Harry Potter and the Prisoners of Randomness (Prisoner of Azkaban)
Or, Why the Ministry Couldn't Catch Black
The Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, was having a meeting with some Unnamed Ministry Officials and a Dementor, which didn't have a name because to their knowledge no dementors have names.
"So, does anyone have anything to report about the hunt for Sirius Black?" he asked.
Unnamed Ministry Official #1 said, "What about it?"
Unnamed Ministry Official #2 said, "We're still looking."
Unnamed Ministry Official #3 said, "It's rather cloudy today, don't you think?"
Everyone stared at him. Then Fudge cleared his throat and went on. "Er, we have some new ideas about the protection of Hogwarts. First, would the Dementor like to say anything about how the school is doing? Any break-ins?"
If the Dementor had an opinion, it certainly didn't say anything. For that matter, they weren't sure if dementors could talk. It just made odd hissing noises to show displeasure.
Unnamed Ministry Official #3 said, "The dementors have been guarding the school for several weeks without seeing anything suspicious."
Unnamed Ministry Official #2 said, "You're right, it is clouding up. Maybe it's going to rain."
Unnamed Ministry Official #1 said, "What does rain have to do with Black?"
Fudge said, "Good question. I don't see a connection."
The Dementor made a hissing noise.
Unnamed Ministry Official #1 said, "Actually, rain could be very pertinent. If it's pouring, and Black tries to…"
30 minutes Before
Fudge yelled, "What did we flash-back for? That was supposed to flash-forward so we could skip the speech! Fix it right now!"
All right, calm down.
30 Minutes Later
Unnamed Ministry Official #1 said, "Actually, rain could be very pertinent. If it's pouring, and Black tries to…"
Fudge turned purple in the face as he yelled, "Flash-forward again! You just got back to where it started from!"
Fine, just shut up. And purple is not a very appealing color on you.
30 Minutes Later than That
"…And that's why rain could be important." Unnamed Ministry Official #1 concluded.
Fudge asked, "So what you're saying is we stop all the rain in Britain, and then arrest everyone who tries to buy water from stores on the charge that Sirius Black must be thirsty?"
Unnamed Ministry Official #2 said, "I bought a new pair of shoes yesterday. They're pink."
The Dementor shuddered. "I hate pink," it said. "Too happy a color."
The others stared at it. "Since when can you talk?" Fudge asked suspiciously.
"Oops. Hiss."
Unnamed Ministry Official #3 said, "Look! Rain puddles!" and he ran over to jump in them.
Fudge sighed. "The rate we're going, we'll never catch Black."
Okay people, review or face the rabid weasel*!
buttered-onions: Thanks for the weasel loan. Maybe we could find some way to reanimate Rodney? Then the potential reviewers can get threatened with a rabid zombie weasel!
MistyStarlight: Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I tend to think of randomness as a force of evil chaos, though. Hope you liked this chapter.
*Rabid weasels provided courtesy of buttered-onions and friends. So don't complain about your rabies to me.
