Lorelai laughed. "That person looked awfully far if you ask me."
He leaned down, capturing her lips with his, kissing her slowly.
"I don't think that was Lane." He mumbled.
"Me either." She laughed, trying to dismiss everything else out of her mind.
He pulled away from her, holding on to her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze before opening up the door and walking back into the diner.
Lorelai came out a minute later to the still empty diner. "Do you want to head outside a little early?" She suggested.
"That sounds good. Let me tell Caesar I'm leaving for a while."
"Ok."
She sat at the counter, staring intensely at the pot of coffee in front of her. She felt ashamed and embarrassed, almost as if she couldn't look into his eyes anymore. She was afraid to see the happiness in his stare that led to the pain in her heart. She couldn't bare hurting any more people yet she continued to do it anyways.
"Do you want some?" He asked, following her stare to the coffee pot.
"Some what?" She asked.
"Coffee?"
"Oh, no, thanks though. I think I'll save myself for some founders day punch."
"That stuff will kill ya."
"Funny, you say the same thing about coffee." She smirked.
"Let's go."
They headed out into the square, Babette and Miss Patty both running up to her as soon as they spotted her. She spent a few minutes talking with the women while Luke rummaged around looking for the punch bowl to get Lorelai a cup.
"And Max is treating you good, right doll?" Babette asked.
"Yeah, he is." She said as normal as possible. "It's nice to be back here for this isn't it?" She asked nobody in particular.
"Oh it's the best time of the year." Patty laughed.
"Ah, there's Rory right over there." Lorelai gave Rory an intense come hither look. Rory walked away from Dean and Lane who both waved to Lorelai and walked over to the three women.
"Hi Patty, hi Babette."
"Hi gorgeous!" Babette said giving her a hug.
"Rory, it's nice to see you again so soon darling."
"I see you found your supplies alright," she pointed to Luke who was walking towards the girls, holding a clear cup of the bright red liquid.
"I sure did." Patty said laughing. "Hello Luke, glad to see your girls?"
Lorelai blushed, looking down at her feet at the words 'your girls.'
"Yeah, it's nice to see them," he said, grinning like crazy, "here I found you a cup of poison." He handed Lorelai the cup of punch while Patty gave him a death glare.
"We're gunna get going, kids. We just wanted to say hi and to enjoy the festival. We'll see you later on." Babette said before grabbing Patty's arm and dragging her off.
They waved goodbye, watching them both walk off. Lorelai turned to Luke and smiled, "thanks for the punch."
"Oh, no problem."
The two of them suddenly felt very shy around each other which wasn't necessarily a good thing. After all, they were in front of Rory who was watching them very closely.
"Is it okay if I go over there with Dean and Lane for a bit?" Rory asked.
"Of course. I've got Luke to entertain me." She hit him playfully on the stomach.
"Okay well come find me if you need me."
"Alright babe."
As Rory walked away, Lorelai led them to a bench by one of the random tables set up in the grass.
"So how long do you think it's going to take for them to get the bonfire lit this year?" Lorelai asked.
"Beats me. I'm sure none of these crazy people bothered bringing matches."
"But don't you think that makes it fun?"
"If you like standing around waiting for some old man to light a bunch of logs, then yeah, I guess I do."
Lorelai hit him on the leg. "I think its fun, waiting around for them to light it."
"What exactly is fun about it?"
"Hey, right about now you're ruining my fun mister."
"Sorry, I guess we just don't agree on terms of fun."
"It's not very often I get to hear you say the F word."
"The F word, huh? Is that what were calling it these days."
"F…Fun…"
"Ah, yes. I think I got you the first time."
Lorelai gazed at him, a grin playing on the corner of her lips. "I'm sorry, correct me if I'm wrong but were you mocking me?"
"I guess you'll never know now will you." He smirked.
Just then, they head a loud, familiar voice coming from ahead of them. Lorelai's face lit up the second she matched the face to the voice.
"Sookie!" She squealed.
"Lorelai!" The girls ran up to each other, hugging each other dramatically as they met in the middle.
"I miss you!"
"I miss you too!" Sookie said laughing, pulling away from Lorelai. "How are you? Ah, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."
"Well, we've gone from seeing each other everyday to this. Pretty much the same thing if you ask me."
"It sure seems like it to me."
Sookie noticed Luke sitting on the bench watching the two girls. She waved at him, him returning the gesture with a head nod and a smile.
"So, how are things?" Sookie asked quietly.
"Things are…okay." She didn't want to get into this right now with Sookie. She would talk to her about everything, soon. Just not yet.
"Does everybody know the truth?"
"Not yet, let's just not talk about that okay?" She said hoping Sookie would drop it for the time being.
Just as Lorelai finished her sentence, Luke walked over to the two of them.
"Hey Sookie. Listen I'm going to see if Kirk needs any help with that table." He said pointing to Kirk who was dragging a table onto the grass with all his might.
"Okay, you know where to find me."
Sookie gave the two of them a look of knowledge. Luke wasn't sure who knew what and suddenly felt very uncomfortable with the look Sookie gave them. When he walked away, Lorelai walked with Sookie over to the punch bowl, getting them both new cups.
"So how are you and Jackson?" Lorelai asked, taking a sip.
"We're good. We're really good." She smiled, gazing at Jackson who was complaining with Andrew about something.
"Hi Jackson!" Lorelai called across the crowd.
Jackson turned around and saw Lorelai and Sookie talking. He smiled, walking over to the girls.
"Lorelai, how the heck are you." He said greeting her with a hug.
"I'm good Jackson, how are you?"
"I can't complain. The vegetable stocks are great."
"Well then, life is pretty damn perfect isn't it?" She laughed.
"How's the married life treating you?" He asked, clearly interested.
Sookie never told him about her and Luke. She never would have, not unless she had Lorelai's permission which she didn't. It was something she wanted to tell, at least to Jackson, but knew she had to respect Lorelai's trust to the fullest, especially with a condition like this.
"It's…you know," she said lamely, gesturing with her hands, "how's the Sookie life?"
He smiled, looking over at Sookie. "It's great." He said happily, wrapping an arm around Sookie.
Lorelai smiled, admiring the couple in front of her eyes. She longed to be that happy, for things to be that simple when she knew, they weren't going to be like that.
"I'm glad to hear it then."
"And Hartford is nice?" He asked.
"Oh, it's no Stars Hollow but yes, it's nice."
"Well then good. You'll have to come back and see us more often. We miss you around here."
"I miss you guys too." She sighed heavily. "A lot."
"Well I'm going to go over there with Andrew but I'll see you guys later."
She smiled as he walked off.
"You guys are so happy!" Lorelai reveled.
"We are." Sookie squealed. "It's just…everything's working. You know?"
"Not really," she sulked, not wanting to sit here feeling bad for herself, "I mean, yeah, I know what you mean. I'm glad you guys are so happy, Sookie. I really am."
"Thanks. Your opinion counts a lot to me."
"Well then I'm glad."
"Hey I told Patty I'd help her with something back there, you want to come with?"
Lorelai gazed at Luke walking back towards them.
"I'll come see you soon. I'm just going to talk to him for a little bit."
"Alright, I'll see you around."
"Okay, see ya Sookie."
Luke walked up to Lorelai just as Sookie was walking away. She smiled, walking towards him.
"Did you guys get the table up here successfully?"
"Yeah. I think Kirk's going to have to see a doctor for the blisters he's going to have on his hands but we got it."
Lorelai laughed, admiring the homey feeling of being back here.
"There going to light the fire soon. I saw the matches myself." Luke commented.
"That's certainly a first."
"It is."
"What do you say we go on a walk before it starts?"
Luke gazed around at all the couples holding hands, arms wrapped around each other. They were all standing around the bon-fire, waiting for the annual lighting.
"Sure, let's go."
They walked out of the square towards the abandoned streets they knew nobody was on. When they were for sure out of everybody's sight, Luke reached for Lorelai's hand, intertwining his fingers within hers.
"You know, coming back here really makes me miss this place."
"I bet."
"It's almost too hard to come back here." She said quietly. "I miss everyone, you know? I miss coming to the diner for breakfast every morning. I miss going to the Inn and bothering the hell out of Michel. I miss my house, my stuff, my friends, my town," she gazed around, inhaling a deep breath of air, "my everything."
Luke squeezed her hand sympathetically.
"I'm sure it's tough."
"Everything is. And you know, I'm sorry that…things are like this between us."
"I know you are. But, it's better than nothing, right?"
"It is."
"Good."
Before they knew it, they were both standing in front of Lorelai's old house. She smiled sadly, walking towards the porch. She let go of his hand as they both sat down on the top step.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
She took a deep breath. "When did you develop feelings for me?"
Luke folded his hands in his lap, gazing down at his feet.
"Was it the night we first kissed?"
He laughed pathetically. She knew nothing.
After he didn't answer, she spoke again.
"Was it before that?"
He still didn't answer.
"Was it really before that?"
"The day you stopped calling me Duke." He said quickly. "That was the day I realized you had a little sensibility."
She smiled, remaining quiet.
"You called me Luke, and asked politely for coffee. I think you had something on your mind, you seemed sort of out of it."
"I did?"
"You weren't talking very much. I asked if anything was wrong and you just said that things were a little messed up at the moment."
She laughed, wondering on which occasion it was that was messed up.
"I think it had something to do with your parents. I remember you mentioning them."
"Well I'm sure that'd bring me down."
"And I felt indescribably bad for you. I felt bad from the stories you told Rory when she was little about your parents that I over head over the first few years of knowing you."
"You did?" She asked, genuinely surprised.
"I felt bad that you didn't have parents like mine. I remember specifically," he took a deep breath; "I realized I had feelings for you the day of my dark day. Well, that's when I took it into consideration, the idea of you and me."
"Your dark day?"
"The day that my dad died. Every year, I disappear on that day. I don't open the diner, well; I didn't before I didn't have any help. But I leave town for the day, don't talk to anyone, don't do anything really."
"Oh Luke."
"And it hit me that you didn't deserve to be treated so poorly by your parents. You didn't deserve the love they gave or didn't give you and I felt bad for you." He said again.
"You felt bad for me." She repeated.
"Nobody should treat you like that. Ever." He said boldly, looking into her eyes.
She smiled, holding back the tears he caused her to form. She linked her arm through his and rested her head on his shoulder.
"I'm not giving you enough attention you deserve." She mumbled quietly, a single tear rolling down her cheek.
"What you're giving me is fine for now."
"For now," she confirmed, "for now."
"What do you say we get back?" He whispered. "We can catch the lighting and then I'll probably have to wrap it up and head back to the diner."
"Yeah, sorry, let's go." She said wiping her cheek.
He gazed down at her, not aware that she had been crying. He smiled softly, kissing her tear stained cheek.
They got off the porch, walking slowly down the steps and back into town. He wrapped his arm around her, holding her closely too him until they got back into the visible eye of the town.
They made it look like they had come from the diner, as the walked back to the square. Everybody was gathered around the bon-fire, waiting for it to be lit.
"We're not late." Lorelai laughed as they strolled up to the large group.
"Towns people," Taylor said into the microphone, "we gather here right now, united as one big town in the annual lighting of the bon-fire."
The town clapped and cheered, ready for it to be lit. "I have the match right here in my hand," he said holding it up, "waiting to be li--"
A gust of wind knocked the match out of Taylor's hand, landing somewhere on the grass below him.
"It fell." He said obviously.
"It what?" Harry asked, looking over at Taylor, angrily.
The town booed, with the exception of some laughter as Taylor asked through the microphone, "does anybody have a match on them?"
The town sighed, letting out a frustrated and yet loud no.
xx
The girls left a few minutes after the actual lighting. Luke had to get back as well as Dean and Lane. They got to see the initial lighting, 20 minutes after the scheduled time. Kirk went and got the child proof lighter his mom kept in the back of the drawer in their kitchen. He announced himself the savior of the festival.
"That was fun." Lorelai laughed, walking into the door.
"It was! I can't believe Kirk went home to get a lighter."
"I think he was our only hope, sadly."
They walked into the living room where Max was pacing back and forth, uncomfortably. "Oh hi, how was the festival?" He asked, interested.
"It was great," Lorelai started, "we had to wait 20 minutes for them to light the bon-fire but it was fun as always."
"Good, that's good." He said, seeming somewhat rushed.
"It was."
Rory walked over to the edge of the couch where her backpack rested, lifting it up and walking back towards her mom.
"So I have a question," Max started, "I was thinking about the day and realized you had class tonight didn't you?" Lorelai's mind started racing, practically forgetting what day it was that she had 'class.'
"I uh, oh yeah, you know what, look at that. I did, didn't I?" She said, laughing nervously. "Yep, its Thursday isn't it. I did, man, that's not good. We were going to learn how to uhm, pick the correct 'welcome mats' for a homey country inn." She lied.
"I thought you did." He said confidently. "Wait, actually…"
"Yeah?"
"Wait, no, you have them Monday's, Wednesday's, and Friday's I thought?"
"Wait, ha, look at that, you thought right. Ding, ding, ding, we've got ourselves a winner over here!" She said getting more and more caught up in her lies by the minute.
He arched an eyebrow, looking at Lorelai confused. "Is there something you want to tell me, Lorelai?" He asked in a tone that made her want to spill everything.
"No." She said quickly. "Well, yes." She bounced back and forth. "Rory go to your room please." She said pointedly.
"Is everything okay?" Rory asked, concerned.
"Yes. Well, no, but Rory just go to your room."
"No, I think Rory should stay here." Max said matter of factly.
"I think she should go to her room." She said forcefully.
"One way or another, she's going to find out now." He said, pointing out the obvious.
She knew he was on to something. She had to let it out because she was way too far in deep now. There was no turning back. Even if she tried.
"There is no class." She blurted.
"There's what?" Max asked, his voice somewhat rising.
"I've been lying," she started out quickly, "I haven't been going to a class for the past month or two."
"Well then where have you been?" He asked accusingly.
"I've been with Luke." She bit her lip, squeezing her eyes closed tight, terrified to see his reaction.
She cursed at herself over and over in her mind. That was not supposed to happen. That was NOT supposed to come out of her mouth.
"Excuse me?" He asked, loudly. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Uh, Rory I'd really like it if you would go to your room now."
Rory, who dropped her backpack moments ago, had no words. "I, uh," she started.
"Rory, stay here. I think there's something Lorelai wants to tell us."
"Lorelai?" Lorelai asked, terrified that he called her that.
"What do you mean you've been with Luke?"
She took a deep breath, the butterflies going crazy in her stomach. She thought she was going to throw up, she was that nervous.
"Max, I don't know what to say."
"I don't get it Lorelai. I don't get what you're saying." He said, clearly on to something.
"There are no classes!" She screamed. "There are no classes, there are no over night orientations, there are no DAR meetings at the Inn, there's nothing!" She screamed.
"You've been lying to me about everything?" He asked.
"Yes." She said quietly.
"And instead you were with Luke."
"Yes."
"With Luke doing what? Helping him at the diner, working?"
"Max, I am with Luke," she bit on her bottom lip, thinking any minute now the bleeding would begin, "I have been Max, ever since the day before our wedding."
"You what?" He barked.
Her lip trembled beneath her, wanting nothing more than to hold onto her daughter who looked scared out of her mind. Lorelai held her head in her hands, sitting down on the couch, suddenly no longer able to stand if her life depended on it.
"You mean you are with Luke."
She nodded her head, not looking up.
"This whole time, since the day before you vowed to be with me forever, you have been with Luke."
"Yes."
"Did you sleep with him the night before our wedding, Lorelai?"
She knew her answer would kill him. She couldn't stand seeing his reaction to this. Rory's either. But it was like watching a scary part of a movie, despite having someone's body to hide your face in, you had to watch it.
"I have Max. Over and over again." She said softly.
At this point the truth was spilling out by the second. She couldn't hold on to her depressive lies any longer. She had no reason to say some things and not the others, as long as she was going through with this.
His face went pale, as did Rory's. He swallowed the huge lump forming in his throat.
"Why?" He asked in a craze.
"Why what?"
"Why did you do this to me? Hell, not only to me but to your family Lorelai. The people that love you. I'm sure he doesn't love you the way we do." He said positively.
"Don't you say that," she said pathetically, "it's not a contest of who loves who more, Max."
"Why did you marry me?" He said, lowering his voice. "Why did you tell me you've loved me all this time, and agreed to marry me after you went through with that?"
She couldn't hold in the tears any longer. They were burning her eyes too badly that it was almost hard to see.
"I didn't expect it, Max." She said, the tears rolling down her cheeks quickly. "I didn't know any of this was going to happen and I certainly didn't plan on continuing it after the first night we made love. Do you think that this is something I planned? Cause I didn't Max, I didn't plan on hurting you, or…her," she pointed to Rory, "or…him"
Rory looked back and forth between her mom and Max, having to take a seat herself. She didn't know what to think besides the obvious that she wish this wasn't happening.
"Do you love him?" He asked quietly.
"I loved you, Max. I did."
He gritted his teeth, ignoring what she had previously said.
"Lorelai do you love him?"
The tears started coming down faster and faster, her breathing becoming staggered as well.
"I…"
"Yes or no."
"Yes," she gasped for air, "I am in love with him."
"And do you want to be with him?" He asked, his voice suddenly becoming louder again.
"Mom?" Rory asked.
She looked over at her shocked daughter, breaking her insides even more so. "Oh Rory." She sighed.
"Do you want to be with him or not?" Max repeated.
"I don't know what I want…" she said, tapping her foot impatiently on the floor as she watched him stare straight into her eyes. "I want…" she started, trying to calm the crying down, "I need him." She said quietly, shoving her face in her hands again.
That was all Max needed to hear. He gave her one last stone cold look, waiting for her to look up and see him. A matter of minutes later, she looked up and noticed Max's vivid facial expression staring at her in the face. She swallowed and started speaking, "I'm so sor--"
Before she could finish her sentence, Max had walked out of the room and left the house, slamming the door behind him which resulted in Lorelai crying even harder.
She looked up and started at her daughter who looked like she had been torn into a thousand pieces. Rory didn't know what to do or say. Lorelai held her stare for a long while before Rory got up and left the living room, slamming her bedroom door behind her.
She knew no matter how much she tried, she wouldn't be able to stop crying tonight. And it wasn't as if the hard part was certainly over. She had to tell Luke the truth. She suspected it wouldn't be as bad as this, at least she hoped.
She leaned back against the couch, silently crying to herself.
In between gasps of air, she was able to make out one word to herself. "Luke," she mumbled quietly, "Luke." She repeated, as her hair falling into her face as she held herself tightly.
Honk if you miss Gilmore girls.
Leave a review, please! See you in a month. ;) Hopefully…well, hopefully I'm kidding.
Hugs! x
