Harry Potter and the Goldfish for Hire (Goblet of Fire)

There was a fishbowl sitting on a table near the door of the Three Broomsticks.

There was a goldfish in it.

People going in or coming out would stare at it, and the goldfish would explain, "I'm looking for a job. Will you hire me? I'll do anything." But nobody wanted to hire a goldfish.

One day, though, a man walked in and sat down at the goldfish's table. They spoke for a while, and then the man left, carrying the goldfish and its bowl with him.

Harry knew, without looking, what had to be in the bag Ludo Bagman was holding out to him. All of the dragons had been picked except for the Hungarian Horntail, and all of the numbers had been chosen except for four. So Harry wasn't surprised when he reached in and pulled out a model of…a goldfish?

Okay, he was surprised.

"Um, sir? Are you telling me I have to fight my way past a goldfish?"

"Yes, well, you see," Bagman looked slightly embarrassed, "we had four nesting females with their eggs for the competition. But then, the Horntail's eggs hatched. We were hard pressed finding a replacement in time. Luckily I met that goldfish in a tavern yesterday."

"There's got to be some catch. It's not really a goldfish, it's something transfigured to look like a goldfish but that will reveal its true monstrousness as soon as I enter the arena. Or it's some rare type of fire-breathing, poisonous-quill-shooting, suck-my-blood-vampire goldfish."

"No, no, it's an ordinary goldfish. In a fishbowl."

"In a fishbowl?"

Harry stood in front of the fishbowl. He felt stupid. Fleur, Victor, and Cedric had just fought dragons in front of the crowd, and now he was faced with a little fish, swimming in circles around the bowl.

He cleared his throat. "Er, hello."

The fish stopped swimming and looked up at him. "Hello! Are you the one who's trying to take the golden pebble out of my bowl?"

"I suppose so. But I can't exactly fight you for it, can I? You're so…small. And fishy."

"Fishy? You say that like it's a bad thing."

"But then how am I supposed to get your pebble away from you?"

The fish thought about it. "Well, you could ask politely for it. And without the 'fishy', this time."

"Er, okay. Can I please have that golden pebble, Mr. Fish?"

"Sure."

"Thanks."

Not surprisingly, Harry was the quickest champion to complete the task.

Hey, long time no update! How's everybody been? Goldfish for Hire was suggested by…let me check my list…nkittyhawk! Go you!

nkittyhawk: Seeing as you've already started that sequel, I'll assume UPS got your brain back okay. May your sneezes and reviews be plentiful.

UnDeadGoat: Whoa, what a review! I can't make heads or tails of what you were trying to say! Which is randomness as it should be, I guess.

TeamExtremeGurl: Sirius seems to be the most popular person to write a poem for, you must be the third or fourth person to ask. Guess I'll have to do it for next chapter, huh?

soccergirl45: Okay, Order of the Pies is officially on the waiting list. Thanks for the request.

Razanur: Meep! right back at you. Desultory is a very cool word.

UnDeadGoat: Hello- again? Oh, you reviewed twice. I'd love to use Sorcerers Stoned as a title, except I'm already using it for another story I'm working on. If you're interested, I'll start posting it soon.

Zyrorai: Wow, I've got a whole lot of writing to do, don't I? Just out of curiosity, how would you react if I told you I didn't like scones but I bother to write stories about them? And please don't threaten to kill me.

fuzzy-nose: Has it come back to you yet?