Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. He is the property of Misashi Kishimoto, that fantastic bastard.

3. Late-night Plots

Hey... hey, fox! Wake up!

Nnn...

Damn lazy fox, I said wake up already!

Hn... what do you want? Shouldn't you be sleeping as well?

No! I stayed up late so I could do this... I need your help! Can you make my eyes red and grow out my fangs and claws and junk, like when we fight together?

...Why?

Because I wanna scare the Old Lady!

The current Hokage, you mean? Hmm... not that it doesn't sound like fun, scaring the supposed most powerful ninja in the village, but I'm still morosely curious as to your reasons.

Morus-... wha? Whatever, I wanna scare her because she gave us a stupid mission today! Even though we've done all the way up to B-rank missions, we got stuck with a D-rank today! I had to spend five hours helping some ancient old bag heave her ex-husbands stuff out of the house. The only fun part of the whole day was when she asked us to light it all on fire, but even that was ruined 'cause stupid Sasuke had to be a showoff with his stupid fireball technique. And anyway, we didn't deserve such boring work, so I wanna get back at her!

Now you see, if I had been allowed to destroy you all, you wouldn't have to deal with 'old bags' like her. Or anyone, really.

Uh... yeah. So you'll do it?

Heh, dobe. Fine, but it's not my fault if you scare her half to death and she sticks a kunai through your eye. Your death will only lead to my release, so it works for me either way.

Just shut up and do it already! You blab too much. And stop using that asshole's word!

...I hope you bite your tongue open with your oversized fangs, you moron.