Chapter 3 - Apparitions
Part 1 - Darkness Overpowering
"Stop
With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
But there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind.. Where is my mind.? Where is my mind.?
Way out in the water
See it swimmin'
I was swimmin' in the Caribbean
Animals were hiding behind the rock
Except the little fish
But they told me, he swears
Tryin' to talk to me koi koy
Where is my mind.? Where is my mind.? Where is my mind.?"
- The Pixies (Where is my mind?)
Shinji's eyes jerked open as he came back into consciousness. or so he thought. Instead of the familiar ceiling of the hospital room (where he assumed he was) he usually ended up in after most operations, there was a hazy. haze. 'Where the hell am I?' he wondered as he looked around. All of it was haze.
Suddenly his own voice assailed his ears from every possible direction.
"I am in Hell" "I am Hell" "Hell is not where I am" "I am not here" "Am I here?" "Who am I?" "Am I me?" "I am me"
Countless words were shouted at him, by him. all hitting him at the same time. It would be more than enough to drive a completely sane person over the edge into complete madness. Shinji was already mildly insane (anyone willing to pilot a massive bio-weapon and put themselves in death's way repeatedly could be considered as such), yet he remained seemingly unaffected by the barrage. He simply shrugged, then closed his eyes again. "Just a dream. nothing more." he whispered to himself before re-opening his eyes.
As everything went into focus he saw that he was somewhere different. No longer was in a blurry haze, but somewhere definite. And yet he wasn't. He was on a train car, he recognized it as the one he was always riding in most of his dreams. As usual it was bathed in an orange light that made everything seem distorted. casting shadows everywhere. He seemed to be alone at the moment. The only sound was the clang-clang-clang, of the train's wheels as they rushed over the land. The absence of all other sounds was so overwhelming, that even this normally loud and overpowering sound became muted. "Why am I here again?" Shinji asked out loud, wondering why he was stuck where he was, like the train, repeating the same thing over and over again. Stuck in a loop.
"You are here because you broke your promise to yourself. You are here because you piloted again, even though you said you would not do so again" Rei's voice stated clearly. Shinji looked up from where he was sitting. Rei was beside him. He stared at her for a moment before realizing it wasn't her. It was just a soulless copy. A doll. He didn't know how he could tell, but something inside of him warned him that this wasn't really Rei Ayanami he was looking at.
The doll spoke again, "We are curious to know, why you did so." it asked, tilting its head slight. Shinji sighed, weighing his words carefully before replying. "Because I couldn't afford to let everyone down again." he said to the doll beside him. "I see. Is that the only reason that you pilot?" it asked in response.
Shinji stared at the thing in the form of Rei and found the way that it had switched between using "I" and "We" when it spoke, strange, if not extremely curious. He hesitated before answering. "No. I pilot because without it I'm nothing. so I fight. I fight because they say to" he replied simply.
"Who is it that you fight?" the copy asked.
Shinji's own voice shouted at him, echoing throughout the car. "Enemy!" "Enemy!" "Enemy!" it screamed at him. Images flashed by in Shinji's mind. The defeated Angels strolled through his head, one by one. The last image was that of his father walking away. "Yes. I fight those they call enemy" Shinji said sternly.
"Why do you not question them.? Why do you not choose to make your own decisions? Are you afraid?" The doll asked, seemingly mocking him.
Shinji decided to give it the most sarcastic answer he could. "I don't question because I'm a good little soldier, I do my best, I follow orders, I pilot. People care about me when I pilot, so I continue to do so." Shinji said snidely. Before he realized what he was saying was true. "If I stop piloting, no one will be nice to me. no one will care." Shinji ended; a tone of sadness was in his voice. Familiar voices rang out.
Misato.
"I just wanted to tell you, that you did a very noble thing today Shinji. I'm proud of you."
Kaji.
"Nicely done Shinji."
His classmates and friends.
"Look there's Ikari! There's our hero!" "Hey Shinji, That last battle totally rocked!"
Father.
"Good job, Shinji."
"You are simply regurgitating the same memories over and over again. we wonder why you choose to delude yourself in this manner" The Rei-Doll asked. Shinji sank into his seat. "It's how humans survive. It's the only way I can survive, day by bloody day. It's all I have" Shinji protested weakly before images and voices flooded his mind again.
"You Idiot!" "Nice going, dumbass!" "I do not know you well; I wish it to remain so" "Perverted stooge, look what you've done now!" "Hmmm, seems I was wrong about you, what a waste of time" "You disappoint me"
Over and over they played in his head, like a broken jack in the box. leering at him, refusing to be silenced, and refusing to go back into its dark place.
"I'm doing my best. Care about me. I'm doing my best, be nice to me!" Shinji said, repeating this mantra. His voice gained intensity and ferocity with each repetition of it. He screamed til he was hoarse. The voices suddenly stopped. The copy at his side faded out of view. The train car was empty again. Silent, except for the sound of his breathing. and of the train's movement. He started laughing.
"I've done it again. I've driven them all away. Alone. Always alone." Shinji chuckled, feeling his sanity slip away. bit by bit. He slowly sank to the floor.
And so he lay there, laughing like a madman. Hours passed and he remained where he was, still laughing. His mind was a total blank. No thoughts uselessly cluttered it, no images swarmed him. There was nothing. Nothing, save his insane cackling.
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Shinji groaned slightly as he opened his eyes again. His throat hurt and he couldn't remember why. As he blinked, he noticed his surroundings had changed once more. No longer was he stuck in the endless loop of the train ride, but in a vast meadow. mountains surrounding him from every side. The air seemed charged with something. something he couldn't quite describe. He felt warm. happy. He felt a presence near him.
He looked up from where he lay, feeling a heavy weight forcing itself onto him. He gasped as he saw what it was. Misato loomed over him, her naked body and purple hair glistening in the soft sunlight.
"Hey Shinji, Want to be with me? I promise I'll be gentle. It won't hurt at all" she whispered to him, smiling serenely as she leaned backwards to give him a better view.
Shinji's mind couldn't comprehend why this was happening. His head fell back to the soft grass, his eyes wide open. He as if a portion of himself was being yanked away. The sensation stopped and he jolted himself back into the moment. He could already feel that Misato was gone. He was thankful for that; he didn't think that he would be able to sufficiently resist the temptation she had offered. It felt wrong, seeing her in that light. to think of her in that way. He felt dirty.
He took a deep breath as he felt another straddle him. Someone lighter. He closed his eyes and brought his hands up to where he assumed her face was. Made contact with it. Smiled as he felt who she was. His eyes remained closed as he let his hands drop slowly from her face. He didn't want to open his eyes, didn't want to risk doing something stupid.
"Rei." He said softly as he opened his eyes briefly. For an instant, dark blue met red. Then all went dark as Shinji imposed blindness upon himself once more.
"Greetings Ikari. Do you wish to become with one with me? One mind, body and soul? It feels so wonderful. Do you not wish to feel so?" she offered as she lay down on him. Shinji wrapped his arms around her without thinking. Felt her warmth. Wanted so badly to take what she was offering. Finally he got back into control. He whispered in her ear. "I won't lie. I do want to feel that way. But I can't do that to you Rei. It wouldn't be right." He gave (what he was sure was) the copy a light squeeze. His eyes flew open in shock as he felt her body give way. All that was left was a pile of dust. Shinji got up slowly, watched as the dust was blown away by a sudden gust of wind. He apologized to the spot where he had been laying a few moments ago. "Farewell Ayanami. Misato." he said sadly before he turned and began walking. He didn't know where he was, or where he was walking to. He acted as if it was all a dream and was simply waiting to wake up. Only, he wasn't too sure that it was just a dream. It all seemed too surreal to be reality for him, yet there was still a lingering doubt in the back of his mind. Again, the increasingly familiar sensation of someone's presence nearby flowed throughout him. He barely had time to turn, let alone react, before he was knocked back down to the ground. He held his breath as he stared at the girl straddling him. 'This isn't real. It's not real.' he thought to himself.
"Hey idiot, wanna have sex with me? It feels great! Come on, I won't bite you. Well, unless you bite" Asuka laughed as she tossed her fiery hair. Shinji simply lay there, paralyzed. He stared, his mouth wide open in amazement as he took in every inch of her. Afraid to move, let alone breathe for fear of ruining the illusion. He knew it wasn't real, but was it so wrong to just pretend that it was?
"Well?" Asuka asked Shinji, a playful grin on her face as she hugged him. Shinji exhaled. Dark met light. Two seemingly endless seas of blue stared out at each other. A few inches of air separating them.
Then Shinji saw past them. Caught a glimpse of the multi-faced, yet faceless horror hiding behind them. Just waiting for him to let down his guard. Waiting to devour what remained of his soul. He now knew what that yanking feeling had been. It had already partaken of his soul. Now it wanted the rest of him.
With all of his strength, he shoved the imposter off of him. He made sure not to stop and watch its reaction, lest he forget for even a moment that it wasn't really Asuka. He knew that if he ever forgot that, even if it were for a second or so, he was leaving himself wide open for attack. He ran as fast as he could all the while repeating a slightly modified version of his mantra "Must run away, Must run away" he repeated over and over again as he bolted towards the mountains.
"I am rather disappointed in you. Shinji" a chilling voice laughed from somewhere far behind him. Shinji immediately recognized the voice and ran that much faster because of it. He couldn't stop now. The Devil himself was after him.
And then Shinji became aware of his mind. The sheer absurdity of it all had gotten to his head and he felt a sudden rush of rage, mixed with contemplation. He ran with mixed emotions. Sorrow trailed behind him with every footfall he made, remembering a bloody past. He took all those memories . tore them to pieces. Then he paused for a moment to catch his breath. looked up. Guilt flowed through him and his mind. He took a glance behind him.. Nothing to remember. not anymore.
Then as soon as the thoughts came, they left. He felt himself begin running. stumbled as he found that the memories. the thoughts he had just experienced were not his own. Yet they felt familiar. As if they belonged to one such as him.
Without his noticing it, his surroundings had changed yet again. He was back on the train ride of introspection. He grew angry. He wanted out and he wanted it right then and there.
"Why am I here again? Why are you hunting me!?" he shouted getting up from seat he had found himself in. "ANSWER ME!" he demanded, clenching and unclenching his fists. Nothing answered him. Nothing changes. There was nothing save him and the car he was in. Even the usual clang-clang-clang, he was so used to hearing when he was in his dreams was there. The only sound was of his voice. And even his shouts became must. to the point that they sounded more like whispers. After trying to make himself heard, for a good hour, he finally gave up. Letting weariness overcome him, he crumpled as he hit the floor.
Faint sobs filled the space he occupied...
----------------------------
Shinji awoke to an acute pain in his chest. It felt as if something or rather someone was trying to rip his heart, amongst other things, out through it. Shinji started laughing. He laughed because then he wouldn't have to scream.
As the pain got worse, Shinji's plan backfired as his laughter became hideous screaming. He clutched at his chest frantically, doubling over from the pain. "Can't run away" Shinji said weakly as he felt the pain become more intense. It almost surpassed any pain he had ever felt during his time as a pilot. He decided to try focusing on something different. Thoughts of piloting seemed to increase the pain. He called on happy memories. found out that he seemed to have none.
One memory managed to free itself from its prison in the dark.
"Hey Shinji. Have you ever kissed a girl?" Asuka's voice asked him clearly as the memory began playing in his mind. Shinji smiled weakly as he watched it. He could feel her lips locked with his own. Could taste her. He concentrated on the experience. and felt none of the negatives of it. The breathlessness he experienced now he attributed to the way he felt, not from Asuka cutting off his air supply. Then as quickly as the pain had gripped him, it lessened. Shinji fell to the floor, gasping for air. All went blue as he fell past it. He felt cold and wet all over. Then realized why.
Water. Lots of it. Shinji panicked immediately when he saw that he was surrounded by it. He couldn't swim. He flailed frantically, but to no avail as he sunk into the dark depths below. To Shinji this was where Angel's feared to tread. This was where things, without a doubt, more horrible than Angels lay in wait. Shinji continued to try and propel himself upwards. Failed again.
He became hysterical as his lungs began burning. Screaming for the air they needed. Shinji flailed around even more frantically, reaching out to the bright light of the surface. that was so close yet so far away.
Further and further he sank below. A strange sense of serenity filled him. 'Maybe it's because I've accepted the inevitable?' Shinji thought to himself, still falling slowly to what he presumed was his death. He laughed mentally. In this horrible, surreal place he would find his solace. It would do for him, what he had never had the courage to do. After all, he had nothing left. He had piloted Eva and now he was in this strange place. For all he knew there was nothing to go back to. Or worse yet, this horrible place and all the things in it were a result of his failure to defeat the last Angel.
He closed his eyes, feeling tendrils envelop and pierce his being. let the cold depths embrace him. Then something within shifted. He heard a heartbeat, and knew it was not his. Felt his clothing, his shell, melt away. Felt someone nearby. and felt safe as a pair of arms embraced him.
He closed his eyes as a voice from his youth softly sang to him, cradling his tortured mind. As the soft lullaby filled his mind, he stopped sinking. He lay suspended between light and dark. A bubble of happiness surrounding him, and a single thread holding him there. The thread stretched. Held
In the space between, Shinji slept without worry.
----------------------------
When Shinji awoke, he no longer felt cold, or wet. He could tell by the fact that he was able to breathe properly, that he was no longer in the water. He got up, saw that he was in the valley again. Smiled as he felt the warmth of the sunlight on his naked body. "Wait a second. Naked body?" Shinji said as he looked down at himself.
Suddenly he laughed out loud. Just for the sheer absurdity of it all. Thus far he had been chased by demons, straddled by copies of three women that he knew and cared for, had been tossed around like a rag doll from location to location, been forced through bouts of contemplation and introspection, and now stood naked in a valley underneath a sky with a single cloud in it. A cloud that looked a lot like Asuka's face. And which happened to be growing larger and larger by the second. Shinji made an effort to hide his nakedness, for a moment, before reminding himself that it was just a cloud. And even if it wasn't a cloud, then it was probably another effect of this place, designed to try and break him, or do God knew what.
The cloud began to turn red in some areas. it looked like it was blushing. Shinji's eyes widened as he realized it. He then smiled as an incredibly strange compulsion popped into his head. He felt like dancing. Even underneath the watchful eye of the Asuka cloud, even though he was naked, Shinji felt like dancing more than anything else. So he did. The cloud became redder and redder as Shinji moved faster and faster. Finally the cloud burst apart. Showering him with a spray of something blue. something that smelt vaguely like. cookies. As the blue stuff dried off, Shinji no longer felt the warmth of the sun on his body. Instead he felt the tight slickness of his plug suit. A sudden feeling of dread filled him as he waited for something to happen, anything to happen. He wasn't disappointed. He felt a slight tugging within his chest. "Damn it." Shinji muttered, knowing exactly what was about to happen. His eyes went wide as he resisted the urge to scream. The pain hit him hard and fast. Shinji fell to his knees, and saw that his chest was contorting.
The pain seemed much worse this time, more visceral. It also seemed to be coming from the core of his being, spreading outwards like ripples in a pond. Shinji lifted his head slowly to the sky above. Kept his teeth grit, trying hard to suppress the scream that was about to escape him.
Pointing a vengeful finger skyward, he let it loose. "WHY?!" he screamed. "What have I done to deserve this? I've done the best I can! Why are you doing this to me!?" he screeched. The pain increased as if to try and answer him. Shinji sank to the ground as he blacked out from the pain. Sweet nothingness took him for the sixth time during his stay.
----------------------------
Shinji opened his eyes again as he came back into the land of consciousness. He was beginning to find the feeling of doing so, annoying. The constant change of scenery didn't help much. nor did the fact that a combination of excruciating pain that came and went, and random happenings, were leaving him teetering on the brink of permanent insanity too often for his liking.
As he got up, he noticed three things. One, he was still in his plug suit. Two, he seemed to be in a hospital room. Three, he felt weakened, and strangely vulnerable. He didn't like it.
He immediately looked up at the ceiling, to see if he was where he thought he was. "Unfamiliar ceiling." he whispered, staring at it. He wasn't back at NERV, or if he was, then they had done some major renovating. For one thing he didn't remember the ceilings having strange symbols on them. Large strange swimming symbols. Shinji shook his head and decided to go and have a look about, to see where he was. As he reached for the door handle he wondered what to do if he wasn't at NERV. 'I suppose I'll just deal with that problem once or if I run into it', Shinji mused as he opened the door.
He froze as soon as he got into the hallway. A passing by nurse gave him a concerned look. Or so he hoped. His mind noted the nurse wasn't human, but somehow couldn't see the nurse too clearly. "Excuse me, but what are you doing out and about? Has anyone cleared you yet, pilot?" the nurse asked. Shinji just stood there, staring at the nurse, his left eye twitching like there was no tomorrow. 'Well, takes take care of the question of 'Where am I?' a voice in his head shrugged before trying to snap him out of his funk. 'Hey kid! It's staring at us! DO SOMETHING!' the voice shouted at him. "Er. Pilot? Are you still with me?" the nurse asked waving an armored hand in front of his face. Shinji blinked a few times, staring into her eyes. All six of em. Six bright red orbs, much like the single one that Rei's Unit-00 had, jutting out from a peaked gray armor plate. The rest of the head was covered in a white helmet like encasing.
"Hello?" The nurse asked again, tilting her head towards him. A part of his mind found this curious as the nurse had no mouth to speak with, only an armor encased chin-like structure that protruded from its multi-eyed face.
A second after that thought popped up, it hit Shinji. He was talking to an Evangelion, or so it seemed. 'Just when I thought this place couldn't possibly get more messed up. This happens.' Shinji smirked inwardly as he watched the Nurse-EVA walk away, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration. As she stomped off, Shinji could hear her mutter "Pilots. Crazy bastards" Mentally kicking himself, Shinji began to wonder anew if he might just be at NERV after all, and was just on a major overdose of something. It was a rather plausible theory, the doctors had been (slowly but surely) increasing his dosage of pain killers with each visit. Or he could still be in, well, wherever the hell he was in. He blinked as he studied the hallways surrounding him. everything was so familiar, yet not. He couldn't tell what it was or why, but there was something that wasn't right about this place, aside from the man-sized Evangelions in clothing roaming about. He decided to pass it off though as his own paranoia. Instead he turned his attention towards the numerous Evangelions around him. The sheer number of different head variants made him dizzy. Also, some had shoulder sponsons, and some didn't. None of them paid him any mind though.
'Time to find out I'm just on an OD, or if I'm still in Hell' Shinji said trying to think of where to go to find that out. As he watched the Evas walk past it came to him. "Just head for the cages. everything will be fine. We'll know everything once we get there' he told himself as he headed for the Docking Bays.
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After an hour of walking through NERV HQ, Shinji finally found himself in a corridor leading to the cage where his unit was. He looked down it cautiously. The reason he had been taking so long to find a hallway was because every time he got close to his Unit, a shadowy figure would appear at the end of the hall, blocking it off. Not wanting to risk a confrontation, Shinji had decided to just find another corridor. "Speak of the devil." Shinji muttered as the dark figure appeared at the end of the hallway. He had gotten tired of it always blocking him off. He grit his teeth and decided to stand his ground, so to speak. A quick repetition of his mantra (I mustn't run away) and he felt ready enough to do something stupid, like, oh let's say, charge down the shadowy figure blocking the end of the hall.
The idea that the figure was most likely an Evangelion of some sort and therefore stronger than Shinji could ever hope to be, the fact that the figure was taller than him, and had the distinct shoulder sponsons of an Evangelion. occurred to him. Not that he paid them any mind as he rushed headlong towards certain injury, if not death. An old song played through his head as he got closer and closer.
'Like an angel that has no sense of mercy...Rise, young boy, to the heavens like a legend...' his mind sang as the distance became lesser, and lesser. His feet left the ground as he tackled the figure. He made impact...hard. He fell to the ground with a loud thud. The world spun around him as he ruefully rubbed his head. "So much for embracing the universe." he muttered under his breath before getting up to face his rather hard opponent. As it came into focus, Shinji's eyes widened in fear. The color was different but Shinji could recognize that metal jaw. that single horn that stuck out of forehead. the blazing yellow eyes, narrow like a cats. His opponent was none other than a black Unit-01. wearing the Commander's uniform to boot.
Terror flowed through him as he stared back into the beast's unreadable eyes. The black demon in his father's clothing simply returned the stare. cold eyes piercing him.
"Where do you think you're going, Third Child?" it asked, a hidden threat of steel lining its voice. Shinji, despite his fear was feeling strangely bold. "If you would stop cutting me off, to the cages. I want to check Unit- 01" he replied as he clenched and unclenched his fist. He knew that he was no match for the Evangelion if it tried to stop it, and assumed that his assailant knew this too.
"I cannot allow you to do so, the schedule must not be interrupted or deviated from", the Commander EVA said coldly, falling into a battle stance. Shinji flinched inwardly, being a pilot and having watched footage of his Evangelion in action he knew that here was not the place to be. 'If only I could get to 01. The real 01.' he thought to himself as he tried to find an opening.
He found his opening in between the two black pillars that were this demon's legs. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and went for it. With speed he never knew he had possessed, he slid in between the black Evangelion's legs and to freedom. He opened his eyes as soon as he cleared those terrible legs, got up and sprinted towards the entrance to the Cage. "Must run away. Must run faster!" he repeated frantically, trying his damn hardest not to look back. Given what was on his heels, he had no such problem with stopping.
The corridor seemed to stretch out into eternity. but Shinji kept running. His legs ached, but he kept running. He was rewarded, the corridor ended a few seconds later and he stumbled into the docking bay. Without even pausing to catch his breath Shinji stepped out onto the umbilical bridge that would take him to his Evangelion. He felt it move. and feeling that it was safe to do so, he collapsed onto the metal beneath him. Gasping for air he barely noticed his Unit when he reached it. However after his lungs felt that they had sufficient air, he noticed it and his jaw dropped. 'Well. I really should have seen this one coming' he thought to himself as he stared at the massive figure before him.
She was familiar, maybe it was because she was rather similar to Rei. Only with brown hair instead of blue. wearing a purple and green, primitive looking plugsuit. After a few moments an old memory flashed by briefly. Someone who cared for him.
"Mother?" he whispered, falling to his knees. 'If mother's here. Am I dead?' Shinji thought, confused enough by the recent turn of events that things were starting to make sense. However, below the surface of his now tranquil mind laid a horde of questions ready to burst forth. Even then some were leaking through. Was he dead? Was he in hell? Or worse yet, some sort of twisted heaven? After all, he had been told all of his life that his mother had died in some sort of accident when he was only five. He couldn't remember what the accident had been though, all he remembered was that he was there. He had never asked his father, mostly because of his fear of him, and recently because he really didn't want to hear his lies.
It didn't matter anyways. He was with his mother. Somehow he could tell that she was the real Yui Ikari, even in her surreal state. "Mother."he whispered again, moving closer to her. He could feel that his assailant was gone, banished back into the shadows from whence it came. Yui's eyes remained closed even as he approached her. Her face was serene.
"She doesn't even know I'm here. Does she?" Shinji asked himself out loud as memories of his abandonment at the hands of his father came rushing in. Suddenly a clear voice swept them aside. "Shinji?" it asked, surprised by his presence. "SHINJI!" she shouted, overjoyed. Her eyes shot open and immediately came to rest on him. "Mom?" Shinji asked rhetorically, feeling (for the first time in a long time.) happy. He hated to break the mood but he needed answers.
"Mom, where are we?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't say "The After Life". "We're inside Evangelion Unit-01" she answered simply. Shinji sighed in relief. "Wait. What do you mean, inside Unit-01? Am I still in the plug and just hallucinating?" he asked again, feeling rather confused.
"No. Let me explain, you're currently floating about somewhere within EVA's core. Your body lost coherence and is gone, where to, I don't know" Yui answered slowly. Shinji's eyes widened. If his body was gone, how was he supposed to get back out? His mind immediately began formulating a million different outcomes. All of them were fatal. He panicked and ironically the one thought that should've calmed him down served to agitate him further. His mother had somehow survived for ten years inside this beast. How long until she was gone and he was alone? How long til he too, faded away into the nether? As these thoughts grew more pronounced, despair began to set in.
Feeling her son's dismay, Yui began to panic slightly herself. It took her a few moments to regain control. 'Humanity. It's been too long.' she mused before trying to calm down an increasingly neurotic Shinji. "Don't worry. They'll find a way to bring you back" she said soothingly. 'It'll work this time. It has to!' she thought to herself as she stared down at her son. Raising a massive arm, she lowered it gently beside him.
Shinji looked up at the massive form of his mother. A part of him was recording the moment. A happy memory to call upon when in doubt or despair. A re-assuring fact when piloting. To know that she'd be there and had been there to protect him from harm. Everything began to fall into place. All the times the EVA had gone berserk to save the day, the reason why it wouldn't accept any other pilot now. The reason why it hadn't killed Touji when he had screamed at it to stop.
Shinji got a good grip on his mother's arm and began climbing up it. As soon as he was on top he began running as fast as he could up it. The rubber soles of his plugsuit providing surprisingly good traction. 'Good thing too. A fall from this height would probably kill. If it's even possible to die here,' Shinji thought as he reached his mother's shoulder. Yui watched, unable to move, due to the restraints imposed on her by the form she was in. She had managed to break most of the restraints but still remained captive; a prisoner of the beast known as Evangelion. A tear, caused by mixed feelings, made its way down her cheek.
Sadness, because she hadn't been there for her son when he had needed her most.
Joy, because he was here now. Because she had been able to protect him during the past few months.
'I guess I'm not a total failure' she chuckled mentally as she felt her son embrace her cheek. "What about you mom.. How will you get out? When they get me, will they get you out too?" Shinji asked, basking in his mother's warmth, hoping that she'd give him the answer he longed for. Yes.
"I'm sorry kitten. I don't think I'll be getting free anytime soon." she whispered sadly. Shinji's heart sunk. He rested against his mother's cheek, trying to hold back the tears. "Don't worry. I'll be fine. I've survived for ten years, what's another ten billion?" she chuckled softly. He nodded, tears filling his eyes.
Shinji suddenly felt a slight tugging at his chest. "It's starting again. What is this pain? Why do I feel it?" Shinji muttered. Yui's eyes widened. "They're trying to shock your body back into coherence. They're trying to bring you back!" she shouted, excited. Shinji inhaled sharply as the pain began flowing. His words came out slowly as he strained to get them out. "How. do. I. get. out?" he asked, muscles tensing up and relaxing as the waves hit him. "I don't know. If I did, don't you think I'd be out already?" Yui answered, her voice tinted by resentment.
Shinji cried out, the pain was cutting deeper and deeper into him. He peered down into the abyss only a few inches away from the edge of his mother's body. He stared at it. The pain lessened as he focused on it. 'Ikari.' a wailing voice called from the darkness. Shinji closed his eyes. "Goodbye mother. I promise you, we'll meet again. I'm going to get you out" he said before leaping.
Shinji laughed as he felt air hit his face, caressing it softly as he fell into eternity. He felt his plugsuit fall away from him. He fell a liberated man. if he could call himself that, no responsibilities, no facades. just his inner self. falling to his doom.
He opened his eyes, turned his body so that he could look up. He could no longer see the overpowering form of his mother. Strangely he felt this comforting. He sighed as the pain left his body.
'And so it ends,' he thought bleakly. He could see no bottom, no finality in this darkness that he was falling into. Closing his eyes once more he whispered, "God. Please let it end." He then chuckled after realizing the irony and futility of what he had just done. He was Shinji Ikari, Third Child, Invincible pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. Slayer of the Lord's Angels. Why the hell would God Help him? And then Shinji had another epiphany.
What was the use of praying? What point was there in religion now? God clearly hated the human race. After all, why else would he send the Angels to destroy humanity? Why else would he have inflicted Second Impact. The Bible clearly stated that God had promised that he would never again unleash such destruction as he had in the Great Flood upon Mankind. Looked like he had lied. For now he had unleashed something far worse than a flood. He had sent the Angels.
The Angels. the ones who were trying to create a Third Impact to wipe out humanity, the ones that had taken the lives of those he had failed to protect, the Angels that had hurt those dear to him, the Angels that had taken away his innocence, and now what remained of his pitiful life. There was no doubt about it, God hated him. The only question going through Shinji's mind was. Why?
After a few minutes of contemplation, Shinji gave up. He knew he'd never find the answer to the question. And so he waited. all the while falling. Waiting for the ground to meet him. Waiting for something to happen.
Two seconds later, he made impact. Opening his eyes as he felt the cold hard surface on which he had seemingly just laid down on. Everything was blurry. He heard someone he knew call his name. Felt a pair of arms encircle him. Hold him close. He sighed happily before closing his eyes. The sweeter embrace of unconsciousness took his broken and weary body.
PART 2 - REBORN
I Watched you change, into a fly
I looked away you were on fire
and I watched a change in you
it's like you never had
wings now you feel alive
I've watched you change
And I watched a change in you
now you feel alive
now you feel so alive
I've watched you change
like you never had wings
Deftones (Change in the house of flies)
Alarms went off in the EVA cages. Like ants around a seemingly dead mouse that just began moving, NERV technicians began to swarm around the not so inactive Evangelion Unit 01.
"Ma'am. Something's wrong! Unit-01 isn't reacting. Wait, it's trying to eject the plug!" Lt. Maya Ibuki shouted as she watched the monitors in front of her go crazy. To either side of her were her co-workers. Lt. Makoto Hyuga and Lt. Aoba Shigeru. Both were working frantically, trying to make the data on their screens change to something more favorable. Having an almost hysterical purple haired Major didn't help much either. "Block the signal! Don't let it eject!" Misato screeched, panicking. Maya grit her teeth, tempted to tell the older woman to just shut up and let her do her job. "Ma'am. I can't! It's rejecting any signals we send!" she shouted instead. "It seems that EVA doesn't want to let him go." Ritsuko muttered under her breath as she took over from another console. "Just what is Evangelion?" Misato asked, having overheard her. Ritsuko didn't even look up from the screen. "You've seen the data; you can access the specs. You know what it is" she said flatly, fingers moving across a keyboard at high speeds. Misato had an urge to just smack Ritsuko right then and there. She knew she was lying, she had to be. But it wouldn't be proper for her to assault the good doctor in front of their support staff. She'd have to confront her about it later. Those thoughts were pushed out of her mind by the immediate expulsion of the entry plug by Unit-01
Misato ran down to the umbilical bridge, watching in silent horror as LCL began flowing from the plug. Carrying an empty plugsuit with it.
"Ma'am. We've lost the pilot's signal." Maya said slowly, not believing the information present on her screen. The signal was gone. Completely gone.
Down on the bridge, Misato's eyes widened as she picked up the fallen plugsuit. 'He's gone.' Misato fell to her knees, hugging the plugsuit tightly. "What good is it. What good is your science! You can't even save one life with it!" she screamed at the techs around her. She then turned her attention towards the Evangelion before her. "Give him back! Damn you! GIVE ME MY SHINJI BACK!" she screeched at the now still behemoth. It remained passive. mocking her with it's silence.
"Misato. he's not coming back. We've done everything we can, "Ritsuko said, kneeling down beside Misato, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder. 'Damn it, this is hitting her hard. I feel sorry for her. The things she'll have to endure.' Ritsuko thought sadly. not noticing Misato clenching her fist. She lashed out a moment later, hitting the blonde doctor dead on in the face. "Bullshit" Misato snarled, looking rather feral. Ritsuko stumbled backwards. hand going straight up to her face. 'I won't say anything. she's in a bad place right now. I can't help her.' Ritsuko told herself calmly before turning her thoughts towards schedules and the agendas hidden within them. No doubt that the entire incident concerning Unit-01's appropriation of an Angel organ, an authentic S2 organ to boot, had thrown the entire damn schedule for the Human Instrumentality Project into disarray.
The two women stiffened slightly as they heard a loud humming emanating from the Unit-01 beside them. A loud 'thud' followed once it stopped.
"SHINJI!"
----------------------------
Shinji opened his eyes slowly, and found the ceiling. He smiled as he recognized it.
"Familiar ceiling." he whispered, feeling oddly happy. The feeling permeated through the thick haze of mental and physical exhaustion.
"I hate this place" he laughed as he sank back into his hospital bed. 'I'm home. I'm really home.'
"I don't think anyone likes this place," a familiar voice chuckled. "Misato?" Shinji asked quietly, before being pulled into a tight embrace. "Good to have you back" she smiled, easing up on her hug. 'God. How long has it been since she got a decent night's rest?" Shinji thought to himself as he noticed the dark rings around her eyes. He was taken a bit off guard when Misato hugged him tightly again. "I.We were afraid that we had lost you," Misato whispered, "Thank you for coming back." 'Thank you. No Angel can stand against us with you back. My redemption is that much closer.' Misato thought, before smacking herself mentally. 'SHAME ON YOU WOMAN! He is not a tool. He's a human being and don't you ever let yourself forget that!' she scolded herself.
Shinji watched Misato as she sat back into her chair; blissfully unaware of the inner conflict going within her head. "Um. Misato, where was I? How long have I been gone?" he asked, bringing her out of her muddled thoughts. She shook her head slightly before replying. "You were floating around somewhere inside Unit-01. It's been a month since you were taken"
Shinji's head was spinning. A month. How was it that he couldn't remember an entire month of his life? Suddenly bits and pieces of recently suppressed memories re-surfaced.
"Hey Shinji, wanna be with me?" "I'm bored, want to have sex with me?" "Hello Ikari. Do you wish to become one with me?"
"Mmmm. it feels wonderful" "Come on, I promise I won't bite, unless you do first" "One body, one mind, one soul"
Shinji felt his body shake. Everything was blurry for a moment before his eyes focused on the first thing in front of him. Misato. "Shinji. SHINJI! Are you alright?" she asked frantically, seeming somewhat agitated. "Huh?" Shinji muttered, blinking. "You spaced out for a while. You started mumbling things about becoming one with something" Misato replied, seeming even more agitated than she had been a few minutes ago. She had good reason to be. According to the not so good doctor Akagi, this wasn't the original Shinji. She had seen the results, the DNA was almost exactly the same as the original Shinji's, only now it contained a few extra bits. What these bits were, or what they would do was anyone's guess. So far he seemed normal enough, except for the spacing out bit. For all intents and purposes he was Shinji.
Misato studied him carefully, especially his eyes. The deep blue eyes which everyone else seemed to think were brown. The ones someone could easily get lost in. They looked older, weary of the world that they were being forced to see. Other than that, she couldn't read them. She sighed as she decided to let him rest. She needed caffeine...badly.
"Well. I guess I should let you rest, I'll see if I can get you released soon" she said before heading for the door.
Shinji breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she left. The way she had been staring at him, no, examining him, made him uneasy. It was something which he expected of Dr. Akagi, not Misato. He began to wonder why. He raised his left arm, clenched and unclenched his fist, staring at it. He tried to find something wrong; anything wrong with it. As hard as he tried, he found nothing. Nothing warranting the cold way in which Misato had been looking at him. As far as he could tell he was still human. What had happened to him when he was inside EVA? He couldn't see any changes, no physical ones anyways.
The only thing he knew was different was that his mind had set up memory blocks. He knew this because it had happened before. For example, after his fight with the Third Angel his mind set up blocks to protect itself. The memory of having an energy spike forced through his skull via eye socket would have scarred him had his mind not taken those countermeasures. Usually a sound familiar to one in the memory would gradually release the memories from their prison.
The last thing he remembered was sitting in Unit-01's entry plug, shouting at it, trying to get it to reactivate and move. An Angel was outside, pounding his powerless Evangelion. Everyone was depending on him, so he began yelling that much more frantically. Still the EVA had remained silent. Shinji, desperate, had begun pulling on the controls, knowing that it was pointless to do so. Then the darkness took him.
Shinji found himself staring at his hand again, once the flashback ended. "What is this scent?" he asked as a familiar smell filled his nostrils.
Another memory freed itself.
Warmth. A smiling face. gentle arms holding him, keeping him safe. cookies.
"Mother," Shinji whispered to the ceiling. "This is the scent of my mother."
He began to think of all of the ramifications and implications of what he had just said. He smelled like his mother. He had just been inside Evangelion Unit-01 for the past month. Therefore.
"Mom's in Evangelion." Shinji said with a deranged smile on his face. A few moments later he fell back onto his bed. Unconscious.
----------------------------
Asuka checked her watch again. "8:49. Where the hell is she?" she wondered aloud. Misato had, for some reason 'forgotten' to tell her the exact time of the salvage operation that was supposed to have taken place earlier that morning. She paced back and forth. waiting for news, good or bad.
During the past week she had been contemplating the final pages of Shinji's journal. She was prepared for either outcome of this last salvage. She was ready to confront him about its contents once he returned. However, she was also ready to forget (or so she thought) that she had ever read the journal, if the salvage had failed.
All she needed was to know which outcome she should prepare for. "Where are you, Misato?" she muttered again as she flopped down onto the living room couch. After turning on the t.v, she began flipping through the channels. "Crap. Crap. More Crap. Damn it! Nothing good" she groaned as she turned it off a few minutes later. She sat up, trying to find something to occupy her mind. Anything to occupy her mind with. After a few more minutes of thinking, she found it.
Shinji's journal.
----------------------------
'Wow, the last few days have been eventful, to say the least. A new pilot, another Angel down. I don't think I was expecting any of this a few days back.
It all started when Touji and Kensuke had walked home with me. When we got to the front door, Misato was there, apparently waiting for me. Noticing Touji and Kensuke she decided to be nice and invite them along with me for a 'boat ride' (as she put it). Touji and Kensuke immediately began nodding and grinning like idiots, like they always do when Misato's around. Sure, she's nice looking and all, but she's such a slob! Honestly, I don't know what they see in her. On second thought, I know exactly what they see in her.
Anyways, she explained later that we'd be overseeing the delivery of Evangelion Unit-02, and its pilot. I, being a NERV employee, had a duty to go. Touji and Kensuke had no such obligations. However, after being told that the new pilot was female, and that we'd be staying on an aircraft carrier, they were dead set on coming. Of course they didn't know that I had to go, so I told them that it would be kinda stupid if I didn't come along. After all, I guess I have to promote NERV as a big happy family. Hmmm, that doesn't sound too right.
We took a big transport chopper there, I learned later that we weren't its only cargo. Kensuke was practically having orgasms all the way to the ship. Touji was stuck in M.C.S (Misato caused stupor), telling me all about the special hat he had bought, just to wear for her. I, was dying from a combination of boredom and sheer annoyance, after all. one can only listen to one's friends talk about military stuff, or how he decided to wear something special just for your guardian before you feel the urge to just smack them senseless. I immediately regretted not bringing my faithful S- DAT with me. Thankfully it wasn't long til we landed. AS I stumbled out of the chopper, a wonderful sight greeted me.
She looked the same age as me. Red hair and yellow sundress fluttering about in the wind. I could tell already that she was something special. Our eyes met briefly. My dark blue meeting her bright blue. She seemed to be looking down at me.
I don't know why, but it hurt.
Pathetic of me really, a girl I barely know gives me a disapproving look and I go to pieces.
Touji stepped out after me. The wind took his beloved hat from him once he was out. The girl stomped on it as it came her way. Touji lunged for it. right at the same time she did this.
The same wind that took Touji's hat, gave us a rather nice look at the girl's panties. She proceeded to smack him. Hard, claiming it was a viewing fee. Now I only mention all of this because it led to Touji flashing her back, with significantly more skin to boot. The fact that Misato was laughing hysterically doesn't help the mental image. Or Touji's self esteem.
After Touji had recovered sufficiently from the angered girl's blows (although I don't think he'll ever recover from Misato's laughter)Misato made the introductions. Yet again the girl looked into my eyes. Only this time I felt insulted.
"What? This is the Third Child? Looks a little scrawny for a pilot," the girl said eying me with casual disregard. She turned out to be the pilot of 02 (The Great Asuka Langley Sohryu, as she put it), the Second Child. It's a shame really. That she doesn't have a good personality to match her looks. To quote Kensuke and Touji. "What a bitch!" Egotistical one to boot, as I found out later when she showed me her Unit.
I had to stand there, while she boasted how much better her Mass Production Model Evangelion was better than my Test Type. The most I'll admit is that hers is a rather interesting and nice color. One doesn't see bright red Evangelions every day; then again most people will never see one in their lifetime, let alone get chosen to pilot one.
Halfway through her lecture, something rocked the boat hard. Alarms went off as we rushed for the main deck. Once we got there we were treated to a rather spectacular sight. Two cruisers in our escort went down in flames as something large and white ploughed through them. Asuka smiled, looking quite deranged as she whispered something in a foreign language. Her guess was that it was an Angel.
It figured. Here we were, no land in sight, an Evangelion in transit, a pilot that was too sure of herself, and to add to our problems, an Admiral that seemed to hate NERV with a passion, therefore hindering our every move. So of course an Angel had to attack us.
Asuka felt confident enough that she decided to launch Unit-02 by herself. without orders. Dragging me along for the ride.of course.
Of course she demanded that I wear a plugsuit, and seeing as there seemed to be no male variants aboard, and because I had lacked the foresight to bring one along with me, I had to wear a bloody female issue plugsuit. Bright red, just like the EVA. Gee, I wonder what Asuka's favorite color is?
The plugsuit affair was not a pleasant experience. It was too loose in a lot of areas and way too tight in the ones that really mattered. Thankfully Kensuke and his camera were on another ship this time. However its times like these that I really, really wish that Kensuke's camera would short out, or something equally damaging (I figure if I'm going to wish for something, might as well make it realistic, after all, there's not a chance in hell that Kensuke would ever leave his cam at home). I suppose I'll berate him later, before he tries to blackmail me into finding some way for him to become a pilot. I'll touch on that later.
Once we got into the plug and inserted, things didn't get much better. She began speaking German as she activated Unit-02. Within seconds the not so familiar ERROR, message was surrounding us. She then started to yell at me. again.
"If you MUST think, then think in GERMAN!" she shouted. Well, I tried to think in German, but if bratwurst, Volkswagen, and schnitzel aren't German, then I don't know what is.
She yelled at me again before re-starting using a Japanese interface. Millions of colors flashed by as we synched with the red giant. I silently prayed, hoping it wasn't as temperamental as its pilot. My prayers seemed to hold fast, thankfully as she jumped from ship to ship, heading for the "Over the Rainbow", the ship we had landed on earlier that day. I watched as the Angel took down another cruiser.
Once we got to the "Over the Rainbow", Misato began cheering us on. Bad idea. It only spurned on the insane redhead. She pulled an activated prog knife from a shoulder sponson. I could see that it was a different model than mine. I couldn't help but think, 'State of the art tech, and what do they arm us with? A giant X-acto knife that vibrates really fast. We're doomed.'
"COME GET SOME!" she laughed as she assumed a fighting stance with it, holding the knife out in front of her, and open palm inches away from the tip. The Angel seemed to hear her as it came straight for us. It was a lot bigger than I had originally thought it to be. It took us slightly off- guard, knocking the knife straight from Unit-02's hands. I watched, impressed, as Asuka wrestled with the massive beast. Then I realized that her EVA was equipped with B-Type Equipment. Therefore rather vulnerable underwater. well actually, useless to be exact.
Asuka seemed to realize the same thing a moment later, because she began swearing profusely as the Angel dragged s down with it into the murky depths. The only thing that saved us was the umbilical cable. And from my experiences when it comes to combat, I've learned that it snaps much too easily for my peace of mind.
Down and down we went. Rather rapidly thanks to the Angel. The first thing we saw once we got down there was a giant wall of teeth heading for us. The first thing I felt afterwards was a fuzzy sensation in my mid section. Asuka merely grunted as she tried to pry the enormous teeth trapping us, apart. As she did this, I (somewhat calmly) informed Misato of the situation, and of the location of the Angel's core. All she told me was to "hold on" while she thought of something.
And think she did. Coming up with a plan crazy enough that it worked. All me and Asuka had to do was hold the Angel's mouth open, while two cruisers were sunk and rammed down its throat.
Easier said than done. Trying to open a gargantuan fish's mouth, whilst it's trying to cleave you in half with its teeth isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. But somehow we managed to do it. it took all of our strength, both mental and physical. We did it though, so I guess that's the only thing that really matters. We came back to cheers, and a few wolf whistles from some of the crew. The fact that they were mostly directed at me was not a good sign.
----------------------------
Asuka put down the journal. She shook her head furiously. It didn't make any sense; Shinji's earlier entries seemed to be. filled with life, with SOME sort of happiness. Then slowly but surely as she flipped through the entries after that one, they got more and more depressing and lifeless, steadily. Almost as if something was leeching any joy, any defiance he once had, from him.
That's when it hit her. From the look of it, the process had begun shortly after she had arrived in Tokyo-03. "It's me. I'm the one who's doing it to him," she laughed. It made so much damn sense to her now. After all, Shinji had stood up to her a lot before they began synch training. That's when he had fallen in love with her. He became more docile, more apologetic, and slowly but surely he had become the Shinji she knew. The only thing that didn't make sense to Asuka was, why? Why was he doing it? He couldn't possibly be thinking that by bringing himself down he was doing her any good.
Asuka carefully placed the book back into its place and walked out of the room. "No sense at all." she muttered as she headed for the couch. She checked the time again. "12:46. She should be back by now" Asuka said as she began to worry slightly.
----------------------------
Shinji sighed as he pulled on his shirt. Misato had managed to get him released. He was grateful for it; usually he spent a week or so in the infirmary for any minor injury after piloting. He'd hate to waste another month of his life lying in bed, because of what had happened.
He just wished that he didn't have to leave at three in the morning. Wearily he pulled himself off of his bed and out the door. A slightly more animate Misato greeted him. "Let's get going before they change their minds. God knows they'd love to get their hands on you for another week or so" Misato chuckled as they made their way to the exit.
A few minutes later they were in Misato's trusty Renault and on the way home. Shinji gulped as he saw that Misato's driving hadn't gotten any better. 'It's three in the morning; she hasn't slept in days. I suppose it's not that bad' he thought to himself, taking back his previous mental statement. He changed his mind again as Misato barely missed hitting a ramen stand. 'Well, at least it won't be a long ride.' the optimist part of Shinji offered. 'It's still a ride with Misato' the pessimist chipped in.
Shinji sighed. It was going to be a long ride.
----------------------------
Gendo Ikari was not a happy man. Then again, he rarely was. However it happened that on this night, he was more displeased than usual. For all he knew, all the hard work, all of the machinations, all of the planning and scheming he had been doing for the past ten years would amount to naught.
"How will this new variable affect the schedule?" he asked; his voice calm and steady as he leaned forward in his chair. Surrounded by darkness, only the faint blue glow from the patterns etched into the ceiling of the vast office illuminated the woman standing in front of him.
"Nothing like this was predicted by the scrolls. As a result, I do not believe that the project will go forward exactly as SEELE had planned. However, with a few modifications, our own schedule may actually be carried out in less time than originally specified", Ritsuko Akagi said, trying to match her superior's tone. She could tell by the smirk on his bearded face that he was rather pleased with the news. She breathed a sigh of relief mentally, for had the senior Ikari's plans been halted, or interfered with in any way, the junior Ikari might not have survived his wrath.
"Excellent. Now what of the anomaly present in the Third?" The Commander asked, folding his hands in front of his face. Ritsuko gulped, mentally. Now was the clincher, unfortunately Shinji played a key role in the project, therefore if he wasn't operating according to the parameters set, he would have to be replaced.
"I don't believe that it will pose any problems." Ritsuko answered quickly. She faltered quickly under his stare. "However, I will most likely need to conduct more testing in order to be certain", she added hastily.
"Very well. See to it that this testing is completed soon. SEELE grows impatient. The old men are scared." the Commander smirked.
Ritsuko nodded and made for the exit. "Oh and Doctor." he said softly. She stopped and turned. "Yes, sir?" she asked. "Eight O'clock, the usual meeting place. that is all," he said. Ritsuko nodded once more and made a hasty retreat as she realized that she must have been blushing.
----------------------------
Shinji took a deep breath as he came to a stop in front of the apartment's front door. "Well, Shinji. Open the door" Misato said as she slumped against the wall. Shinji took another deep breath before opening it. Taking a step inside, he smiled. "I'm home." he whispered. "Welcome home, Shinji" Misato said as cheerful as one can be at four in the morning, before heading in. 'I really am home.' Shinji thought before closing the door behind him.
As he walked into the living room, a rather confusing yet amusing sight greeted him. Asuka lay sprawled on the couch. Her red hair formed a halo around her head. 'Why is she here at four in the morning? Was she waiting for me? Nah. couldn't be.' Shinji thought to himself as he leaned in closer. He chuckled as he noticed a small bit of drool running out of the corner of her mouth. She wasn't wearing much, only a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. He didn't dwell on it, as he spotted a few blankets nearby.
"Good night, Asuka" he whispered as he covered her with the blanket. Warm and fuzzy feelings filled him as her mouth curled into a smile. Not one of her usually arrogant smirks, but a genuine smile.
He tried not to look back as he entered the kitchen. He let out a small chuckle as he saw Misato, who seemed to have passed out on the table. He immediately went back to the living room to grab another blanket, and a pillow.
Just as he was finished gathering these, he heard a loud thud coming from the kitchen. He ran in. and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it had only been Pen-Pen trying to get the beer fridge open. Misato was still slumped in her chair, face flat on the table.
The penguin squawked happily as he finally noticed the boy. Shinji smiled as he crouched down to pet Pen-Pen's feathery crest. "Hey there Pen-Pen, miss me?" he asked, laughing softly as the penguin cocked his head in the direction of the beer fridge and squawked a few times.
"You haven't changed a bit, I see," Shinji grinned as he stood up, "All right, I'll get you a beer, but only because I feel extra nice tonight" he added with a slight chuckle as he got a beer from the fridge and set it down before him. Pen-Pen did an odd sort of bow before waddling over to pick up the can. "Wark" was all he said before heading off into his fridge for the night. "You're welcome" Shinji whispered, turning his attention to Misato.
Shinji gently lifted Misato's head, careful not to wake her, whilst simultaneously sliding a pillow underneath it. "Good night Misato" he whispered, giving her a slight hug. "And thank you." he added as he left.
----------------------------
Shinji yawned as he woke up. He sat up, waited a few moments, and then laughed out loud. "I'm home. I'm home!" he said, the realization finally sinking in. He quickly grabbed his S-DAT, and began rifling through his tape collection. "Where is it. Angst. Despair. Here we are! JOY!" Shinji said as put the tape up to blow the dust off of it. He blinked as he noticed that there was no dust. "Strange, I almost never use this one. And I've been gone for a month, so unless someone's been going through my stuff." Shinji wondered aloud, before rejecting the idea. No one had any reason to go into his room... He simply shrugged as he opened his S-DAT and put the tape in. Within seconds, music filled his ears. "Off to the kitchen we go" he said as he headed out of his room, a bounce in his step.
Asuka groaned as she woke up; she felt groggy, and her head hurt like hell. "Where did this blanket come from?" she said out loud. After all, no one had been home last night. She stiffened as a voice she hadn't heard in over a month drifted out of the kitchen.
"Goddamn you half Japanese girls! Do it to me every time." Shinji's voice rang out. Asuka blinked, wondering what the hell he was talking about. "Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello and I'm jello, baby 'cause you wont talk, won't look, won't think of me, I'm the epitome, a public enemy why you wanna go and do me like that? Come down on the street and dance with me!" He continued.
Asuka shook her head furiously. "This can't be. this is a dream, a really messed up dream." She muttered as she lumbered off to the washroom. After splashing some water on her face and making sure she was awake, she headed back for the living room.
"...Then my heart stopped listening to chocho-san, fall in love all over again" Shinji sang happily as he began mixing some batter. He decided to try something new. 'Mmm. Pancakes. They look good' he thought to himself as he checked his cookbook.
"How stupid is it? I can't talk about it. I gotta sing about it and make a record of my heart. How stupid is it? Won't you gimme a minute, just come up to me and say hello." Shinji continued singing, "How stupid is it!? For all I know you want me too or maybe you just don't know what to do, maybe you're scared to say I'm falling for you."
Asuka stopped in her tracks. It wasn't a dream, and from the sound of it, Shinji knew that she had been going through his things. Now he was taunting her. "Or maybe he's being serious. But how could he." she thought out loud as she slumped against a wall. "Well, I suppose I'd have to do this sooner or later." she said, taking a deep breath.
"I wish I could get my head outta the sand, 'cause I think we'd make a good team and you would keep my fingernails clean, but that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize 'cause I can't even look in your eyes without shakin' and I ain't fakin'. I'll bring home the turkey and you bring home the bacon" Shinji sang, repeating the last line over and over again.
Asuka marched into the kitchen. "Look Third Child... I don't understand why you feel the way you do... God knows I don't, but I think we need to talk..." she said, determined to keep talking. Shinji didn't turn around. "Shinji?" she asked, wondering why he was ignoring her. She quickly noticed the reason. "He's listening to music? He's been singing along to music!?" Asuka shouted in disbelief. Shinji finally turned around. He was wearing his trademark apron. After pulling out one of his earphones, he gave her a rather disturbing smile. "Good morning Asuka, if you could just take your seat besides Misato at the table, I'll be serving you your breakfast." He said before turning around and continuing with his work.
"You heard everything" Asuka said flatly as she sat down. "Yup" Misato said cheerfully as she took a sip of her beer. Asuka fidgeted slightly, trying her hardest not to let her pride get the better of her. "What I said stays between us?" She said hopefully. "Fair enough." Misato shrugged. Asuka blinked, not believing her good luck. She decided not to push it and simply shut up.
Part 1 - Darkness Overpowering
"Stop
With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
But there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind.. Where is my mind.? Where is my mind.?
Way out in the water
See it swimmin'
I was swimmin' in the Caribbean
Animals were hiding behind the rock
Except the little fish
But they told me, he swears
Tryin' to talk to me koi koy
Where is my mind.? Where is my mind.? Where is my mind.?"
- The Pixies (Where is my mind?)
Shinji's eyes jerked open as he came back into consciousness. or so he thought. Instead of the familiar ceiling of the hospital room (where he assumed he was) he usually ended up in after most operations, there was a hazy. haze. 'Where the hell am I?' he wondered as he looked around. All of it was haze.
Suddenly his own voice assailed his ears from every possible direction.
"I am in Hell" "I am Hell" "Hell is not where I am" "I am not here" "Am I here?" "Who am I?" "Am I me?" "I am me"
Countless words were shouted at him, by him. all hitting him at the same time. It would be more than enough to drive a completely sane person over the edge into complete madness. Shinji was already mildly insane (anyone willing to pilot a massive bio-weapon and put themselves in death's way repeatedly could be considered as such), yet he remained seemingly unaffected by the barrage. He simply shrugged, then closed his eyes again. "Just a dream. nothing more." he whispered to himself before re-opening his eyes.
As everything went into focus he saw that he was somewhere different. No longer was in a blurry haze, but somewhere definite. And yet he wasn't. He was on a train car, he recognized it as the one he was always riding in most of his dreams. As usual it was bathed in an orange light that made everything seem distorted. casting shadows everywhere. He seemed to be alone at the moment. The only sound was the clang-clang-clang, of the train's wheels as they rushed over the land. The absence of all other sounds was so overwhelming, that even this normally loud and overpowering sound became muted. "Why am I here again?" Shinji asked out loud, wondering why he was stuck where he was, like the train, repeating the same thing over and over again. Stuck in a loop.
"You are here because you broke your promise to yourself. You are here because you piloted again, even though you said you would not do so again" Rei's voice stated clearly. Shinji looked up from where he was sitting. Rei was beside him. He stared at her for a moment before realizing it wasn't her. It was just a soulless copy. A doll. He didn't know how he could tell, but something inside of him warned him that this wasn't really Rei Ayanami he was looking at.
The doll spoke again, "We are curious to know, why you did so." it asked, tilting its head slight. Shinji sighed, weighing his words carefully before replying. "Because I couldn't afford to let everyone down again." he said to the doll beside him. "I see. Is that the only reason that you pilot?" it asked in response.
Shinji stared at the thing in the form of Rei and found the way that it had switched between using "I" and "We" when it spoke, strange, if not extremely curious. He hesitated before answering. "No. I pilot because without it I'm nothing. so I fight. I fight because they say to" he replied simply.
"Who is it that you fight?" the copy asked.
Shinji's own voice shouted at him, echoing throughout the car. "Enemy!" "Enemy!" "Enemy!" it screamed at him. Images flashed by in Shinji's mind. The defeated Angels strolled through his head, one by one. The last image was that of his father walking away. "Yes. I fight those they call enemy" Shinji said sternly.
"Why do you not question them.? Why do you not choose to make your own decisions? Are you afraid?" The doll asked, seemingly mocking him.
Shinji decided to give it the most sarcastic answer he could. "I don't question because I'm a good little soldier, I do my best, I follow orders, I pilot. People care about me when I pilot, so I continue to do so." Shinji said snidely. Before he realized what he was saying was true. "If I stop piloting, no one will be nice to me. no one will care." Shinji ended; a tone of sadness was in his voice. Familiar voices rang out.
Misato.
"I just wanted to tell you, that you did a very noble thing today Shinji. I'm proud of you."
Kaji.
"Nicely done Shinji."
His classmates and friends.
"Look there's Ikari! There's our hero!" "Hey Shinji, That last battle totally rocked!"
Father.
"Good job, Shinji."
"You are simply regurgitating the same memories over and over again. we wonder why you choose to delude yourself in this manner" The Rei-Doll asked. Shinji sank into his seat. "It's how humans survive. It's the only way I can survive, day by bloody day. It's all I have" Shinji protested weakly before images and voices flooded his mind again.
"You Idiot!" "Nice going, dumbass!" "I do not know you well; I wish it to remain so" "Perverted stooge, look what you've done now!" "Hmmm, seems I was wrong about you, what a waste of time" "You disappoint me"
Over and over they played in his head, like a broken jack in the box. leering at him, refusing to be silenced, and refusing to go back into its dark place.
"I'm doing my best. Care about me. I'm doing my best, be nice to me!" Shinji said, repeating this mantra. His voice gained intensity and ferocity with each repetition of it. He screamed til he was hoarse. The voices suddenly stopped. The copy at his side faded out of view. The train car was empty again. Silent, except for the sound of his breathing. and of the train's movement. He started laughing.
"I've done it again. I've driven them all away. Alone. Always alone." Shinji chuckled, feeling his sanity slip away. bit by bit. He slowly sank to the floor.
And so he lay there, laughing like a madman. Hours passed and he remained where he was, still laughing. His mind was a total blank. No thoughts uselessly cluttered it, no images swarmed him. There was nothing. Nothing, save his insane cackling.
----------------------------
Shinji groaned slightly as he opened his eyes again. His throat hurt and he couldn't remember why. As he blinked, he noticed his surroundings had changed once more. No longer was he stuck in the endless loop of the train ride, but in a vast meadow. mountains surrounding him from every side. The air seemed charged with something. something he couldn't quite describe. He felt warm. happy. He felt a presence near him.
He looked up from where he lay, feeling a heavy weight forcing itself onto him. He gasped as he saw what it was. Misato loomed over him, her naked body and purple hair glistening in the soft sunlight.
"Hey Shinji, Want to be with me? I promise I'll be gentle. It won't hurt at all" she whispered to him, smiling serenely as she leaned backwards to give him a better view.
Shinji's mind couldn't comprehend why this was happening. His head fell back to the soft grass, his eyes wide open. He as if a portion of himself was being yanked away. The sensation stopped and he jolted himself back into the moment. He could already feel that Misato was gone. He was thankful for that; he didn't think that he would be able to sufficiently resist the temptation she had offered. It felt wrong, seeing her in that light. to think of her in that way. He felt dirty.
He took a deep breath as he felt another straddle him. Someone lighter. He closed his eyes and brought his hands up to where he assumed her face was. Made contact with it. Smiled as he felt who she was. His eyes remained closed as he let his hands drop slowly from her face. He didn't want to open his eyes, didn't want to risk doing something stupid.
"Rei." He said softly as he opened his eyes briefly. For an instant, dark blue met red. Then all went dark as Shinji imposed blindness upon himself once more.
"Greetings Ikari. Do you wish to become with one with me? One mind, body and soul? It feels so wonderful. Do you not wish to feel so?" she offered as she lay down on him. Shinji wrapped his arms around her without thinking. Felt her warmth. Wanted so badly to take what she was offering. Finally he got back into control. He whispered in her ear. "I won't lie. I do want to feel that way. But I can't do that to you Rei. It wouldn't be right." He gave (what he was sure was) the copy a light squeeze. His eyes flew open in shock as he felt her body give way. All that was left was a pile of dust. Shinji got up slowly, watched as the dust was blown away by a sudden gust of wind. He apologized to the spot where he had been laying a few moments ago. "Farewell Ayanami. Misato." he said sadly before he turned and began walking. He didn't know where he was, or where he was walking to. He acted as if it was all a dream and was simply waiting to wake up. Only, he wasn't too sure that it was just a dream. It all seemed too surreal to be reality for him, yet there was still a lingering doubt in the back of his mind. Again, the increasingly familiar sensation of someone's presence nearby flowed throughout him. He barely had time to turn, let alone react, before he was knocked back down to the ground. He held his breath as he stared at the girl straddling him. 'This isn't real. It's not real.' he thought to himself.
"Hey idiot, wanna have sex with me? It feels great! Come on, I won't bite you. Well, unless you bite" Asuka laughed as she tossed her fiery hair. Shinji simply lay there, paralyzed. He stared, his mouth wide open in amazement as he took in every inch of her. Afraid to move, let alone breathe for fear of ruining the illusion. He knew it wasn't real, but was it so wrong to just pretend that it was?
"Well?" Asuka asked Shinji, a playful grin on her face as she hugged him. Shinji exhaled. Dark met light. Two seemingly endless seas of blue stared out at each other. A few inches of air separating them.
Then Shinji saw past them. Caught a glimpse of the multi-faced, yet faceless horror hiding behind them. Just waiting for him to let down his guard. Waiting to devour what remained of his soul. He now knew what that yanking feeling had been. It had already partaken of his soul. Now it wanted the rest of him.
With all of his strength, he shoved the imposter off of him. He made sure not to stop and watch its reaction, lest he forget for even a moment that it wasn't really Asuka. He knew that if he ever forgot that, even if it were for a second or so, he was leaving himself wide open for attack. He ran as fast as he could all the while repeating a slightly modified version of his mantra "Must run away, Must run away" he repeated over and over again as he bolted towards the mountains.
"I am rather disappointed in you. Shinji" a chilling voice laughed from somewhere far behind him. Shinji immediately recognized the voice and ran that much faster because of it. He couldn't stop now. The Devil himself was after him.
And then Shinji became aware of his mind. The sheer absurdity of it all had gotten to his head and he felt a sudden rush of rage, mixed with contemplation. He ran with mixed emotions. Sorrow trailed behind him with every footfall he made, remembering a bloody past. He took all those memories . tore them to pieces. Then he paused for a moment to catch his breath. looked up. Guilt flowed through him and his mind. He took a glance behind him.. Nothing to remember. not anymore.
Then as soon as the thoughts came, they left. He felt himself begin running. stumbled as he found that the memories. the thoughts he had just experienced were not his own. Yet they felt familiar. As if they belonged to one such as him.
Without his noticing it, his surroundings had changed yet again. He was back on the train ride of introspection. He grew angry. He wanted out and he wanted it right then and there.
"Why am I here again? Why are you hunting me!?" he shouted getting up from seat he had found himself in. "ANSWER ME!" he demanded, clenching and unclenching his fists. Nothing answered him. Nothing changes. There was nothing save him and the car he was in. Even the usual clang-clang-clang, he was so used to hearing when he was in his dreams was there. The only sound was of his voice. And even his shouts became must. to the point that they sounded more like whispers. After trying to make himself heard, for a good hour, he finally gave up. Letting weariness overcome him, he crumpled as he hit the floor.
Faint sobs filled the space he occupied...
----------------------------
Shinji awoke to an acute pain in his chest. It felt as if something or rather someone was trying to rip his heart, amongst other things, out through it. Shinji started laughing. He laughed because then he wouldn't have to scream.
As the pain got worse, Shinji's plan backfired as his laughter became hideous screaming. He clutched at his chest frantically, doubling over from the pain. "Can't run away" Shinji said weakly as he felt the pain become more intense. It almost surpassed any pain he had ever felt during his time as a pilot. He decided to try focusing on something different. Thoughts of piloting seemed to increase the pain. He called on happy memories. found out that he seemed to have none.
One memory managed to free itself from its prison in the dark.
"Hey Shinji. Have you ever kissed a girl?" Asuka's voice asked him clearly as the memory began playing in his mind. Shinji smiled weakly as he watched it. He could feel her lips locked with his own. Could taste her. He concentrated on the experience. and felt none of the negatives of it. The breathlessness he experienced now he attributed to the way he felt, not from Asuka cutting off his air supply. Then as quickly as the pain had gripped him, it lessened. Shinji fell to the floor, gasping for air. All went blue as he fell past it. He felt cold and wet all over. Then realized why.
Water. Lots of it. Shinji panicked immediately when he saw that he was surrounded by it. He couldn't swim. He flailed frantically, but to no avail as he sunk into the dark depths below. To Shinji this was where Angel's feared to tread. This was where things, without a doubt, more horrible than Angels lay in wait. Shinji continued to try and propel himself upwards. Failed again.
He became hysterical as his lungs began burning. Screaming for the air they needed. Shinji flailed around even more frantically, reaching out to the bright light of the surface. that was so close yet so far away.
Further and further he sank below. A strange sense of serenity filled him. 'Maybe it's because I've accepted the inevitable?' Shinji thought to himself, still falling slowly to what he presumed was his death. He laughed mentally. In this horrible, surreal place he would find his solace. It would do for him, what he had never had the courage to do. After all, he had nothing left. He had piloted Eva and now he was in this strange place. For all he knew there was nothing to go back to. Or worse yet, this horrible place and all the things in it were a result of his failure to defeat the last Angel.
He closed his eyes, feeling tendrils envelop and pierce his being. let the cold depths embrace him. Then something within shifted. He heard a heartbeat, and knew it was not his. Felt his clothing, his shell, melt away. Felt someone nearby. and felt safe as a pair of arms embraced him.
He closed his eyes as a voice from his youth softly sang to him, cradling his tortured mind. As the soft lullaby filled his mind, he stopped sinking. He lay suspended between light and dark. A bubble of happiness surrounding him, and a single thread holding him there. The thread stretched. Held
In the space between, Shinji slept without worry.
----------------------------
When Shinji awoke, he no longer felt cold, or wet. He could tell by the fact that he was able to breathe properly, that he was no longer in the water. He got up, saw that he was in the valley again. Smiled as he felt the warmth of the sunlight on his naked body. "Wait a second. Naked body?" Shinji said as he looked down at himself.
Suddenly he laughed out loud. Just for the sheer absurdity of it all. Thus far he had been chased by demons, straddled by copies of three women that he knew and cared for, had been tossed around like a rag doll from location to location, been forced through bouts of contemplation and introspection, and now stood naked in a valley underneath a sky with a single cloud in it. A cloud that looked a lot like Asuka's face. And which happened to be growing larger and larger by the second. Shinji made an effort to hide his nakedness, for a moment, before reminding himself that it was just a cloud. And even if it wasn't a cloud, then it was probably another effect of this place, designed to try and break him, or do God knew what.
The cloud began to turn red in some areas. it looked like it was blushing. Shinji's eyes widened as he realized it. He then smiled as an incredibly strange compulsion popped into his head. He felt like dancing. Even underneath the watchful eye of the Asuka cloud, even though he was naked, Shinji felt like dancing more than anything else. So he did. The cloud became redder and redder as Shinji moved faster and faster. Finally the cloud burst apart. Showering him with a spray of something blue. something that smelt vaguely like. cookies. As the blue stuff dried off, Shinji no longer felt the warmth of the sun on his body. Instead he felt the tight slickness of his plug suit. A sudden feeling of dread filled him as he waited for something to happen, anything to happen. He wasn't disappointed. He felt a slight tugging within his chest. "Damn it." Shinji muttered, knowing exactly what was about to happen. His eyes went wide as he resisted the urge to scream. The pain hit him hard and fast. Shinji fell to his knees, and saw that his chest was contorting.
The pain seemed much worse this time, more visceral. It also seemed to be coming from the core of his being, spreading outwards like ripples in a pond. Shinji lifted his head slowly to the sky above. Kept his teeth grit, trying hard to suppress the scream that was about to escape him.
Pointing a vengeful finger skyward, he let it loose. "WHY?!" he screamed. "What have I done to deserve this? I've done the best I can! Why are you doing this to me!?" he screeched. The pain increased as if to try and answer him. Shinji sank to the ground as he blacked out from the pain. Sweet nothingness took him for the sixth time during his stay.
----------------------------
Shinji opened his eyes again as he came back into the land of consciousness. He was beginning to find the feeling of doing so, annoying. The constant change of scenery didn't help much. nor did the fact that a combination of excruciating pain that came and went, and random happenings, were leaving him teetering on the brink of permanent insanity too often for his liking.
As he got up, he noticed three things. One, he was still in his plug suit. Two, he seemed to be in a hospital room. Three, he felt weakened, and strangely vulnerable. He didn't like it.
He immediately looked up at the ceiling, to see if he was where he thought he was. "Unfamiliar ceiling." he whispered, staring at it. He wasn't back at NERV, or if he was, then they had done some major renovating. For one thing he didn't remember the ceilings having strange symbols on them. Large strange swimming symbols. Shinji shook his head and decided to go and have a look about, to see where he was. As he reached for the door handle he wondered what to do if he wasn't at NERV. 'I suppose I'll just deal with that problem once or if I run into it', Shinji mused as he opened the door.
He froze as soon as he got into the hallway. A passing by nurse gave him a concerned look. Or so he hoped. His mind noted the nurse wasn't human, but somehow couldn't see the nurse too clearly. "Excuse me, but what are you doing out and about? Has anyone cleared you yet, pilot?" the nurse asked. Shinji just stood there, staring at the nurse, his left eye twitching like there was no tomorrow. 'Well, takes take care of the question of 'Where am I?' a voice in his head shrugged before trying to snap him out of his funk. 'Hey kid! It's staring at us! DO SOMETHING!' the voice shouted at him. "Er. Pilot? Are you still with me?" the nurse asked waving an armored hand in front of his face. Shinji blinked a few times, staring into her eyes. All six of em. Six bright red orbs, much like the single one that Rei's Unit-00 had, jutting out from a peaked gray armor plate. The rest of the head was covered in a white helmet like encasing.
"Hello?" The nurse asked again, tilting her head towards him. A part of his mind found this curious as the nurse had no mouth to speak with, only an armor encased chin-like structure that protruded from its multi-eyed face.
A second after that thought popped up, it hit Shinji. He was talking to an Evangelion, or so it seemed. 'Just when I thought this place couldn't possibly get more messed up. This happens.' Shinji smirked inwardly as he watched the Nurse-EVA walk away, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration. As she stomped off, Shinji could hear her mutter "Pilots. Crazy bastards" Mentally kicking himself, Shinji began to wonder anew if he might just be at NERV after all, and was just on a major overdose of something. It was a rather plausible theory, the doctors had been (slowly but surely) increasing his dosage of pain killers with each visit. Or he could still be in, well, wherever the hell he was in. He blinked as he studied the hallways surrounding him. everything was so familiar, yet not. He couldn't tell what it was or why, but there was something that wasn't right about this place, aside from the man-sized Evangelions in clothing roaming about. He decided to pass it off though as his own paranoia. Instead he turned his attention towards the numerous Evangelions around him. The sheer number of different head variants made him dizzy. Also, some had shoulder sponsons, and some didn't. None of them paid him any mind though.
'Time to find out I'm just on an OD, or if I'm still in Hell' Shinji said trying to think of where to go to find that out. As he watched the Evas walk past it came to him. "Just head for the cages. everything will be fine. We'll know everything once we get there' he told himself as he headed for the Docking Bays.
----------------------------
After an hour of walking through NERV HQ, Shinji finally found himself in a corridor leading to the cage where his unit was. He looked down it cautiously. The reason he had been taking so long to find a hallway was because every time he got close to his Unit, a shadowy figure would appear at the end of the hall, blocking it off. Not wanting to risk a confrontation, Shinji had decided to just find another corridor. "Speak of the devil." Shinji muttered as the dark figure appeared at the end of the hallway. He had gotten tired of it always blocking him off. He grit his teeth and decided to stand his ground, so to speak. A quick repetition of his mantra (I mustn't run away) and he felt ready enough to do something stupid, like, oh let's say, charge down the shadowy figure blocking the end of the hall.
The idea that the figure was most likely an Evangelion of some sort and therefore stronger than Shinji could ever hope to be, the fact that the figure was taller than him, and had the distinct shoulder sponsons of an Evangelion. occurred to him. Not that he paid them any mind as he rushed headlong towards certain injury, if not death. An old song played through his head as he got closer and closer.
'Like an angel that has no sense of mercy...Rise, young boy, to the heavens like a legend...' his mind sang as the distance became lesser, and lesser. His feet left the ground as he tackled the figure. He made impact...hard. He fell to the ground with a loud thud. The world spun around him as he ruefully rubbed his head. "So much for embracing the universe." he muttered under his breath before getting up to face his rather hard opponent. As it came into focus, Shinji's eyes widened in fear. The color was different but Shinji could recognize that metal jaw. that single horn that stuck out of forehead. the blazing yellow eyes, narrow like a cats. His opponent was none other than a black Unit-01. wearing the Commander's uniform to boot.
Terror flowed through him as he stared back into the beast's unreadable eyes. The black demon in his father's clothing simply returned the stare. cold eyes piercing him.
"Where do you think you're going, Third Child?" it asked, a hidden threat of steel lining its voice. Shinji, despite his fear was feeling strangely bold. "If you would stop cutting me off, to the cages. I want to check Unit- 01" he replied as he clenched and unclenched his fist. He knew that he was no match for the Evangelion if it tried to stop it, and assumed that his assailant knew this too.
"I cannot allow you to do so, the schedule must not be interrupted or deviated from", the Commander EVA said coldly, falling into a battle stance. Shinji flinched inwardly, being a pilot and having watched footage of his Evangelion in action he knew that here was not the place to be. 'If only I could get to 01. The real 01.' he thought to himself as he tried to find an opening.
He found his opening in between the two black pillars that were this demon's legs. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and went for it. With speed he never knew he had possessed, he slid in between the black Evangelion's legs and to freedom. He opened his eyes as soon as he cleared those terrible legs, got up and sprinted towards the entrance to the Cage. "Must run away. Must run faster!" he repeated frantically, trying his damn hardest not to look back. Given what was on his heels, he had no such problem with stopping.
The corridor seemed to stretch out into eternity. but Shinji kept running. His legs ached, but he kept running. He was rewarded, the corridor ended a few seconds later and he stumbled into the docking bay. Without even pausing to catch his breath Shinji stepped out onto the umbilical bridge that would take him to his Evangelion. He felt it move. and feeling that it was safe to do so, he collapsed onto the metal beneath him. Gasping for air he barely noticed his Unit when he reached it. However after his lungs felt that they had sufficient air, he noticed it and his jaw dropped. 'Well. I really should have seen this one coming' he thought to himself as he stared at the massive figure before him.
She was familiar, maybe it was because she was rather similar to Rei. Only with brown hair instead of blue. wearing a purple and green, primitive looking plugsuit. After a few moments an old memory flashed by briefly. Someone who cared for him.
"Mother?" he whispered, falling to his knees. 'If mother's here. Am I dead?' Shinji thought, confused enough by the recent turn of events that things were starting to make sense. However, below the surface of his now tranquil mind laid a horde of questions ready to burst forth. Even then some were leaking through. Was he dead? Was he in hell? Or worse yet, some sort of twisted heaven? After all, he had been told all of his life that his mother had died in some sort of accident when he was only five. He couldn't remember what the accident had been though, all he remembered was that he was there. He had never asked his father, mostly because of his fear of him, and recently because he really didn't want to hear his lies.
It didn't matter anyways. He was with his mother. Somehow he could tell that she was the real Yui Ikari, even in her surreal state. "Mother."he whispered again, moving closer to her. He could feel that his assailant was gone, banished back into the shadows from whence it came. Yui's eyes remained closed even as he approached her. Her face was serene.
"She doesn't even know I'm here. Does she?" Shinji asked himself out loud as memories of his abandonment at the hands of his father came rushing in. Suddenly a clear voice swept them aside. "Shinji?" it asked, surprised by his presence. "SHINJI!" she shouted, overjoyed. Her eyes shot open and immediately came to rest on him. "Mom?" Shinji asked rhetorically, feeling (for the first time in a long time.) happy. He hated to break the mood but he needed answers.
"Mom, where are we?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't say "The After Life". "We're inside Evangelion Unit-01" she answered simply. Shinji sighed in relief. "Wait. What do you mean, inside Unit-01? Am I still in the plug and just hallucinating?" he asked again, feeling rather confused.
"No. Let me explain, you're currently floating about somewhere within EVA's core. Your body lost coherence and is gone, where to, I don't know" Yui answered slowly. Shinji's eyes widened. If his body was gone, how was he supposed to get back out? His mind immediately began formulating a million different outcomes. All of them were fatal. He panicked and ironically the one thought that should've calmed him down served to agitate him further. His mother had somehow survived for ten years inside this beast. How long until she was gone and he was alone? How long til he too, faded away into the nether? As these thoughts grew more pronounced, despair began to set in.
Feeling her son's dismay, Yui began to panic slightly herself. It took her a few moments to regain control. 'Humanity. It's been too long.' she mused before trying to calm down an increasingly neurotic Shinji. "Don't worry. They'll find a way to bring you back" she said soothingly. 'It'll work this time. It has to!' she thought to herself as she stared down at her son. Raising a massive arm, she lowered it gently beside him.
Shinji looked up at the massive form of his mother. A part of him was recording the moment. A happy memory to call upon when in doubt or despair. A re-assuring fact when piloting. To know that she'd be there and had been there to protect him from harm. Everything began to fall into place. All the times the EVA had gone berserk to save the day, the reason why it wouldn't accept any other pilot now. The reason why it hadn't killed Touji when he had screamed at it to stop.
Shinji got a good grip on his mother's arm and began climbing up it. As soon as he was on top he began running as fast as he could up it. The rubber soles of his plugsuit providing surprisingly good traction. 'Good thing too. A fall from this height would probably kill. If it's even possible to die here,' Shinji thought as he reached his mother's shoulder. Yui watched, unable to move, due to the restraints imposed on her by the form she was in. She had managed to break most of the restraints but still remained captive; a prisoner of the beast known as Evangelion. A tear, caused by mixed feelings, made its way down her cheek.
Sadness, because she hadn't been there for her son when he had needed her most.
Joy, because he was here now. Because she had been able to protect him during the past few months.
'I guess I'm not a total failure' she chuckled mentally as she felt her son embrace her cheek. "What about you mom.. How will you get out? When they get me, will they get you out too?" Shinji asked, basking in his mother's warmth, hoping that she'd give him the answer he longed for. Yes.
"I'm sorry kitten. I don't think I'll be getting free anytime soon." she whispered sadly. Shinji's heart sunk. He rested against his mother's cheek, trying to hold back the tears. "Don't worry. I'll be fine. I've survived for ten years, what's another ten billion?" she chuckled softly. He nodded, tears filling his eyes.
Shinji suddenly felt a slight tugging at his chest. "It's starting again. What is this pain? Why do I feel it?" Shinji muttered. Yui's eyes widened. "They're trying to shock your body back into coherence. They're trying to bring you back!" she shouted, excited. Shinji inhaled sharply as the pain began flowing. His words came out slowly as he strained to get them out. "How. do. I. get. out?" he asked, muscles tensing up and relaxing as the waves hit him. "I don't know. If I did, don't you think I'd be out already?" Yui answered, her voice tinted by resentment.
Shinji cried out, the pain was cutting deeper and deeper into him. He peered down into the abyss only a few inches away from the edge of his mother's body. He stared at it. The pain lessened as he focused on it. 'Ikari.' a wailing voice called from the darkness. Shinji closed his eyes. "Goodbye mother. I promise you, we'll meet again. I'm going to get you out" he said before leaping.
Shinji laughed as he felt air hit his face, caressing it softly as he fell into eternity. He felt his plugsuit fall away from him. He fell a liberated man. if he could call himself that, no responsibilities, no facades. just his inner self. falling to his doom.
He opened his eyes, turned his body so that he could look up. He could no longer see the overpowering form of his mother. Strangely he felt this comforting. He sighed as the pain left his body.
'And so it ends,' he thought bleakly. He could see no bottom, no finality in this darkness that he was falling into. Closing his eyes once more he whispered, "God. Please let it end." He then chuckled after realizing the irony and futility of what he had just done. He was Shinji Ikari, Third Child, Invincible pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. Slayer of the Lord's Angels. Why the hell would God Help him? And then Shinji had another epiphany.
What was the use of praying? What point was there in religion now? God clearly hated the human race. After all, why else would he send the Angels to destroy humanity? Why else would he have inflicted Second Impact. The Bible clearly stated that God had promised that he would never again unleash such destruction as he had in the Great Flood upon Mankind. Looked like he had lied. For now he had unleashed something far worse than a flood. He had sent the Angels.
The Angels. the ones who were trying to create a Third Impact to wipe out humanity, the ones that had taken the lives of those he had failed to protect, the Angels that had hurt those dear to him, the Angels that had taken away his innocence, and now what remained of his pitiful life. There was no doubt about it, God hated him. The only question going through Shinji's mind was. Why?
After a few minutes of contemplation, Shinji gave up. He knew he'd never find the answer to the question. And so he waited. all the while falling. Waiting for the ground to meet him. Waiting for something to happen.
Two seconds later, he made impact. Opening his eyes as he felt the cold hard surface on which he had seemingly just laid down on. Everything was blurry. He heard someone he knew call his name. Felt a pair of arms encircle him. Hold him close. He sighed happily before closing his eyes. The sweeter embrace of unconsciousness took his broken and weary body.
PART 2 - REBORN
I Watched you change, into a fly
I looked away you were on fire
and I watched a change in you
it's like you never had
wings now you feel alive
I've watched you change
And I watched a change in you
now you feel alive
now you feel so alive
I've watched you change
like you never had wings
Deftones (Change in the house of flies)
Alarms went off in the EVA cages. Like ants around a seemingly dead mouse that just began moving, NERV technicians began to swarm around the not so inactive Evangelion Unit 01.
"Ma'am. Something's wrong! Unit-01 isn't reacting. Wait, it's trying to eject the plug!" Lt. Maya Ibuki shouted as she watched the monitors in front of her go crazy. To either side of her were her co-workers. Lt. Makoto Hyuga and Lt. Aoba Shigeru. Both were working frantically, trying to make the data on their screens change to something more favorable. Having an almost hysterical purple haired Major didn't help much either. "Block the signal! Don't let it eject!" Misato screeched, panicking. Maya grit her teeth, tempted to tell the older woman to just shut up and let her do her job. "Ma'am. I can't! It's rejecting any signals we send!" she shouted instead. "It seems that EVA doesn't want to let him go." Ritsuko muttered under her breath as she took over from another console. "Just what is Evangelion?" Misato asked, having overheard her. Ritsuko didn't even look up from the screen. "You've seen the data; you can access the specs. You know what it is" she said flatly, fingers moving across a keyboard at high speeds. Misato had an urge to just smack Ritsuko right then and there. She knew she was lying, she had to be. But it wouldn't be proper for her to assault the good doctor in front of their support staff. She'd have to confront her about it later. Those thoughts were pushed out of her mind by the immediate expulsion of the entry plug by Unit-01
Misato ran down to the umbilical bridge, watching in silent horror as LCL began flowing from the plug. Carrying an empty plugsuit with it.
"Ma'am. We've lost the pilot's signal." Maya said slowly, not believing the information present on her screen. The signal was gone. Completely gone.
Down on the bridge, Misato's eyes widened as she picked up the fallen plugsuit. 'He's gone.' Misato fell to her knees, hugging the plugsuit tightly. "What good is it. What good is your science! You can't even save one life with it!" she screamed at the techs around her. She then turned her attention towards the Evangelion before her. "Give him back! Damn you! GIVE ME MY SHINJI BACK!" she screeched at the now still behemoth. It remained passive. mocking her with it's silence.
"Misato. he's not coming back. We've done everything we can, "Ritsuko said, kneeling down beside Misato, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder. 'Damn it, this is hitting her hard. I feel sorry for her. The things she'll have to endure.' Ritsuko thought sadly. not noticing Misato clenching her fist. She lashed out a moment later, hitting the blonde doctor dead on in the face. "Bullshit" Misato snarled, looking rather feral. Ritsuko stumbled backwards. hand going straight up to her face. 'I won't say anything. she's in a bad place right now. I can't help her.' Ritsuko told herself calmly before turning her thoughts towards schedules and the agendas hidden within them. No doubt that the entire incident concerning Unit-01's appropriation of an Angel organ, an authentic S2 organ to boot, had thrown the entire damn schedule for the Human Instrumentality Project into disarray.
The two women stiffened slightly as they heard a loud humming emanating from the Unit-01 beside them. A loud 'thud' followed once it stopped.
"SHINJI!"
----------------------------
Shinji opened his eyes slowly, and found the ceiling. He smiled as he recognized it.
"Familiar ceiling." he whispered, feeling oddly happy. The feeling permeated through the thick haze of mental and physical exhaustion.
"I hate this place" he laughed as he sank back into his hospital bed. 'I'm home. I'm really home.'
"I don't think anyone likes this place," a familiar voice chuckled. "Misato?" Shinji asked quietly, before being pulled into a tight embrace. "Good to have you back" she smiled, easing up on her hug. 'God. How long has it been since she got a decent night's rest?" Shinji thought to himself as he noticed the dark rings around her eyes. He was taken a bit off guard when Misato hugged him tightly again. "I.We were afraid that we had lost you," Misato whispered, "Thank you for coming back." 'Thank you. No Angel can stand against us with you back. My redemption is that much closer.' Misato thought, before smacking herself mentally. 'SHAME ON YOU WOMAN! He is not a tool. He's a human being and don't you ever let yourself forget that!' she scolded herself.
Shinji watched Misato as she sat back into her chair; blissfully unaware of the inner conflict going within her head. "Um. Misato, where was I? How long have I been gone?" he asked, bringing her out of her muddled thoughts. She shook her head slightly before replying. "You were floating around somewhere inside Unit-01. It's been a month since you were taken"
Shinji's head was spinning. A month. How was it that he couldn't remember an entire month of his life? Suddenly bits and pieces of recently suppressed memories re-surfaced.
"Hey Shinji, wanna be with me?" "I'm bored, want to have sex with me?" "Hello Ikari. Do you wish to become one with me?"
"Mmmm. it feels wonderful" "Come on, I promise I won't bite, unless you do first" "One body, one mind, one soul"
Shinji felt his body shake. Everything was blurry for a moment before his eyes focused on the first thing in front of him. Misato. "Shinji. SHINJI! Are you alright?" she asked frantically, seeming somewhat agitated. "Huh?" Shinji muttered, blinking. "You spaced out for a while. You started mumbling things about becoming one with something" Misato replied, seeming even more agitated than she had been a few minutes ago. She had good reason to be. According to the not so good doctor Akagi, this wasn't the original Shinji. She had seen the results, the DNA was almost exactly the same as the original Shinji's, only now it contained a few extra bits. What these bits were, or what they would do was anyone's guess. So far he seemed normal enough, except for the spacing out bit. For all intents and purposes he was Shinji.
Misato studied him carefully, especially his eyes. The deep blue eyes which everyone else seemed to think were brown. The ones someone could easily get lost in. They looked older, weary of the world that they were being forced to see. Other than that, she couldn't read them. She sighed as she decided to let him rest. She needed caffeine...badly.
"Well. I guess I should let you rest, I'll see if I can get you released soon" she said before heading for the door.
Shinji breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she left. The way she had been staring at him, no, examining him, made him uneasy. It was something which he expected of Dr. Akagi, not Misato. He began to wonder why. He raised his left arm, clenched and unclenched his fist, staring at it. He tried to find something wrong; anything wrong with it. As hard as he tried, he found nothing. Nothing warranting the cold way in which Misato had been looking at him. As far as he could tell he was still human. What had happened to him when he was inside EVA? He couldn't see any changes, no physical ones anyways.
The only thing he knew was different was that his mind had set up memory blocks. He knew this because it had happened before. For example, after his fight with the Third Angel his mind set up blocks to protect itself. The memory of having an energy spike forced through his skull via eye socket would have scarred him had his mind not taken those countermeasures. Usually a sound familiar to one in the memory would gradually release the memories from their prison.
The last thing he remembered was sitting in Unit-01's entry plug, shouting at it, trying to get it to reactivate and move. An Angel was outside, pounding his powerless Evangelion. Everyone was depending on him, so he began yelling that much more frantically. Still the EVA had remained silent. Shinji, desperate, had begun pulling on the controls, knowing that it was pointless to do so. Then the darkness took him.
Shinji found himself staring at his hand again, once the flashback ended. "What is this scent?" he asked as a familiar smell filled his nostrils.
Another memory freed itself.
Warmth. A smiling face. gentle arms holding him, keeping him safe. cookies.
"Mother," Shinji whispered to the ceiling. "This is the scent of my mother."
He began to think of all of the ramifications and implications of what he had just said. He smelled like his mother. He had just been inside Evangelion Unit-01 for the past month. Therefore.
"Mom's in Evangelion." Shinji said with a deranged smile on his face. A few moments later he fell back onto his bed. Unconscious.
----------------------------
Asuka checked her watch again. "8:49. Where the hell is she?" she wondered aloud. Misato had, for some reason 'forgotten' to tell her the exact time of the salvage operation that was supposed to have taken place earlier that morning. She paced back and forth. waiting for news, good or bad.
During the past week she had been contemplating the final pages of Shinji's journal. She was prepared for either outcome of this last salvage. She was ready to confront him about its contents once he returned. However, she was also ready to forget (or so she thought) that she had ever read the journal, if the salvage had failed.
All she needed was to know which outcome she should prepare for. "Where are you, Misato?" she muttered again as she flopped down onto the living room couch. After turning on the t.v, she began flipping through the channels. "Crap. Crap. More Crap. Damn it! Nothing good" she groaned as she turned it off a few minutes later. She sat up, trying to find something to occupy her mind. Anything to occupy her mind with. After a few more minutes of thinking, she found it.
Shinji's journal.
----------------------------
'Wow, the last few days have been eventful, to say the least. A new pilot, another Angel down. I don't think I was expecting any of this a few days back.
It all started when Touji and Kensuke had walked home with me. When we got to the front door, Misato was there, apparently waiting for me. Noticing Touji and Kensuke she decided to be nice and invite them along with me for a 'boat ride' (as she put it). Touji and Kensuke immediately began nodding and grinning like idiots, like they always do when Misato's around. Sure, she's nice looking and all, but she's such a slob! Honestly, I don't know what they see in her. On second thought, I know exactly what they see in her.
Anyways, she explained later that we'd be overseeing the delivery of Evangelion Unit-02, and its pilot. I, being a NERV employee, had a duty to go. Touji and Kensuke had no such obligations. However, after being told that the new pilot was female, and that we'd be staying on an aircraft carrier, they were dead set on coming. Of course they didn't know that I had to go, so I told them that it would be kinda stupid if I didn't come along. After all, I guess I have to promote NERV as a big happy family. Hmmm, that doesn't sound too right.
We took a big transport chopper there, I learned later that we weren't its only cargo. Kensuke was practically having orgasms all the way to the ship. Touji was stuck in M.C.S (Misato caused stupor), telling me all about the special hat he had bought, just to wear for her. I, was dying from a combination of boredom and sheer annoyance, after all. one can only listen to one's friends talk about military stuff, or how he decided to wear something special just for your guardian before you feel the urge to just smack them senseless. I immediately regretted not bringing my faithful S- DAT with me. Thankfully it wasn't long til we landed. AS I stumbled out of the chopper, a wonderful sight greeted me.
She looked the same age as me. Red hair and yellow sundress fluttering about in the wind. I could tell already that she was something special. Our eyes met briefly. My dark blue meeting her bright blue. She seemed to be looking down at me.
I don't know why, but it hurt.
Pathetic of me really, a girl I barely know gives me a disapproving look and I go to pieces.
Touji stepped out after me. The wind took his beloved hat from him once he was out. The girl stomped on it as it came her way. Touji lunged for it. right at the same time she did this.
The same wind that took Touji's hat, gave us a rather nice look at the girl's panties. She proceeded to smack him. Hard, claiming it was a viewing fee. Now I only mention all of this because it led to Touji flashing her back, with significantly more skin to boot. The fact that Misato was laughing hysterically doesn't help the mental image. Or Touji's self esteem.
After Touji had recovered sufficiently from the angered girl's blows (although I don't think he'll ever recover from Misato's laughter)Misato made the introductions. Yet again the girl looked into my eyes. Only this time I felt insulted.
"What? This is the Third Child? Looks a little scrawny for a pilot," the girl said eying me with casual disregard. She turned out to be the pilot of 02 (The Great Asuka Langley Sohryu, as she put it), the Second Child. It's a shame really. That she doesn't have a good personality to match her looks. To quote Kensuke and Touji. "What a bitch!" Egotistical one to boot, as I found out later when she showed me her Unit.
I had to stand there, while she boasted how much better her Mass Production Model Evangelion was better than my Test Type. The most I'll admit is that hers is a rather interesting and nice color. One doesn't see bright red Evangelions every day; then again most people will never see one in their lifetime, let alone get chosen to pilot one.
Halfway through her lecture, something rocked the boat hard. Alarms went off as we rushed for the main deck. Once we got there we were treated to a rather spectacular sight. Two cruisers in our escort went down in flames as something large and white ploughed through them. Asuka smiled, looking quite deranged as she whispered something in a foreign language. Her guess was that it was an Angel.
It figured. Here we were, no land in sight, an Evangelion in transit, a pilot that was too sure of herself, and to add to our problems, an Admiral that seemed to hate NERV with a passion, therefore hindering our every move. So of course an Angel had to attack us.
Asuka felt confident enough that she decided to launch Unit-02 by herself. without orders. Dragging me along for the ride.of course.
Of course she demanded that I wear a plugsuit, and seeing as there seemed to be no male variants aboard, and because I had lacked the foresight to bring one along with me, I had to wear a bloody female issue plugsuit. Bright red, just like the EVA. Gee, I wonder what Asuka's favorite color is?
The plugsuit affair was not a pleasant experience. It was too loose in a lot of areas and way too tight in the ones that really mattered. Thankfully Kensuke and his camera were on another ship this time. However its times like these that I really, really wish that Kensuke's camera would short out, or something equally damaging (I figure if I'm going to wish for something, might as well make it realistic, after all, there's not a chance in hell that Kensuke would ever leave his cam at home). I suppose I'll berate him later, before he tries to blackmail me into finding some way for him to become a pilot. I'll touch on that later.
Once we got into the plug and inserted, things didn't get much better. She began speaking German as she activated Unit-02. Within seconds the not so familiar ERROR, message was surrounding us. She then started to yell at me. again.
"If you MUST think, then think in GERMAN!" she shouted. Well, I tried to think in German, but if bratwurst, Volkswagen, and schnitzel aren't German, then I don't know what is.
She yelled at me again before re-starting using a Japanese interface. Millions of colors flashed by as we synched with the red giant. I silently prayed, hoping it wasn't as temperamental as its pilot. My prayers seemed to hold fast, thankfully as she jumped from ship to ship, heading for the "Over the Rainbow", the ship we had landed on earlier that day. I watched as the Angel took down another cruiser.
Once we got to the "Over the Rainbow", Misato began cheering us on. Bad idea. It only spurned on the insane redhead. She pulled an activated prog knife from a shoulder sponson. I could see that it was a different model than mine. I couldn't help but think, 'State of the art tech, and what do they arm us with? A giant X-acto knife that vibrates really fast. We're doomed.'
"COME GET SOME!" she laughed as she assumed a fighting stance with it, holding the knife out in front of her, and open palm inches away from the tip. The Angel seemed to hear her as it came straight for us. It was a lot bigger than I had originally thought it to be. It took us slightly off- guard, knocking the knife straight from Unit-02's hands. I watched, impressed, as Asuka wrestled with the massive beast. Then I realized that her EVA was equipped with B-Type Equipment. Therefore rather vulnerable underwater. well actually, useless to be exact.
Asuka seemed to realize the same thing a moment later, because she began swearing profusely as the Angel dragged s down with it into the murky depths. The only thing that saved us was the umbilical cable. And from my experiences when it comes to combat, I've learned that it snaps much too easily for my peace of mind.
Down and down we went. Rather rapidly thanks to the Angel. The first thing we saw once we got down there was a giant wall of teeth heading for us. The first thing I felt afterwards was a fuzzy sensation in my mid section. Asuka merely grunted as she tried to pry the enormous teeth trapping us, apart. As she did this, I (somewhat calmly) informed Misato of the situation, and of the location of the Angel's core. All she told me was to "hold on" while she thought of something.
And think she did. Coming up with a plan crazy enough that it worked. All me and Asuka had to do was hold the Angel's mouth open, while two cruisers were sunk and rammed down its throat.
Easier said than done. Trying to open a gargantuan fish's mouth, whilst it's trying to cleave you in half with its teeth isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. But somehow we managed to do it. it took all of our strength, both mental and physical. We did it though, so I guess that's the only thing that really matters. We came back to cheers, and a few wolf whistles from some of the crew. The fact that they were mostly directed at me was not a good sign.
----------------------------
Asuka put down the journal. She shook her head furiously. It didn't make any sense; Shinji's earlier entries seemed to be. filled with life, with SOME sort of happiness. Then slowly but surely as she flipped through the entries after that one, they got more and more depressing and lifeless, steadily. Almost as if something was leeching any joy, any defiance he once had, from him.
That's when it hit her. From the look of it, the process had begun shortly after she had arrived in Tokyo-03. "It's me. I'm the one who's doing it to him," she laughed. It made so much damn sense to her now. After all, Shinji had stood up to her a lot before they began synch training. That's when he had fallen in love with her. He became more docile, more apologetic, and slowly but surely he had become the Shinji she knew. The only thing that didn't make sense to Asuka was, why? Why was he doing it? He couldn't possibly be thinking that by bringing himself down he was doing her any good.
Asuka carefully placed the book back into its place and walked out of the room. "No sense at all." she muttered as she headed for the couch. She checked the time again. "12:46. She should be back by now" Asuka said as she began to worry slightly.
----------------------------
Shinji sighed as he pulled on his shirt. Misato had managed to get him released. He was grateful for it; usually he spent a week or so in the infirmary for any minor injury after piloting. He'd hate to waste another month of his life lying in bed, because of what had happened.
He just wished that he didn't have to leave at three in the morning. Wearily he pulled himself off of his bed and out the door. A slightly more animate Misato greeted him. "Let's get going before they change their minds. God knows they'd love to get their hands on you for another week or so" Misato chuckled as they made their way to the exit.
A few minutes later they were in Misato's trusty Renault and on the way home. Shinji gulped as he saw that Misato's driving hadn't gotten any better. 'It's three in the morning; she hasn't slept in days. I suppose it's not that bad' he thought to himself, taking back his previous mental statement. He changed his mind again as Misato barely missed hitting a ramen stand. 'Well, at least it won't be a long ride.' the optimist part of Shinji offered. 'It's still a ride with Misato' the pessimist chipped in.
Shinji sighed. It was going to be a long ride.
----------------------------
Gendo Ikari was not a happy man. Then again, he rarely was. However it happened that on this night, he was more displeased than usual. For all he knew, all the hard work, all of the machinations, all of the planning and scheming he had been doing for the past ten years would amount to naught.
"How will this new variable affect the schedule?" he asked; his voice calm and steady as he leaned forward in his chair. Surrounded by darkness, only the faint blue glow from the patterns etched into the ceiling of the vast office illuminated the woman standing in front of him.
"Nothing like this was predicted by the scrolls. As a result, I do not believe that the project will go forward exactly as SEELE had planned. However, with a few modifications, our own schedule may actually be carried out in less time than originally specified", Ritsuko Akagi said, trying to match her superior's tone. She could tell by the smirk on his bearded face that he was rather pleased with the news. She breathed a sigh of relief mentally, for had the senior Ikari's plans been halted, or interfered with in any way, the junior Ikari might not have survived his wrath.
"Excellent. Now what of the anomaly present in the Third?" The Commander asked, folding his hands in front of his face. Ritsuko gulped, mentally. Now was the clincher, unfortunately Shinji played a key role in the project, therefore if he wasn't operating according to the parameters set, he would have to be replaced.
"I don't believe that it will pose any problems." Ritsuko answered quickly. She faltered quickly under his stare. "However, I will most likely need to conduct more testing in order to be certain", she added hastily.
"Very well. See to it that this testing is completed soon. SEELE grows impatient. The old men are scared." the Commander smirked.
Ritsuko nodded and made for the exit. "Oh and Doctor." he said softly. She stopped and turned. "Yes, sir?" she asked. "Eight O'clock, the usual meeting place. that is all," he said. Ritsuko nodded once more and made a hasty retreat as she realized that she must have been blushing.
----------------------------
Shinji took a deep breath as he came to a stop in front of the apartment's front door. "Well, Shinji. Open the door" Misato said as she slumped against the wall. Shinji took another deep breath before opening it. Taking a step inside, he smiled. "I'm home." he whispered. "Welcome home, Shinji" Misato said as cheerful as one can be at four in the morning, before heading in. 'I really am home.' Shinji thought before closing the door behind him.
As he walked into the living room, a rather confusing yet amusing sight greeted him. Asuka lay sprawled on the couch. Her red hair formed a halo around her head. 'Why is she here at four in the morning? Was she waiting for me? Nah. couldn't be.' Shinji thought to himself as he leaned in closer. He chuckled as he noticed a small bit of drool running out of the corner of her mouth. She wasn't wearing much, only a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. He didn't dwell on it, as he spotted a few blankets nearby.
"Good night, Asuka" he whispered as he covered her with the blanket. Warm and fuzzy feelings filled him as her mouth curled into a smile. Not one of her usually arrogant smirks, but a genuine smile.
He tried not to look back as he entered the kitchen. He let out a small chuckle as he saw Misato, who seemed to have passed out on the table. He immediately went back to the living room to grab another blanket, and a pillow.
Just as he was finished gathering these, he heard a loud thud coming from the kitchen. He ran in. and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it had only been Pen-Pen trying to get the beer fridge open. Misato was still slumped in her chair, face flat on the table.
The penguin squawked happily as he finally noticed the boy. Shinji smiled as he crouched down to pet Pen-Pen's feathery crest. "Hey there Pen-Pen, miss me?" he asked, laughing softly as the penguin cocked his head in the direction of the beer fridge and squawked a few times.
"You haven't changed a bit, I see," Shinji grinned as he stood up, "All right, I'll get you a beer, but only because I feel extra nice tonight" he added with a slight chuckle as he got a beer from the fridge and set it down before him. Pen-Pen did an odd sort of bow before waddling over to pick up the can. "Wark" was all he said before heading off into his fridge for the night. "You're welcome" Shinji whispered, turning his attention to Misato.
Shinji gently lifted Misato's head, careful not to wake her, whilst simultaneously sliding a pillow underneath it. "Good night Misato" he whispered, giving her a slight hug. "And thank you." he added as he left.
----------------------------
Shinji yawned as he woke up. He sat up, waited a few moments, and then laughed out loud. "I'm home. I'm home!" he said, the realization finally sinking in. He quickly grabbed his S-DAT, and began rifling through his tape collection. "Where is it. Angst. Despair. Here we are! JOY!" Shinji said as put the tape up to blow the dust off of it. He blinked as he noticed that there was no dust. "Strange, I almost never use this one. And I've been gone for a month, so unless someone's been going through my stuff." Shinji wondered aloud, before rejecting the idea. No one had any reason to go into his room... He simply shrugged as he opened his S-DAT and put the tape in. Within seconds, music filled his ears. "Off to the kitchen we go" he said as he headed out of his room, a bounce in his step.
Asuka groaned as she woke up; she felt groggy, and her head hurt like hell. "Where did this blanket come from?" she said out loud. After all, no one had been home last night. She stiffened as a voice she hadn't heard in over a month drifted out of the kitchen.
"Goddamn you half Japanese girls! Do it to me every time." Shinji's voice rang out. Asuka blinked, wondering what the hell he was talking about. "Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello and I'm jello, baby 'cause you wont talk, won't look, won't think of me, I'm the epitome, a public enemy why you wanna go and do me like that? Come down on the street and dance with me!" He continued.
Asuka shook her head furiously. "This can't be. this is a dream, a really messed up dream." She muttered as she lumbered off to the washroom. After splashing some water on her face and making sure she was awake, she headed back for the living room.
"...Then my heart stopped listening to chocho-san, fall in love all over again" Shinji sang happily as he began mixing some batter. He decided to try something new. 'Mmm. Pancakes. They look good' he thought to himself as he checked his cookbook.
"How stupid is it? I can't talk about it. I gotta sing about it and make a record of my heart. How stupid is it? Won't you gimme a minute, just come up to me and say hello." Shinji continued singing, "How stupid is it!? For all I know you want me too or maybe you just don't know what to do, maybe you're scared to say I'm falling for you."
Asuka stopped in her tracks. It wasn't a dream, and from the sound of it, Shinji knew that she had been going through his things. Now he was taunting her. "Or maybe he's being serious. But how could he." she thought out loud as she slumped against a wall. "Well, I suppose I'd have to do this sooner or later." she said, taking a deep breath.
"I wish I could get my head outta the sand, 'cause I think we'd make a good team and you would keep my fingernails clean, but that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize 'cause I can't even look in your eyes without shakin' and I ain't fakin'. I'll bring home the turkey and you bring home the bacon" Shinji sang, repeating the last line over and over again.
Asuka marched into the kitchen. "Look Third Child... I don't understand why you feel the way you do... God knows I don't, but I think we need to talk..." she said, determined to keep talking. Shinji didn't turn around. "Shinji?" she asked, wondering why he was ignoring her. She quickly noticed the reason. "He's listening to music? He's been singing along to music!?" Asuka shouted in disbelief. Shinji finally turned around. He was wearing his trademark apron. After pulling out one of his earphones, he gave her a rather disturbing smile. "Good morning Asuka, if you could just take your seat besides Misato at the table, I'll be serving you your breakfast." He said before turning around and continuing with his work.
"You heard everything" Asuka said flatly as she sat down. "Yup" Misato said cheerfully as she took a sip of her beer. Asuka fidgeted slightly, trying her hardest not to let her pride get the better of her. "What I said stays between us?" She said hopefully. "Fair enough." Misato shrugged. Asuka blinked, not believing her good luck. She decided not to push it and simply shut up.
