I am sitting in the bedroom waiting for this bloody doctor to show up. What the hell takes so long? All he has to do is think, "Snape Residence," and he is standing in our foyer. Even if he woke up ten minutes ago, he should be here by now. Needless to say I am not in a good mood.
I should be going into labor any day and I can already feel my body getting ready for it. My body is over heating, and I cant control my anger, although that never seemed a problem before.
I tapped my nails angrily on the bedside table and waited for Snape to life his head from his desk to tell me to stop. I did it again louder and more frequent.
"Stop," Snape called sounding exasperated and tired. He waited for me to protest and then went back to writing. After a moment I began again. Snape wheeled around to face me, anger evident in every inch of his face. "What have I done today? Hmm? What could I have done to annoy you so much that you feel to need to pick a fight with me at every spare moment?"
I felt my lip quiver as he yelled at me. I only wanted him to talk to me like a normal human being. Instead he wrote some bloody report, stating that indeed Dumbledore is alive. Alright so the entire Wizarding World is in rejoice mood because Dumbledore didn't die, Voldemort did. Only I can't enjoy it because my belly is too large, my feet are too bloated, and I need to pee every ten minutes. I've clocked it.
I allowed the tears to stream down my face and made a single sniffle to let him know my feelings were hurt. He turned back to me, instead of compassion or even regret, he looked annoyed again. Seriously this man has some nerve.
"Enough with the theatrics," Snape snapped irritably. I let out a long, over done sob. Snape glared at me. "I'm sorry alright?"
I shook my head once and crossed my arms as I sobbed again.
"I am very sorry that I yelled at you," Snape tried again.
"And?" I asked sniffing.
"I'm sorry that I don't have any sympathy for you because I am an old, mean, bitter man," Snape ticked off in a bored learned voice.
"Thank you. Apology accepted," I said sniffing. My tears instantly slipped away and Snape raised his eyes to the heavens.
"Sometimes you are too much for my patience," Snape muttered. Really do people think that just because I am with child, that I can not hear them when they insult me?
"I heard that," I snarled angrily. "Can you turn the cool air up or something? I feel like I'm in a Haitian prison," I spat with poison. Alright so I know that I can be annoying and whatever, but at this point I was sweating and uncomfortable with this whole pregnancy and could not wait to hold this baby in my arms. I missed seeing my feet.
Snape rolled his eyes and adjusted the thermometer slightly.
"What are you afraid it's going to cool the hell off in here? I'll even pay for all the extra air not cooling this oven," I snarled bitterly as he adjusted it only slightly.
"My, my this baby seems to pull the devil right on out of you," Snape said lightly but the sarcasm was still thickly imbedded in his words.
"No love, you unable to keep your hands off of me is what got me this way and for the LOVE OF MERLIN TURN THE FUCKING AIR ON! ARE YOU TRYING TO COOK ME OR SOMETHING?" I roared angrily even frightening myself. Snape seemed shell shocked for a moment and turned it up all the way.
"Happy?" Snape asked once again sarcastically.
"Do I look fucking happy?" I spat.
There was a pop from the foyer and then minutes later Lola appeared closely followed by a tiny, chubby woman who had nice rosy cheeks. I instantly felt at ease as she stepped into the room and shook my hand.
"Mrs. Snape I presume?" the woman asked me adjusting her glasses. She turned to look at Snape and smiled again. "Mr. Snape?"
"Sadly," I muttered. He heard me and glared at me again.
"Now I see we're a little uncomfortable for the time being," the woman continued stating the obvious. I hated that. It is my one and only pet peeve. Alright maybe not ONLY.
"Good eye," I snapped. The woman pursed her lips but continued to take my blood pressure.
"How far along are you?" the woman, who introduced herself as Rosie Meyers, asked grabbing a clip board and writing something down on it.
"Nine bloody months," I said fanning myself. "Did you put the bloody air on?"
"Yes and I put that Cooling Spell on you. If you're still hot I don't know what to tell you," Snape snarled. He turned back to the woman with a fake smile. "When should we expect her to be delivering?"
"What the hell is she a bloody Seer?" I snapped twisting my hair into a messy bun so it would stop sticking to my neck.
Snape glared at me again.
"If you aren't careful your face is going to get stuck like that," I said sarcastically. Snape opened his mouth to reply but was cut off when Rosie appeared this time lifting up my shirt.
"Now what have you been doing to speed up the process?" Rosie asked sticking her tongue out slightly in concentration as she squeezed on my stomach. I felt my bladder fill instantly.
"What process?" I snarled, angry that I was going to have to get up and pee now.
"The delivery," Rosie said talking to Snape, obviously thinking it was safer.
"Well…nothing really. I didn't know what would help her along. I…HATE to see her in so much discomfort. It really pains me," Snape finished so sarcastically I would have punched him into face if I wasn't stuck shoved into the pillows.
"He knocked me up on purpose," I snarled. Snape rolled his eyes.
"For the last time stop telling people that!" Snape snapped and grabbed my hand with a sharp tug. I felt myself righted and rubbed my shoulder joint.
"Next time just rip my arm right out of my socket," I snarled.
"Gladly," Snape snarled.
"How long have you been married?" Rosie asked looking slightly worried.
"Almost a year," Snape said turning back to her with a much pleasanter smile.
"Oh yes tell her that tale," I said wobbling into the bathroom. I returned a minute later to see Snape being showed a pamphlet.
"For home births," Rosie answered me when I gave her a questioning look.
"You slick son of a bitch!" I roared at Snape. "I told you that there was not a snowball's chance in hell I was giving birth here! The hospital has all the drugs!"
"Yes but you would be more at home here," Snape said reasonably ignoring my shaking body. Rage was coursing through me in a violent stream.
"I told you that if I'm having this baby that I decide where to have it and you said fine," I snarled.
"No I said we'll see. I saw, and I decided here was best," Snape replied giving me a look that told me to shut up.
"Oh YOU decided. I forgot you were having the baby! Right I carry it for nine months, I am the one who has to go through ungodly pain to have this baby, and I don't even get a say in WHERE I have it. So what else would you like to decide for me? I was planning on wearing my pink bra tomorrow, is that alright? I am also planning on taking a nap later because I cant seem to sleep at night because Hoover Snape likes to get drunk then snore like a fucking fog horn. Is that alright with you? Then maybe in a few months or so, I was going to stop breast feeding is that alright with you?" I roared. Rosie was glancing at us like we were nuts, I will point out a final time that we are.
"Will you calm down? What is your problem?" Snape matched my loud tones.
"I just told you numb-nuts!" I bellowed.
We stood in silence for a moment staring each other down until Snape rolled his eyes and turned back to Rosie and extracted the pamphlet and threw it away.
"There now what hospital would you like to have the baby in?" Snape asked reasonably crossing his arms.
I thought for a moment. "I want to have the baby here," I said and flounced back into bed.
Snape let out a sound like an angry cat and turned back to Rosie trying to stay calm.
"Do you see what I put up with?" Snape asked his voice all high and pitchy with the strain of not hexing me to death.
"Stop making our mid-wife take sides. I think she can decide who is craziest for herself," I snarled and fanned myself some more.
Snape and Rosie talked for a moment and then turned back to me.
"We're going to get a picture on the screen," Rosie said and a screen appeared when she snapped her fingers.
"Wonderful," I said sarcastically.
"You really are such a delight," Snape snapped at me.
"You best be quiet before I make this the last child you ever have," I snarled back and adjusted myself so Rosie could wave her hands over my stomach. Snape seemed to quiet down at my remark, only because he was afraid I would actually do something like that. I would.
"There, that is your baby," Rosie said sighing at the picture.
I stared at it as it moved slightly. I watched the foot move and seconds later felt the tiny fist kneading into my side. I laughed slightly and held onto it as I saw the baby move it's head slightly. It was really big.
"How the hell is that going to fit?" I asked turning to the nurse.
"Once again, you will expand," Snape replied still staring at the screen in what looked like awe.
"I forgot, besides being Dictator Snape, you are also Doctor Snape," I spat. He just turned my head back to the screen and I watched the baby move again. It reacted to our voices, it seemed used to our fighting.
"Would you like to know the sex?" Rosie asked taking out a sheet of paper.
"Yes!" I said as soon as Snape said no. I turned to him furiously.
"We have days to go, you can wait," Snape said firmly, leaving no room for an argument. I found a tiny crevice in which to attempt a fight.
"Asshole," I muttered so only he could hear me.
"Ah, the sweet nothings you whisper to me," Snape replied sarcastically.
Once again I had to fight the urge to smile. See this is how we show our love because if we didn't fight, then we wouldn't have make-up sex. Plus then we wouldn't talk and I would get really bored and whatever.
An hour later I was still fanning myself and Snape was still sitting at his desk scratching his quill noisily against the parchment.
"What did you buy the loudest fucking quill?" I snarled angrily. I was still sweaty, even though I had taken an ice cold bath.
"Just to annoy you," Snape replied. I bit back a stream of wicked comebacks and just concentrated on the little human being nestled inside of my womb.
A minute later I was bored.
"Entertain me," I whined angrily as he didn't respond the my calls.
"What are you like five?" Snape snapped.
"You know I wouldn't take that attitude with a five year old. You'd scare them," I warned.
"I'll keep that in mind," Snape said dryly.
"So are you going to talk to our child with all the warmth you saved for Harry?" I asked sarcastically.
"Oh no, I have a special batch waiting for it," Snape said looking up. "I am not going to be mean to my own child you twit."
"Careful with words like that I'm falling in love with you all over again," I replied slyly.
"What did you think I was going to be like Lucius Malfoy or something?" Snape asked taking off his glasses.
"By the way where is our deal pal Malfoy?" I asked picking a nail.
"Last I heard he and the family fled to Switzerland," Snape replied smirking.
"Good old Switz," I said sighing in fake happiness. I giggled when Snape rolled his eyes at me.
"Now I though maybe, if you're 'up' to it, we could take a walk in the park later on," Snape said still looking down at the paper, his quill writing quickly.
"Oh my god," I said.
"Now really it's nothing I just thought you'd like it," Snape said exasperatedly looking up.
"No…my water just broke," I said feeling the warmth pool between my legs. I turned to Snape panic sweeping through my entire body as realization slapping into me.
A/N Please read and review. Sorry for the wait.
