Chapter 2 - Revelations

Part 1 - Missing you

Still counting the days I've been without you 1, 2, 3, 4...

Still counting the days that you've been gone.

Day one was no fun.

Day two, I hated you.

By day three I wish you'd come right back to me.

Day four, five and six, well I guess you just don't give a shit.

Day seven, this is hell. This is hell.

I gotta get away, and find something to do.

But everything I hear, everything I see, reminds me of you.

Still counting the days I've been without you 1, 2, 3, 4...

Still counting the days that you've been gone.

GOLDFINGER (Counting the Days)

Asuka lay in her bed staring at the ceiling; it had been a full two days since the berserker incident, two full days since he had gone. Asuka sighed as she remembered her reaction to Misato's news concerning Shinji. Her exact words had been "That Bastard! That Cowardly Bastard!" After seeing the questioning look on Misato's face she had explained. "First he shows me up again, and now he's run off so I can't get my hands on him!"

According to Dr. Akagi, Shinji had been absorbed by Unit-01 after reaching an unprecedented sync ratio of over 400%. She didn't know if they could bring him back. Asuka had been a little distressed by the last part of the news but managed to hide it well.

Now, as she lay in her bed she suddenly felt sick with herself. Why did she care so much about him, a spineless wimp? Then she remembered that he wasn't really a spineless wimp anymore, he had confronted his father, and brutally beat the Angel that had taken her and Rei out easily. He had single-handedly saved the day, again. Even so, Asuka still felt pathetic. Ever since she had met Shinji her feelings about him had swung back and forth violently (in more than one way). Some days she wanted him badly, while other days she wouldn't be content till she saw him dead. The past few days had been leaning towards the former. Now that he was gone, she wanted him back.

She remembered the missions they had gone on. She remembered the synchronization training they had gone through in order to defeat the 7th angel. She remembered Shinji saving her as she fell in the volcano after defeating the 8th Angel. She remembered his fight with the 12th Angel, how she had felt when he disappeared into the Angel, and her shock and fear when his Unit-01 had gone berserk and torn its way out of the Angel. And of course she remembered how Shinji had fought the 14th Angel, how Unit-01 had devoured it.

She got up out of her bed and poked her head out of her room. From the sound of it, Misato wasn't home. She was probably at NERV HQ, working with Ritsuko to get Shinji back.

After making sure that the coast was clear, Asuka snuck into Shinji's room. The small plaque on his door read 'Shinji's Lovely Suite". Asuka laughed for two reasons. One, Misato had put the plaque up, not Shinji. And two, Shinji's 'suite' was anything but lovely. It was too damn empty, lifeless almost. Much like Shinji had been becoming, before he disappeared. Asuka took a deep breath before entering the room. She and Shinji had, had an unspoken rule between them that they were never to enter one another's room. She had just broken it.

She sat down on his neatly made bed. Beside the bed were two large labeled boxes probably containing all of Shinji's possessions. She decided to have a look, seeing as there wasn't much there. The label on the first box read 'Clothing'. Asuka deduced that the second box would contain Shinji's personal items. Therefore she opened the second box first. What she found when she looked through it shocked her a little bit.

Aside from Shinji's S-DAT and small collection of tapes there were also a small journal and two picture frames. In one of the picture frames was a photo of herself, Misato and Shinji. Asuka looked at the photo intently. Misato had her arms around both Shinji and her, and all three of them were smiling. Almost like a family.

She was amazed that Shinji had kept this photo. Did she and Misato really mean that much to him? Perhaps after reading the journal she would know. The second photo surprised her more so than the first. It wasn't really a photo so to speak, but what looked like cutouts from magazines. It was of a father, mother and teenage son, together at a small pristine lake, a small cottage and forest in the background. The thing that was surprising about the photo was that all of the people's faces had been replaced. Taped over where the teenage boy's face should have been was Shinji's NERV photo. She shuddered slightly as she saw it. He looked so emotionless, almost like a doll.

Her eyes widened when she saw whose face was on the father's body. "K- Kaji?" she shouted. She was rather shocked, seeing as she had, had a rather large crush on Kaji for a very long time. He was the only man she thought was worthy of someone like her.

As she stared at his face she noticed that there had been another photo underneath it. She took the makeshift photo out of the frame and carefully removed Kaji's face from the over all picture.

Underneath where his face had been there was another familiar face, the cold, uncaring face of Gendo Ikari. The orange sunglasses he always wore did little to soften his unrelenting stare. Asuka took a look at Shinji's photo again. "Give him a pair of those glasses and a beard and he'd look almost exactly the same," She thought to herself, shuddering at the mental image. After staring longingly at Kaji's face she turned her attention to the mother's face. She laughed out loud when she noticed who it was.

The face was that of their guardian and commanding officer Misato Katsuragi. Her purple hair and brilliant hazel eyes were rather vivid and unmistakable. A thought occurred to Asuka. Was this what Shinji wanted his perfect family to be? Or were these the people who he felt were the parents he had never had? Another question that popped up was, "Where do I fit into this?" Too bad she'd never find out now. Now that Shinji was gone.

Then Asuka suddenly realized where she could find the answers. Shinji's journal was lying on the bed right beside her. As she reached for it she felt a strange feeling. Almost like guilt. Who was she to go and look through Shinji's things? Who was she to violate his sanctum, to read his deepest and truest thoughts? She put Shinji's things back into the second box, closed it and walked out of the room. "Not tonight. Not tonight" she told herself as she did so. She went back to lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Within a few minutes she was asleep.

Asuka awoke and sat up in her bed. She stretched out as she did so. As she stretched she looked down at the shirt she was wearing. It was a plain white, buttoned up, long sleeved oxford shirt. Oh, and it was also Shinji's. Asuka sighed; she had started wearing it three nights ago, when she had suddenly started to feel an intense sense of longing. Even after putting on his shirt, the feeling was still there, although not as strong. Asuka checked her alarm clock for the time, 8:20. Hmm, it was a Sunday so she didn't have school. She figured she might as well get up though.

As she walked towards the bathroom, Asuka stopped in front of Shinji's room for a moment. It had now been a week since Shinji had been absorbed by Unit- 01, and it had been five days since she had last glanced at Shinji's personal things. The idea of reading his journal, of finding answers to her numerous questions about Shinji, popped back into her head at that very moment. "Tonight. It'll be tonight", she told herself as she closed the bathroom door behind her.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen sat a rather depressed looking Misato Katsuragi, sipping her morning beer. She sighed; the beer no longer held any appeal for her anymore. It was just routine now. Wake up, take a shower, have a few cans of beer, and then head to work. No amount of beer could help her escape harsh reality, at least the reality that Shinji might not be coming back. The loss of Shinji had hit her hardest. He had been her last chance at redemption, a chance to prove she still had some value in this world. As selfish as that sounded, she cared for the boy; he had been the child she would never have.

Misato looked up from her beer as Asuka walked into the kitchen; she was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice that Asuka was wearing one of Shinji's shirts. Had she noticed though, she would have been rather surprised and would have wondered what the hell Asuka thought she was doing.

Asuka had done a rather good job of pretending not to care about Shinji's absence, but she couldn't keep it up forever. She sat down at the breakfast table and eyed the bowl of Instant Ramen in front of her disdainfully. Instant food was the only thing that Misato could cook, and even then she always found some way to screw it up horribly. It was times like these that Asuka missed Shinji the most, he was the one who usually did the cooking, and unlike Misato, Shinji was a pretty damn good cook. With a resigned sigh Asuka began to eat.

After about a minute or so, Misato finally spoke up. "Dr. Akagi says that Rei's finally recovered," she said quietly. Asuka twitched slightly, whether it was from the food or from the news was anyone's guess. "Why are you bothering me with this trivial crap" Asuka growled. Misato ignored the comment and continued speaking. "Even though your EVAs are still too damaged for use, Dr. Akagi has some Synch tests scheduled for you today at around one" she told her.

Asuka nodded. "Ok, so what's the situation with Unit-01 and Shinji?" she asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. Bad Idea. "Unit-01's been restrained and Dr. Akagi is currently trying to find some way to get Shinji back" Misato replied, her voice cold and serious. After seeing the same sort of look in Misato's eyes, Asuka decided to drop the subject. Misato finished her beer and got up. "Be at the EVA cages at one" was all that Misato said as she left for NERV.

Asuka sighed as she checked her watch; it was only 11:38. Her best friend Hikari Horaki had gone to Tokyo-02 for the day. Hikari had said that it was family business, but Asuka knew better. Hikari had gone to Tokyo-02 to visit Touji, whom she liked. a lot. Asuka shook her head, what Hikari saw in the stooge was beyond her. The thing that mattered though was that she was all alone. Well, maybe not completely alone. Her only company at the moment was Pen-Pen, Misato's penguin. Asuka petted his red-feathered head. "Looks like it's just you and me Pen-Pen", she told the penguin.

"Wark?" the penguin squawked, his head tilted in a quizzical pose. Asuka laughed as she watched him, waddle towards the fridge and get himself a beer. She laughed even harder as she watched him down it in one go. "You're worse than Misato, you know that?" she told the penguin. Again he gave her a puzzled expression.

Asuka suddenly remembered her plans for the night, she realized that she was completely alone and had a good hour to burn. She got up from her seat and headed for Shinji's room, with a curious warm water penguin in tow. Pen- Pen blinked a few times as he watched Asuka; he wondered what she was planning on doing.

As Asuka reached the door to Shinji's room, Pen-Pen realized what she was doing and gave a loud 'WARK!" Asuka ignored him and entered. Pen-Pen continued protesting by squawking some more. When he realized that it wasn't doing anything he simply shrugged (as best as a penguin can) and gave an almost sigh-like squawk before waddling back to the kitchen, where his fridge awaited him.

Asuka reached into the second box, just as she had done a few nights ago and pulled out the small journal. "Shinji might not be coming back, and even if he does he'll never tell me what I need to know" Asuka told herself, trying to justify what she was about to do. Her hands shook slightly as she picked up the small black book. She began reading.

The only words on the first page were 'Tokyo-03 journals'. That's not to say that those were the only things on the page. Surrounding the words, scattered all over the page were caricatures of people that both she and Shinji knew. Asuka hadn't known that Shinji was an artist. The most prominent (and closest to the words) were three plug-suited figures. The central figure was Shinji in his white and blue suit. . He had a startled expression on his face and a large sweat drop running down the side of his head. To his left was the icy-blue head Rei, wearing her white plug suit. Her face devoid of expression as always, she seemed to be staring at something to Shinji's right. That something happened to be Asuka.

The real Asuka didn't know whether to laugh or be indignant. The Asuka on the page was wearing a bright red plug suit. She seemed to be shouting something as she jumped into the air, giving a victory sign. As she stared at the three figures it started to make sense. Shinji had been startled by Asuka's outburst, whilst Rei, as always, just stood there, observing passively. Asuka then scanned the rest of the page picking out faces and caricatures.

In one small corner stood and sat Commander Ikari and Sub-commander Fuyutski. The commander was sitting at a desk, his hand folded in front of his face as usual, and his orange sunglasses reflecting the light. At his side stood the gray-haired Sub commander, a smirk on his face as he looked at the viewer. Across the page from them were the three EVAs, surrounded by all of the angels they had defeated. Asuka noticed that the 13th and 14th Angels were missing. She decided that she would study the front page later and decided to skip ahead to Shinji's last journal entry.

LAST DAY IN TOKYO-03

'Well, Here I am again. running away. I know that Asuka's disgusted with me, heck she won't even talk to me. I don't care anymore. I. I did a terrible thing, she has every right to be disgusted with me, I hate myself. I hate him even more. I'm not making any sense, am I? I'll start at the beginning. A few days ago I found out that EVA-03 had arrived. I couldn't say that I was happy about it. A new EVA meant a new pilot, another sacrifice to the nightmare that is EVA. Kensuke, who was the one who had filled me in on this, wanted to be the pilot. I honestly don't understand him, both Touji and me have explained it to Kensuke at least a million times, piloting means pain and suffering. Still, Kensuke won't listen; he's so caught up in the idea of glory and all that. If only he knew the sort of life that we pilots lead, or in my case, have led.' The first paragraph read. Asuka sighed as she read it. Yes, she had been disgusted with Shinji, for running away again, for giving up.

Asuka thought she knew what Shinji had meant by 'the life that we pilots lead, or in my case led'. She had read Shinji's psychological and personal profile long before she had met him. His father had abandoned him at the age of four, shortly after his mother had died. Before he had arrived at Tokyo-03, he had been living with his Uncle in Old Kyoto. His uncle hadn't been the nicest guy around and didn't care too much for Shinji. As a result Shinji withdrew into his own little introverted world, blocking everyone out with the aid of his S-DAT. Now most people would feel sorry for Shinji after reading about his tragic past; Asuka had at first, until she read that he dealt with his problems by running from them. She had no respect for cowards, for people who were hopelessly dependant on others. Asuka sighed before she continued reading.

'Not that it matters now; Kensuke wasn't chosen as the Fourth Child, luckily for him. School went by without too much trouble. Ayanami just sat there, staring at something out the window, and Sensei rambled on about Second Impact as always. Asuka got angry with me, again. "Perverted stooge! Why the hell are you staring at me!" she had yelled at me. I hadn't even been looking at her! God, some days it's a wonder that I can take the abuse, at least she hadn't slapped me.'

Asuka paused for a moment, feeling mildly guilty. She had been a bitch to Shinji, and the only thing he did was just sit (or stand) there and take it. He could have yelled back at her or even hit back, but he never did. She was about to continue reading, but something compelled her to check the time. She checked her watch. It was 12:40. "Schiesse! I'm going to be late" she yelled as she got up. She tossed the journal aside and ran towards the front door. She quickly put on her shoes, opened the door, stepped outside, locked the door after closing it and ran as if all the Angels were after her.

As the city seemingly rushed past, Asuka managed to catch her breath. She had caught a special express train going into the Geofront. She checked her watch again. It was 12:53. "Come on. Hurry up, hurry up!" she shouted, ignoring the NERV employees that were staring at her. Being late was up there along with cowards on Asuka's hate list. She paced back and forth impatiently, checking her watch every few seconds.

Two minutes later, the bright bullet-like train came to a halt in the Geofront. "Out of my way!" Asuka shouted as she burst out of the train running. Just a few hundred meters away was the familiar pyramid that was headquarters. The gigantic armored structured glowed eerily in the darkness. Asuka could see that it still hadn't been repaired. The pyramid still had a gaping hole in it from where the 14th Angel had forced its way through. "At least they seem to have repaired the special armor" Asuka sighed as she paused for a moment, looking up at the roof of the Geofront where there should have been another gaping hole. She then proceeded to enter headquarters. She slid her entry card through the little slot right next to the main doors. The door opened, letting Asuka through before slamming shut again. Asuka checked her watch again, 12:57. "900 meters in 3 minutes. piece of cake" Asuka told herself as she began running again. Most NERV employees (recognizing Asuka) did the smart thing and got out of the way as she bolted past. Those that didn't ended up in the NERV infirmary, nursing something or other.

Ritsuko Akagi checked her watch. It was one o clock. Rei stood beside her, already in her plug suit. Ritsuko was about to say, "Where is that girl?" but didn't need to, seeing as Asuka had just arrived. Asuka smiled, she wasn't even breathing hard. "Right on time" Asuka laughed as she checked her watch. "Good, now go suit up and meet me back her once you're finished", Ritsuko told her curtly. Asuka nodded and headed off towards the change rooms. As she headed for them she noticed Unit-01. Its head and most of its upper body was wrapped in bandages, obscuring most of the original shape. Asuka shuddered slightly as she took a quick look into the EVA's eyes. The eyes and the mouth were the only things that weren't bandaged. Asuka noticed that the bright green eyes looked almost human. "Just what the hell is an EVA?" she thought to herself as she walked into the change room.

Misato Katsuragi was asking herself the same question as she stared at Unit- 01. She didn't even notice Ritsuko walk up beside her. "Damn it Shinji. Where are you?" Misato wondered out loud. "Floating around in quantum space, I suspect" Ritsuko answered, surprising Misato. "Hmmm? Oh, it's you Ritsuko" Misato said. "How have you been?" Ritsuko asked, having not been able to talk to Misato in a few days due to work. "I feel like crap. I haven't slept in days," Misato sighed. "So how're you doing on the bring back Shinji front?" she then asked. Ritsuko winced mentally. "Well. We're actually going to try a salvage operation today" Ritsuko said hesitantly. Misato's eyes lit up at the mention of a chance to get Shinji back. "When?" she asked. "Right after I finish running the sync tests on Rei and Asuka" Ritsuko replied, before walking away, leaving Misato with Unit-01.

Misato took another look at Unit-01. "Hold on Shinji. We're going to get you back, wherever you are" Misato whispered to the half bandaged unit before heading for the test area.

A few minutes later, Asuka was in her entry plug. She took a deep breath of LCL and began to concentrate on synching with EVA. Suddenly several memories began to assault her. Her first kiss, which she had (or so she thought) stupidly wasted on Shinji, she could remember it clearly now. It had been on the night just before the thirteenth Angel attacked.

"Hey Shinji. Have you ever kissed a girl?" She had asked him. Shinji of course had been a little startled by the question. "N-No Why do you want to know?" he had managed to stutter. Then Asuka had pulled out the big question. "Do you want to kiss me?" she had asked him. Shinji's eyes had gone wide at that moment. "What? Why?" he had asked in disbelief. Asuka had rolled her eyes at his response. "Because I'm bored" she had replied innocently. "Is that even a reason?" Shinji asked, still shaking his head in disbelief.

Asuka had started to lose her patience. Why did everything have to be a struggle with that boy? "Look, do you want to kiss me or not, baka?" she had asked him again, irritation slowly creeping into her voice. Then Shinji had done something surprising. "Yes, Let's do it" he had responded, taking a step forward. The two then brought their faces close to each other. Asuka had closed her eyes as she kissed him, she was starting to enjoy it, but then she felt something strange. "Your breath is tickling my nose" she told him, stopping the kiss for a moment while she grabbed his nose, closing off his air supply. She then resumed the kiss, ignoring the fact that Shinji was slowly turning a shade of purple. Shinji had broken off the kiss when his lungs finally gave out. He stumbled backwards gasping for air. Asuka had run into the washroom and began to gargle furiously. "Uh Yuck! I should never kiss to kill time!" she had shouted.

Now that she was remembering it, she realized that it hadn't been that bad. Had Shinji not broken it off, maybe she would have enjoyed it more. A voice shook her out of her thoughts. "Asuka, you're not concentrating! Your sync ratio just went down by 12 points!" Ritsuko berated her as she spoke into the comm. "Sorry, ma'am" Asuka apologized as she pushed her thoughts of Shinji out of her mind and began to focus.

Ritsuko took another look at the screen. "Pilot Sohryu's score has just gone up by 23 points, doctor", Lt. Ibuki confirmed. "That's better" Ritsuko spoke into the comm. Inside her entry plug, Asuka allowed herself a small smile.

After what seemed like an eternity (but in reality was only twenty minutes) later, the sync tests were over. "Congratulations Asuka, you hold the highest test score this time", Ritsuko spoke into the comm. as she motioned to Lt. Ibuki to drain the test room.

As Asuka waited for the room to drain, her thoughts drifted back to Shinji. Mentally, she hit herself as she snapped out of them. "Why the hell am I thinking about him?" she thought to herself as she got out of the entry plug. Ritsuko's voice issued over the loudspeakers as she did so. "Okay, Asuka you're free to go" the scientist's voice proclaimed. Asuka breathed a sigh or relief, no more testing that day for her. 'Not that matters anymore, now that the only competition's gone'. Somewhere in her head, a small voice rejoiced. A slightly larger voice popped out of another corner of her mind and told it to do numerous obscene things to itself. The small voice let out a small 'Eep' before vanishing to wherever it had come from. 'Do you really want this? No competition whatsoever? .No Shinji?' the now predominant voice in her head asked, no, accused. "Shut up. Just shut up."Asuka told the voice as she walked towards the showers. She could already feel the LCL drying and hardening. She hated that feeling. It was like drying blood.

Asuka sighed as she felt the warm water hit her naked body, washing away the LCL, washing away her thoughts on Shinji with it. Normally she would have preferred a nice long relaxing bath, but that day she felt she didn't really have any need of it. It had been a bloody long and boring week. Sensei Yuusiga had been droning on and on about First and Second Impact. The old man had been telling them about it for weeks. They had been told that a large meteor had impacted in Antarctica. Much like the First Impact (which had been blamed for the death of the dinosaurs) it had caused several species to become extinct. "Bullshit." Asuka thought to herself, it was all a cover-up. Most of the people in NERV knew the truth behind Second Impact. It hadn't been a meteor that had caused Second Impact, it had been Adam (as it had been called) the first Angel. Unbeknownst to those who thought they knew the truth, this was also (to some extent) a cover-up. Only a select few in the world knew the absolute truth behind Second Impact. Asuka wasn't one of them, and therefore content to some extent. Misato paced back and forth nervously in front of the partially repaired Unit-02. The Eva's distinctive four eyed head was still missing, as was its right arm. 'If that fight hadn't been so serious. this might have been funny.' Misato mused as she remembered the fight with the fourteenth. Suddenly her cell phone rang. Misato quickly pulled it out, it had to be Ritsuko. A small text message flashed across the small screen of the smooth black NERV issue cell. 'TEST 2' were the letters present. Misato understood immediately, the salvage was taking place in the second EVA activation facility. After sparing once last glance at the broken Evangelion she headed towards the second activation facility.

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As she put on Shinji's shirt, Asuka felt somewhat, better. She felt less exhausted for some reason. Maybe it was the absence of that strange lingering LCL smell. Asuka took a moment to smell the white shirt. "Still smells like that idiot." she said out loud. Not noticing that she wasn't alone in the locker room, Asuka took another moment to savor the smell.

"Pilot Sohryu?" asked a familiar monotone voice from somewhere behind her. Asuka knew of only one person that could possibly talk like that, that had access to the locker room. She spun around to come face to face with her fellow pilot, Rei Ayanami. 'My.What an unpleasant surprise' Asuka sighed mentally as looked the icy blue head up and down. 'Wearing the school uniform. As always' she noted. "What do you want wonder girl?" Asuka asked Rei. "I wish to you ask you a question." Rei answered in her quiet voice. 'Meh, let's see what wonder girl wants' Asuka thought to herself.

"About?" Asuka asked the albino girl, oblivious to what was about to hit her. "What are your feelings towards Ikari?" Rei asked in response. Asuka was somewhat shocked (to say the least). Thoughts pooped in and out of her brain like bullets, leaving gaping holes in her defenses. Thoughts like, 'I'm not going to say it', 'Why does she want to know?', 'Does she know something?.... with the last one being 'She knows. how the hell does she know?'. Asuka waited a moment before answering, Rei didn't seem to notice. "What feelings? You think I care about that idiot or something?" Asuka almost shouted at the albino. Rei seemed unmoved by it.

"I believe I understand now. I am merely curious as to why you are wearing Ikari's shirt if, as you say, you have no feelings for him." Rei stated, cold ire creeping at the edges of her voice. This set Asuka's defenses on high and pushed them to the forefront. She was running on auto- pilot. "Why the hell do you care? Are you jealous? Afraid that the idiot won't want his doll anymore?" she shouted at Rei. Although Rei seemed to show no reaction to the redhead's outburst, Asuka could feel she had hit a nerve. The corners of Rei's mouth turned down slightly and her brow seemed a little furrowed as well. For someone who (on a regular basis) showed no emotion, this was way worse than what Asuka's recent outburst. Well. Almost anyways. Asuka decided this would be a good time to go. "I'm not a doll." were the last words that Asuka heard from Rei as she left the room. After she was a fair distance away, Asuka decided to start running. "Its good exercise, after all, I want to keep this heavenly body." she told herself as she ran out of the Geofront. She was lying to herself of course. She knew that she was really running to get away from Rei. Rei, the Wonder girl who could read her like a book.

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Misato took a deep breath before entering the control room of the activation facility. "We're going to get him back. We're going to get him back." she whispered to herself as she entered. Sitting in front of a row of computer consoles were the bridge control team, or bridge bunnies (as Misato liked to call them), lieutenants Maya Ibuki, Aoba Shigeru, and Makoto Hyuga. Behind them stood the good doctor. Just past the quartet of NERV personnel was a massive window through which on could see the still bandaged and fearsome Eva-01. Its uncovered eyes glared dangerously at the people in the control room.

Ritsuko heard someone enter the room. The most logical answer as to who it was. was Misato. 'After all, if the commander wouldn't go visit his son in the hospital, why would he bother showing up for something like this?' Ritsuko sighed mentally. She turned and smirked. 'Right as always,' she thought to herself. "Glad you could make it", she told her purple haired friend. Misato simply nodded and took her place beside Ritsuko. "All right, let's bring the third child home" Ritsuko said, motioning to the three lieutenants to start. "Salvage commencing time is 3:30", the brown- haired Maya Ibuki announced.

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Asuka collapsed onto the couch right after closing and locking the front door. She lay there for a few minutes, catching her breath. Looked like she wasn't in top form like she thought she was. She checked her watch, 3:45. "I've got a good two hours before she's back", Asuka said to no one in particular. As she had ran out of NERV, she had bumped into Misato, who had told her that she'd be back at around six with some sort of news. Lying there, Asuka smiled. She had two hours to read Shinji's journal uninterrupted. With renewed vigor she bolted from the couch towards Shinji's room. Unfortunately for both parties involved, Pen-Pen was walked past Shinji's door just as Asuka reached it.

The hapless penguin didn't even have time to squawk a surprised 'Wark!' before the redhead tripped over him, smashing face first into Shinji's door. As she picked herself up off of the floor she considered doing several things to Pen-Pen, at the very least yelling at the flightless avian, at the worst skinning the little bastard alive and eating him. Before she could do either, Pen-Pen dashed off towards his fridge as if a demon was after him. A single thought was firmly implanted into his mind, 'Run and don't stop doing it until your home, Understand?' Still thinking that a certain angry fourteen year old was on his heels, he made a dive for his fridge, forgetting two things. One, penguins can't fly, two, the fridge door was closed.

Asuka simply rubbed her head and entered Shinji's room, barely hearing the penguin as he crashed beak first into his fridge. "Idiot bird." Asuka muttered as she picked up Shinji's journal. "Now where was I?" she wondered as she tried to find the page where she had left off. "Here we are!"

'It doesn't matter anymore. She'll never see me again if she's lucky. Hell, if I keep feeling this low, maybe no one will have to see me again. I know it sounds really stupid, but maybe it's the right thing to do. rid the world of a piece of worthless trash, and make amends to those I've hurt. Touji, his sister Mari, Asuka, and practically everyone in this god forsaken city. I still haven't explained why I'm leaving have I?'

Asuka didn't know what to think after reading that last paragraph. Apparently, Shinji was suicidal, or at least had been. It was ironic that Asuka was so shocked by this fact, after all Shinji did seem like that sort of person, a coward who ran away from his troubles. Was it so hard to believe that he'd choose to run away for good? Asuka kept reading, hoping to be proved wrong.

'During it's activation at Matsushiro, Evangelion Unit 03 was infected by the thirteenth angel, or so they told me. Rei, Asuka and I were deployed to stop the thing. They only told us that it was an angel. It's been two days and I'm still having nightmares. I don't think it'll ever leave me in peace. DAMN IT! I should have known something was wrong when I was ordered to stay behind as back up. Maybe it would have been different if I had been given point, maybe it wouldn't have. Unit-03 managed to out Asuka and Rei rather quickly. I can still remember their screams of agony, the silence that lingered after. Then it came. Black as the Commander's soul; Unit-03 attacked. I barely had time to react as it pounced on me. The Commander lied and said that there was no entry plug. So I fought. Then I saw it. an entry plug, another pilot, another human being. He had lied; he had tried to take a human life using my hands. I stopped fighting. Even as the black demon' hands wrapped around our throat, I did nothing to stop it. I guess what most people don't know about me is that I'd rather die than take another life. Maybe it's why everyone thinks I make a good EVA pilot. I've stopped caring about my own life. I'd rather be the one that gets hurt or killed than Rei or Asuka. Father. No. The Commander knew that and still he wouldn't listen.'

Asuka paused for a moment, silently cursing Shinji. "Why do you have to be this way?" Asuka whispered, remembering his screams during the fight with the fourteenth. Thoughts of him, brought thoughts of her own defeat. She decided to keep on reading.

'Even as it choked us, I refused to fight it, that's when the almighty bastard got tired of repeating himself, and decided to stop ignoring me. The interior of my plug was bathed in red light as my neural links with Unit-01 were severed. A barely audible humming noise followed shortly afterwards. I only found out today that it was something called a dummy plug was responsible for this and what came shortly afterwards. I watched in horror through a live video feed, as my Evangelion returned the deadly chokehold. Slowly but surely it broke the other unit's neck. My fears only increased as the black Evangelion's eyes grew dimmer and dimmer, eventually becoming totally dark. The pain I experienced had been nothing compared to what the other pilot must have been felt right then. Of course at that moment I was assuming that the pilot was still alive. I yelled as loud as I could, "Stop it! The pilot! You're killing the other pilot!" I was praying that someone would hear me and stop the beast that I was stuck in. As if to mock me, EVA renewed its assault a ferocity I've only seen in a berserk unit. my unit.

My shouting soon became screaming as EVA began to rip it's fellow unit apart. I screamed till I was hoarse, then I screamed some more. It didn't listen. I watched, unable to look away as Unit-03's body was relieved of its head. a leg. an arm. and most of its internal organs. The blood of the broken Evangelion flowed throughout the streets of Tokyo-03, until most of them ran completely red, and still Unit-01 didn't stop. Even as the other unit's body collapsed under my unit's blows, it didn't stop. Strangely, I still had some hope at that moment; hope that the other pilot was alive. Then it happened, my Evangelion suddenly stopped its onslaught, and stared at the broken remnants of the Angel infected unit before it. It stooped over the broken body and suddenly fished something out of the corpse's body. A shiver ran down my spine as I saw the familiar long white cylinder in its hands. Unit-01 held up the entry plug for a moment, seeming to admire it. Its fingers roamed all over it, tensing up as they finally came to a stop. that's when I realized what it was going to do. My scream of "STOP! NO!" came too late as it began to crush the entry plug in its hand. However it seems that my scream did something. It stopped and dropped the entry plug. I was certain that the other pilot was dead. I still don't know.

I can still see it in my head quite vividly. the moment when I found out whom I had almost killed, who, for all I know, I have killed. As the rescue crew pried open the hatch of the entry plug. as the familiar orange LCL, and the unwelcome crimson of blood poured out of it. That was when I finally discovered who it had been. Touji. My best friend Touji. It was all so surreal seeing him lying there. Seeming so pale in contrast with his black plugsuit. What could have possessed Touji to pilot? He knew how much pain it brought firsthand. Was it his sister? Was he piloting for her? I sobbed as I plummeted into depths of despair only attainable by killing your best friend, having your heart broken by your first love or coming back to your senses after lapsing into temporary insanity only to find you have killed everything that you hold dear. That's how low I was feeling at that moment.'

Asuka took a moment to pause; Shinji was laying on the angst with a bloody trowel in this segment. It wasn't an easy read and the way it seemed to be going, it didn't seem like it would be getting any lighter. "The rest better not be him whining about how his life sucks", Asuka muttered as she continued. True, she was getting to know Shinji that much better but when the hell was he going to get to the juicy stuff? She wanted to know what made him tick, why he acted like such a wimp outside his EVA. So she continued.

'And then another emotion arose within me. a burning rage that threatened to consume me and all others who got in my way. A fury directed at myself, my fellow pilots, the man I once called father, and most importantly the world and the Angels. The world that rejected me and the Angels that try to take my life and the lives of those I care for are one in the same. This rage still burned within me when they hauled my EVA back to HQ. It was this rage that convinced me that the best course of action was to threaten to rain death and destruction on NERV. It was this rage that got me two days in the brig. As I lay there in that cold room, I began to think about all the people I knew and what I think of them. I figure that this is a fitting way of saying goodbye, I suppose.'

Asuka smiled as she read the last two sentences. Here it was! The answers to her questions. At this point, her conscience threw its hand up in frustration and walked off to God knows where. Asuka began to read fervently.

'Thoughts on Misato Katsuragi

What is there to say about Misato? She's two different people, or so it seems to me. At home she's a drunken, easy-going, lazy tease. Yet when we go out on the battlefield, she becomes so serious. I really don't know how she can switch between the two personas so easily. I guess I never will. She's the family I've never had; a big sister at the very least, and a mother at most. I wonder if she thinks of me the same way sometimes? My life might not be that great, and piloting Eva was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I always enjoyed coming back home to our little makeshift family. She was always there for me. She lent an ear when I needed t talk, a shoulder to cry on, she even made me laugh the few times I really needed it. Misato, I don't think I'll ever meet anyone quite like her'

Asuka paused for a moment as her thoughts turned to her own feeling towards their purple-haired guardian. She hadn't really thought of her as anything other than a commanding officer. It hadn't really occurred to her that Misato was more than that, or even could be more than that. Clearly it had to Shinji. Perhaps there was a chance that she could share the same sort of bond with Misato that he had? Asuka sighed, knowing that there probably wasn't. "So who's next?" Asuka asked herself as she turned the page.

'Thoughts on Kaji Ryouji

Strange, whenever I think of Misato, Kaji isn't far behind. I suppose it's because of the roles they've played in my life. If Misato was the mother I've never had, then Kaji is not only the father I've never had, but the father I wished I had. Although I didn't see him as often as I would have liked, he still managed to help me out when he could and always had some pearl of wisdom to impart. He even tried to teach me how to pick up women, although I doubt I'll be trying anything he taught me anytime soon. My thanks go to him anyways.

I never really understood why Misato doesn't admit that she likes him, choosing instead to pretend she hates him. Kaji's a great guy and they seem to be rather good for each other. Why doesn't she admit it, she might never know when it might be too late. Kaji, the smooth talking, eternally unshaven ladies man, I'll miss him sorely.'

Asuka was more annoyed than shocked by what she had read. She had seen Shinji's makeshift family photo and had already guessed his feelings towards Kaji. The thing that had really ticked her off was his thoughts on the relationship between Misato and Kaji. Asuka really didn't want the major and Kaji together, she still blindly thought that he was all hers and that no one could have him. The only thing that had surprised her was that Kaji had tried to teach Shinji how to pick up women. "That'll be a laugh to watch" Asuka mused as she continued to the next section.

'Thoughts on Rei Ayanami

Rei Ayanami, she's a mystery wrapped up in an enigma, hidden in the vast mystery that is Evangelion. I've tried to understand her. She's so wraithlike, almost completely disconnected from the world around her. So much that one can easily forget she's even there. She's like that. I'm remembering the day I first met her. She was the reason I first started piloting. When she was brought out on that stretcher, all bandaged up and bleeding. she seemed so fragile, yet so strong at the same time. Even broken, she was still willing to pilot. Then suddenly the ground shook as the 3rd Angel unleashed its fury on us. When I had regained my senses, I saw that Rei had fallen from the stretcher. Her wounds had re-opened and she lay there bleeding, I ran to her and took her into my arms, trying to comfort her. I don't even know why I did it. I just felt a sudden urge to protect her, to keep her safe. I think I climbed into the monster known as Evangelion for the first time, for her, and not for the Commander. Since then I've tried to get to know her better. She's even saved my life once. Maybe that's why I think of her as a sister, someone who's willing to sacrifice oneself for the sake of family. Even though I know she can take care of herself, I can't help but worry about her. Now that I'm leaving, she'll most likely use Unit-01, and it'll (hopefully) protect her, like it has protected me. Rei Ayanami, You smiled for me. I don't think I'll ever forget you'

Asuka took a long moment to take in everything she had just read. She had always had a suspicion that he and wonder girl were somewhat close, and that Shinji had feelings for her. However she had always thought that Shinji just wanted to bang Rei. Looked like Asuka had been wrong about that. and from the way things were going about many other things. Although the more she thought about Shinji and Rei, the more it made sense. They did look somewhat similar. once you ignored the red eyes and blue hair.

Suddenly, for some strange reason Asuka remembered a conversation she had, had with Hikari a month or so back. It had been the day after their victory over 10th Angel and Shinji had been mobbed by quite a few attractive females, a lot of them bearing lunchboxes.

"Gott! Look at that pervert!" Asuka had said as she watched him from her desk. "I bet he's accepting those lunches, just to he can try to score with them later" she had scoffed before adding (rather loudly too), "He's probably just going to throw the lunches out anyways." She had been more than a little disappointed when no one had paid any attention to what she had just said. Save Hikari of course.

"Actually Asuka, he seems to be refusing the lunches." Hikari had pointed out. "WHAT!?" Asuka had practically shouted at the class rep. "Why would he do something like that? What does the Invincible Shinji think he's too good for them?" Asuka had laughed. "Well I suppose I shouldn't be telling you this, but I overheard Touji and Shinji talking after school a few days ago." Hikari had whispered to her red-haired friend. Asuka had stared at her best friend and tried hard to picture the brown-haired, pig-tailed, goody-goody, class representative eavesdropping. "What were you doing listening in on them?" Asuka asked raising an eyebrow before smirking. "Following one of the stooges again?" Asuka giggled, nudging her friend with an elbow. Hikari had blushed fiercely, almost matching the color of Asuka's plugsuit. "Look. do you want to hear what I have to say or what?" Hikari said quickly trying to change the topic. "All right, all right. spill it then", Asuka sighed, a bit disappointed, Hikari was a lot like Shinji. Too easy to tease.

"Good, anyways, I was heading back to class since I forgot my purse there. Shinji and Touji were still there. I hid behind the door as I listened in. They were talking about women, or to be more exact, Touji was teasing Shinji about them, saying something about how most girls would give their "left hand" to spend a few minutes alone with him." Hikari whispered. Asuka had been about to say something, but thought better of it.

Hikari simply continued. "Shinji then did something completely unexpected, he shouted at Touji. 'Just stop it all right! It's bad enough coming from others, I don't need you doing it too' he had yelled." Hikari paused for a moment. Asuka had been mildly curious about why Shinji would yell at his best friend. Hikari then continued. "Touji had been really surprised by Shinji's outburst, he even asked Shinji about it. 'What the hell are you talking about man?' he had said. Shinji suddenly looked even more downcast than usual, if that's possible. 'I'm talking about you teasing me about girls. you know just as well as me that there isn't a single girl out there that likes me. Especially the one girl I like. and she barely talks to me' Shinji laughed bitterly after that" Hikari whispered hastily.

At the time Asuka had thought that Shinji had been talking about Rei. After all, Rei barely talked to anyone. And Shinji had been spending a lot of time trying to talk to her. Therefore she assumed that Shinji had been in love with Rei, or something like that. Now she knew better. "Who's next on the revelations list?" Asuka laughed before turning the page.

'Thoughts on Commander Ikari

Sadly I usually connect Rei with the Commander. Ironic, when I first met her I was jealous of her, the Commander treated her like a daughter. Or so I thought. Gendo Ikari, the cruelest bastard to ever walk upon the earth. Gendo Ikari, my father. I've tried to hate him with all my being. yet I can't. I don't know why I can't. It's as if something won't let me. I suppose it's better than the fear I had of him beforehand. Heh. You know what really gets to me about him though? It's not so much that he tried killing Touji, using my hands. It's that he had the gall to call me a coward for leaving afterwards.. Fair enough I suppose, but If I'm a coward then what do you call a man who abandoned his five year old son? What do you call a man who refuses to acknowledge his son's existence? What do you call a man who only uses his son as a tool? Well? Hell, he won't even call me by my fucking name! It's always, Pilot Ikari, Third Child, pilot and worst of all, boy. Never my fucking name! Is it so fucking hard for him? Is it!? To think I was stupid enough to believe we might've been able to patch things up, to be a family again. I see now that I was wrong.

Father. I sincerely hope we never meet again. for your sake'

Asuka was slightly taken aback by that last paragraph. For one thing, Shinji had worn more times than he had ever done in person. Another thing is that it showed Asuka that she and Shinji weren't that different. Both their fathers never really cared for them.

In Asuka's mind a door appeared. From behind it a faint laughing could be heard. "No." Asuka told herself firmly sending the thought away. A faint voice began whispering to her. Asuka could barely hear the words. "Go away." she told it, trying to will it away. "Oh very well, Mein kleines Mädchen. I'll leave you in peace. for now" it laughed before returning to the darkest regions of Asuka's mind. Asuka shuddered involuntarily. Trying to forget the horrid voice, she hastily resumed reading.

'Thoughts on Touji Suzahara, and Kensuke Aida

I feel it's best if I write about these two at the same time. They're best thought of as a pair, and I can't stand to think of one without the other. They were my two best friends during my stay here. I can clearly remember the day I met them. Cowering between my fingers, even though only hours before, Touji was beating me into the ground. Funny how situations change like that huh? Needless to say, we became good friends after that. They've helped through a lot of things. through my depressions, through the days when I just didn't want to pilot or live anymore. And I've repaid them by destroying their homes every time I go out in EVA, by hurting their loved ones, endangering their lives. Christ, I've almost killed Touji! I found out from Misato that. that they're going to have to amputate his left leg and left arm. All of that because of me! Damn it.. I shouldn't be thinking of that. I shouldn't have to only think of my guilt.

Despite all of the above, we still had a lot of great times together. They were always there for me. I only wish I could've done the same.

Kensuke the military nut. Touji, the jock who was deeper than anyone would have suspected. I'll miss you guys more than you know.

Asuka sighed. Reading about Shinji's thoughts of the other two-thirds of the Three Stooges made her think of her own friends. Well. friend. That's when Asuka realized it. She only had Hikari. She had alienated all the other girls to the point where they either hated or feared her. It was a depressing thought that disgusted her. She didn't want to think about it. so she flipped the page and continued reading.

'Thoughts on Asuka'

Asuka closed the book and tossed it aside quickly as if burnt. She stared at the journal for a few minutes wondering if she really wanted to read that last page. She was almost completely certain that whatever lay within those two pages would change her views on Shinji, not to mention the way she acted towards him and her attitude concerning him, forever. Or it could just be a boring little entry on how he though she was really nice and all. The question presented itself again. Dare I risk it?, burned in her mind. Her curiosity and conscience manifested themselves in her mind. She was the personification of her curiosity. Strangely, Shinji was the personification of her conscience. Within seconds the two were kung-fu fighting for supremacy. The two personifications traded blows for a few more minutes, before conscience-Shinji landed a well-placed side-kick on Curiosity Asuka. Curiosity fell with a loud thump. Conscience stood there proudly watching curiosity limp away. Then it winked at Asuka before walking back into dormancy.

"That.was really, really messed up", Asuka muttered as she placed the book back into its hiding place. She then sat back down onto his bed. Something silver caught her eye. Shinji's S-DAT cassette player! In order to keep her curiosity pacified Asuka picked it up. 'Hmmm, let's see why Shinji's always so out of it' she thought to herself as she put in the earphones. Before turning it on she checked the tape inside. The label read 'Indifference'. Asuka stared at it for a moment, not knowing what to expect. She decided to pull out Shinji's small box of tapes and started looking through the labels. Amongst the tapes were labels such as, 'Fury', 'Despair', 'Tranquility, 'Joy', and 'JPop'. It seemed that Shinji had a different tape for each of his moods. Asuka decided that she would give them a listen later. She pressed the play button and laid back.

A somber sounding guitar began playing, and a man's voice was heard.

Sweet dreams are made of these.Who am I to disagree? Traveled the world and the seven seas. Everybody's looking for something. Some of them want to use you; some of them wanna get used by you. Some of them want to abuse you. Some of them want to be abused." ----------------------------

Misato struggled to stay standing. They had failed.

Part 2 - Never Again

Maybe in another life

I could find you there

Pulled away before your time

I can't deal it's so unfair

And it feels

And it feels like

Heaven's so far away

And it feels

Yeah it feels like

The world has grown cold

Now that you've gone away

Leaving flowers on your grave

Show that I still care

But black roses and Hail Mary's

Can't bring back what's taken from me

I reach to the sky

And call out your name

And if I could trade

I would

And it feels

And it feels like

Heaven's so far away

And it stings

Yeah it stings now

The world is so cold

Now that you've gone away

- Offspring (Gone Away)

Asuka awoke with a start. cold sweat clinging to her body. She had been having nightmares again. She had been for the past week. First it was the same nightmare she had been having for years. The door.and what lay beyond. Then it changed. That damn journal taunting her. Secrets kept from her drove her mad. It had been two weeks since she had last peered at its pages, three weeks since Shinji had been absorbed by 01. They had already tried to salvage him twice since then. Both attempts had failed.

Misato wasn't in the best of moods, trying to keep Asuka in the house with her. It had been only four days since the last salvage operation. As such, Misato was more depressed than usual. She had been restocking the beer fridge every two days or so, instead of on a weekly basis. The chances that Shinji wouldn't return to them were getting greater and greater with each attempt. "We'll try one more time in ten days' time. If we fail then, Pilot Ikari will be considered 'KIA'" Ritsuko had said when the last attempt had failed. This hadn't done anything for Misato's current depression.

Asuka was also somewhat down. Between the nightmares and Misato's horrid cooking, she was in a moderate hell. It had gotten so bad, that Asuka was trying her own hand at cooking. It was certainly better than Misato's attempts. However, Asuka found Pen-Pen's little 'run-away in mock terror and take cover' routine, rather annoying, if not completely disconcerting.

After taking a quick shower and getting dressed, Asuka decided to make some breakfast. Misato was asleep, and Asuka currently preferred her that way. Looking through the fridge, Asuka decided that she'd try her hand at eggs today. She double-checked to make sure Misato was sleeping. She was. However, Pen-Pen was not.

"For Gott's sake!" Asuka shouted at the bird, "Could you stop doing that!" The penguin was currently running (well, more like waddling quickly) away to what he presumed was safety. "It's not as if it's going to blow up or anything." Asuka said quietly in a some-what hurt tone as she poked at the eggs on the frying pan with a spatula. They looked alright to her. Deciding that she would add some more flavor to the, she scanned the spice rack for what she needed. "Paprika. Paprika. There we are!" she said as she picked up a small container containing the red powder. She quickly unscrewed the cap and attempted to pour a small amount onto the eggs. A loud "WARK!" made her up-end it though, dumping a large amount of paprika onto the eggs that were already well on their way to being burnt to a crisp. "Schiesse! Screw the eggs, I'm going to kill that infernal penguin then roast him!" Asuka shouted as she stalked off to find the bird.

In her anger, she forgot that the eggs were still cooking. The smoke detector kindly reminded her. Asuka let out a yelp as she rushed back into the kitchen and scrambled to get the now completely blackened eggs off of the frying pan and onto her plate. She then swiftly disabled the smoke detector. She stared at the charred substance in front of her mournfully. She figured the only thing to do now was to just throw it out, try again, and no one would ever know. except for the penguin. and he could be dealt with. She was just about to put her plan into motion when Misato came stumbling into the kitchen wearing her morning apparel, which consisted of not very much. 'Damn it. Too late' Asuka thought to herself as she stared down the blackened heap on her plate, knowing she'd definitely have to eat it now.

Misato lumbered off towards the beer fridge. She took out a single can and stared at it for a while. She opened it slowly and drank slowly. As she tossed the can away, a look of regret crept onto her face. She went back to the fridge for a few more beers. Asuka watched in silent amazement as Misato forced herself through another four beers. She had never seen Misato like this around beer.

However, by the sixth beer, Misato let out a deafening, "WHOOOOO YEAH! That's how you start a morning!" Asuka sighed in relief; it had been a bit disconcerting to see her guardian so serious all the time after being exposed to happy-go-lucky Misato for so long. Then again, Misato had been drinking more heavily as of late.

"So what's that you got there, Asuka? A lab assignment?" Misato asked, looking amused as she sat down to the table. "No, just something I made to .er. eat" Asuka said, hesitantly picking up a fork. She jabbed at her eggs for a second before finally spearing one of them. "Looks simply delicious" Misato teased as Asuka began to reluctantly eat the eggs, bite by paprika saturated bite. Misato watched as she swallowed slowly. "Well, look at the time, I'd hurry up if I were you, don't want to be late for school do you?" Misato chuckled between gulps. Asuka choked, and then spat out the piece of egg she had hastily swallowed, pegging Pen-Pen (whom had just poked his feathered head into the kitchen to see what the noise was about).He fell backwards with a weak squawk. "WHAT!? It's a Sunday! Why the hell is there school today?" Asuka shouted, "And don't give me that whole, Angel attack bullshit, I graduated from college, why the hell should I go?"

"All right, then I won't then" Misato shrugged as she got up from the table and staggered off into the bowels of her apartment, leaving Asuka alone to curse at a numerous amount of deities.

----------------------------

In his quiet little home on the very outskirts of town, Sensei Yuusiga suddenly had a very, very bad feeling.

"Maybe I should take a vacation." he pondered out loud before grabbing his phone.

----------------------------

Asuka cursed as she stomped off of the express train and towards school. So far it wasn't shaping out to be a good day. Her food tasted worse than Misato's, she had to go to school. If sensei Yuusiga rambled on about Second Impact one more time, she swore she'd shove those glasses of his somewhere unpleasant. The thought of that made her chuckle and for some strange reason, she wondered what Shinji would have said if he was there. Probably something along the lines of "Well no use complaining about it. We just have to go". He had always been so bloody complacent, so giving and so unusually kind (once you broke through his introverted shell). Things certainly had been different without him at school. Since Touji was still hospitalized, Shinji was off floating somewhere within Unit-01, the remaining stooge, Kensuke Aida was too easy of a prey for Asuka to even bother with anymore. However, today he might just provide some form of entertainment.

A familiar shape not too far down the street caught Asuka's eye. It was her best friend, Hikari Horaki. Asuka smiled as she ran towards her, the smile turned slightly feral, when she realized that Hikari couldn't see her coming. "Hikari!" Asuka shouted as she tackled her friend. Hikari yelped as she caught herself, then realized it was just Asuka and calmed down a bit. "Don't do that" Hikari hissed, blushing slightly as a few boys began to stare curiously. Asuka just shrugged apologetically before the two resumed walking.

"Gott this sucks, I'd really rather not be here" Asuka sighed as they entered the school. "You're telling me? You think I want to be here either!?" Hikari snapped. Asuka stared at her friend for a moment before Hikari spoke again. "I'm sorry. It's just that my older sister is in the hospital. car accident, we still don't know if she'll be fine", Hikari sighed as they entered the school. "What happened?" Asuka asked. "Last night, some psycho almost side-swiped my sister, she didn't get hit because she swerved, unfortunately she swerved right into the way of another car. She never saw it coming" Hikari replied sadly. Asuka didn't hear the rest of what Hikari had said, her brain was buzzing. She remembered that Misato had been more drunk than usual the previous night and had gone for some take-out. Could it have been Misato? Asuka shook her head. "Well, I hope she gets better soon" Asuka said quietly.

As they entered the class room, they were met by a strangely pleasant (given their track record with surprises) surprise. Sensei Yuusiga was no where in sight. Instead was a tall man wearing a dark suit and a grim expression. He ran his fingers through his short brown hair and then proceeded to stare at the pair with his hazel eyes. Asuka had a bad feeling that this wouldn't be a typical day at school. She had already noticed the surprising lack of people in class. Aside from herself and Hikari there were maybe, eight others? Kensuke Aida, Keiko Fujii, Sato Arota, Shiunji Gato and a few other girls which Asuka had never taken the time to learn the names of.

Asuka went to her usual seat near the back of the class. Hikari went through the Rise-Bow-Sit routine. Asuka sat back down and started up her school issued lap top.

A miniature Shinji danced out onto the screen after it had finished booting. 'What the hell?' she thought to herself as it grew larger and larger. After a few seconds it had filled up most of the screen, and had suddenly become very, very naked to boot. 'Oh my.' Asuka thought to herself, blushing a bright red before regaining composure and moving the nude Third Child aside with her mouse pointer. Only it didn't move. She turned off the monitor. then turned it on again. The picture was still there. She looked around frantically for a moment before spotting the person she assumed was the perpetrator. The sandy-haired, bespectacled, war loving, perverted as hell, nerd and stooge extraordinaire, Kensuke Aida.

Asuka quickly opened the instant chat program and found Kensuke's computer on the school network.

Uberpilot02 Look you little pervert tell me how to get this filth out!

/\r135 Eh? What the hell are you talking about, Demon?

Uberpilot02 Look here, get this shit off my screen, or I'm going to bat you good!

/\r135 I don't see anything out of the ordinary.

Uberpilot02 OMG! I swear on my unit that I'm seriously going to hurt you if the image on my screen doesn't disappear in the next five seconds.

/\r135 O_O;; I'm telling you, there's nothing there!

Kensuke looked at the fuming redhead only a few desks away, his curiosity getting the better of him, as he craned over trying to see what the hell she was being so bitchy about.

It was at that moment that the substitute teacher, Sensei Zakunachi. Walked past and took a look at Asuka's screen. It took all of Asuka's will power not to freak out completely and throttle Kensuke where he sat. As if that wasn't bad enough, the nude Shinji began dancing. 'Schiesse, Schiesse, Schiesse.' Asuka thought to herself as she blushed heavily, trying hard to focus on Mr. Zakunachi's face. "Ms. Sohryu. I'd really appreciate it if you didn't do this sort of thing while I'm teaching" he said sternly.

"I swear it wasn't me! It got there, some pervert must have done it" Asuka blurted out. The substitute simply stared at her before responding to her statement. "Some pervert opened the messenger system and started chatting with /\r135?" Mr. Zakunachi asked with a raised eyebrow. "Yes" Asuka answered, trying to cover up the fact that she was confused as hell. Was this some sort of sick joke? Why was the naked Shinji doing the Macarena? He looked up, right in the middle of it, winked and popped off. "Ms. Sohryu. Are you listening to me?" Mr. Zakunachi asked patiently. "Er. Yes sir" Asuka said quickly. Mr. Zakunachi eyed her for a moment. "Ok then, don't let me catch you doing it again, understood, Ms. Sohryu?" he asked.

"Yes, sir" Asuka answered, trying hard to sound sincere. She turned back to her screen and stared at it. She wondered if she was going insane. and decided to settle on the next best thing. Somehow, in saturating her eggs with paprika, she had managed to turn them into some sort of hallucinogen. Psychedelic eggs, a perfectly good explanation for what she had just seen. 'That's got to be the stupidest thing you've come up with in years', a small voice laughed at her from within her mind.

----------------------------

Back in her lair, Misato lay in bed. She didn't have to head to work until later that evening; she had night duty for the next few days. She dreaded the night shifts. It was usually only the skeleton crew that was in HQ. Meaning that it was just her, the three bridge bunnies, Ritsuko and from time to time, Sub-Commander Fuyutski. Not only that, but the Angels had (thus far) rarely attacked during the night, Misato prayed that they wouldn't start doing so again. She hated the idea of night fighting against Angels. Not that it hadn't been done before. The operations taken against the fifth Angel had been successful, of course. But the Angel had stayed stationary and two Evangelions were deployed in a concerted effort to defeat it. With Commander Ikari's new (and to her mind, foolish), one-on- one tactics, things might not work as well as they had in the past, especially since the Angels were getting stronger and stronger as the number of them grew smaller and smaller.

'No use worrying about it now' Misato sighed mentally as she closed her eyes. she'd need the sleep.

----------------------------

Asuka had to restrain herself from laughing out loud when the final bell rang. Free at last she made her way to the exit as fast as she could. She got halfway to the door before Mr. Zakunachi stopped her. "Ah Ms. Sohryu, leaving so soon? In case you've forgotten, you and Ms. Ayanami have clean-up duty today" the tall man said curtly as he pointed to the storage closet at the front of the class. "No sir, of course I haven't forgotten" Asuka said, coming off a little more sarcastic than she had intended. The substitute noticed. "Look little girl, I honestly don't care if everyone else bows down to you just because you're a pilot. I don't intend on doing so, what I do intend on doing is making sure you give me the respect you would give your normal sensei were he still here" he said sharply. After noticing a slight look of confusion on her face he added, "In case you were wondering, I'm going to be here for the next month or so whilst Mr. Yuusiga is on vacation.. Goodbye Ms Sohryu" He then turned and walked out.

Asuka had a feeling that the next few weeks would be rather horrid. Hell, today had been bad enough, now she had to clean the class by herself? "I believe that we should begin" Rei's voice stated calmly. Asuka span around, and came face to face with the blue-haired girl. Hiding her surprise Asuka started doing what she usually did. She started giving orders. "All right wondergal, let's start then, now grab a broom and get to it. And no questions!" Asuka said firmly as she grabbed a broom herself. She wanted no repetition of the conversation they had, had a few weeks ago. She wondered how it had been that she hadn't noticed Rei in class. The ghost of the nude, dancing Shinji floated past in her mind. Asuka shook her head, clearing her mind of that disturbingly enticing image and started sweeping.

----------------------------

Misato tossed and turned in her bed, whimpering slightly. Nightmares, like a plague had been ravaging her for months now. Even with the nearing end of the Angels and the completion of her revenge, she still had them. Tonight's one was an old one.

She was inside the capsule again. She was floating above a glowing sea of green, a massive whirlwind raging around her. The broken bodies of her father and his fellow scientists littered the melting ice around the safety capsule she lay in. A horrible wailing permeated into the airtight compartment. A mile or so away from her, a pillar of light had burst forth from the irradiated waters. Now wings. horrible skeletal, blood red wings unfurled slowly from the depths of it. A giant being of light stepped out. It turned its attention towards Misato. It reached its hand out, intent on crushing the pitiful creatures before it. The wailing increased in intensity until she was certain she would go deaf. A brief but brilliant of flash followed suit. Then all was silent. All was dark.

Misato awoke with a start, covered in cold sweat. "Daddy." she whispered to the darkness.

----------------------------

As she mopped her half of the classroom, Rei watched Asuka intently out of the corner of her eye. The redhead was mopping her portion of the floors as fast as she could; doing a horribly sloppy job as a result. Rei wondered why the German girl was in such a rush. She continued to mop, taking the time to do the job right, yet not taking so much time that it would be inefficient. She had been ordered to clean the classroom, and she intended on doing the job to the best of her abilities. 'I wonder how Ikari would do this.' She pondered, memories of the young man rushing into her head. She remembered how he had cleaned her apartment, how he had been thus far, the only person to show a genuine care for her.

Asuka was watching Rei in turn. 'Damn it! Could she do this any slower?' Asuka grumbled to herself as she checked her watch. 3:45. They had been there for half an hour. Asuka, as far as she was concerned, was finished. "Screw this, I'm going home" she said out loud as she tossed her mop aside and made for the exit. Or at least tried to. Something seemed to have been holding her back. Perhaps it was her conscience. Maybe it was her sense of pride. As it turned out, it was a certain blue-haired Albino acting on behalf of the former. "You are about to enact a dereliction of duty, I must ask you to stop" Rei said, without any emotion. Asuka laughed out loud.

"What makes you think I'm going to listen to you, or better yet, what makes you think you can stop me?" Asuka sneered. Rei simply stood there, looking passive. "I have been trained in numerous defensive arts, it would not be wise to try to strike me," Rei answered, her voice terse. Asuka flinched inwardly. Was she that predictable? Or was Rei somehow capable of reading minds?

"Fine." Asuka grinned as she clenched and unclenched a fist. "I won't try to strike you." she said quickly as she grabbed her bag and bolted before Rei could respond, leaving a somewhat surprised blue head behind.

As Rei stood there, she considered informing Mr. Zakunachi of her fellow pilot's desertion. A memory of a smiling Shinji chose that moment to surface. Rei re-considered. "I do not believe Ikari would do so." Rei said, frowning inwardly before resuming her cleaning.

----------------------------

Asuka got up as the train reached her stop. She sighed as she stepped out. She knew that Rei had probably informed Mr. Zakunachi of her desertion. After all, Rei was the perfect little soldier. Took any order, never disobeyed them, and did everything strictly by the book. She supposed she'd get chewed out by the severe substitute and Misato, come Monday morning. She didn't care, what could they do to her? She was a pilot! Essential to Humanity's survival! THEY COULDN'T TOUCH HER! After all, Shinji the Invincible was gone, if the next salvage didn't work, they'd be down one pilot. Asuka laughed, drunk on her sense of godhood.

However deep down she knew that it was all a lie. She was replaceable. Her entire class was composed of level 4 candidates for piloting. She had learned that when she had visited Kaji in his office once. An official document had been lying on the ground and she had picked it up. She barely had, had time to read it before Kaji had snatched it away. She was replaceable and well on her way to being replaced. She had been absolutely useless against the last three Angels. If she didn't kill the next one, or suffered a defeat again. She'd be replaced, and quickly. Her entire life until this point would be for nothing. Piloting was all that she had left, all she had ever had. If that were to be taken away...

She didn't have to think about it, mostly in part because those thoughts were buried deep within her mind. So deep that she rarely brought them to light... They skirted too close to dark memories she had buried only slightly deeper than the thoughts of the consequences of repeated failure.

"I'm home!" Asuka called out as she entered the apartment. No one answered. 'Must be asleep, or too drunk to answer' Asuka thought to herself as she slipped off her shoes and headed off to the kitchen to fix herself a snack. On the kitchen table was a note with a wad of cash laying on it.

'Here's some money, go order yourself something to eat, don't bother waking me up unless it's an emergency, ok?

Misato

P.S - When I say, don't wake me up unless it's an emergency, I mean it'

Asuka grinned as she read the note. At least there wouldn't be a repeat of the morning's fiasco. She picked up the phone and dialed the number for a small Chinese place she knew of. She placed an order for some Cantonese and gave the address.

"All right, Cantonese for four? No chicken balls, extra egg rolls?" Ok. Don't forget, 40 minutes or it's free!" the small Chinese man on the other end said cheerfully. Asuka, certain that her food was on the way, said goodbye and hung up. She headed off to her room, she stopped at Shinji's door. 'Come on Asuka. come on in and read me' a small voice called out to her. She had been hearing it a lot since the last salvage attempt. Now with the final attempt coming up, Asuka's curiosity had reached its peak. After all, if Shinji came back this time, she'd never have another chance to learn what he truly thought of her. However, if he didn't come back. if she read something that would change her perspective on him forever. Some sort of confession. what then?

Something snapped. she didn't care anymore, she moved on impulse now. She had to know. She slid open the door, picked up Shinji's journal from its resting place on the floor by the bed and walked over to her room. She made sure to close the door behind her. Misato treated Shinji's room like a holy shrine. She didn't let anyone disturb it. So far, Misato was failing miserably in her self-imposed duty. Asuka chuckled mentally. She sat down on her bed and began reading where she had left off two weeks ago.

'Thoughts on Asuka Sohryu

I suppose I've saved her for last, because she's the one I've thought of most, once I got out of the brig

From the day I met her on the 'Over the Rainbow' I began to admire her. How couldn't I? She's strong, beautiful, smart. Everyone can't help but notice her. She's like a bright flame. She's also everything I'm not. Or so I thought at first. On the last night of our synchronization training, when she fell asleep beside me, when she shed that single tear, when she whispered "Mama" sadly. That was I found out she's more like me than either of us would like to admit.

I don't think I truly understand the meaning of the word love, or love itself (or that anyone does for that matter) but since that night, I think I've grown to care for, if not love, her.

That's why, maybe, just maybe, it's better for both of us that I'm leaving. Asuka clearly hates me, and that hurts more than anything the Angels or anyone else could do to me. It's been so damn hard living with her, taking all the beatings both mental and physical, and the teasing, especially when I feel the way I do. Some days it just got so bad that I wished I didn't feel this, so that I could strike back without guilt, without remorse. For example, take all the times she's called me a perv. It didn't just hurt, but it angered me too. I've never really thought of anyone the way she's suggested. I don't even dream of her. Well not in the way she thinks anyways.

It's just this one dream I rarely have anymore, the one where Asuka is laying in my arms. We watch the sun set from underneath a large oak tree, near a beautiful lake. It made me feel complete, it made me happy. I helped drive away the nightmares for a while. Then I remembered that it was only a dream, nothing more. I'd give my life for her gladly, if only to get close to that dream. Hell, I've even disobeyed a direct order for her. She probably still thinks that Misato ordered me to go in after her, the day she fought the Angel in the volcano. I suppose it doesn't rally matter anymore though, right?

Asuka, I'll miss you more than anyone else here. I truly hope that if we ever meet again, I'll have changed enough for you to give me a chance.'

Asuka re-read the last page two more times; just to be sure she wasn't seeing things. The shock, once she accepted the fact that she wasn't, set in immediately. "It's not true, it's a lie. It's not true. It can't be true" she repeated to herself, as if it would make the words written on those last two pages, or her knowledge of them go away. It didn't. Asuka had figured that Shinji, like most other guys, was just some pervert who wanted to get her into the sack. No. that was a lie. She had always thought of him as the best one out of all the boys at school. But therein lay the problem, he was just a boy, not a real man like Kaji. Now her whole sense of things was screwed up. She was so damn confused. She walked back into Shinji's room, and placed the small book back into the box she had taken it out of so long ago.

As she slumped down beside Shinji's bed, she immediately regretted ever setting foot into his room in the first place. She had learned much over the past few weeks from his journals, yes, but perhaps she had learned too much.

"He loves me." she finally whispered as the past few months with him started making more sense. All those furtive glances when he thought she wasn't looking, the way he was always so kind, even when she was being a total bitch to him. The fact that he had saved her life back at the volcano.

Now, more than ever she prayed that Shinji would be brought back home this time.. If only to sort things out. Just then the doorbell rang. Asuka got up and walked to the front door. 'This meal's for you. Shinji' she thought to herself as she opened the door.