A/N : *waves goodbye to the 200 reviews mark with stupid smile on face* Have I ever mentioned how much I love you guys?? Well, I do. Very, very, very much. =) Thank you so much! Terima kasih, muchas gracias, grazie, arigato, xie xie, merci, danke – I am sorry I can't say thank you in everyone's language because I'm illiterate, but yes, you all get the picture. Right, will not leave you to wait for long – on with the chapter!
Oliver's POV
Chapter Fourteen : The Rain In Spain
Wands are supposed to work, right?
I mean, don't get me wrong, I know I can be stupid sometimes – but wands are supposed to work, right??
"Stand down, damned follicle!" I hollered and pointed the wand at the object of my frustration for the sixth time, to no avail. That stupid, stupid stubborn strand of hair just continued standing up there, seemingly oblivious to my blatant attempts to get it to lie flat.
"Please, please, just listen to him," David groaned from his bed, sleepily conjuring up a pair of earmuffs and clapping them onto his ears, then turning onto his stomach again.
You would think he was tired.
"I am your master; it is my head you currently stand upon, and as such I demand some respect from you! BOW DOWN, I say!"
"You know, you're lucky Katie isn't here right now, because if she was, you'd be out of a date this afternoon," Daniel commented, looking up from his nearly-finished Muggle Studies essay, which he was trying to finish up a week early. Xander, who was acting as Daniel's Make Sure I Don't Stop Writing Guy, rapped Daniel's head with a rolled-up copy of the Daily Prophet. "Oh, right," Daniel sighed and went back to his work.
I studied my reflection in the mirror, eyebrows furrowed in deep thought about many deep and important things.
Like, for example, why this stupid hair on my head refused to not stick up there like – like – like a stick bloody sticking up there.
I've never been good at similes.
"Oliver," Joshua said, tapping me on the shoulder, "Why don't you try using this?"
I looked down at the bottle he was offering me.
"Wet…Look…Hair Gel. Hair gel? What's hair gel?" I asked, looking up at Josh again.
"It's what I put in my hair every morning while you folk are still asleep. It's what reels in the ladies – and blokes, mate," Josh said, winking suggestively at me. I looked at Josh's hair and for the first time noticed that it was sticking up, defying gravity in an oddly fashionable way.
"But I don't really want to reel in blokes, I'm more of a ladies man myself…" I began, but quickly abandoned this thought upon looking at Josh's miffed expression. "So if I use…this…hair gel…thingamajig, I get hair like yours?" I asked quickly, holding up the bottle of hair gel to the sunlight streaming in from the window. I tried peering into the bottle to see whether there was anything alive in it – I mean, you never know with these Muggle contraptions.
"Absolutely," Josh winked, miffed expression a thing of the past. He gave me two thumbs up and strolled out of the room whistling happily, presumably heading to the Great Hall for a late breakfast.
Now, let me see. Wet Look Hair Gel.
I walked over to my bed and plopped down onto it, pondering this new unfolding mystery that I held in my hand. What do they mean by Wet Look, anyway? Josh's hair didn't Look very Wet to me; in fact it was more of a Stylishly Messy While Spiked Up Yet Strangely So Bisexual Look.
So why didn't they call this thing Stylishly Messy While Spiked Up Yet Strangely So Bisexual Look Hair Gel?
Muggles are so confusing.
"Oh, shit!"
I looked up from my extensive study of the bottle of hair gel to see David and Xander sprawled together in a heap on the ground, and Daniel staring at his essay in apparent horror.
"I'm late, I'm late!" David yelled and pushed Xander off of him, jumped to his feet and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door.
"You've destroyed fifteen inches of my essay!"
"You've destroyed fifteen inches of his essay!"
"Sorry!" David bellowed from inside of the bathroom. We heard the shower being turned on, and after a split second there was a second "Oh, shit!" and then a softer "Ow…"
"And after I spent so much time bonking you on the head with this," Xander said sadly, shaking his head. Then he shrugged and skipped out of the room.
I swear I could hear him singing, "Off to find Elaine with my super pimp ca – oh, good morning, Professor McGonagall – uh, the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain…"
A second later, McGonagall's magically-amplified voice rang out through Gryffindor Tower, "All students who are going to Hogsmeade, please assemble at the Entrance Hall immediately."
I jumped off the bed and ran to the mirror again. Argh, my hair…
There was another curse from David – my guess was that he had slipped on the bar of soap I had left lying there. Oops. Well, no time to worry about David now – it looked like I would have to apply the hair gel on my way downstairs.
"Well, I'll be on my way then, Dan!"
Daniel looked up at me, then turned back to his piece of ruined parchment sadly.
"My essay…"
I slipped the bottle of hair gel into the pocket of my robes as I rounded the last corner leading to the Entrance Hall, panting from the exertion of my run downstairs.
Making it from the Gryffindor fifth-year boys' dormitory down to the Entrance Hall in three point five minutes is not an easy task.
Now I know.
I only hoped my hair looked alright, because I had applied the gel while running down the stairs without a mirror whatsoever – but there was no time to worry about that now because I had to look for my sweetiecutiemuffinpiesaywhat?
"Katie! Katie!" I yelled, spotting her through the growing throng of students who were making their way out of the doors.
I heard a few fourth-year Slytherins snicker as I ran past them to catch up with Katie, who was nearly at the door. But Slytherins always snicker, so I ignored them. Then I heard some Ravenclaws laughing and my name being mentioned, and I slowed my pace down just a little bit. Ravenclaws don't normally snicker, do they?
"Er, Katie! Wait for me!" I shouted again, but she still hadn't heard me.
This time, a huge group of Gryffindors burst into laughter upon looking at me and I felt a twinge of annoyance. What the hell is so funny if I'm trying to catch up with someone I'm madly in like with, for Merlin's sake? You're supposed to be from my house, you bloody ponces, this is a betrayal of house loyalty, this is –
Severely screwed up, apparently.
Because I was currently standing right behind Katie and had been about to tap her on the shoulder when a Hufflepuff girl right next to her burst into a fit of giggles when she saw me.
If a Hufflepuff ridicules you, something is not right in the world.
Okay, shit, I have to get out of here and back to the dormitory now, before –
"What's so funny, Sheryl?" Katie asked, turning to look at the giggling Hufflepuff, who only pointed at me.
She turned around.
A giant purple elephant dropped from the sky and landed on me, sending me straight into the ground, past the earth's core and shooting straight out into outer space, where I proceeded to have tea with the moon.
Okay, so I'm exaggerating.
But that elephant should have happened.
"Oliver?" she said, stunned.
"Yes?" I squeaked.
Yes.
Squeaked.
"What the bloody hell did you do to your hair?!" she blurted out in shock, eyes wide as Quaffles.
Wait, they're laughing because of my…
"JOSHUA HARPER!!!"
"Yes?"
I spun around to see him staring at my hair with an incredulous expression on his face. "By the way, what did you do to your hair? I mean, seriously, mate, have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately? Were you even looking in a mirror when you applied all that gunk?"
Glare.
"Ah. Apparently not. Well, then, Katie, why don't you just wait here while I sort out Oliver's hair for him, shall I? Come hither, we go…" he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me in the direction of the marble staircase once more.
I heard Katie groan loudly as we made our way away from her.
Oh, the deadness of Mr Harper.
We stumbled back into the dormitory after receiving many odd glances and I rushed to the mirror immediately.
"GAAAAAAAAAHH!"
Shock!
Horror!
Despair!
"Accio hair gel!" Josh commanded; his bottle of gel zoomed out of my pocket and landed neatly in his open palm. "Now you see, Oliver," he explained patiently, walking towards me, "the drenched Albert Einstein look doesn't necessarily work for everybody."
As I was still struck by the TERROR that was my hair, I only managed a silent nod.
Please don't make me describe my hair to you. PLEASE don't. It was only too horrific to contemplate, and I managed to tear my eyes away from my reflection before my eyesight just plain ceased to exist.
"Well then. Enough with this ridiculous kerfuffle – hidroculus!"
Before I could let out a single word of protest, an equivalent of a giant bucket of ice-cold water splashed down onto me, flattening my hair completely and leaving me soaking wet.
Oh, and very, very cold.
"You idiot!" I cursed through shivering teeth, pulling out my wand and saying, "Gammus solarum!" A strong wave of heat began to emanate from my wand and I held it over my hair, my wand acting sort of like that Muggle contraption – what's it called – a hair-dryer. Of all the names in the world, they had to pick 'hair-dryer'. How unimaginative can these Muggles get? It's sort of like calling a toad – Toad, you know? Hello, Toad! How are you, Toad? You're looking particularly disgusting today, Toad –
"Liverboy?"
Josh was waving his hand in front of my eyes repeatedly. "Cat got your liver, Liverboy?"
I blinked, yanking my mind away from thoughts of toads that were rapidly mutating into Katie's face, "Huh? What is it? Is something wrong?"
Josh gave me a strange look. "No, not really, it's just that, well, your hair's starting to burn and all, I thought you might like to know…"
"Whaaat??? Shit!" I cursed, realizing that smoke was beginning to rise from a few tendrils of my hair. I threw my wand halfway across the room, yelling, "Finite incantatem!" as Josh let pour another stream of cold water from his wand onto my head. My hair hissed as the water touched it. I merely shivered, and then sighed.
"That's it, Josh. I'm not going."
And I
plopped down onto the floor.
"Excuse me?" Josh demanded.
"I'm not going. Obviously, God is trying to send me a sign that Katie and I are not meant to be, and therefore I shall not go against fate by going to Hogsmeade with her. Ergo, I stay."
"Ergo you ditch the woman you're madly in love with, more like it!"
I sat up immediately. "Hey, I never said I was 'madly in love' with anyone, thank you very much –"
"That's beside the point," Josh said, waving his hand as if shooing off a fly impatiently. "Look, I'm bisexual – even though I tend to lean more for guys, myself – and even I can see how much of a catch Katie is! Use your brains, Liverboy! Katie Bell is not somebody you want to ditch. Besides, did you see what she did to that Flint guy? You don't wand to end up all bready like him, do you?"
I sighed. Merlin, does he have to do this to me all the time?
"Fine, fine, I'm going – but my hair –" I said, gesturing helplessly at the train wreck on my head.
With a wave of his wand, my hair was suddenly transformed into…into, well – a perfect epitome of the Stylishly Messy While Spiked Up Yet Strangely So Bisexual Look. Except, you know, not so much with the Strangely So Bisexual part. I have a theory that that part doesn't have to do with the way your hair is styled, but more with the person whose hair it is…
Hey, just a theory.
"Hold on – if you could have done that all this time, why on earth did you give me that tube of Wet Look Hair Gel for?" I spluttered indignantly, the realization of this suddenly hitting me.
"Because I prefer to use the hair gel, that's all," he shrugged. "It gives my hair a much more natural look, in my opinion…"
I rolled my eyes. There was no more time to be angry at Josh, because I had already kept Katie waiting for ten minutes.
And as we all know…Katie gets pissed.
"Your hair, I ask you, your hair…"
If you guessed that I'd just told her my reason for taking so long, you'd be right.
"I mean, I do realize your hair kind of sucked – no offense or anything – but still, I wouldn't have cared, would I? And did you see the look on McGonagall's face when we had to ask her to get out her clipboard again to check our names off? I swear, I thought she was going to spontaneously combust or something… Since when do you care about your hair, anyway? You've always been quite the fashion victim, why do you suddenly care so much about how you look now?"
I'm not sure whether I should take all that as sincere confusion or a bloody insult.
"Well, I dunno…" I said and shrugged. I waved to Xander who was on the other side of Hogsmeade's main street; he looked like he was trying to get a mightily pissed off Elaine to look at him. "I guess I just…you know, wanted to look nice for you."
Katie paused for a while before replying with a soft thanks, her eyes never meeting mine.
"So, uh, where do you want to go first? Zonko's? Honeydukes? Mygrandmother'shousetheShriekingShack? The Leaky Cauldron?"
"Oh, your grandmother! I almost forgot that she lived here! Come on, Oliver, let's go see her before it gets too late, she always bakes AMAZING Cauldron Cakes…" Katie insisted, tugging on my arm.
"Well, I'm not so sure whether that's such a good idea…" I said, pulling just as forcefully in the other direction.
"Oliver," Katie said, pulling as hard as she could on the sleeve of my robe.
"Get off me, Katie," I said firmly back to her, not giving way.
There was no way we were going to my grandmother's house. I had made the mistake of inviting Katie over there back in our third year, and Katie and Grandma Puddifoot had hit it off so well that Katie now insisted on seeing her every time we came into Hogsmeade.
Don't get me wrong, it was nice at first, you know, the whole friends-getting-to-know-your-relatives thing is fine with me…that is, until Grandma Puddifoot started showing Katie my baby pictures.
My naked baby pictures.
My naked baby pictures of me posing in my mother's old furry mink coat.
In pink heels.
So you see, Katie wasn't really exaggerating when she said I've always been quite the fashion victim.
"Get – off – it – Oliver –" Katie grunted, adding even more force now. "I – want – some – Cauldron – Cakes!"
"We'll go to Honeydukes, I'll buy you your bloody Cauldron Cakes there," I whined, trying not to fall over as Katie gave one last massive tug.
"Go!"
"No!"
"Go!"
"No!"
"Go!"
"No!"
"Children?"
"GRANDMA!"
It was my worst nightmare.
My maternal grandmother, Madam Loretta Puddifoot, dressed in her usual pink robes and her hair tied up into a bun, was standing there in all her stoutness, watching Katie and I with a mildly amused look on her face.
"Oh, grandma, it's great to see you again!" Katie gushed, and immediately ran over to my grandmother and embraced her.
"Oh, child, it's lovely to see you again too – oh, how tall you've grown since the last time I saw you!" Grandma gushed back, then turned her attention to me. "And Oliver! Oh, cookie, come here and give your grandmother a nice, big glompalicious hug!"
Without warning, she rushed forward and grabbed me in a tight hug.
She may be short and stout and sixty-five years old, but she can move.
"Um, it's – nice – to see you too, grandma," I said, smiling a little transparently.
"Oh, come now, children, off to my place, I'll make both of you a spot of tea! And I've just baked a fresh batch of Cauldron Cakes…" Grandma sang and clutched Katie's hand. Together, they marched off down the side road I knew led to my grandmother's home-cum-tea-shop.
I sighed.
That side road looked so innocent…little did everyone around me know that it led to my hell.
A/N : Whoo-hoo! I've done it! ::congratulates self:: Hehe. Okay. Well, Katie and Oliver's entire Hogsmeade visit was supposed to be in this chapter, but then things got drawn out a little and I figured I might as well split it into two chapters. So the Madam Puddifoot saga shall be continued in Chapter Fifteen. =) Oh, and don't ask me how I got the idea to make Madam Puddifoot Oliver's grandmother, because I have absolutely no idea. Yikes – I certainly hope all of you have read OotP. I would hate to have spoilt anything for you… Right, must go now. Please review and tell me what you thought, give me suggestions on what's to come, flame the hell out of me or just plain ramble! I love hearing from y'all! 'Till next time!
