Not this disclaimerish thing AGAIN: Alright, alrgiht. JKR, do hire a hitman to murder me if I say I made up Lily, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter.

Author's Notes: Here I am again, ready to torture you, haha. Not really. I am so happy you're liking this fic – both the het and slashy side of it. (even though the slash part is more of a humorous story) In this chappie you can expect to see Marauders craziness, NEXT LEVEL OF THE HOLY MATRIMONY GAME and a Lily/James part. The J/L part was inspired by one of blacksmoon's ideas. So I thank her muchly. Anyways, I really hope you will like it. And even if you don't – TELL ME. Suggestions, questions, thoughts – put everything in your review. Okay? Thankses in advance.

Oh, and a question for you all – what do you think the rating of this fic is so far? Just want to check... Some fics get deleted because they aren't rated correctly... Eeeek. Scary, scary, scarrrrry thought.

Individual responses:

1. HermioneLuna: Thank you! I'm glad you think you could read my fic till the end. Oh and to re-assure you, the question McGonagall asked was only because of the coincidence, nothing more.
2. PrincessSkywalkerOrgana: Muy happy that you like Sirius. Grazie.
3. Bhekie: LOL, glad you liked my little word game. (gay & happy relation) Thanks!
4. bigsmileygirl-3:
Ehehehe, nice to hear that. James and Lily won't be lovers so quickly, just like you said. Glad you put this story in your faves, yay!
5. the-girl-named-kittie: Your reviews make me so happy because you really like Remus/Sirius! And thanks for thinking they're all in character. Ah, it's too early for a cute little kiss... Stay tuned, it'll come eventually. –wink-
6. jellyjulie: Yep, they're happy. Some Lily/James-ness in 'ere.
7. Tanya: Glad you think they're funny. Yep, a bit of Lily in this chap, enjoy.
8. Nick: LOL. Moral of the story is – do not skip words, haha.Everything will be clearer then. Yay! Happy to hear you thought it was funy.
9. Phaerie: Ahahahaha. Maybe they should, but they won't be doing it... yet... ehehe. Muchas gracias for the compliments!
10. sarah: Yay for loving and thinking it funny. Update's here, obviously, hehe.
11. blacksmoon: Long review, woohoo! Just what I asked from you, LOL. I am so frickin' glad you laughed like insane while reading chappie number 4. It means a lot to me and you know it. Thanks.
12. rebellious-socks: Awww, I hope your hatred for slash doesn't make you give up on the story. I'll try to put a warning before every slash chappie, but sometimes, you know, it'll be jumbled with Lily/James too... I'm extremely happy to see you're liking the fic even though you don't like slash. Great compliment for me!
13. James' Grl: In some parts it will be slashy, I imagine, yes.
14. Lady-Elizabeth4242: That is a nice idea and I'll try to stick to it... as much as I can. Glad you like R/S, though... still, I'm not quite sure if I'll be able to alternate the chappies all the time. Will try, thanks for the tip.
15. Carina: Who doesn't love Lupin? –wink-
16. MaraudahLily: It's okay you couldn't review the 3rd chapter. I know, I don't have too much time either. Thanks for liking!
17. Snuffles is Loony for Moony: LOL, sorry to disappoint you, but you were the second to review, hehe. Here's more. I'm real glad you enjoyed the Remus/Sirius part, weee!
18. charlotte: THANKS.
19. Gold Silk: Oh, my, you are making me blush like mad! How funny that you've been looking for het and found a het/slash fic, haha. I know that Lily dating Lestrange was weird, but my point was only to show that not all the Deatheaters have to be from Slytherin... that's why I put him in Ravenclaw. Anyways, I'll try to stick to both het (J/L) and slash (R/S)! Thank you!
20. PRONGSRIDESAGAIN: Tell me about it! I'm supposed to be studying now, and instead, what am I doing? Updating, lol. Fics are so irresistible, no? No matter if you write or read, they just seem so important. LOL. I'm so glad you love the fic! Hahah, I know what you mean. One big happy family, indeed. Thank you a bunch!
21. Dortha: Yay, a fellow COS-er! Thanks for thinking Sirius and Remus are funny, that's exactly what I was going for. Glad you like it!

Okaaaaaaaay. That's all for individual responses, I think. Shall I continue the fic now? I think so. Enjoy!

Not So Holy Matrimony

written by Milka-Weasley


Chapter 5 - The Next Level

"That was one very very boring class, I'm telling you. Like I am ever going to need a Relaxing Draught in my life. I know perfectly well how to stay cool, thank you very much," yawned Sirius, as the boys and him were leaving the Hogwarts dungeons on late Monday evening.

"When weren't the Potions boring, anyways?" retorted James lazily, "No, Moony, don't answer that one."

Remus frowned slightly. "I wasn't even going to..."

"It seemed to me you were having pretty good time, though, Prongs," stated Sirius, grinning mischievously. "Couldn't take your eyes off Evans, could you?"

"Mind your own business," responded James, not even trying to suppress the amused chuckle that appeared on his face. "but, now that you've mentioned it, her hair did smell like jasmine and wild rose, mixed with fresh spring breeze..."

Sirius gaped in shock.

"Somebody stop him!" he yelled, and a few girls who were going behind them jumped startling. "My friend's gone mad and talking like a medieval renaissance poet! Somebody, please, hex him!"

"I'm just saying her hair smelled nice, that's all."

But Sirius was still staring incredulously.

"You could actually smell the scent of her hair, even though Snivellus was sitting near us? I, my friend, couldn't even breathe, not to mention feel anything else, because of his... you know... intoxicating aroma."

James snickered.

"Ah, Sirius, one day when you fall in love, no Snivelluses will be enough to stop you from feeling or sensing anything that is connected to your chosen one."

Remus tried to be invisible and was very good at that, because James didn't notice him wincing at the phrase "chosen one".

"By the way, mates, have I mentioned Lily and I have been doing pretty well so far? Since Saturday, that is. Two and a half whole days. True, we didn't even see each other yesterday... and she only smiled at me today, but hey, it's something too! Before, she would simply pass near me, ignore me, tell me to disappear, fly off to smooch her disgusting Lestrange boyfriend or... Are you sure I haven't already told you this?"

"No. Never heard it before," said Remus.

"Yeah, please continue, so amusing." Sirius rolled his eyes.

Peter objected.

"But... you guys... he did tell us already! You told us at least – er – two times today, James, I think!"

"Peter," Sirius said patiently, "when you grow up, you will surely begin to realize the true meanings of words like sarcasm, irony or mocking."

"But, but," stuttered poor Peter, "I already know what they mea..."

"Here it is again," sighed Sirius, closing his eyes for a second, "I give up. Do you simply have to be so thick sometimes, Wormtail, or are you doing it specifically to tick me off?"

Peter blinked.

"There, there, Padfoot," laughed James, who seemed to be in a great mood the whole day, "everything is going to be just fine. Don't forget to breathe. You sure you don't want any of that Relaxing Draught now? I think I've got some of it left in my bag, I can give you if you w-"

"No," glared Sirius, cutting James off, "I'm perfectly calm this way too. Thank you, Prongs."

"Just checking. So, Sirius, Remus, when can I meet your wives? I've already seen Peter's..." he said it and twitched, before continuing to speak, "and you know who mine is. I can always remind you if you forgot. No? Well, then, seems kinda unfair you two are being so mysterious, while I've opened myself completely. So, when?"

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances.

"Um..." began Sirius.

"Soon." Remus cut off.

"How soon?"

"Very soon." added Sirius.

Remus swallowed hard, but managed to nod. "Yeah, that soon."

"Okay..." James said suspiciously. "Can I at least see your parchment with the names, then?"

"We certainly don't have them here!" said Remus quickly.

"I do," admitted Sirius. Remus gave him a terrified look. "well, what can I do, it got stuck in my pocket, what's the big deal?"

"I have to see!" demanded James.

"No!" cried Remus.

"Why not?" James frowned, "Friends share everything, don't they?"

"Yeah, but..."

"Accio Sirius's parchment!"

Remus watched in horror as the piece of parchment with his name on it was flying to James's hands. "Oh elf's crap," was his only thought at the moment.

James thirstily read it.

"You... are... kidding... me, right?" he said, confusedly.

Remus was beyond mute. Sirius wasn't very talkative either.

"Lemme see!" exclaimed Peter.

"Ay Caramba! is your... wife, Padfoot?"

All of them stared at each other for a few seconds, completely puzzled, when Remus hit himself over the forehead and began to laugh like a maniac.

"It'd be nice if you'd fill us in, Moony." Sirius said, still goggling blankly.

"He's brilliant, he really is!" Remus managed to say through laughing, "Don't you get it? Dumbledore must've put some sort of spell on the parchments so that nobody could read them, except..."

"...the ones who should read them..." finished Sirius the thought, as he realized what Lupin was talking about. "I have to say, that is truly brilliant. Way to go, old man!"

"I think it's cruel," James sulked, grumbling. "he should be forbidden of doing anything like this, it's not like he's a professor any more, he's only a Headmaster..."

"There, there, Prongs, you'll get over it."

Continuing their little regular quipping, the boys went straight to the Great Hall to have dinner, and shortly after finishing their meals, decided that they all felt too exhausted to do anything else except go to dormitories and have a good night's sleep.

The Marauders waddled off to the Gryffindor Common Room, stopping in front of the portrait. The Fat Lady greeted them.

"Password?"

"Amor in aere," said Remus, who always remembered the passwords.

"It truly is," the Fat lady smiled jubilantly, letting them through.

"What is?" asked Sirius who didn't know Latin at all.

"Basically... love is in the air," explained Remus quietly, as they climbed through the portrait hole.

The entire Common Room seemed to be filled with excitement for some reason. There were numerous nervous and shy glances all over the room, lots of muffled chattering from the male and giggling from the female side. Nobody, however, seemed calm.

"What's going on here?" James wanted to know, "Some sort of scandal or something? Slytherin chambers got set on fire, maybe?"

"That wouldn't be bad, but unfortunately, it didn't happen," Frank Longobottom grinned widely, nearing the Marauders to explain them what happened. "Actually, the marriages are being taken to the next level, it seems, you'll love it! Everybody does."

"What d'you mean?"

"Go to the dorms upstairs. You'll find a pleasant surprise. I don't wanna spoil it for you." Frank winked and left to join some of his classmates.

Sirius nudged James with an elbow, but he only shrugged. "Have no idea, Pads. Let's see then."

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter climbed the stairs, but, instead of the familiar door that led to their dormitory, a massive scarlet board with lots of little mailboxes attached to it waited for them.

Every single box had a name on it. The four of them approached the boxes with their names, opening them and finding letters inside.

James was the first one to rip off the envelope.

"Mr. Potter," he read out loud, "since you are one of the participants of the game 'Matrimonium Alveum' you are to be informed you will not be sleeping at these dormitories any longer. Instead, you will find yourself transferred to a much more comfortable room for both you and your destined wife. It is settled on the fourth floor, left from the statue of Paracelsus. Don't forget to read the password at the end of the letter, tap the statue... and... enjoy!"

"Bloody hell.." mumbled James, quite pleasantly surprised, just like Frank had told him he would be. "I am really beginning to think that playing this game was the best thing that ever happened to me... right after making the Marauder's Map."


First Night Together

Lily Evans made her way up and down the halls, trying to find the new dormitory that had been chosen for the Holy Matrimony game.

She could feel tingling goosebumps going up and down her spine, but couldn't really tell if they were positive or negative ones. All Lily knew was she felt tense. Her thoughts were one big mess. Nothing more, nothing less – just a strange big chaos inside her head.

Lily didn't know where exactly the statue of Paracelsus had been, but she decided to turn right on the fourth floor. It was the right thing to do, because she finally spotted the stone statue of Paracelsus, an alchemical genius from the fifteenth century.

Lily slowly approached it as though it was about to blow up, studying it carefully.

"Maritus et uxor," she whispered, tapping Paracelsus on his head with her wand.

The lock, left from the statue, immediately clicked and the door opened.

Lily entered a simple and darkened, but pretty cozy looking room. From what she could tell on a first glace, the bedroom had one window, two rustic night-tables, a nice big wooden closet and...

"One bed!" she exclaimed in shock.

"Trust me," came a voice from the depths of the room, "it's way more comfy than it looks. Also, there's a lot of space in it. Hop on!"

Lily peered in the semi dark, blinking.

"Is that you, James?"

"No, it's my dead aunt Noel."

"Then tell your aunt to move her dead ass from the bed because I'm bloody exhausted," demanded Lily, her arms akimbo.

"So is she," responded James in an amused tone. "Come lay beside her, she won't bite your ears. She swears."

"Dead people have tendency to be freaky," retorted Lily, "and I'm not sure if I can trust them."

"Lily..." begged James.

"Noel..." said Lily stonily.

"I won't try to... you know," James assured her quietly, "do anything to you... if that is the reason you don't want to... share the bed with me."

She took a deep breath, thinking what to say.

"The fact I've started calling you by your first name... James," began Lily, trying not to sound too harsh, "still doesn't mean I can... how to put it... fully... believe you... yet. I hope you can understand."

James didn't respond anything. He was quiet for a few moments, then he silently slid off the bed, took one blanket and one pillow with him. He put them on the floor near the night table and lay down.

Lily went near the bed and aimed her wand at her body, muttering: "Inclino." Her robes were momentarily gone and she changed into her silky light blue sleeping gown.

She climbed the bed and got under the blankets, sighing tiredly.

"You were right," she whispered, "it is comfy and soft indeed."

"How nice of you to remind me." replied a muffled voice somewhere beneath her. "This floor is, quite the opposite, really rigid and rocky and I think I'm going to have lumbago in the morning."

"James?"

"No need to thank me," he said quickly, "it's ok. I do this gentleman sacrificing stuff from time to time. "

"I'm sure you do... but I wanted to tell you something else before I fell asleep."

"Yes?"

"Noel is a male name."

"Ah. And to think I've always wondered why my aunt had deep voice and moustache. That explains everything."

"Probably," smiled Lily on her pillow, before closing her eyes. "Good night, James."

"Good night, Lily. Sweet dreams."


Author's Notes: So much from me for today. Review and I shall love you all to death and back. Ehehehe.