Author's notes: So here it is, the last chapter, and tomorrow there will be an epilogue, I promise. I don't have time for individual thanks you:s this time, packing, you know, but tomorrow, I will. So hang on 'till then.
And thanks to my wonderful BETA SugarQuill Cutie for all the help with this troublesome chapter. You're the best.
Enjoy!
Part VII
The rest of the day passed by faster than Hermione would have dared imagine. After her talk with McGonagall, she was determined to focus on work, and for the rest of the day, she wouldn't let herself think about Draco, or the baby. It went farily well, but when she focused so much in classes, she realized how much she'd missed out. I will be up all night reading just to try and catch up, she thought as she walked back to he dormitory after dinner that evening. She told the portrait the password and went inside.
"Finally!" Draco was sitting on the same couch she'd left him on in the morning, covered in a blanket, looking even paler than usual. "I thought you'd never come back."
Hermione smiled and dropped her bag and her robe on the other couch. "How are you feeling?" she asked, at the same time sitting down and taking off her shoes and her socks.
"As I deserve, I suppose." Draco shrugged his shoulders. "Did you find all the teachers?" Hermione nodded, and he looked relieved. "Thanks so much, 'Mione!"
She smiled and laid down. "Don't mention it," she said to the table, since it was hiding Draco from view. "You'd have done the same for me."
"Are you sure about that?" Draco's voice was low, and Hermione sat up again, looking confused.
"What do you mean?"
For a moment he was quiet, but then he said, "Did I hurt you? You know, last night." He wasn't looking at her, and Hermione had a hard time hearing what he was saying.
For a moment she thougth about lying, but since it was he who'd done it, Hermione thought he should know. She reached up and bent down the collar of her blouse.
"Draco?" He looked up, and Hermione turned her head so he saw the tiny bruise on her neck from one of his fingers. The little colour that was left in his face disappeared before he hid his face in his hands.
Every single part of Hermione's body told her to walk over there and hold him, but she remained where she was, only bent the collar back up. After what seemed like an eternity, Draco finally spoke again, but still without looking at her.
"I don't know what to say, 'Mione. 'Sorry' won't be enough."
"No, it won't." Hermione thought herself that she might have sounded too harsh, and she said in a softer voice, "but on the other hand, you were drunk." Draco lifted his head, and he couldn't have loked more surprised if Hermione had told him she was Ron's twin sister. "I'm surprised you even remember it at all."
"But, Hermione." He gestured hopelessly with one hand. "I could have killed you!"
"I know that!" Hermione was very moved by his...caring. He'd never showed her this much affection before. At least not like this. "But I also know that you wouldn't really have done it. That's not who you are, Draco." Her voice was a soft whisper. "You're not your father."
A shadow passed over Draco's face, but he didn't look away. Instead a small smile appeared on his lips.
"Thanks, 'Mione. I-" He hesitated. "I think we need to talk."
Hermione knew that that wasn't what he'd been about to say in the beginning, but instead of pointing it out, she just nodded. She knew what he wanted to talk about.
Draco drew a deep breath. "I know I treated you like...shit, and worse than that, the other night when you told me. And my only excuse is that I was shocked. To be honest, I hadn't even thought that this could happen, not once, which is incredibly stupid. But I suppose blaming you didn't make it any better." He actually flushed a little, and Hermione smiled.
"No, it didn't," she said, "But what's done is done, and the only thing we should worry about now is what to do."
Draco pulled a hand through his hair, a gesture Hermione had seen him do many times when they'd studied together, which usually ment that he didn't know what to say.
"'Mione, I...it's just, the time..." he stuttered.
Hermione shook her head. "Draco, please. Do me a favor and be honest with me."
He looked surprised, and a little uncomfortable, but nodded. "Allright. 'Mione, I don't want it."
In the silence that followed, those four words echoed inside Hermione's head. She didn't know how they were suppose to make her feel. She'd known what his feeling about the baby were, he'd made it perfectly clear when she told him, so she wasn't surprised. But she wasn't relieved or hurt either. She was just...numb. When Draco had said those four words, all emotions had left Hermione, and she was feeling oddly empty.
She nodded. "I knew you would say that," she said, for she didn't know what else to say.
Draco looked closely at her, as if waiting for her to fall apart and start crying hysterically.
"So, what do you think?" he asked.
"Does it matter what I think?" Hermione didn't recognize her own voice, it seemed to be comming from a far.
"Of course it does!" Draco seemed very concerned, and Hermione couldn't understand why. "It's your child too, you must have some feelings about it. Do you want to keep it, or-? Because if you do, I'll take my responsibility. I might not want it, but I'm an honest man, 'Mione, you know that. Whatever you choose, you won't be alone."
Hermione looked curiously at him with her head a little a skew. So many words, so hard to understand. She shook her head.
"Draco...I think I'll take a walk." She rose suddenly, hitting her knees on the edge of the table.
"Allright, I'll come with you." Draco rose too and immeditately sat down again, his face the the colour of ash.
Hermione forced herself to smile. "Don't be silly, Draco, you're still sick. I've lived in this castle for six years, I think I can manage a simple walk." She headed towards the exit. "I won't be long, but don't sit up and wait."
The portrait closed behind her, and everything went black and quiet. Hermione started walking down a corridor, not knowing, and not really caring, where she went. It must be very late, she thought absentmindedly. The corridors were all empty, and no speech or laughter echoed between the stonewalls in this usually so crowded part of the castle. Hermione walked on tiptoe at first, since she'd forgotten to put her shoes back on, but then she became unaware of the cold, and of where she went, and just walked.
I don't want it. Those four words echoed inside Hermione's head for every step she took, trying to make her insane, but instead making her more and more angry.
Well, what the hell do I care, she thought. I don't want it either. Or do I? After all, it is a human being inside my body. A new little witch or wizard that might one day walk through this corridors like I do now, trying to figure ut how to make feathers fly. Hermione laughed at the memory of Ron trying to manage Wingardium Leviosa in their first year. She'd hated him, oh, how she'd hated him. And he'd become her best friend. Oh, the adventures they'd experienced together. That troll in the bathroom. And Hagrid's dragon, Norbert. And the Polyjuice Potion in their second year. What was I thinking, allowing Harry and Ron to turn into Crabbe and Goyle just to question Malfoy. No, wait, it's Draco now, right, he's my boyfriend, no, ex-boyfriend, and we're going to have a child together. No, wait, he doesn't want it, right, so it's me who's going to have a baby. On my own. Well, I can manage.
You won't be alone. Draco's last words popped up and replaced the others inside her head. Not alone. So he would pay her for the child, but he wouldn't want to have anything to do with it, was that what he ment? Hermione laughed and felt something warm and wet slide own her cheek. She reached up and touched it, tasted it. A tear. She was crying, for that single tear had been closely followed by others. You won't be alone. She bonced againt a wall, the tears blurring her vision. Like hell I won't. If he doesn't want the baby, I am on my own. But I can manage on my own. I don't need him or anyone else.
She passed a window, and she stopped and dried her tears, looking out on the view. She was in the North part of the castle, looking out over the mountains. The moon was shining high up in the sky, shimmering in the snow that lay over the grounds, making everything looking slightly surrealistic.
Hermione started humming to herself, a lullaby her mother had used to sing to her when she was a little girl.
"Sweet dreams, my darling, sweet dream. I'll be here when you wake up, tomorrow, another day. Sweet dreams, my darling, sweet dreams."
A hand was put on her shoulder, and she spun around.
"Draco!" she cried out. "What the hell are you doing here? I told you I'd be fine on my own." She glared at him.
"'Mione, I- I was worried about you." Draco seemed confused by her outburst. "I didn't think you should be on your own, you seemed a little odd and confused." He looked closely at her. "Are you allright?"
"I don't need your help, thank you very much, I can take care of myself." Hermione turned her back on him. "I'm on my own now, I don't need you." She started walking again, but for some reason, the tears had started falling again, and she fell against a wall. "Why don't you want me?" she whimpered. "Aren't I good enough for you?"
She felt him put a hand on her shoulder, but she spun around, and it fell off. "What's wrong with me?" she screamed at him. "No, wait, what's wrong with you? What kind of person does not want their own child?" She lent against the wall, shaking and sobbing.
Draco put his hands on her shoulders. Hermione tried to shake him off, but he only held on tighter and pulled her closer to him.
"I do want you, 'Mione, I do. Can't you just come back to the dorm and we can talk there?" He began to gently pull her towards their dormitory, but Hermione broke free.
"I'm not going with you anywhere, I'm fine right here!" she cried.
"'Mione, you're hysteric. Can't you just let me lead you back?" Draco reached out for her, but Hermione backed away.
"Don't come any nearer, or I'll- I'll hex you!" She kept walking without looking. All she could focus on was Draco's face, that was now wearing a look that was close to panic.
"Wait, 'Mione, look behind you," he cried out, but Hermione didn't listen, she just kept walking. "Hermione, the stairs!"
But it was too late. Hermione's foot landed in thin air, and she started to fall backwards. It's true, she thought. You really do fall in slow motion. All she could see was Draco's face. Oh, how she loved him. He looked so hopeless. And then he was enveloped in darkness, and she could see no more.
Hermione slowly opened her eyes and looked around. Déjà vu, she thought. Once again I'm waking up in the hospital wing. She tried to sit up, but felt an immediate pain in her head and in her stomach, so she lay down again, looking out through one of the windows. The sun was filling the room, and she could see snow glistening on the treetops outside the window. Funny, Hermione thought. I can fall down a stair and probably almost break my neck, and the world will still keep going. Opposite to how it would have made her feel a few weeks ago, this thought made her oddly calm.
She looked down at Draco, who she knew was sitting by her side, holding her hand. He was sleeping, with his head on her bed. And I thought you couldn't love someone so much it hurts, Hermione thought. Would she ever be able to look at him without her heart skipping a beat? Would she ever tire a pulling her fingers through his hair, or feel his lips againt hers? Would she ever stop loving him? And would he ever love her back?
Draco stirred, lifted his head and looked at her.
"'Mione, you're awake!" He rose from the chair and bent forward and kissed her forehead. "I thought you'd never wake up," he said when he was sitting down again. "Do you know that you've been unconscious for three days, and that I've been sitting here the whole time?" Hermione smiled and shook her head, but she immediately stopped. It felt like it was going to break. "How are you feeling?" Draco asked.
"Quite well." Hermione's voice was hoarse since she hadn't used it for three days. "My whole body hurts, but I suppose that's to be expected." She squeezed Draco's hand. "Has Madam Pomfrey said anything about me?"
Draco looked down at the covers, taking her hand in both his. "'Mione...you lost the baby," he whispered.
First, Hermione just stared at him for a long time, but then she closed her eyes, trying to feel something, sadness, relief, anything but this numbness that was right now spreading throughout her entire body. Do I have a heart of stone? she thought.
Draco squeezed her hand and she opened her eyes.
"I suppose this was for the best," she whispered, not wanting him to say it. "And- and now?" She swallowed. "What will happen to- to us? You and me."
Draco looked at her in silence for a long time, but then he said, "I don't know, 'Mione, I really don't know? What do you think?" When she didn't answer, he continued. "I- I actually think we could work, if we really tried, and really wanted to. I would have to controll my temper, and you'd have to lay off the know-it-all-thing you've got, but I think we could do it. And I think it would be worth it too." He became silent once more, waiting for Hermione to say something.
"I agree with you," she finally said. "I think we could make it work, if we really wanted to." She hesitated. "But I'd have to think about it."
Draco nodded. "Allright, I'll let you think about it." He rose and kissed her forehead once more. "You know where to find me when you've decided."
And he turned to walk away. When he reached the doors, he hesitated with his hand on the doorknob, and then her turned around and looked at her. It was...the most vulnerable look Hermione had ever seen, on anybody. He looked so unsure, as if he didn't know what to think about anything.
Suddenly he came back to her bed and bent down and kissed her. It was a soft, gentle kiss, the kind that usually means 'I love you', but it this case, Hermione knew, ment something totally different. She just didn't know what.
She was the one to first break the kiss.
"I'll tell you when I'm done thinking," she said, her voice much firmer than she'd thought it would be.
Draco just nodded, and left the Hospital Wing.
