Dart board distracted me for three minutes. And a good three minutes they were. Until I broke some box thingy that had this green powder in it. Grass began to sprout all over the place. I was too busy freaking out to notice that it began to grow onto the walls. Oh this is worse than the glitter. The house isn't going to trust me anymore.

I waited for the house to go back to the dank settings but it stayed the same. Well I better get out of here quickly otherwise I'm going to get a grass stain on my jammies. I wonder how often Snape goes in here. I was walking out of the room when I glance at a plaque it read, 'Severus' Room,'

Shit. So he is most likely going to want to come in here. Well what the hell was grass doing in here anyways? Unless he was smoking it. If he was smoking it I might even get away with yelling at him. Maybe I can offer to buy him a lawn mower.

He is going to kill me. This is like ten times worse than the glitter. Maybe I'll nail the door shut or something. Oh no I THINK I hear him coming.

I ran out of the room and shut the door with a quick bang. Sure enough Snape came around the corner looking tired. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and caught sight of me. He groaned in discomfort and just made a shooing movement. I smiled my best I-DIDN'T-DO-ANYTHING-smile in hopes it would work.

"Move," Snape grumbled.

"Why?" I asked in a husky voice.

"This is my study," Snape said in an annoyed voice.

"THIS is your study?" I said blanching. I had to pick the one place he told me not to go in, and then make sure it looked like a meadow. Snape probably isn't the meadow type. He doesn't strike me as hippie.

"Yes this is my study," Snape said picking me up and moving me out of the way. He opened the door and I turned around and quickly made my way down the hall. I didn't hear screaming. I didn't hear him cursing my name and wishing I would just die. Nothing like that. I am in the clear.

Well I thought I was in the clear. That is until Snape came up behind me and took me firmly by the arm. I winced as the pain slowly crept onto my arm.

"So I'm guessing you're upset," I began.

"Shh," Snape said angrily. He brought me back to the room. "So when I said you were forbidden in my study, you took that as, please come in and make as much of a mess as you please? Is that what you think? I am trying to save your life and you continually defy me!"

I paused mid insult.

"You're trying to save me?" I asked carefully. He also stopped whatever he was going to say to me and paused, clearly lost for words. Apparently the fact that I knew he wasn't going to kill me must mean I can act as annoying as I can.

"No," Snape said defiantly. He looked like he was struggling for words. "I am most certainly going to kill you. And send you to the Malfoy's."

"Oh you wont send me to the Malfoy's," I said with a smirk.

"And why should I not pack you up and send you on your way?" Snape asked trying to regain the upper hand.

"Because I, my dumb friend, am still a virgin. Meaning that you haven't been raping me just making me sandwiches. Also I would tell them that you took me to see my parents and that you have a Cher poster in your closet," I snapped. Snape gaped at me.

"I don't have a poster," Snape said frowning.

"Well you will when I tell them the story," I said satisfied.

"Go pack your bag," Snape said with a mean smile. He was really sending me away. I tried to say something witty that would give me the upper hand but couldn't find anything. He was still very much in control.

"I'll be in my room," I said turning away.

"No, I want you to make this go away," Snape said angrily waving at the grass and flowers.

"I don't have a wand," I said in a clear voice. "And for what its worth, I didn't know this was your study. I would have stayed out if I knew you had a chia-meadow," I said giggling. Honestly if I had a muggle kidnapping me all these things would be so much funnier.

"Chia-meadow?" Snape asked frowning.

"Never mind," I said shaking my head. Snape sniffed.

"I guess I should have made the plaque more shinier," Snape said sarcastically.

"Well I could polish it for you," I said seriously.

"Get out of my sight," Snape snarled.

"Yes sir," I said and skipped away. I was just going to stay out of any room with a closed door. Well I mean if the bathroom door is shut I'll knock before entering. I really don't know why I didn't see the sign basically saying, STAY OUT Snape WILL KILL YOU!

Had I seen that I wouldn't have entered. Well I would have but I would have been more careful. It was like a bull in a china shop. I really think Snape has gone soft. I mean had I been in Hogwarts and he saw me coming out of his study I think he might have killed me.

I cant believe he wants to save me. I have been on my most annoying behavior. I am basing it on my cousin Katie. The most annoying person you could ever meet. Does not know when to shut the hell up. She even talks in her sleep. I tried to put a silencing spell on her before my non-magic thing kicked in. I didn't go through with it. I mean what if I got EXPELLED?

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I was sitting on my bed thinking that this bed was much more comfy than my cot. I could jump on this and not be afraid I was going to give myself severe spinal injury. It was quite the little bed. Well it wasn't small, it was huge. It could fit me, Harry, Snape, the entire Weasley family and Voldemort in here nicely.

Can you imagine what would happen if I invited Voldemort over to a sleepover? Haha.

My invitation could look something like this:

Miss Hermione Granger

Requests your appearance at her sleepover

May 15, 1997

8:00 pm

Please leave wands and Death Eaters at the door.

Food will be served at 8:30

Will include: gossiping, facials, manni and peddi's, pillow fights.

p.s. Harry Potter will overcome the Dark Lord!

I was giggling wildly as I thought what Voldemort's reaction would be if he opened his mail and saw this sitting there.

I didn't even realize that Lola entered the room until she made a disgruntled noise. I looked up at her and tried to calm myself down.

"Hello Lola," I said kindly. She rolled her eyes.

"Dinner is served and Master requests your presence," Lola said boredly.

"Alright," I said hopping up and attempting to walk out.

"You need to dress properly," Lola said like I was daft.

"Oh," I said looking down at my dress. "Like in-?"

"This," Lola said taking a short black dress out of the closet.

"I cant wear that!" I said looking at it.

"You will do as Master orders," Lola snarled.

I glared at her and waited for her to leave.

"I can put the dress on myself thanks," I said coldly then instantly regretted it. "But if you want you can help."

Lola rolled her eyes and pulled my other dress off. It didn't matter my door was wide open. It wasn't like I had much more the show. She thrust the dress over my head then grabbed a brush and tamed my hair. With a snap of fingers, my make-up was done.

"There. Master is going to be please with Lola," Lola said with a small smile.

"Thank you," I whispered. I have never looked so pretty.

Lola gave a disgruntled noise and ran from the room. Weird fucking elf.

I walked out of the room slowly. I didn't know what to do. I was to eating dinners in whatever I had on. My parents were sometimes called out at all times. We ate at a rapid speed and considered it a worthwhile dinner if everyone's present. I have never had to be dressed up. The first time I wore a dress was two months ago. I think make-up is stupid. You put all this stuff on your face and then have to make sure not to rub your eyes even though as soon as that mascara is on your eye gets itchy. Plus with lippie all you do is get it all over your glass. It is so stupid. I like natural beauty. Hence the eighteen year old virgin.

As I made my way into the dining area I noticed Snape sitting waiting for me. He jumped up when he saw me and literally pulled a chair out for me to sit. He didn't knock it from under me either, which is what I thought he was going to do. That's why I sat down on my hand so if I did fall I didn't get a charley horse. You know when you ass is sore because you fell onto the cold ground when you were expecting a nice comfy chair. Just nod so I can stop explaining.

"Thank you," I managed to say when the initial shock wore off. Snape looked embarrassed like he did it as an act of habit. Like how if I get a report topic I write the entire essay in my head, then make three copies and hand in the best one.

"You're welcome," Snape mumbled and snapped his fingers. Lola and Sage walked in carrying a plates. I got a whiff of something amazing. Just found out it was a scented candle. Good thing I didn't start commenting on the cinnamon I was smelling. That would have been embarrassing.

"So I'm really sorry about the grass," I said taking a bite of salad.

"Uh-huh," Snape said like he didn't believe me.

"I really didn't know that grass would sprout all over the place," I said honestly. Jeesh what did I have to off my first born child as payment?

"Really it's fine. I got all of it to go away," Snape snapped and took a sip of wine to calm himself down.

"You shouldn't drink so much. Your liver is going to be shot to hell," I said taking a sip of my drink. "Ooh this is amazing what is it?"

"Wine," Snape said not looking over at me. I was almost positive he was smiling. Or smirking. Or whatever Snape does to show amusement.

I swallowed and managed to but on a bright smile despite the color in my cheeks.

"So I was thinking of organizing the library," I said watching as he ate.

"Go for it," Snape said dully.

"Also I was thinking of cleaning your kitchen," I said again watching as he didn't move.

"Good for you," Snape said not listening.

"I'm also going to go down on you," I said smiling.

"What?" Snape asked choking.

"Nothing," I said frowning in faux wordiness. "Are you alright?"

"Fine. I just thought you said something else," Snape said taking a sip of wine.

"Oh like what?" I asked making him squirm.

"Never mind," Snape answered still pink in the face.

"So when do you have to produce me again?" I asked eating my salad.

"I'm not sure," Snape said and I noticed his voice was more guarded.

"Well do you think anyone is going to stick their head up my skirt and see if I'm still pure?" I asked. He began to cough again.

"Why do you talk like that?" Snape asked angrily.

"Oh please. I'm not a prude," I said amused.

"Well I wouldn't think so. What with being friends with Weasley and Potter," Snape answered dryly.

"Those two?" I snorted. "I'd call it a day if they found their way into my bra."

Snape snorted and looked like he regretted it.

"You laughed. That world isn't going to end. Someone isn't going to knock on the door and kill you," I said watching as he nodded and relaxed. Just then someone knocked on the door. He glared at me. "That is so a coincidence." Snape made my plates disappear and told me to go to my room and wait for him. I did as I was told and slipped out of the dress. I put on the clothes I arrived in for good measure. They were dirty.

Minutes later I could tell there was a Death Eater here because of the way Snape's voice had changed dramatically. He sounded mean, cold, bitter and down right scary.

My door was pushed open and Snape walked in and pointed at his room. I looked as scared as I could and walked into the room.

"Wait for me," Snape called to me. He was a very good actor. They talked for a few minutes in my room before Snape snapped at me and I cautiously walked over. Once I got within arms length, Snape grabbed my hair and pulled my closer to him. "Please tell this fine Ministry worker how happy you are. Seems your friends have filed a complaint. If someone comes and says you're fine then no one important will mess up our plan." Snape was now moving his hand slightly south of the border. Once they reached my bottom I almost let out a gasp.

"I'm very happy here," I said my words shaking slightly.

"You are in good health?" the man asked looking amused.

"Yes," I answered trying not to think where Snape's fingers were going next.

"I'm sure you are taken good care of," the man asked with a knowing smirk at Snape. It made me want to shudder right then and there but I controlled myself as Snape's fingers were tracing the seam of my shorts. I just nodded. Somehow complete sentences were not going to be easy for me.

"Well then I will tell the Minister that I have spoken to you. That should put most of the questions on hold until further notice. Good night. I am very sorry to disturb you Severus," the man said.

"Quite alright," Snape said silkily. The man left and once again Snape waited for the door shut to let go of me. "Sorry for that." Snape said and walked out like nothing happened. My breath was still coming in deep, raspy gaps. Wow.

I stalked back into the dining room where Snape was sitting eating his dinner.

"What was that?" I snapped angrily.

"Well someone was obviously making trouble, three guesses who, and someone came to check on you," Snape said sipping his wine.

"No I get what that was. I meant the pawing," I said folding my arms.

"Made it seem more realistic. See when we get a slave from the war we like to show it off," Snape answered like he was talking about the weather.

"Show it off?" I asked in disgust. "We are not a new set of dress robes or some blow up doll you bought," I snapped angrily.

"Please sit and eat," Snape said dismissively waving at the food.

"I lost my appitite," I said angrily and slammed my way into my room.

I wasn't angry he did it, I was angry he stopped.

A/N Please read and review.