Snape didn't go to bed until two in the morning. He woke me up and appeared to be drunk again. He was snoring like a vacuum. Alright I get this whole double-agent thing must be a lot to deal with but I am going to get wrinkles under my eyes! He is going to have to live with the fact that I am going to look like a raccoon. Maybe tomorrow I should wake up early and bang all types of pots on the floor.

Oh my god he's up! What is he doing up? It's like six in the morning! He has had only 4 hours of sleep. I have only had four hours of sleep and I am not very happy. He gets up like it's no big deal. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind!

You know maybe I'll wait until he gets out of the bathroom. I don't need him yelling at me…

"Snape!" I yelled as he made his way into the kitchen. He ignored me and kept walking like I wasn't behind him. "Severus Snape you turn around when I'm talking to you!" I tried again but he walked to his study and slammed the door in my face. I heard the door lock and an incantation muttered. He locked me out of the room and put a Silencing Charm on the door so he cant hear me! Well I never!

In retaliation I stole the shoe laces from his boots. Try going anywhere with out shoelaces. Well I mean unless you want to wear sandals which I am positive Snape would rather get up in front of the Order and dance a jig from the Nutcracker than wear sandals. Maybe I'll hide all his shoes except a pair of sandals. I am so sad.

He doesn't even own sandals! What if he wanted to take a walk on the beach? Stupid question.

I am so bored! Snape gets drunk after I go to bed and then locks himself in his rooms and wont talk to me. Lola attempted to knock rat poison into my tea this morning and Sage gets all nervous and jittery. He already dropped the tea all over my feet. Mind you they warmed right up after the initial shock and second degree burn.

I was walking back from the kitchen around ten this morning and Snape came out of his study. He saw me and tried to turn around and go back in there!

"Snape!" I said really loud and grabbed his arm. He attempted to shake me off so I did the only thing I knew how to do. I sat down so he would have to drag me. Finally he just looked back at me.

"Yes?" he asked like he caught me after hours in school.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Get off of me," Snape snarled at my annoyance.

"Oh right I remembered what I have to say," I said nodding again.

"Well," Snape said after I didn't say anything.

"If you insist on loading yourself up with booze I am asking, kindly mind you, that you sleep it off somewhere else. Ok snoring is one thing I can take snoring. Like I explained yesterday, there is a difference between sober snoring and booze snoring. Booze snoring is like a suck zone. Sober snoring is light and non-suck zone," I explained still holding onto his arm. He stared at me for a moment.

"Lola bring me my tea!" Snape bellowed before trying to walk away again.

I kicked the back of his knees and he dropped instantly.

"What was that?" Snape snarled as his knees hit the cold marble floor. I was shocked that actually worked. Ron said it only worked on me because I am such a push over.

"You listen here! I am tired. I have not had more than a few hours sleep in two days because in your self pity you drink a keg! Please I am begging you! Just put a silencing charm over the door or something! I am going crazy!" I said in a high-pitched voice.

"Oh so you don't like when someone drives you insane?" Snape asked in a calm voice.

I gaped. Was this payback? Was this cruel and unusual payback? Well it was working.

"No, I don't," I said after a moment.

"Then I will consider a charm," Snape answered standing up. "Let go of me."

"Sorry," I said releasing his hand.

"Go wash up and meet me in the dining room for breakfast and from now on I do not want to see you until you are dressed in something that isn't made out of cotton," Snape said walking towards his room.

Ok I look nice in my jammies. Maybe if they were made out of silk and showed off some of my other good features he wouldn't mind as much. Not that I would ever wear that. Ever. Dammit!

I got dressed and walked into the dining room. Snape was sitting there already waiting for me.

"Fourteen," Snape said when I walked in.

"Fifteen," I answered with a smirk.

"You took fourteen minutes to get dressed," Snape said coldly.

"Oh yeah that was because I was trying to get my hair into-" I began but stopped as he got angrier. "So I'll make it like five minutes next time," I said watching as he nodded and got up. We stood there staring at each other for a moment.

"Are you going to sit down?" Snape finally snapped.

"Oh yeah," I said and made to pull out my chair but he got there first. He pulled it out for me and then pushed it in. sure he did it so hard my chest banged into the table 'by mistake'.

"I am having guests over today," Snape said placing his napkin on his lap.

"Yeah and? What you want me to give you a blow job while you smoke cigars?" I asked. He began to choke on his eggs and I smiled to myself. He finally calmed himself down and stared at me.

"How old are you?" he asked.

"Eighteen," I answered looking into his eyes.

"Well don't you need to find a husband soon? Your biological clock is ticking. By wizard standards at least," Snape said thoughtfully.

"What? I'm eighteen! My biological clock started ticking like four years ago," I said shaking my head. Gosh you don't have a husband by the time you're twelve you're branded a weirdo.

Snape chewed thoughtfully for a moment. Then he didn't say anything else. I stared at him annoyed.

"Is that it?" I asked chewing a piece of bacon.

"Yes, did you not conclude that from my lack of verbalization?" Snape asked with a sarcastic smirk.

"Sometimes you just take years to finish a sentence," I snarled.

"As opposed to talking until someone has to physically shut you up?" Snape asked. "But that is how all Know-It-All's are right?"

"I'd rather know a lot than be an arrogant asshole," I said pointedly.

Snape however looked pleased. "I don't think I have been called a asshole in years," he said and then frowned.

"Should I leave you to your moment?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

Snape's amusement evaporated. "I would stay out of sight and mind today unless you want a dozen drunk Death Eaters pawing at you," Snape said continuing to eat.

"Just tell them to not touch me," I said angrily.

"See we usually don't mind if someone touches our, ah, conquests," Snape answered trying for the right words. I snarled angrily.

"Well if I'm like a belonging then tell them to keep their greedy hands off of me. I don't want to get some sort of fungus because of god knows what you do and where," I said grumpily.

"Just stay out of our way," Snape said again. I sighed. "And dress up. I would never dress my lady in something that distasteful," Snape said eyeing my dress. I liked it.

"Your lady will dress in something more you," I said with scorn. "I think I saw some black robes in the closet."

"Dress in something that doesn't look like I had to pay a galleon for your services," Snape said finishing his coffee. I stared at him.

"Did you just tell me I look like a hooker?" I asked in amazement. No one had ever called me a hooker.

"Yes," Snape said bluntly. I paused. "Why must I repeat myself? Get yourself dressed and Merlin forbid I need you to go into the room go along with whatever happens."

"Do you want me to wear a bra?" I asked. He nearly dropped his plate. "Or underwear? It would give you easier access," I said and watched as he tripped over the chair and stubbed his toes.

"Do as you see fit," Snape finally answered.

A/N Please read and review