Chapter 5 – Shattered
Part 1 – Soul Refrain
Raped by my childhood?
What the hell, do I know about rape any way?
Well I guess its fun to pretend, sorry.
Just a thought that occurred when I wasn't quite awake enough to dismiss it.
It's so easy to cheapen an event by pretending it happened.
Boring clichéd self destruction...
Alexisonfire (Polaroids of Polarbears)
The sound of rain seemed deafening in comparison to the quiet sadness that surrounded a young red-haired girl. Adults stood all around her, sobbing softly, but she seemed untouched by the contagious despair. She simply stared at the black gravestone that stood before her, ignoring the rain and the adults. Her umbrella stayed perfectly never wavering.
A kindly old voice and a pair of aged wrinkled hands materialized, seemingly out of nowhere to provide some comfort to the girl, or so they thought. "Asuka… it's okay to cry" the woman's voice told her. The little girl looked up at her grandmother, her bright blue eyes, almost, glaring out from beneath the shadow of the two umbrellas.
She spoke coldly, her voice like her umbrella. "No, grandma… I won't cry, I can't cry. I have to be strong now. I have to take care of myself." The older woman simply stared in awe, and then stepped back into her place. Little Asuka turned back to her tearless vigil over the grave.
"Can you hear me? Asuka! I said that your synchronization ratio just decreased by a whole eight points! Start concentrating like you used to!" the irritated voice of Dr. Ritsuko Akagi repeated, invading Asuka's thoughts. She awoke from her trance to a very displeased face on an open view screen. "I'm trying!" she retorted quietly, closing her eyes again, trying to will her ratio back into its former heights.
Past the glass that separated the test plugs and the techs that oversaw them, stood Misato and Ritsuko. Both wore expressions that ill-masked an ill humor. "Synchrograph is minus 12.8, it's barely making it past the borderline of the starting indicator" Lt. Ibuki whispered, as her fingers danced across the keyboard, data printouts streaming across several screens. "Pathetic! This is even worse than before!" the doctor said, frustrated.
"Asuka's having her period today… She's not feeling very well," Misato said tersely, trying to explain her ward's dismal performance. Ritsuko sighed, able to ascertain what her friend was doing. "Physical ailments have nothing to do with synchro ratios!" she growled. 'Can't cover her this time, Misato,' she frowned mentally, as an afterthought. Her purple haired friend simply scowled and remained silent. 'This is no good, we don't have a spare, and her score seems to be getting worse and worse as time progresses…' both of them were thinking, as they watched Asuka intently, as her face contorted in concentration. "This is pointless… Asuka, you're finished now" she said, before motioning to the techs to cease the test.
In her plug, Asuka cursed silently. Failure… The very implication of it shook her to the core. And yet here she was a failure once again. Unable to perform, even on a simple test.
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Asuka practically tore off her plugsuit as soon as she got into the locker room. It fell to the floor, leaving her naked in her fury. She looked around the room, hoping to see her nemesis standing there. To her great disappointment, no one was there, she was all alone. She stepped out of the rubbery pool of red at her feet, and opened her locker. Slipping on her panties, she wished that for once, Rei was with her. She needed someone to vent on, someone to beat verbally. As she finally finished re-dressing herself, she knew what she wanted… A fight, a chance to lash out at one of her fellow pilots. At Shinji, because of everything he had done to her. He had confused her with his written feelings, and his contradictory actions afterwards. He had unseated her as number one pilot, both in the field and in the lab.
She wanted to lash out at Rei especially today. The blue haired girl had been in the testing room when she had been freed from further tests. Normally she would've have been gladdened by the prospect of the albino having to suffer at the hands of her captor, the Doctor, but today she was enraged by it. She had been pulled because her score hadn't been good enough, because it was a waste of resources to continue. She was worth less than Rei.
"Damn them… Damn them both," she snarled, punching her locker, leaving a dent in it.
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Ritsuko took a long drag on her cigarette, sighing with content as she felt it go to work, soothing her nerves. She kept her back turned to the window, and closed her eyes for a moment. She heard footsteps coming closer and closer to her, but she ignored them for the moment, focusing on her small moment of reprieve. She let out another sigh, before opening them. She looked to her side. Leaning against the wall, was Misato, waiting patiently. 'To blow off some steam, probably', Ritsuko chuckled, ready for the torrent of emotion that was sure to come pouring out of Misato. "Speak," she mock-ordered.
"It's about-", Misato started to speak, but Ritsuko interrupted with a lucky guess. "Asuka, right?" Misato nodded. "Her pride seems to have taken quite a hit lately", the doctor spoke softly.
"It's only natural, I suppose", Misato continued, "It's worse though, because she feels that she's being beaten by Shinji…" The Major paused for a moment, as if gathering energy for what she was going to say next. "I think this is it… We've reached our limits; perhaps, it's time for the three of us to go our separate ways."
The words came as a surprise to Ritsuko, more so than they should've been. She had been expecting it from day one; that Misato would break, sooner or later under the strain of it. "Oh, what's wrong? The nice artificial family you ordered, falling apart already?" she jabbed at her friend, reminding Misato just who it was that had started the whole affair.
"I don't have to take that from a person that tries to fill the holes in her own life with a bunch of cats", Misato retorted bitterly.
Silence ensued… Ritsuko lifted up the cigarette to her lips again; inhaled. 'I deserved that,' she admitted to herself, letting the anger from the insult flow from her body as she let out another puff of smoke.
"I'm sorry… I'm just a little upset right now", Misato apologized, looking out the window past the bleach-blonde. Ritsuko smiled grimly, knowing the truth behind that simple apology. 'It's not going to get any better for you, Misato,' she thought, as she took one last puff from her cancer stick.
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Asuka clutched at her abdomen in agony as the muscles contained within cramped violently. She remained hunched over as she gripped the edges of a sink in the woman's washroom. She stared up from her pain, and faced her reflection in the mirror. The rest of the tiled room faded away as she concentrated on it. The image oozed hatred as it stared back at her.
"Why do I have go through this just because I'm a woman; it's not like I want to have children anyways!" she spat, as another cramp racked the lower part of her torso. She felt the blood flow, and gripped the sides harder. It was at times like these that she cursed the way her anatomy had to work.
She had never dreamed of having children, because to her it just wasn't in the scenario. She still hadn't moved past Kaji, and her entire life seemed devoted to a single purpose... Piloting. Her entire life up to this point had been devoted to it. It had reached the point now, where it consumed any hopes for a future without it. Simply put, it was the only thing she could do anymore. She couldn't cook, couldn't clean, all she really knew was Eva. And now that her only future was in jeopardy, she found herself secretly terrified by the prospect of it being cut away from her. She didn't know what she'd do if she failed.
'Come to heaven with me, Asuka…' a forgotten voice called faintly from the depths of her troubled mind. She shuddered with anger, and then got back up to her feet.
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Kaoru hummed quietly as she walked through a small park in the interior of the city. Even surrounded by high concrete towers and technology, nature found a way to flourish in its depths. The trees that grew there made Kaoru feel happy, as she enjoyed the presence of living things. She had changed out of her school uniform earlier in the day, choosing instead to don a black sundress. Kaoru found that it contrasted quite pleasantly with her skin tones. She smiled as she remembered the stares she had gotten earlier.
The majority of them had been curious youngsters, who seemed enthralled by her pale skin and crimson eyes. She had, of course, stared back at them with a broad smile, equally curious about her observers' visages. She hadn't been able to remember when the last time she had seen such small faces had been. Now as she bent down to stare at her own reflection in a small pond by the path, she recalled it. 'I believe that it was I', she laughed lightly. She continued to study her mirror image closely, watching it intently as her face twisted and turned with the distortion of the water's movements.
"Simply fascinating", she mused.
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Asuka growled impatiently, pacing back and forth as she waited for the elevator to get to her floor. She had been recalled by the doctor just as she was about to leave headquarters. Apparently, the Doctor felt that there was a use for her, scientifically speaking. Which meant that a battery of tests was forthcoming.
A loud, 'ding!' announced the elevator's arrival. As the doors slid open, Asuka bit her lip as she immediately recognized its sole occupant. She kept her scathing remarks in her head for once, and simply slouched against the wall furthest from Rei. The doors closed and Asuka remained silent, waiting for the blue-haired girl to make the first move, to give her something to justify an insult.
A minute passed and with the exception of the 'click-click-click' of the Elevator, there was silence. "She will not accept you, if you do not open your mind to her", Rei said softly, the words tearing through the silent air like a knife.
Asuka laughed bitterly. "So you're saying that it's entirely fault then, that I'm to blame for my downward spiral into nothingness? That I'm the one that's doing it?", she asked rhetorically, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Yes… Eva has her own mind…" Rei answered cryptically.
"What, you mean to tell me that the armored doll is sentient? That it can think and feel for itself!" Asuka spoke, her voice growing louder.
"You must be aware of it by now, even it may be only marginal", Rei said, seeming slightly surprised by Asuka's ignorance.
"Well, I know something's really up when a wind-up doll like you starts talking to me. Bad enough when Shinji starts offering sympathy… Hey, maybe tomorrow, it'll even snow, fuck; maybe there'll even be a blizzard!" Asuka screamed, almost hysterically, spite filling each word.
"I am not a doll…" Rei's speech was ice in contrast. A more fitting analogy for her words would have been gasoline. For that's just what they were. They only served to further inflame the dangerously combustible redhead.
"Yes you are! You'll do anything for your damn Commander, won't you? If he ordered it, you'd kill yourself, wouldn't you?" she snapped, the urge to strike her fellow pilot becoming more and more pronounced with every exchange of words.
"Of course, I- " Rei began to speak. As soon as the first two words were out of her mouth, Asuka made her move. The German grabbed Rei by the shoulders spinning the poor girl to face her. The first girl's face was livid, eyes glinted in fury, and the second girl's face was as cold as ice. Rei didn't even flinch as she felt the sharp sting of Asuka's hand making contact with her face, again and again.
"You are a doll then! You're a doll and I hate you! I hate you! I HATE EVERYTHING!" Asuka screeched, pushing her past the colleague she had just used as a stress valve, and rushing out as the doors slid open. As she turned she saw Rei standing there calmly, her face calm and icy as always. The only change was her cheek, now a bright scarlet that bore testimony to Asuka's anger.
The doors closed…
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Shinji sighed as he stared at the metallic mesh above his head. He was sitting underneath a staircase deep inside NERV, listening to a tape on his S-DAT. He usually ventured down here when he wanted to get away from everything and just… be. Today he wanted to get away from something in particular. He wanted to get away from his responsibilities, his feelings, and his roomies. Today, especially, he just wanted to exist, and nothing more. Misato was beginning to scare him with the coldness she had recently been affecting. Asuka made him feel guilty about too many things for him to want to think about, and the stress of piloting had started to catch up again. He sighed again, and slumped against the cold wall, letting the music flow through him. It worked, for a few minutes, before he felt a need to think about something. This was odd, because he couldn't quite recall feeling such a need before. At least not when he was in this hiding place.
'Strange, I could just have bought an MP3 player… but I insist on keeping this old piece of junk, I wonder why?' he wondered, as he stared down at the black box that he held clenched with one hand. Everywhere he looked whenever he deigned it necessary to visit an electronics store, newer models taunted him. 'Look at me! I can hold up to 50 gigs worth of songs on me! I'm lightweight! You'll never have to go waste another CD' they all said to him. He ignored them each time, saying that they weren't practical and that there was no point in diverting from the status quo. There was no sense in changing anything; he had been perfectly happy and comfortable with what he had.
Alarms shook him out of his musings, as they usually were wont to do. Shinji felt queasy as he remembered what he had to do now. His Evangelion awaited him, as did another Angel. He contemplated running again, so he wouldn't have to face the stress anymore. He had no particular desire to spend another month or perhaps the rest of eternity locked inside the beast. Kaji's words suddenly came back to haunt him. He knew that he had to pilot if he ever wanted to make peace with the world.
Shinji made a mental note to check the price of a decent MP3 player when and if he got back, as he got up and bolted for the cages.
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Light glinted off of four giant lenses as they seemed to stare down at Asuka. She was in her plugsuit once more, standing on the umbilical bridge before her Unit. Tapping her foot impatiently, she waited for Ritsuko to arrive. She constantly adjusted her glare, from one entrance to the other, expecting the bleach blonde doctor to walk in at any moment. When it became apparent that, that wasn't the case, she returned to staring at her Evangelion's head. A crazy idea entered her own head.
"Look, you're my Eva, all right? So you're going to do exactly as I tell you from now on," she told the red leviathan sternly, wagging a finger at it. A few nearby engineers and technicians stopped what they were doing momentarily to watch, wondering just what the pilot was doing. Asuka continued to nag the giant, hardly noticing the curious looks she was getting. "You're going to be a good Evangelion, and you're going to let me synch with you", she said, folding her arms across her chest, glaring at it. "Why does a weapon need a mind anyways? It just ends up causing more problems."
"What did I tell you, Hideaki? These pilots are all nutcases," one of the nearby techs whispered to another while pretending to check one of the hydraulic locks that kept the Evangelion restrained. "It's not like I'm arguing with you, Yoshi… but really, I think it's just the gals that are the crazy ones," the second tech, pretending to help the one named Yoshiyuki with the lock whispered back. "Eh, it's only a matter of time before that one cracks too, mark my words," Yoshi told him sagely, before finally getting back to work.
"Oh this is bloody stupid…" Asuka muttered darkly, realizing the sheer folly of trying to talk to her unit.
The wailing of alarms and the klaxon calling all personnel to battlestations interrupted her cursing. "An Angel? Another one?" she exclaimed with mild disbelief. She didn't know whether to further curse her horrible luck, or bless her good fortune. She decided that neither would be appropriate at the moment, and ran for her entry plug, praying that she'd get up and out before Rei did.
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Misato watched from her high perch on the uppermost level of Central Dogma, NERV's brain and control centre, as the numerous technicians and officers scurried about. The giant room was charged with a sense of purpose, filled with the various beeps and whistles of instrumentation and data read outs, and barely audible, the murmurs of people who were willing to do their job, and weren't afraid to die just yet. This Misato found odd, as surely the memory of the last battle should have been painfully fresh within the minds of all those present.
"Status," Misato inquired of the two lieutenants sitting before her. "Pattern is blue, the Magi have it confirmed", the bespectacled Hyuga told her, his eyes glued to the other numerous screens at his console. "Patching recon satellite feed to the main monitor", the long haired Aoba said. A few keystrokes later and it was up. "Maximum magnification…" he added before diverting his eyes upward to gaze upon the image everyone else was also staring at.
Against the black backdrop of space, there was a blight blue entity that shimmered with an eerie inner light. It looked like an oddly shaped bird forged out of luminous crystal. It remained unmoving, its wings flexing only slightly, giving it the appearance of a seabird riding the thermals looking for prey.
"It's beautiful…" a low gasp came from somewhere below. "An Angel…" another exclaimed.
Misato scowled slightly, but quickly resumed a stern look of neutrality as Ritsuko entered the bridge area. In her mind, Misato was smiling. The good doctor was usually the first one on the scene… and was always cool and calm. For the first time, she was flushed, and more importantly, late. Misato didn't even notice the fact that the Commander had been absent and had only arrived moments after the scientist.
"Target remains in orbit", Aoba reported as everyone continued watching the Angel, completely enraptured by its form. Almost as if the spell was broken by his words, everyone hastily busied themselves with what they were supposed to be doing, keeping their eyes downward.
"So, does that mean that it's just checking out a comfy place that it can crash into? Or is it just going to try and destroy us from way up there?" Misato asked sarcastically. Ritsuko glared at her disapprovingly, recovering her cold manner almost immediately. The third bridge lieutenant, Maya, simply stared at Misato with disbelief. Hearing a superior imply that they were probably going to die, so blatantly and casually would be horribly damaging to morale. Maya was glad that the people on the lower levels couldn't hear them clearly. "We can't possibly hit it at this range!" Hyuga voiced the damnable facts.
"Yeah and unless it comes down to us, there isn't much we can do offensively at the moment," Misato sighed, her mind racing to formulate some sort of battle plan and at the same time taking inventory of whatever they had that could possibly hit it. "The Eva series wasn't built or designed to engage an enemy that's still in orbit."
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Asuka sat in the plug, hands gripping the controls apprehensively. She waited for orders, pushing all other thoughts out, trying to focus on the upcoming battle. It had been ten minutes since the alarm had been sounded and she had inserted, a part of her mind noted, worried by the lack of communication between her and Central Dogma.
As if in answer to her worries, the comm. buzzed to life, and Asuka grinned as she heard the noises in the background. She could positively feel the excitement on the other end, meaning that there was something large and particularly nasty waiting for her up top. She couldn't wait to take it down.
"Rei's going to take the point, I want you to back her up", Misato's voice ordered, shattering her illusions of grandeur instantly. Asuka blinked in disbelief, wondering if she had heard correctly. "You want me to back up Rei?" she shouted, waiting for the slap to the face that was to follow. "Correct," Misato said curtly, confirming the insult. "I can't believe this…" Asuka muttered, taking a deep breath of LCL. "Unit-02 LAUNCH!" she yelled, punching the button that would send her into the enemy's arms, and into the glory's reach. 'Show you who's second best,' she thought bitterly as the Evangelion accelerated, and the G-forces hit her.
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"ASUKA!-"Ritsuko barked furiously. Misato cut her off immediately with a single movement of her hand. "No, if this is what she wants to do, let her go ahead…" she said quietly, acutely aware of the Commanders observing her. She wasn't going to take the hit for Asuka again… she was done with that. Finished with covering an adolescent girl that acted as if she owned the world. It was time for Asuka to realize that she wasn't invincible, or so Misato reckoned. "Equip Unit-00 for long range firing and prepare to sortie it through route 35", she ordered calmly, ignoring Ritsuko's fuming. "If she screws this up, she's finished as a pilot," Ritsuko warned her with a harsh whisper in her ear, before turning back to say something to Maya.
"Excuse me, but aren't we going to launch Unit-01, Major?" Hyuga ventured timidly, not wishing to wedge himself too far in between the two angered women. Misato sighed, sensing it. "The Commander has ordered that it is to remain in cryo," she answered, hazarding a glance at the high seat behind her. 'And considering what's happened lately… it'd be best not to argue about it', she frowned mentally, turning back to the situation at hand.
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Deep within the underground test facilities stood the heavily restrained Evangelion Unit-01. Additional plating kept it locked in its prison, unable to move, even if it were to try. Its eyes smoldered dangerously with impatience. Inside this inert mountain sat Shinji. He was just as impatient as his Eva seemed to be. He had expected his Eva to be in its regular cage, waiting for him to just get in so that he could be hurtled to the surface where destiny awaited. Much to his dismay he was sent down into NERV's auditing department and effectively out of combat. Now he was keeping tabs on everything that had been and was happening by monitoring the numerous conversations that played across the many different frequencies. Despite the charged atmosphere, and the severity of the situation, he felt terribly bored. He longed to join Rei and Asuka on the surface. He wanted to be useful, for once, he actually wanted to pilot. If only so that he wouldn't feel guilty in his supposed safety.
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Rain poured down from the heavens, leaving Asuka's body tingling as a million feathers seemed to hit Unit-02. She scanned the heavens for a moment… Nothing but clouds and the water. When it was clear that nothing was coming for the moment, Asuka decided to go for the original plan, and scanned the area which she was in. She moved quickly to a hidden weapons locker that was nearby. Within a second of sending the signal, the street before her slid open, and the familiar barrel of the positron rifle began to rise from the depths below.
She lifted it carefully, jettisoning on of the fin like sponsons connected to Eva' shoulders. She then proceeded to attach the positron rifle to the slot that remained. All of this was done in a matter of seconds. "If I don't perform, they're definitely going to replace me," Asuka worried, bringing the rifle up to bear. Another press of the button, and the targeting sights slid out and forward, covering her head like a futuristic helmet. She watched as the targeting icon struggled to get a lock on something.
"Look if you're going to try and kill me, then hurry up and do it!" Asuka snapped, as her trigger finger twitched nervously. "Target remains in orbit," Aoba's voice reported. The news infuriated Asuka; to her it was as if the Angel was staying out of her range, just as so the annoy her… as if to say "Ha, look where your hot head got you, aren't you embarrassed now?"
"Come down and fight me, damn you! Lazy Angel…" Asuka cursed loudly. Just as she did, the targeting sight locked into place, finally pin-pointing the Angel's location. Just as it did, and Asuka was about to pull the trigger, a thin ray of light shot down through the heavens, blinding her. As it hit Unit-02, the beam suddenly widened, engulfing the red giant. Asuka felt an odd sensation, as if a small animal was pawing at her mind… and then the pain took over.
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Kaoru sighed happily as she firmly planted her parasol in the damp mud on the mountainside where she had conversed with the First Child only a day or so ago. She quickly spread a blanket underneath it, frowning slightly. "You couldn't have picked worse weather for this…" she muttered, before setting down her basket, and taking shelter underneath the huge umbrella. "Looks as if I'm not too late for the show, though," she chuckled as she watched Unit-02 step out from the lift. Kaoru grinned, almost maniacally with glee. She had expected that Unit-00 would be launched first, and that she'd get a chance to see Unit-00 in action again. Rei seemed more entertaining as a pilot, if one enjoyed watching acts of desperation, which Kaoru had found herself enjoying more and more. She hated to admit it, but she was slowly becoming taintedby all the human contact.
While Asuka busied herself with scanning the skies, Kaoru opened her picnic basket, her humming rising softly over the heavy pitter-patter of the rain beating down on her parasol. Inside the basket lay a bento filled with various kinds of sushi, a small bowl of garden salad, and a rather large bottle of peach schnapps. She had discovered the drink only last night, after managing to walk into a rather out of control college party. Everyone had been so drunk, that they hadn't noticed the teen walk in. Kaoru smiled again as she remembered the smell, and the noise. The house had been charged with a feeling that was positively alive. She remembered picking up a bottle on a nearby table, sniffing it gingerly. She had liked the smell, and decided against her better judgment to have a sip. Kaoru hadn't been prepared for the taste. It had been suitably sweet… the smell of it promised that much, as least. It was the kick of it… the way it had warmed her up inside as she swallowed. A gentle burning moving down her… She immediately went after another nearby bottle. She hadn't liked the taste of that one though, as it was far too bitter and just a tad bit too warm. She read the label on the first one… Peach Schnapps, it said clearly. She quickly spotted an extra bottle lying about, unopened (strangely enough)… So she took it, figuring that it would be a shame to leave it in such poor company. After all, it wouldn't be missed too sorely given the present circumstances. Now it lay inside her picnic basket, awaiting her lips and subsequent enjoyment.
She'd save it for the climax of the show. For now she would remain content to simply nibble on a rice roll. A beam of light burst down through the gray skies, hitting the red giant below. Kaoru grinned around a mouthful of rice and seaweed. "Let the show begin!" she said triumphantly as she finished chewing. Within seconds of contact with the light, Unit-02 began to thrash wildly… Firing off shots blindly as it tried to shake off the damnable light. Plumes of black and orange blossomed throughout the city, as the Unit's cannon pumped shot after shot of incandescent light into random targets. Several shots arced upwards, tearing through the dark cover of the clouds. Kaoru watched the fireworks, counting the number of shots…. "Only one more, and then you're empty," she said a second before that last shot was lobbed her way. She didn't even attempt to move as it shot towards her, rapidly increasing in size. Until finally it was nearly on top of her. Kaoru simply tilted her head, and raised an eyebrow as it reached her…
Kaoru smiled as she felt heated air graze her, as the shot passed overhead, almost taking the umbrella with it. The blanket and the basket remained untouched. The bottle of alcohol remained nice and cold, the salad crisp, and the sushi was whatever sushi was supposed to be like, optimally. Kaoru didn't have to question it, she knew it.
The Evangelion below was now contorting in agony, the light in its eyes flickering dangerously as it emulated the pilot's mental pain. This way and that, it twisted, each muscle spasming out of control as it fought to keep the pain at bay. "Like a live fish put on a skillet," Kaoru remarked, popping another sushi roll into her mouth. She eyed the bottle hungrily as she did so. 'A sip wouldn't hurt…' she reasoned as she carefully took it out of the basket. Almost absentmindedly she laid a hand on the top and unscrewed it. With a steady hand, she raised it to her lips and wet her tongue. A shudder ran through her body, as the she felt the alcohol's sting on her taste buds. She took a sip, and smiled broadly as gentle warmth spread through her. "It's good to be alive," she remarked, before taking another.
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Misato was frantic as she tried to figure out just what the hell was going on. "The enemy has a particle beam?" she questioned, looking over her underlings shoulders, trying to follow what was happening. "I don't think so, but we can't I.D it!" Hyuga responded, fingers dancing across the keyboards. "MAGI report that it's similar to an AT field!" Aoba told her, only a split second later.
"We've got mental instability in the pilot! Psychograph's going crazy!" Maya shouted as she watched the scopes fluctuate. Ritsuko rushed over and within seconds managed to make the situation seem ten times worse to Misato. "What? They're attacking directly across the Ego borderline? The Angels understand our physiology that well?" she exclaimed in disbelief.
"Sortie Unit-00!" Misato ordered, praying that the positron cannon would be able to emancipate the trapped pilot. They didn't have many options when it came to hitting something at this sort of range. She didn't want to think of it, but if it failed then she would be wholly responsible for putting Asuka in this situation. 'I just had to be the evil bitch today, didn't I?' she cursed at herself silently as guilt started to chip away at her armor. She had to resist the urge to just succumb to it… right now she had a job to do.
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Shinji listened frantically as the situation above went from bad to worse. His nerves were already frayed when he heard the first scream. He clutched at his controls, wanting desperately to get out of his cage and Asuka out of harm's way. "Calm down… Ayanami's up there… she'll save Asuka," he told himself, so as not to go completely insane with stress. It was all he could to do keep himself from trying to break his way out of the restraints and tearing a way up to the surface. The rational side of him was in agreement with the notion that Rei was going to make everything all right. With a deep breath he fell back into his seat, and waited.
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When Asuka opened her eyes, she found herself in total darkness. She winced slightly as her head began to throb. The last thing she remembered was the beam of light hitting her, pain… and then nothing. "Where's the entry plug? What's going on?" she wondered aloud, as she stumbled through the black fog. To her surprise, she couldn't make out the words as they left her mouth… Every sense seemed dulled by the dark blanket. She thought she could hear explosions in the distance, but everything was so muted that she couldn't be completely sure. She began to see blurry images moving, far away from her as the dark was suddenly replaced with brilliant light.
The itching returned for a moment before pain shot through her head. The itching soon became scratching, and the feeling spread throughout her entire body. She clutched at her sides as she felt a presence… an intruder. "Get out!" she screamed, moving her hands to her head, where the pain had intensified. "Leave me alone! Go away! Get out!" she shouted more aggressively as she focused on dispelling the feeling from her. Her wails grew more and more desperate as the scratching became clawing. Bit by bit she felt it as pieces of her plug suit were shorn from her.
With one defiant scream, she succeeded in gaining a reprieve from her tormentor. She fell to her knees, gasping for air, having been completely unaware of how much effort it had taken to commit that act. Bits of flesh tingled as they were exposed to the bright void. She felt too vulnerable, but couldn't find the energy to get up. The dim figures closed in on her, and more than ever she felt naked. She sunk further to the ground, trying to cover herself up. She felt an odd sensation, unlike any she had ever had the displeasure of feeling before. Something was trying to probe her, trying to break through her barriers. She gritted her teeth once more and tried to resist, but something told her that it was ultimately in vain.
She looked up, and the light seared her eyes. Pain and an explosion of color seemed to blossom before and in her. Reds and blues surged forth from where the light had first hit her, even with her eyes snapped shut she still saw them. They swirled around her, and more and more colors joined them. Emeralds and sunbursts assaulted her beleaguered senses. She raised her hands to ward it off, but the swirls and ethereal ribbons shot straight through her hands. Each new flash was like a newborn sun…. Asuka screamed in pain as she pushed herself against the ground, and tried to stop the light; but everywhere she crawled to, was saturated by it. "Leave me alone!" she shouted, trying to will it all away. Something in her head told her, that if she resisted the damn things, that everything would turn out all right. Another part of her told her that the first one was lying to her, like a mattress, and that resistance was futile.
Then, as soon as it had begun, everything stopped. Like a vast dark tide, it swept over the sands of her sanity, threatening to wash away her fortifications.
Thud
Thud
Thud
The sound of a door closing shattered the silence. Asuka gasped for air again, the impact of each sound knocking her flat to the darkness below. When she finally got up again, she wished she had stayed down. A door stood before her, opening slowly, hinting at what lay beyond, and then slamming shut. Asuka was completely unaware that it was her own will that closed the door each time. She closed her eyes, and the door shut again. She got up off the ground and looked around. The darkness had molded itself into a poorly lit corridor. Old bulbs hung from the ceiling, and many were either burnt out completely, or on their way there. She looked behind her. The majority of bulbs were gone, obscuring everything on that end. She couldn't see far down it before it ended it pitch black. A gust of hot air blew towards her from that direction… words spoken by some alien tongue were carried by it.
'I'shtuli N'azgut Illiathis… Seraphiz'
Asuka shuddered involuntarily as they hit her ear. Although the words were completely incomprehensible, the tone of them was more than understandable. Something wanted her, something that even now was moving towards her in the darkness. Asuka looked frantically from the door to the end of the corridor. On the one hand she had a possibly- no- definitely dangerous creature, and on the other, a door that filled her with dread. For a long second, her sense of logic seemed to desert her; but as an outline slowly became visible to her from the end opposite to the door it returned to her. She ran for the door, choosing what she felt was the lesser of two evils. It wasn't as if she was entirely certain, she was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on, and just where she was. Also, it wasn't as if she could just stop to think about what was happening, as something was constantly happening. She was being thrown off-balance far too often for her taste or for her head to get a grip on anything.
'Ca'dori Myr dJina'su hamu'si!' the voice cried behind her as she shut the door behind her firmly. Her eyes quickly found the numerous bolts that would keep whatever was behind the door now, there. With a sigh of relief, she collapsed against the door. For now, she would have her peace, her time to get things in order. Or so she thought. She saw something swaying gently from the ceiling, out of the corner of her eye. Asuka remained motionless, telling herself that she was just imagining things. "Asuka…. Asuka," a hauntingly familiar voice called to her from the direction of the object. Asuka closed her eyes and repeated the words 'not real' to herself trying to shut out the voice and bury the memories it carried.
"Asuka… Look up…" the voice told her in a semi-stern, semi-sweet voice. Asuka couldn't resist it; slowly she turned to face the speaker. A woman was hanging from the ceiling. Her face was obscured by shadows and red hair, but Asuka recognized her immediately. With a deranged smile on her face, she stood up and faced her. "M-mother?" she asked, just for the sake of appearances, or so she told herself. It was stupid, the whole act, this entire place… she told herself. "Asuka, darling… why didn't you come? Why did you choose to stay?" the cadaver asked her, unseeing eyes leering at Asuka from the darkness.
Asuka chose not to respond, simply glaring at the skeleton from her past. "You're not real," she told it, finally with as much force and conviction as she could. The corpse simply smiled at her, teeth gleaming in the darkness. "Is that so?" it rasped, laughing. Asuka backed away slowly. At the edges of her hearing, slithering manifested itself. As it grew louder and louder, it was clear that whatever was making the noise was all around her. In the shadows, something moved. As it drew closer and closer, the smile on her hanged mother grew wider and wider, until the face began to resemble the Cheshire cat...
The slithering had stopped, and everything seemed frozen in place. The shadows seemed to lift for a moment and Asuka saw what had been making the slithering noise. At first she thought that it was a snake of some sort… It was long, seeming to stretch on into eternity. It lifted its head and with its mouth wide open began to scan the area. Then, she realized that it was a rope. A long rope, and that what she had thought was a mouth, was actually a noose. Before she could react, the rope pounced. Within a split-second it was up and around her neck. She didn't even have time to cry out before it tightened, and she was lifted off the ground. Asuka tugged at it frantically, trying to free herself before she suffocated. The thought that she should have been dead already, never entered her mind. She was still struggling with the rope when it jerked her forward, a little at a time towards the still hanging, still smiling corpulent shade that taunted her from only a few meters away. "Get… away…. Get AWAY!" she gasped, choking as the first wave of sensation hit her. The only thing comparable to the smell was a dump in the midst of a summer heat wave, filled to the brim with rotten meats and spoiled foods. Even then, the smell probably didn't come close. When the rope slackened enough she breathed through her mouth. She fought hard to quell her stomach's protests. That was before the second wave hit her, as the monster opened its mouth again. She couldn't hold it back this time. The taste of it clung to her palette. With a choked gargle, she vomited, it coming out in short intervals as the rope slackened and tightened…. Letting the bile burn her throat as it was denied an exit.
As she finally reached the vile hanger, one last dip into unpleasant sensations ensued. No physical senses were assaulted this time though. This time her soul and mind bore the brunt of it. Bad memories, failed dreams, and old nightmares made up the stuff of the foul miasma that permeated her. Asuka rode it, perched perilously on its crest. She was in danger of wiping out and drowning in the depths of her mind.
And suddenly it all stopped.
----------------------------
'She's faring rather well… better than I expected. Either that or you are losing your touch…' Kaoru smiled, as her thoughts hurtled towards the now inert red giant, and using it as a kick off point, to the crystalline Angel in orbit. All of this happened within the space of a second. A voice that radiated serenity and calm answered.
"For over three millennia have I been prying into the minds of the children that we have seen fit to put to the trial… Tabris. Thus far no race has passed my test unscathed. These… Lillims? They will certainly not continue farther along the Path after this encounter... I am confident in my abilities to deal with them," the voice added with grim satisfaction. Kaoru couldn't help but smile at the comment… "Time for the real show then?" she asked.
----------------------------
'Shit, shit, shit…' Shinji thought frantically as all audible noise ceased to come from Asuka's com line. He though that he heard muttering coming over it, and had muted Rei's line to try and be sure… but as far as he knew, it could have just been himself that he was hearing. He was becoming convinced that he was hearing Asuka's death rattles. He gripped his controls tightly, and waited… hoping fervently that he had been right and that Ayanami was taking care of things top side.
----------------------------
Rei had been redeployed, NERV having to dig up the experimental positron sniper rifle that Shinji had used in combat several months ago. Unit-00 propped itself up on a building, wedging the massive cannon into place between two skyscrapers. Steam billowed out of the numerous ports and vents as the rain hit the superheated cylinder. Without a thought, Rei gently squeezed the trigger, exhaling as she did so.
Hard light stabbed forth into the sky. Cutting a swath through the clouds, it arced towards its target. Soundlessly it slammed into the Angel's AT Field. Bursting apart, streams of brilliant white streaked across the skies, slowly thinning out into nothingness.
Inside her plug, Rei let out a slight sigh, and wondered what the next course of action would be.
----------------------------
Shinji finally gave into panic… opening a line directly to the command bridge in Central Dogma, he let loose his plea.
"Father! Let me get out there! Asuka's… she's dying! We have to save her!" he shouted, his left hand tightening and relaxing.
"Not a chance in hell! This Angel's ability to attack the pilot's mind directly… it's too dangerous!" an older voice barked over the intercom. It took Shinji a moment to recognize the voice due to its seemingly unnatural tone. 'Sub Commander Fuyutski?' Shinji thought as he finally made the connection…
"Correct, Unit-01 must not be placed in a position where it can be contaminated," his father's deep cold voice spoke, resonating inside the cylinder. Shinji slammed his fast against the control, frustrated at his father's latest attempt to check him. A cold fury grew in him…
"That won't happen… I'll blast the damned thing out of the sky first…. Evangelion doesn't need miracles… It makes them," Shinji argued, readying himself to get the hell out of dodge if things didn't go his way again.
There was silence… nothing, with the exception of the low beeps and buzzes that indicated the equipment at work. Then, a flurry of activity.
"Power output is at Maximum! We can't get anymore juice!" "Not enough… There's simply not enough to penetrate at this range!" "Psychograph's going crazy, we're losing vitals!" "Don't let it feedback! Try to set up a buffering effect. "Get some breathing space for her!" "I'm trying!"
Shinji tried to follow all of the voices as they delivered their terrible messages, his hand clutched the start up button again. Just as he was about to begin, a voice cut through the rest. "Rei… go and retrieve the Lance from Dogma…" was all that the Commander said. Or that he needed to say, as Rei's voice sounded shortly after that in affirmation. 'Lance?' Shinji wondered.
----------------------------
Asuka shivered slightly as she slowly swayed… hanging from the end of the living rope. The shadows of her mother and the horrible thoughts and sensations she brought had disappeared, giving her some solace. She had long stopped trying to free herself of the rope… It seemed impossible to loosen, or escape. And so she had waited… waited for the suffering she knew was forthcoming.
She wasn't disappointed when it began anew. A symphony of tortured voices screamed out in anguish to her, seeming to reflect her inner pain. Like a change in the wind, the tone slowly changed from that of personal suffering to accusation. Asuka squirmed furiously, like a worm being lowered into fish infested waters. As the voices rang clearer and clearer, she had the feeling that something was probing the crevices of her very being… Soon the voices gave way to figures, and the two coupled almost broke her resolve.
Faces leered at her from the shadows, each spewing its message… and the truths.
Kaji….
Rei….
Misato….
Ritsuko….
The Commander…
The girl with the gray hair...
There were several others, but they were too far back to be seen… and their cries were but whispers compared to the fury of those closest to her.
"Just
a little girl…"
"So much better than you…. I'm the
favorite"
"Just a tool, not worth caring for…"
"Replacable"
"Failure
will not be tolerated, you have failed in your duty"
"He's all mine… You wasted your chances"
"Just
a little girl…"
"So much better than you…. I'm the
favorite"
"Just a tool, not worth caring for…"
"Replacable"
"Failure
will not be tolerated, you have failed in your duty"
"He's all mine… You wasted your chances"
"Leave"
"Leave"
"Get
out"
Over and over the voices laughed, accused, and taunted her. "Shut up!" she managed to croak as they closed in. She lashed out with her foot at the closest one to her. Her leg went straight through Misato's face, leaving a gaping bloody foot shaped hole as it made contact… Misato simply stumbled backwards for a moment, before straightening again. The others continued speaking even as she fell out of line. The remnants of an eye spun inwards to survey the damage, and a twisted smile appeared as the blood began to drip down it. Asuka screamed as Misato continued to advance, more blood pouring from the hole.
"Does that make you feel any better? Is that what it takes for you to feel happy? Does this make you proud?"
"Get away! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Asuka screeched as the thing with remnants of Misato's face leered at her, pawing at the leg. The others, still delivering their messages followed the lead specter's lead.
Rei, Kaji, Ritsuko, the Commander… all of them with terrible faces, spewing those terrible truths. Asuka desperately kicked out again, tearing bloody chunks out with each fell swoop, but still they came. And because they came, Asuka continued to thrash about wildly till she saw naught but blood. Still the voices came. She fought with all her might, but still the voices came. The hands, the touching, it all seemed to stop… it was the voices that cut her now.
----------------------------
Kaoru smiled as she watched the girl's personal demons do all the work. She had decided to tap into the distressed redhead's mind, as to get a better seat, so to speak for the show. In her hand she still held the not quite full bottle of peach Schnapps. She took small sips intermittently, and let out a small chuckle afterwards.
'Not quite fun or fair if you make her do all the work, now is it, Arael?' she projected; eager to see what twisted fruits the comment would bear. Arael had always been touchy about reputation. 'Simply watch, Sijea Tabris… simply watch and learn', the serene voice answered, a tinge of scorn tainting its calm.
Kaoru laughed once more, not caring at all if the Second Child could hear her or not. At the very least it would serve to heighten the anxiety, and crystallize the experience. It would be most marvelous, she thought with much glee.
"Asuka?" a timid, familiar voice inquired from somewhere behind her. Kaoru immediately spun around. To her great surprise, Shinji Ikari stood before her, an odd smile on his face. "But-"Kaoru gasped in disbelief as he stroked her face. "Did I not say, simply watch, dearest Sijea?" the boy laughed clearly, as if he hadn't a care in the world. Kaoru quickly had a vague conception of what would happen now. So, she began to laugh even harder than before. It would be a most excellent show.
----------------------------
Asuka struggled to keep her stomach's contents down where they belonged. She had clawed and kicked her way free from the damned living rope. She had, had to bite deep into its flesh to get it to finally let go. After that she had to forcibly remove half of the people she knew from her path forcibly. "Oh god… Kaji… I'm so sorry, Kaji", she whispered as she remember the way his head had exploded on contact with her fist. She had just murdered the man she thought that she loved. It was as if in that one moment, she had died.
It was in a pitiable state that she crawled away from the pile of body parts, off into a forest she had never seen before. One filled with tall stones, and oddly shaped trees. Blood trailed behind her, some her own, some… She didn't want to think of that. Her plugsuit was in tatters, dried tears streaked her face….and for the first time in a long time, she was deathly afraid. This wasn't what she was used to, she was used to fighting an enemy with no face, and fighting from inside an impenetrable suit of armor… she was reaching her breaking point here. She was filled with disgust at herself. 'Oh how the mighty have fallen,' she winced.
"Asuka!" a voice called from deeper within the forest. Asuka perked her head up at the sound. She told herself that it was impossible, that the person making that sound couldn't possibly be here… Yet, she hoped against all hope and picking herself off of the ground, made her way slowly towards the voice.
"Asuka!" Shinji's voice cried out to her like a beacon in the dark. She finally found the strength to limp towards it. "Shinji?" she yelled out, desperately knowing salvation must be at hand… where there was Shinji, there was NERV. She nearly cried when she saw him. He wasn't wearing a plug suit… There was no back up. Regardless, she stumbled forth till she was face to face with him. He looked at her wide-eyed, shocked. She stared into his blue eyes, and knew that it wasn't fake. "I-" she began, immediately cut off by her left leg giving out. She clenched her eyes, waiting for the ground to meet her, but nothing of the sort happened. "You okay?" Shinji asked as he swiftly slipped forward to catch her. Asuka inhaled deeply, looked him in the eye and gave an honest answer. "No… I'm not…" and then she simply collapsed into blackness.
When she came to, her plugsuit had been replaced with a sundress, and wounds that she was unaware of, had been dressed. She was propped against something soft…. Something with a vaguely familiar scent. With a slight groan, she looked upwards. She bit back a slight gasp as Shinji wrapped his arms around her, smiling while doing so. She was about to move, or say something, but he acted first. "Don't worry, you're safe now," he said, somehow managing to re-assure her, even as he caused her some degree of discomfort with his closeness. "I promise that you'll be safe now…" he repeated, closing his eyes and leaning back against one of the odd stone pillars that populated the immediate area. He let go of Asuka, and remained motionless, as if waiting for something.
She considered moving from where she lay now. Something deep inside of her demanded it. A little klaxon going off. In the end, she chose not to move. She thought she knew enough of his feelings, and for once, she thought that she might know enough of her own as well. All of the bottled up emotion, reactions, the waffling between attraction and repulsion as mood and image demanded it, seemed to simply flow out of her. She remembered the days that Shinji had been gone, dissolved inside the purple behemoth that was Evangelion.
This was her big chance, her opportunity to tell him what she had done, how she had invaded his privacy, and how she felt now that she knew. "Shhhh," he said quietly, slowly stroking her hair, "No reason to worry…" Asuka stiffened again as she felt his hands slowly move down from her head, gently caressing her shoulders, and finally came to rest on her breasts. The world went red.
----------------------------
Kaoru screamed again as she felt the violations through her mind-link. Her fingers dug into the soil, her breath ragged and uneven. "My… GOD! What a wonderful exper-r-r-rience!"
As Arael used its strength to thrust harder and harder, Kaoru slowly sank to the ground, fighting the urge to scream aloud as she rapidly reached orgasm. She passed out screaming Shinji's name as the waves of Arael's combined climax and psychic death-scream hit her.
----------------------------
Asuka came into consciousness screaming. Frantically, she scanned the area around her. Dark… the first thing she noticed was that it was very dark. Then the smell of LCL hit her. She calmed down just enough to stop screaming. Then her body remembered what had happened to her. The screams returned.
----------------------------
Kaoru awoke, soaking wet. Still somewhat breathless, she sat up, frowning as she noticed how damp her clothing had gotten in the rain. Stripping naked, she laughed as she felt the sun warm her lithe body. With one fell swoop, she finished off the half-forgotten bottle of liquor she had stolen, squealing in delight as the liquid began to make its way down, warming its surroundings as it went. The sensation reminded her of another warming presence entering her body. Suddenly, she felt very hungry. Remembering her picnic basket, she fished out a pair of chop-sticks. Roll after roll of sushi disappeared into her mouth as she rapidly made her way through the bento. With both of the predominant courses out of the way, Kaoru pulled out her dessert, a massive bar of milk chocolate. Slowly, she broke off little pieces, each one an experiment in how best to experience it. Each piece was like a world unto itself for the girl who'd never had chocolate before.
As the last of the chocolate went down Kaoru smiled, recalling a conversation she had over-heard while in the convenience store. "Mmmm… good, but not that good," she laughed.
A/N: Wow, a good two
years since my last update, huh? I wonder if anyone's still waiting
for this? Anyways, this little Author's Notes is just to say:
A)
I'm not dead! (Neither is this fic)
And
B) No longer
will I be updating in big Chapter blocks like I used to. From now
on, I'll be updating one part at a time
Enjoy!
- Shinji
