Da Disklaimah, yo brotha: Joanne Kathleen Rowling, how I love thee.

Author's Notes: Aaaaaaah. Don't shoot me, please. Forgive me for not updating for so long! Trust me, I had all sorts of reasons: my computer wasn't working for a month; I went to Italy for a vacation; and on top of everything, I had a slight writer's block. But today a miracle happened. It started raining and it gave me the will for writing. bad weather is my muse, hehe So, what can you expect in this chappie? Find out yourself. And, please, R.E.V.I.E.W. Thanks! Love you all, but especially you guys who reviewed the last chapter:

GBBY, Nick, blacksmoon, The almighty and powerfulM, Dortha, Watermelon Wishes, vamperfly, starburstsweetie, PrincessSkywalkerOrgana, Snuffy, Snuffles is Loony for Moony, sarah, Shree, uh well me, wildflower, lostday, MoonyNZ, xXxShellyxXx, Bhekie, starryfaerie, dedetomkiewicz, Sari, Phaerie, MyStIcS number 42, James' Grl, quickwolf, gaija, Georgie's girl, Shuffle Queen, HermioneLuna, YamikioofAnime, funkydiscomonkey...

I think that is all. So... Story, anyone?

Not So Holy Matrimony

written by Milka-Weasley


Chapter 7 – Broom Closets

"James, this map is simply... just... totally extraordinary! Where on Earth did you get it? And this magical cloak? There must be, like, 10 invisibility cloaks altogether on planet! And wow, I can't believe those two stained dots on the map are actually us! Oh, it's such a perfect thing that I can be completely sure we're passing the Charms classroom even if I don't look around myself! All I need is this map! And, for Gandalf's sake, is that Severus Snape right next to... Sybille Trelawney in front of the Divination classroom? How is that possible? Is this map quite accurate? D'you reckon she's his destined one? That's kind of weird, if you ask me... but then again, you and I are nothing better either... I mean, you have to admit it, James, we are such an unexpected couple... well, not a couple really, but, you know what I mean..."

"Lily," hissed James under his breath, as the two of them climbed down the stairs, covered with his invisibility cloak, "you know I'd love to chat with you, especially when it comes to my precious map, cloak, mocking Snivellus and us as a couple," the last word made Lily blush slightly.

Fortunately James didn't notice since he was too busy hurrying up and racing with the time left till their class, "But in case you've forgotten, we should be awfully quiet. Not that I like being quiet, but let's face it - strange muttering everyone can hear, but not see who it belongs to... not a very common thing even in Wizarding world..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know... but I'm just so excited, that's all," justified Lily herself silently, shrugging and trying to keep up with James's large footsteps, "I've always had a thing for Magical artifacts, you know, coming from a Muggle family where everything is so boring, dull and common..."

"Actually I wouldn't know. My whole family is purely magical."

"Right," answered Lily shortly. James could hear the note of reserve in her voice.

"I promise we'll talk about it all later, ok?" he said softly, "Oh, brother - to think that all these years I've been unsuccessfully trying to speak to you and now that I've actually got the chance, seems like I'm refusing it. Somebody give me a medal for contradictoriness!"

"Or get you a special place in Guinness world records," offered Lily quietly. "I heard it's not that hard if you have certain connections... and my father is quite a hot shot in the world of books and literature..."

"What? Where? Giniss book of what?" asked James confusedly.

"Ah," smirked Lily triumphantly. "finally some advantages of being a Muggle born. That's what I've been waiting all along."

James raised an eyebrow, feeling a wish to find more about that Ginni-whatever- book of records, but had to stick to his own rule: No talking.

"Lily?"

"Okay, okay, I'm shutting up."

"Turn left."

"Left?" she whispered, "but nothing's there... Only that old broom closet..."

"Just open the door and we'll be at the greenhouses soon."

"I'm not going with you in a broom closet..." fizzled Lily. "Especially not such a small one!"

"Shhh. Just enter. Trust me."

Lily couldn't help but ask her inner self how life could change in 180 degrees so fast and so soon.

Only a few days ago, she definitely wouldn't go that far to trust James Potter... and, quite normally, she would never agree to go into some small dirty place like a broom closet.

"Guess I don't have a choice..." she sighed and did as James told her to. Seconds later, the two of them found themselves in a scanty room.

"Now what?"

James bent down and pulled a small knob on the floor, muttering: "Secret passage number ten, I'm coming to you again."

"How d'you know all this...?" Lily asked flabbergasted as a hole, which was completely invisible till a moment ago, started to open in the floor.

"Long story. Jump in, I'll go after you."

"Jump where exactly?"

"The hole, of course." responded James, nodding his head towards the newly formed trap door. "Quickly, we don't have much more time. Three minutes to be exact. God," frowned James slightly, "I think I've started to sound like Remus..."

"I'm not jumping into that... that... rabbit hole, James!" protested Lily fierily.

"No?" repeated James calmly.

"Nuh-uh."

"Tell that to somebody else," he whispered and softly pushed Lily through the trap door. "Safe journey!"

Her loud shriekingwasthe last thing he could hear before jumping after her.

"Pooottterrrrr!Youuuu are... soooo dead... once I reach... solid ground!"


"Good morning, class!" professor of Herbology Pomona Sprout cheerfully said as she stormed into the greenhouses, intriguingly looking around. "The weather circumstances didn't prevent you lot from coming? Good, good. Everyone here this morning, I hope?"

"Yes, professor Sprout." replied the Gryffindor seventh year in unison.

"Though in pieces," muttered Lily under her breath, frowning.

James snickered. "You're fine, Lily. We came before the rest of the class, what else could you ask for?"

"It's easy for you to say, you didn't fall first and nearly broke your poor as..."

"Miss Evans," professor's voice cut her off. "is there any trouble?"

"Surely not, professor." assured Lily momentarily.

"Before we begin, I might add I'm seeing some interesting changes in sitting arrangement," said professor Sprout, winking significantly at James and Lily, Clementine Spacey and Clark Bradley and a few more newly formed couples. "Very interesting. Hope the hormones are serving you well."

Sirius pretended to be sick and made a face as though he was about to throw up.

"Mister Black, that will not be necessary, thank you. Now, everyone, listen carefully here. We'll be doing a series of very difficult plantings today. That is why I want you all to be focused and steady. By focused, I don't mean your hand should be exploring Miss Spacey's pocket, Mister Bradley. Leave that for after the class, alright?"

"But, but," stuttered poor Bradley, immediately shoving his hand from his destined girl's pocket. "I wasn't... it wasn't... we weren't... I was just looking for the wand..."

Professor Sprout raised an eyebrow. "One would think that after seven years of taking this class, you would remember we are not using wands in here quite frequently."

The class laughed at this and Clark decided it would probably be better not to even bother to continue explaining, because he might only go deeper into confusion.

Professor Sprout divided the class in groups of four, handed over all the necessary tools, seeds and flower-pots, gave them instructions and left them to do their work in peace.

After the lesson had finished, Lily told James they would speak later "You still owe me an explanation about those cloaks, maps and secret passageways. Don't think you'll back out of it so easily!" and went off to join her friends, Clementine Spacey and Flora Ignis, the Slytherin girl.

"What's up, mates?" said James as he caught Sirius Black and Remus Lupin from the back, who were going down the muddy path of the Hogwarts grounds.

It had finally stopped raining, but the sky was still depressingly grey and the air was heavy and humid.

"Oh, don't tell me you've already forgotten about me, your irreplaceable friend, pal, buddy, animagus, number one heart-breaker James Potter, popularly called Prongs amongst his friends... You haven't, right?"

"Or maybe it was the other way around..." responded Sirius, chaffing.

"Yeah James, Sirius could have a point," said Remus, "you can't tell us you've actually been thinking about us while you were spending time with the... how did you used to call Lily... oh, yes -- object of your desire?"

"Ah, well, you know how it is..." grinned James, "but... I really did miss you guys, I swear! Seems like we haven't been up to something in years. And I miss it."

Remus and Sirius exchanged looks.

"Should we trust him?" Remus pretended to consult Sirius.

Black scratched his chin. "What if it's Sybille Trelawney under poly-juice potion trying to trick us..."

"But maybe it is really our James who's truly missing his friends..." smiled Remus. "I say let's give him another chance."

"Hey guys," interfered James. "in case I've suddenly gone invisible, I'm still here!"

Sirius faced James. "Alright, here's what I think. We'll believe you if you tell us one thing. Have you or have you not finally stopped talking like the wacky and annoying medieval renaissance poet?"

"Oh, that", chuckled James. "Why, yes. It was just a short phase. And will never happen again."

"You made this dog very happy, mister Stag. Gracias, amigo."

"No problemos."

"And now, hem hem, Remus..." Sirius turned to Remus, eyeing him importantly. "It is time."

Remus went paler immediately. "It is? Already? You sure?"

"Wait a minute! Is this what I think it is?" asked James, glancing happily at his friends. "You're finally presenting me your wives, right?"

"Ah, yeah, sort of... You should probably sit down first..." offered Sirius.

"Yeah, well done genius. I should definitely sit in the middle of this mud and wait for you two to make up your mind."

"But this will be a shocker, Prongs," added Remus. "It was for me. A great shocker, if I might add. Huge one."

James awkwardly swallowed.

"Go on, Moony, scare him to death." grumbled Black.

"You were the one to offer the sitting down!"

"So..." James wrinkled his forehead. "Are they... are they one of my exe girlfriends? Laurentia? Keira?"

"No..." responded the boys at the same time.

"More like... your... eh..." Remus tried to explain, but then realized he couldn't say it.

"Your... friends, mate." finished Sirius quietly.

James gaped blankly at Lupin and Black. "Who? What friends? I don't understand you two!" he cried. "Spit it out, already! I can't play the 'guess who' all day long. It is bloody tiring!"

"Okay, you asked for it." said Remus, as his voice trembled. "It's us, Prongs."

"Yeah, mate." Sirius could feel his heart beating as fast as a fast Muggle train. "Moony is my destined one and I am his. We're each other's chosen husband and wife, no matter how absurd it may sound."

"We had the toughest time trying to accept it. Especially me." Remus admitted and suddenly felt slightly more relieved as he was able to speak honestly about it with somebody other than Sirius. "I just couldn't get used to the fact... well, I still am slightly reluctant to face it... You know, that I am... that we are..."

"That we aren't destined to spend our lifetime with persons of the opposite sex." Sirius helped Remus again.

James stared at them disbelievingly before starting to laugh hysterically. "Yeah, right, very funny you guys! Very funny! Almost got me fooled! Hey, if you didn't wanna tell me who your wives were, you should've just said so, instead of making this charade! Wait... why aren't you laughing? This is a prank and you should be laughing. Right? Right?" he desperately begged his friends.

"On the contrary, James. This is very serious and it's not a prank at all. Just the bare truth. We wouldn't joke about something so... delicate."

"Oh. I see." said James after a few seconds, his voice suddenly going cold and unreachable. "Then why are you telling me this? What do you need me for? You need my blessing or what? Shouldn't you be in some broom closet shagging your brains off?"

"James..." Remus whispered, pleadingly. "Just try to understand, I know it's hard..."

"Hard?" James repeated, caricaturing Lupin's voice, backing off from Sirius and Remus. "Oh, it's not hard at all! I don't have to listen to this shit! Do me a favour and don't talk to me. Don't you dare talk to me again. I can't believe... you... this... Goodbye, you queers!"


Author's Notes: Eeeeeeeek! What will happen next? TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK SO FAR. Mucho love for those who review!