I woke up this morning and BAM! It hit me…I'm pregnant. I must have been an idiot to miss the signs! I guess I figured that it must be I don't know a bad reaction to the environment. Then the whole period thing, I haven't missed them as much as I've just been spotting. Not really a period more like the end of one. I must have been stupid…no I am stupid and now I'm going to have a baby. My life sucks.
"Will you kindly come out of the bathroom? There is two of everything so you don't lock the doors!" Snape growled from behind the door. I just gave another sob and continued to sit on the toilet. What does he know? "Please?" Snape tried again. I could tell it hurt to say that word because it came after a moment of long strained silence.
"Go away! Haven't you done enough?" I screamed loudly. Snape didn't speak for a long time.
"Is this what I said about your breasts not being big enough to breast feed?" Snape asked.
I gave another loud sob. "No! When did you say that?" I called feeling fresh tears warm into my eyes.
"Uh…never mind. Just please let me in? I AM taking you to your parents today. It's the least you could do," Snape called in his stupid smooth drawl.
I grumbled and slid off the toilet seat to let him in. He studied me for a moment and then shoved past me. He checked his reflection and then turned back to me.
"Are you getting dressed?" Snape asked me eyeing my sweats.
"Nothing fits me," I snarled angrily. He paused for a moment and then walked from the room. I hate when he does this! I never know if he's done talking or not. Then I get yelled at for walking away from where he was standing even though he's been doing it already.
"Try this," Snape called and came back into the bathroom.
I glared at him and walking into the bedroom where he had a sundress all laid out for me. It was all white and flowey with thin straps and a small black sweater to go over it.
"Better?" Snape asked his voice muffled with toothpaste.
Despite myself, I felt myself get all choked up on his actions. I was going to cry again, I could feel it coming. Why does Snape have to be so nice…sometimes?
I walked back into the bathroom where Snape was washing his hands. His eyes caught mine in the mirror and gave me a small smile.
"Better?" he asked again. I just walked up to him and slipped my arms around him. I hugged him for a few seconds before I loosed my arms and walked out of the room.
He must have waited a few moments because then he poked his head out and stared at me.
"One question," Snape said slowly. I turned back to him. "How do you not know you're pregnant?"
I stopped and turned back to him biting my lip.
"Well I just…chose you ignore it," I said matching his slow tone. He paused for a moment before slamming back into the bathroom. I really don't see what his deal is. I wouldn't have killed it anyways.
Ah, he returns.
"So you were just going to bury your head in the sand and pretend nothing was the matter?" Snape asked angrily making wild movements. I glared at him.
"No I told you didn't I?" I snapped folding my arms over my expanding belly.
"Yes after you thought you had a tumor," Snape said smirking slightly. I swelled, more so, with indignation. Anyone would freak out if they thought they had a tumor. "So you knew you were pregnant but said nothing?"
"Well I thought maybe I was just…sick. The morning sickness stopped after a month or two and I just figured it went away. Maybe like the flu," I said hopefully it would work.
"The flu?" Snape asked in a condescending tone. I should have known I couldn't get away with anything. This is Snape. Stupid snarky potions master. With greasy hair and a big nose and an unimaginable amount of bitterness and sarcasm. Yes ladies and gents is the man I decide to get pregnant by. Go me.
"Yes the flu," I said lifting my chin slightly.
"You are an idiot," Snape said shaking his head. I gasped at him. What an evil Snape-like thing to say.
I did the only thing I could think of. I took the palm of my hand and slapped his forehead. Knocked some sense into him. He just stared at me for a moment.
"I'm so sorry," I said quickly as he stomped out of the room. I almost laughed at his face like no one had slapped him before or something. Which they really should because that seems to be the only way to snap some sense into him. Otherwise he is going to go his whole life thinking it's ok to call his enslaved wife, who is carrying his child, an idiot. It isn't. I've checked.
Well me and Snape kept to our separate sides of the house for the rest of the morning. Just as well, I had accidentally spilled something into some of his shoes and then just hid them and he should be finding them any day now. Plus, he still seems peeved about the entire slapping thing. What he did to me is so much worse. He insulted my intelligence and my integrity and he hurt my pudgy feelings!
I secretly think I'm having a girl because I saw a rose in the garden and it was so pretty I picked it. Of course it shriveled and died the next day, but still for the twelve hours it sat on my dresser I was so entranced by it. Well until I got bored and went and annoyed Snape.
He is starting to catch onto my pranks. Like I switched the salt with sugar and he didn't have any sugar in his tea. Even though he loves sweet tea…and biscotti's. Now I've got a craving for pastry. And French fries. Ooh! And a turkey.
Well walking down the silent and bright hallways I am thinking about what it would be like to have a baby. Snape would surely cheer up a bit and whatever. Maybe even become a nice guy or something like that, you know have one of those what-zits.
Of course if this baby does change him it will do the unimaginable and probably become just as famous as Harry and Dumbledore. It will be The Baby Who Changed Severus Snape. Alright so it doesn't have the whole, Saved The World From The Dark Lord, ring, but it comes pretty close. Hogwarts students will understand me, if there is a Hogwarts to go back to. I haven't heard seeing as I've been exiled by my mates. And of course the Order, although they don't know it was totally not my choice or whatever. I should go talk to Snape and see if he can secretly tell them that I didn't want to marry him and make sure they tell just Harry and Ron and Ginny. And maybe Mrs. Weasley.
I walked into the den to see him writing at his desk, he looked up when I entered.
"I'm not in the mood for another bitch slap, if you wait I should be done in a few minutes," Snape said sarcastically and went back to his work.
"You cant call me an idiot. What will our child think?" I asked in a light voice. Snape looked up at me again and gave me a dirty look. "You know it isn't nice. The least you can do is treat my nicely."
"It's the least I can do? I saved your life," Snape snapped.
"Then forced me into marriage," I snarled.
"I didn't force you," Snape said lightly looking up and squinting at me.
"You did too!" I yelled.
"No I didn't," Snape shook his head and then scribbled something onto a sheet of paper.
"You told me if I didn't marry you I would die!" I said shaking with rage. Was I tricked?
"Yes well you might have. It was totally your decision. I didn't tell you you had too," Snape said standing up and walking past me. He stopped and rubbed his hand over my stomach. I slapped it off and turned to him again.
"You told me I had too," I said my voice shaking with such a rage I have never known.
"Well you didn't," Snape answered looking me straight in the eyes.
"So you lied," I snapped.
"No I pushed you slightly towards something," Snape said after a moments thought.
I huffed all the way back to my room. What an asshole! I was tricked into marriage!
I don't even know why I'm surprised anymore. I mean it would totally make sense if he planted this baby himself…Oh my lordie the potion he made me take! It must have gotten me pregnant as well.
"You idiot!" I bellowed so loud the house elves ran from that wing. I ran back to the den, more like I waddled at an accelerated rate.
I slammed into his den to see him sit back in his seat.
"Now what?" Snape asked after a moment and I still didn't speak.
"You…The potion you gave me," I started unable to think straight.
"I am many things, I wont list them, but I would never stoop to such a level that I would plant a child in someone else's body as a joke. Well maybe James Potter, but no one else," Snape said firmly. I almost gave a small smile but was too tired to. I just want to sleep or take a walk.
"Can we go now?" I asked holding out my hand. Snape nodded and stood up, grabbed his coat, and walked from the room. I put down my hand and followed him, my bloated feet walking three steps for his every one.
We finally just reached my parents and knocked on the door.
"Maybe they aren't home," I hissed after a moment.
"Didn't you owl them?" Snape hissed back.
"Why are we whispering?" I hissed again. Snape just turned to me with an exasperated glance and knocked on the door again. It swung open and my mother stood there looking excited. She looked at my stomach and let out a screech of shock and stumbled back into the coat rack.
I flipped out and started calling for my father and trying to help my mother up while Snape just stood there not sure what to do. After a minute I turned back to him.
"Don't just stand there!" I snarled angrily. "Go get water."
Snape ran into the kitchen and didn't return. Instead I heard his voice calling for me.
"Hermione could you get in here…Like now!" Snape snapped. Although it sounded annoyed, after living with him for six strained months, I heard the panic. I inched into the room and nearly fainted.
"Harry, Ron," I said weakly.
A/N Please read and review.
