"Alright let's just stay calm," I said in what I hoped was a soothing voice. Snape was staring at my horror struck. Seriously if he wasn't going to even try and help me, he would wait outside or something. Hell no is he staying in here and pissing me off.
"I'm calm," Snape retorted in a shaking voice. I didn't even have enough will to roll my eyes and heaved myself up. Snape snapped to attention and gently pulled me to my feet. "Where the bloody hell do you think you're going?" Snape asked sounding frightened.
"Oh I thought I'd go for a walk," I snarled sarcastically. "We need to change the sheets, call what's-her-name, I need to change into something that doesn't have uterus water all over it, and I need to get my mother here right now. So what I am going to ask you to do, is call my mother, the medi-witch, and change the sheets and if you cant do any of that speak up now and then get me someone who can," I ordered in a calm voice. I was surprised that I was remaining so calm, I had nightmares where I would be so shocked that I wouldn't speak and Snape wouldn't be home and the baby came out…and they were just horrible.
"Alright go change and I will get everything ready," Snape said snatching at the sheets and pulling them off the bed. I took in a shuddering breath and walked into the closet. What to wear? I could wear my…no that wouldn't be right.
Finally I just pulled on a loose nightgown that came down above my knees and had spaghetti straps. It also had buttons so I could unsnap it and breastfeed when she gets here. Ok so no pain as of now but someone told me that it hurts like a mother f-er. I am seriously not looking forward to shoving this baby out of me.
I walked back into the bedroom to see Snape standing at the bed slipping new pillow cases on the bed. I gave him a small smile and began to walk over to the bed.
"Ow!" I screeched. Holy mother of everything beautiful that was the most pain I've been in my entire life. I clutched onto my stomach and nearly fell if Snape's, Death Eater/geeky kid running away from bullies, reflexes hadn't kicked in and he caught me.
"Did it hurt?" Snape asked stupidly. He seemed to realize his mistake because he quickly got out of my reach.
"What did we discuss?" I snarled settling into the pillows, my entire body contracting in pain.
"I'm not allowed to speak until spoken to and then if I ask a stupid question in my designated speaking time I am not allowed to stay in the room," Snape recalled in a bored and angry voice.
"Very good. Did you call Rosie?" I asked taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Snape nodded and began to pour water from his wand.
"She should be here within the hour," Snape said sponging my head.
"Stop it," I snapped and swatted his hand away. "What do you mean an hour? What else could she possibly be doing? She's OUR medi-witch. She is supposed to wait nine months until I have the baby!" I screamed.
"Well because you didn't…realize that you were pregnant until you were four months, then ran away for another two, and continued to tell me that you didn't want a medi-witch for another month, she was all I could do on such short notice. You have to share," Snape said handing me a glass of water.
"Are you saying this is my fault?" I asked in a deadly whisper.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Snape replied also matching my deadly tone.
"Don't talk to me like that you asshole," I snarled.
"What a wonderful roll model you are already making for our child!" Snape said sarcastically.
One Hour Later
"Where is everyone?" I moaned as another contraction racked through my body.
"Your parents weren't home and the owl never returned the letter, it must still be looking for them. You said that there was no way in any magical and non-magical plane Ron and Harry would be allowed here, and Rosie is still with that other woman. Imagine, an hour after she left you went into labor. If only you weren't so damn stubborn," Snape said shrugging. I didn't like his tone. It was like he was joking with me! I am in the worst pain known to woman kind and this blistering little git was mocking me!
"Get me someone that isn't you!" I roared and sent a cup flying at his head. He caught it and placed it on the table, then he checked out very quickly. I looked around the room and caught sight of the baby room. Wow, by tomorrow morning there was going to be a baby in there. Holy shit!
"Mione!" a familiar voice rang through the room.
"Ginny!" I cried dissolving into tears of relief that I had someone to talk to. "Oh my god this hurts so much and our stupid medi-witch is delivering some other woman's baby, the lucky bitch, and I just don't like this! And Snape keeps making fun of me!"
"Ok, it's alright," Ginny said soothingly patting my hand. Snape walked back in and I felt another lurch of something or other and I held out my other hand for him.
One Hour Later
Ok now I am just plain bored. My contractions are being clocked at like one every fifteen minutes or something. So for those fifteen minutes me and Snape just talk and now he's getting bored and loosing concentration.
"Do you want me to rub your back?" Snape offered after a minute.
"I would love that," I said and got up.
"Kneel down," Snape instructed.
"I am not giving you a blow job now!" I bellowed.
Snape closed his eyes as though looking for strength to go on. He finally let out a breath and opened his eyes to look at me. "I mean turning into the bed so I can massage your back. Actually if you want to just lean over I can do it fine."
I leaned over the bed. "Don't try anything," I warned.
"Where the hell am I going to stick it? I think our child's head is already poking out the only place I would put it," Snape snarled and kneaded my back.
"You mean you've never put it in the other way?" I asked in a joking voice. "I thought you were a Death Eater?"
"For the last time that isn't what we did!" Snape yelled and stopped rubbing my back in frustration.
"I'm sorry please continue," I said and placed his hand back on my back. He slowly began to rub it again and I leaned my head against a stack of pillow.
"What in the heavens are you doing?" someone screamed from the doorway.
Alright so I guess that didn't look good. You know me bent over and moaning while Snape was pressed into me making all sort of huffy motions because I kept teasing him by saying something about him being gay.
Rosie stood in the doorway and I felt Snape step back. "I was just giving her a massage," Snape said scowling and sat back down. I crawled back into bed and let Rosie take my pulse.
"Dear, dear," Rosie muttered to herself.
"What?" I said quickly.
"Nothing darling! Now please spread them and we'll see what we're dealing with. Dad do you want to see your baby?" Rosie asked smiling at Snape. She obviously doesn't know who we are.
Snape looked at me and I shrugged. What does it matter? This is how we got like this. He got up and walked around the bed and Rosie check to see how dilated I was. Snape was just staring down there like it was a good book.
"What are you staring at?" I snapped moodily.
"Nothing good," Snape muttered to himself but I heard him.
"You didn't seem to mind going down there and knocking me up you sick son of a bitch! I swear the first thing I'm going to do is rip your balls off and shove them in a blender then make you drink them!" I roared.
"You know you don't want your foul words to be the first thing this baby hears," Snape said sarcastically.
"Bite me you greasy little bastard," I snapped back.
"Well aren't we just a delight," Snape said once again with a little too much sarcasm.
"This coming from the ex-Death Eater who kidnapped me then forced me into marriage after he deflowered me, then got me pregnant," I retorted.
"Are you ever going to give that up?" Snape roared.
"Nope in fact I'm going to put it right on your tombstone," I said shifting slightly.
"How can you be certain that you're going to live longer than me?" Snape asked smirking.
"Because if you don't shut the hell up right now I'm going to kill you," I snarled. The smirk instantly left and he retreated to his chair.
Yet Another Hour Later
Still no baby. I am in so much pain!
"Son of a fucking bitch!" I moaned as the contractions became more frequent. "This would have never happened if last year, I had simply accepted Mrs. Weasley's invitation and went to her house for the summer instead of going out to that stupid book reading! As Rosie as my witness I will never read another book again!"
Ten Minutes Later
"What are you reading?" I asked Snape. He turned to look at me sideways. I made him turn his chair around so I could hold his hand during those contractions were you just want lightening to strike you dead. Or that the baby would just get the hell out already.
"Can I read it?" I asked making a grab for it. He held it out of my reach.
"I thought as god as your witness you would never read again," Snape said innocently.
"I'll say anything with fourteen painkillers in me," I snarled and was handed the book. "What the hell is this? It's all in like Latin or something."
"Some of us wizards can speak many languages. It comes in handy when we must speak in code," Snape replied lightly while grabbing another book behind him.
"I don't understand any of this," I said sadly and looked at the cover of his other book. I snatched it from him.
"Wha-? Hey!" Snape said and grabbed it back.
"Just let me look," I said.
"No just stop it. You're going to hurt yourself," Snape replied trying to glide me back into bed.
"Just let me- Son of a Bitch!" I screamed and held onto my stomach. "Ow!"
"See," Snape chided like a child. He placed me back into bed and covered my legs up even though they're supposed to be propped up and open. Hell no! Not only do I not want just anyone to see my lovely, I am not taking the extra chance that this baby is just going to shoot out like a cannon and smack into the wall opposite of me. How would we get all the blood and gunk out of the antique wall paper?
24 Pain-filled, Hours Later
Still No Baby
"This is totally your child! I have never in my life met anyone so stubborn," I moaned piteously. It was like six at night and I was still awake, still in labor. Snape has sat beside me all day, only getting up to use the loo or talk to the people who have been banished to the living room. Mainly my mother and Ginny because they kept asking if it hurt. If you hear someone screaming, "Holy shit! Mother fucker!" and clutching their stomach, assume they are in pain.
"You have already blamed this on me," Snape pointed out looking exhausted.
"I'm so tired!" I groaned.
"Take a nap," Snape suggested.
"I cant! What the hell is taking so long? I have half a mind to just reach in there and grab it out! It's like a two foot push! Do you think the head is too big? Oh my god I am going to be stuck like this forever!" I said feeling myself tear up again.
"Shh of course you aren't," Snape said in an annoyed voice that comforted me. If he was back to being annoyed with me then I knew it wouldn't be that much longer. Last night he almost seemed like a normal, caring person. With real life feelings and everything. He thought I was sleeping and he was using baby language to talk to the baby! It freaked me out so much. We still haven't discussed it though. I don't know how to bring it up.
"You don't speak to the baby like that," I said in a pouty voice but I couldn't help giggling. Snape colored slightly and turned away from me. I began to laugh hysterically and only stopped when the most painful contraction I have had so far, ripped through my body.
"Did that hurt?" Snape asked in what I THOUGHT was a caring voice. I nodded. "Good." Asshole.
Two Hours Later
"Are you ready to push?" Rosie asked me. I stared at her in fright. I had to push it out? I totally forgot! I looked at Snape and saw he looked worried and his face was all drawn like the time that he saw Moody at school for the first time.
"No," I moaned and clutched on to Snape. He took me by the shoulders and crouched down to my eye level. Then he talked to me in a whisper that only I could hear.
"You can do this. You are the strongest person I know and the fact that you have lasted so long is just another example of that. Now this baby is counting on you…I'm counting on you. You can do this, c'mon," Snape said and I stared at him for a moment and nodded. He stood up and held onto my hand firmly.
I pushed myself down until Rosie told me to stop, then I bared down. I really was not having a good time. This was the weirdest/coolest thing I had ever done. Mind you the pain was really unbearable towards the end. I pushed for a few minutes and then I felt as if this giant discomfort slipped away from me and I heard the most remarkable thing I have ever heard in my entire life: My daughter's cry. I gasped and felt tears coming into my eyes as a clean towel was placed on my chest and then was replaced seconds later with a baby. I glanced at her and she just looked at me and sighed. She didn't cry anymore she just looked me over. I noticed Snape had come around me and she looked up at him and I swear she smiled. They say babies cant smile that young, but she did for him. I gasped again and looked up at his face. He was smiling, a genuine smile not that freaky smile he does when he's caught you out of bed or just kidnapped you or something, and touched her cheek. Then he looked me right in the eye and it happened. A sort of breeze whipped by and he kissed me. A real kiss that held all the love we could muster for each other at the time. It was the beginning of our family. This baby was going to do it. She was going to make us the Snape's…I guess that sounds right.
"Alright are you ready to push again?" Rosie asked again and we turned to look at her.
"WHAT?"
A/N I am so sorry I didn't update before but Wednesday night I had an anxiety attack or something equally retarded, I don't if you know what they are, but I had to like sleep it off because I didn't get to sleep until like 2 and then I had to get up at 5 and get ready for school. So my mother made me stay off the computer, she's thinks I've become addicted or something, and nap for the rest of the after noon. This is not the end but I do not know how long I want to take this. I was thinking maybe a few more chapters, or I could begin sort of like a second story after this and make it about their family or something. Let me know!
Also for all the people who are going to tell me that babies don't smile minutes after birth, not to sound stupid, but I did. We have it on tape and everything, so I know that they can. Plus I am just so damn amazing that I defy the laws of life…hehe. I crack myself up.
