A/N: Ican'tsendyoulovelypeoplee-mailsanymore. ...Bad news out of the way! - Heh, no really, I'm really sorry but my entire address book was wiped out and it would require way too much time and effort to reconstruct the entire thing. Maybe one day I'll get around to it...but for now you'll just have to make do with FFN's Author Alert system, or just regular checking in with the page. It's probably less annoying, too, ne? Good news now: I've got a new fic up! More on that at the end of the chapter...read it or I'll be very sad. ( The idea I'm using in this chapter is actually a story I intended to write...very much a humour fic, and so hilarious in my head. It actually involved all our favourite canon characters...a Draco Malfoy scene sticks out particularly in my mind (see if you can spot the Draco in the beginning!)...HOWEVER. It looks like it'll be used in this fic instead. Excuse any crappiness near the end because my sister was watching Ayashi no Ceres next to me full-blast the entire time. Huh. Kids.
Katie's POVChapter Twenty-One: The Title Before The Storm
"You're kidding!"
"No bloody way."
"He's lost his mind!"
"Wait 'till my father hears about this -"
"We're all doomed!"
"Merlin's beard, we're so friggin' screwed..."
"I don't know how to do my own laundry!!!"
Angie sank down in her seat morosely as all around us, the Great Hall was buzzing with all kinds of emotions; ranging from sad, to miserable, to mildly aggravated, to really, fecking pissed.
Fred used a paper napkin to fan his girlfriend concernedly as he said, "He's bleeding lost his mind now. He really has."
Mumbles of agreement from all around the Gryffindor table. Some screams, too.
"I trust," Professor Dumbledore said, immediately gaining the school's attention again, "that this will be quite the experience. Perhaps a more valuable one than you could imagine. Therefore, my dear students, I do encourage you to enjoy the meal you are about to have with the utmost passion one gets in the springtime of his or her life, as this will be your last catered meal for a period of time."
He paused.
His eyes twinkled with evil.
"Good eatin'!"
And the food prepared by the house-elves appeared, and immediately the Massacre began.
The thousand or so students of Hogwarts dug themselves into the food like they had never eaten before; furious battles for the last leg of chicken were enacted with fury; jowls dripped and a few jaws snapped due to the physical limits of man; screams and battle cries were heard as even the weakest of the weak stood up to Meet Their Maker; more and more foodstuff had to be conjured from the depths of Below second after second; food was sprayed into the air as fast as it was consumed by those giant, lumbering, vicious, ravenous beasts of
GOD'S
OWN
CREATION!!!
I NEED RATIONS!
Oh, how innocent the minutes leading up to the Massacre had been. Everyone engaged in idle chatter, here and there a stray student finishing up last-minute homework, George and Fred holding a "let's see who can stuff the most condiments into our nostrils" competition, everyone else gagging at the spectacle...when Dumbledore announced that he had a speech to make.
Like butterflies drawn to a flame, I mean moths drawn to a flame, I mean - which ones get burnt to death? - logic says both, dammit...like a fire extinguisher drawn to a flame, which would put out the flame meaning there would be no more flame to work with, DAMN it - bloody SOMETHING drawn to a flame, we all fell silent and turned to hear what he had to say.
"Harken unto me, harken unto me!" Japanese drums played. "Born and raised in ye olde English County's Village of Panserbjorne, I love to eat at the Eee-chee-rah-kooh Ramen noodle café and my name is Albus Du-Dumbledore! And what people call me is..."
"A crazy old coot," Professor Snape said coolly.
"A crazy old coot, and -" ... "No! Not that! The A! Double! D! ...Also known as Attention Deficit Disorder."
Hunh. I wish.
Actually, it went something more like this: "Students, I am about to make an announcement that, I am quite excited to say, will affect all of us here at Hogwarts and our daily lives. It is of my utmost pleasure to announce that due to Miss Hermione Granger of Gryffindor's hardworking efforts, the house-elves will be given a holiday of uncertain period, during which time we shall all be accomplishing the school chores...on our own!! No applause please, thank you. ...Well you didn't have to take it that seriously. ...Some applause? Maybe? ...Anyone? No, Miss Granger, you can't applaud for yourself, I'd advise you not to...ah! Messrs. Potter and Weasley. Fine young men. Now, uh...where was I? Yes, er - they will be sent off to Atlantis via Portkey later tonight, meaning this meal shall be...well, a farewell gift of sorts. All arrangements during their leave shall be taken care of and you will be notified of your new responsibilities tomorrow. I and the rest of the school board and faculty must thank Miss Granger for awakening us to the fact that house-elves DO have rights to paid leave, too. I trust that this will be quite the experience. Perhaps a more valuable one than you could imagine. Therefore, my dear students, I do encourage you to enjoy the meal you are about to have with the utmost passion one gets in the springtime of his or her life, as this will be your last catered meal for a period of time. ..Good eatin'!"
I'm sure you'll agree when I say my version of the speech was the lesser of two evils.
An uncertain period without the house-elves to do the chores?! What on earth is the school board thinking? No one to cook, to clean, to answer to our every will, to cater to our every need...
Which reminds me.
"MY casserole! MINE!" the normally mild-mannered Alicia screamed, diving across the table at an offending fourth-year who in turn screamed, "Back off, blondie!".
Let me get back to you after the last edible meal of my life.
.:21:.21:.21:.
The sun's rays broke the gray clouds and immediately the rainfall was over. The grass below me seemed to rejoice and little flowers began to bloom everywhere. If I turned my head slightly to my right from my position beneath the ash tree I could see a rainbow coming into form...and through all the beauty that surrounded me the one most beautiful thing I could see was his smile.
Oliver's smile, as he sat beside me and smiled at me so happily I thought my heart would burst for him...and all I could do was sigh happily and bury myself deeper into his embrace because no words were to be said and none were needed.
I loved him.
And I think he loved me too.
And as the rainbow finally dazzled the people with its full brilliant iridescence Oliver gently placed his hand on my chin and pulled me close towards him, our eyes closing and I leaned forward to taste his -
"SHIT!!!"
What?!
"Shit, shit, SHIT! You guys, wake up, we're so friggin' late!"
I blearily opened my eyes to see Lene frantically attempting to pull her robes on and brush her bright hair at the same time.
I barely muttered, "What in the..." before Lene ran up to me with her robes half-on and slapped me on the head.
"Ow! What the hell -"
"Oh, SHIT!" Alicia's voice now cried out from the other end of the dormitory.
"Not you, too, Merlin, what is it with you guys and - SHIT!" My eyes caught sight of my wristwatch lying on my bedside table that currently proclaimed the luminous words, "Damn, you're late."
I immediately joined in the scramble to get ready for classes just as Angelina asked the other girls for the time. It was half past eight.
"Why the hell is it eight thirty?!" she yelled.
"Because, you see, there's this little law of the universe called time, and what time does is that -" "No time for talk, Katie! Come on, we haven't even had breakfast," Alicia interrupted before I could get unforgivingly sarcastic.
Somehow we all managed to pull ourselves together in just under ten minutes and ran to the common room, only to find a huge contraption standing where the bookshelves used to be.
"It's a giant...stove," Lene said, slightly confused.
The same fourth-year Alicia had been fighting with for the tuna casserole the night before pushed past us and called over her shoulder, "You'll have to cook. Ingredients are on your right, and I'm late, so if you'll excuse me..."
We all exchanged glances.
"Do you know how to cook?" Angie whispered to me.
"No," I whispered back. "Do you?"
"No."
Hmmm.
"Do any of you?" This time hopefully.
"No."
"Nope."
Hmmmmmm.
"Wait!" we all cried out in unison, but it was too late - the fourth-year girl had already gone. We groaned.
"I can't believe we don't know how to cook," Angelina muttered to herself, sinking to the floor. There was an audible rumble from her stomach and the rest of our stomachs followed suit.
"Well," Alicia sighed, "At least I managed to eat that casserole..."
We stared at each other wordlessly for a few moments, and collectively sighed.
"Wait!" I suddenly said, perking right up.
Flashback mode!
"Katie, you're going to have to grow up soon, and that means you're going to have to learn a lot of new things..." my mom said, putting aside the family cookbook to bend down and look me in the eye.
"Ooh, ooh! Do I get to learn to bungee jump?" I squealed excitedly, jumping up and down.
Mom looked taken aback. "Well, no..."
"...To escape from a burning building, then?"
"Um, not exactly..."
My face fell. "Not even a slightly burning building?
Mom smiled at me kindly. "Well, I suppose you could if you wanted to...safety issues and all...but I'd really rather you stay home, and safe, with me."
I thought about this for a while, then looked back up at her, smiling again. "That works."
"Well, I tell you what...why don't I teach you how to make your grandmother's lasagna?" my mom said, tweaking me on the nose and reaching for the cookbook again. "It's really easy, and it won't take long."
And now back to your normal programming.
So now, as I stood there in the Gryffindor common room, surrounded by three disheveled looking teenage girls and faced with the immense challenge of Making Us Some Breakfast, I realized that - "Hey. I can cook something."
The others turned to me expectantly. "Well?" they chorused impatiently.
I grinned and gestured at them to sit down. "Don't worry, girls...it's really easy, and it won't take long."
The lasagna was done within ten minutes.
Alicia wrinkled her nose at the plates I placed in front of the girls proudly and asked, "What is that?"
I stared at her.
"Uh, lasagna."
The girls stared at the food.
""Don't tell me you've never heard of lasagna," I said, horrified.
"Isn't ten minutes a bit, er...fast for lasagna?" Lene said tentatively.
I shrugged. "Well, I think maybe it might have taken a bit longer than that when my mom taught me how to do it, but the oven's probably magicked or something."
"...Or maybe you just did it wrong," Angelina said, her face and voice deadpan.
"Or MAYBE I'm just a good cook, Angie," I glared at her, then clapped my hands. "Well, eat up, munchkins! Only ten minutes before class!"
I suppose this was the only thing that actually motivated them to pick up the cutlery I had also supplied and eat - although I don't see why, because personally I thought the lasagna looked very appetizing myself.
Soooorta.
Lene and Alicia took their first bites. Angie, muttering something about getting something or other over with, wolfed down the entire plate in seconds.
They'd better like it, or at least pretend to. I did put in all that effort after all... It was hard enough finding a substitute for the cheese since there wasn't any left, I suppose because all the other Gryffindors had probably gone with something simple like cheese on toast for breakfast.
Three faces turned green.
I kinda wish I did have all the ingredients, though, but at least I found other stuff that looked like them. Okay, okay, so maybe corn wasn't the best substitute for cheese...but they were both yellow at least. Same with the tomatoes and cherries, right?
"...Good," Lene said with a weird sort of look on her face and swaaalllllloooowwwweeeedddd. I wasn't sure if she was going to cry or die.
Colours matter in cooking...don't they?
Judging from the looks on their faces, maybe, just maaaybe I ought to rethink my answer to that question.
"Katie...this can't be lasagna," Alicia managed to choke out. She looked rather unwell.
I stared at her blankly. "Well of course it's lasagna, what else could it be?"
There was no reply as Angie suddenly grabbed Alicia's arm.
Funny, why did Angie's face look so green...and pale...the food wasn't that bad, was it?
I forked my share of lasagna and stuffed it into my own mouth.
Holy SHIT.
Thud.
The three of us stared down at Angie's unconscious body.
Lene looked at me, "We...have...to get her...to the Hospital Wing," already bending down to help Angie up.
I could barely form the words around the evil, evil, evil evil evil penetrating disgusting taste in my mouth.
I.
Felt.
So.
Sick.
Between them, Lene and Alicia managed to help Angie up and they carried her out of the common room with some difficulty, me holding the Fat Lady's portrait open for them.
Sooo.
Sick.
"Ladies?" a familiar voice suddenly said in surprise, and someone halted in front of us. "...What's going on?"
So...
Sick...
"Oliver, help," Lene groaned, already ready to pass her side of Angie's body over to him.
But Oliver was staring at me.
And I was staring at him.
I'm going to...I'm going to...
Oliver took a step towards me, a tentative smile playing on his lips when he realized I wasn't going to pick a fight with him.
I...
So...
"Katie," he said softly.
I took a step forward. This was it! Everything was going to be fine between us again and I could finally tell him how I feel!
"Oliver," I wanted to say.
"I kinda love you," I wanted to say next.
Riiight around then was when I threw up.
.:21:.21:.21:.
A/N: ...Embarrassing much? Sure sucks to be Katie. First, credits for the chapter (of which there are many) and then we get to talk about my new story!!! Er, yes, Katie's twisted version of Dumbledore's speech was inspired by Episode 102 of Naruto (Naruto: Harken unto me! Harken unto me! Born and raised in ye olde Fire Country's Village of Konoha, I love to eat at the Ichiraku Ramen and my name is Uzumaki Na-Naruto! And what people call me is... Sasuke: A clumsy ninja. Naruto: A clumsy ninja...No! Not that!), the term "panserbjorne" belongs to Philip Pullman's amazing His Dark Materials trilogy (it means armored bear, go read the books), and the whole colour-cooking scheme thing entirely belongs to Twilight347 and her Naruto fic. About my new story...it's called Bloodline Lost, and all you have to do to read it is click on my profile...- Please do, I beg of you. I just created it and it desperately needs reviews and criticisms...you know how it is. I personally quite like it myself. So please read and er - I'll update sooner! Blahaha. R&R! )
