Angel lay on the floor of the Hyperion lobby, dazed. He hadn't expected Connor to come there, and he certainly hadn't expected Connor to punch him. And hard at that. The kid was strong. Even as Angel winced in pain as he pulled himself up off the ground, he had a bit of fatherly pride over that. "What was that for?" Angel asked his son, wiping blood off his mouth.

"You sold me out!" Connor yelled.

Angel frowned. "What?"

"Those 'people' you so happily signed me over to—the ones you let fuck with my mind—they were Wolfram and Hart lackeys. They weren't my parents. They didn't even think they were my parents. It was all arranged so that they could get to you, and you let them! You sold me to evil without a single care to whether or not I was okay!"

No… That couldn't be right. Angel had done what he'd had to do to save Connor. He'd protected his son. "That's not true! I checked on you, made sure you were with a family."

"Did you make sure it wasn't an evil family? They're Wolfram and Hart, for Christ's sake! Did it not even enter your mind that maybe they were screwing you over?"

"It's not like I had much of a choice!" Angel yelled. "In case you've forgotten, you about to go all suicide bomber on me!"

"I woke up this morning to my mother trying to kill me! I had to fight back! I had to…" Connor fell to his knees, sobbing.

Angel stared down at the boy in horror as he realized what Connor was saying. He'd had to kill a woman he'd thought of as his mother. He saw Buffy leave out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't care. This was more important. He knelt beside Connor, wrapping his arms around him. "Connor…"

Connor pushed Angel away. "Don't you touch me!" he yelled. "You did this to me! You hurt me again! That's all you ever do. All you've ever given me is pain!"

"I…" Angel stopped. He didn't know what to say. Nothing would make this any better.

"I hate you!" Connor screamed. "I want you to die!" He lunged at Angel then, tackling him to the ground. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a stake, and Angel's eyes widened.

"Connor…no. You don't want to do this."

"I do. This has to end. You have to end."

Connor raised the stake, ready to plunge. Suddenly, he was floating in the air, up above Angel's head. Angel's brow furrowed. "What the…" He stood, looking over to see Willow. "You doing that?"

"Yeah. Who's this?"

"My son?"

"Your son? Vampire?"

"Not really. It's a…long story."

"Looks like he was trying to live out an Oedipal complex over there."

Angel smirked. "You don't know the half of it."

"I can't hold him all night," Willow said. "What do you want to do with him?"

"Got any sedatives?"

"Yes." Willow closed her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Angel asked with a frown.

"Asking my girlfriend to bring something to knock him out with from the impromptu hospital we set up. I would just knock him out with magic, but that tends to be unpredictable."

"Yeah, I'd rather you didn't do that."

A brunette Angel didn't recognize came out then, handing Willow a syringe. "Thanks, Kennedy," Willow replied before walking over to Connor and sticking the needle in his arm. He slumped, and she floated him over to Angel. "He's all yours. Should sleep for a while. Gave him enough to knock out…well, something big."

"Thanks. I think."

Willow gave Angel a nod and walked off with Kennedy. Angel carried Connor upstairs, depositing him in one of the bedrooms. He hoped Willow was right, and that Connor would stay down for the night. He couldn't deal with this right now.

Angel took a long look at his sleeping son before leaving him alone.


Angel needed rest. He'd pushed himself for days, and he knew he was falling apart. He found a clean room to sleep in that night, something not filled with debris. He was beginning to think that tearing his room to shreds had probably not been the most productive way to deal with his anger. It hadn't left him with much. The room he was in now was similar to his own, but different enough to set things off a bit. He lay on the bed, staring into nothing as his thoughts swarmed through his head.

He couldn't even bring himself to really think about Connor. He had messed that up more than he'd even dreamed possible, and all he could do was hate himself for not reading the fine print, for trusting Wolfram and Hart. He should've known that they'd do something to trick him.

But the thought that really made him sick now was the knowledge that, at the time, he hadn't really cared. He'd seen an opportunity, and he'd taken it. He'd believed himself to be helping his son along with the bargain, but that hadn't been all for him. He'd wanted to bring down Wolfram and Hart, and they'd offered him his in. He'd taken it without any real thought to the consequences.

Not so bright in retrospect.

He couldn't deal with it. Nothing had gone right, and he couldn't even wrap his head around how much worse he'd made things. Sure, he'd brought down the building, but, well, they'd certainly recovered nicely from that zombie incident… And this was only the Los Angeles branch. Wolfram and Hart was everywhere, in this dimension and in others. He'd done nothing but hurt those closest to him.

And Buffy… How much had he messed that up? He winced as he replayed their conversation in his mind. God, what could she be thinking right now? He hadn't said anything the way he'd meant to, and he'd just made it all sound worse than it really was. Or had he? A nagging voice in the back of his mind told him that Buffy wouldn't exactly have appreciated his "I have to not be human so you won't die protecting me" excuse either. And now, looking back on it, it seemed weak even to him. He was the one who'd gotten hurt that day by trying to protect Buffy. And when he really thought about it, he knew she'd put him behind her duty if need be. She had sent him to Hell…

He wasn't sure he could handle thinking about her either. He was second guessing himself more than he ever had in the past, and he knew it came from a feeling of being lost. When he'd seen Connor today, sobbing for the loss of what he'd been given and then had had so cruelly ripped away, Angel had felt everything crumble. His son was broken and it was his fault.

He'd destroyed everything around him, hurt everyone.

He squeezed his eyes tight, wanting the thoughts, the memories, the fears to go away. But they were screaming inside his head, forcing him to take a long hard look at parts of himself he'd wanted to keep forever buried.

He opened his eyes again when he felt a hand run across his cheek. When he saw who was looking down at him, he smiled.

Cordelia… She was here again. He'd come to the conclusion after the last time that he'd finally lost his sanity and was hallucinating, but he didn't care. When he saw her, she felt so real, and it was good enough for him. Even if it was only an illusion, he had her back for a little while at least.

"Rough day, champ?"

"Cordy…" Angel said softly, reaching his hand out to her.

Cordelia lay down on the bed beside him, resting against his chest. "I'm here with you for now, Angel. We don't have to talk about it, and you don't have to worry. I know things seem impossible right now, but it's going to be okay."

"Do you promise?" Angel asked, his voice small and belying his fear. He'd never felt quite this broken before, even when he'd lived in alleys feeding off of rats. He'd lost it all…

"Yes. I won't lie to you, Angel. You have a lot of hard things you're going to have to face, a lot of mistakes you're going to have to own up to. But they don't matter right now. You need to rest, and I'm here to make sure you can get that."

"Will you still be here when I wake up?"

"I don't know. I want to be, but I'm not sure I can."

Angel didn't ask why. "Can you try to be?"

"Yeah, I will. But sleep now. Things will be clearer if you rest."

Angel nodded, his eyes sliding shut. He did feel better, just having her here. Her presence this time was soothing. He wrapped his arms around her, drifting off to sleep with Cordelia there to hold.


This day had not been going any better for Angel than the last few had. He'd woken up alone again. He had to be really losing it. He wondered if that would be so bad. Drusilla had always seemed happy enough, in her own little psychotic way.

Still, he wanted it to be real. If only something of her would stay behind. If he could wake up and still smell her scent…

Then he'd made the mistake of going downstairs, only to be chewed out by Willow. Apparently even she thought Spike was more of a Champion than him, too. Maybe it had something to do with the murder of her goldfish…

He'd come upstairs then, stopping in front of Connor's door. Angel knew he was still in there, even if he hadn't left all day. But Connor also hadn't tried to kill him again, so he was hoping maybe he'd calmed down some. Angel knocked on the door. When he got no response, he tried again, this time calling out.

"Connor, it's your da…it's Angel. I just want to talk to you."

Connor still didn't reply. Angel reached down, turning the handle and finding the door unlocked, then going into the room. Connor was sitting on the bed, his knees pulled up as he stared at the wall, making no move to acknowledge the new presence in the room. Angel didn't know what to say or what to do. It hadn't been that long ago since he'd been given an infant, a life, to care for, and looking at the young man in front of him now, he knew how badly he'd messed that up.

"Are you hungry?" Angel asked. "I know you haven't really wanted to leave the room, so I could bring you something up if you wanted."

No answer.

"Okay, not hungry… Are you too cold in here? Or too hot maybe? Do you need anything at all?"

Connor turned then, his eyes an icy blue that reminded Angel a bit too much of Darla. "I don't need anything from you. Stop trying to be my father."

Angel blinked. "Connor, I…I am."

"No, you're not. And you made sure of that, didn't you? Got rid of me as fast as you could, made it so I was someone else's son."

"No! Connor, it wasn't like that! I didn't want to give you up. You're my son, and I love you."

Connor jumped up, facing Angel as he began to yell. "What do you know about love? You don't even care about me! You couldn't wait to get me out of your life! And hey, the fact that doing that came with money, power, and a bunch of shiny new toys—just a bonus."

"That isn't true! You're more important to me than anything in this world. You're my son, my own flesh and blood."

"I don't care! I don't want anything to do with you. All you've ever done is fuck up my life, and I hate you!"

Angel bristled. "Connor, please… I'm sorry that things happened this way. I tried to do what was best for you, it just…it never went the way I wanted it to." A list of things that Angel had planned when he'd held Connor as a baby flashed through his mind, and he grimaced at the thought of how so many of those dreams he'd had would never come true for his son. "Just…just let us try to move on from here."

"No!" Connor yelled again. "I can't stand here and listen to you act like it could ever be better, because it can't. You've ruined my life, just like you ruin everything."

"I know I messed up with you. But it wasn't because I don't love you, or because I don't want you in my life. You mother told me once that you were the one good thing that we ever did together, and it's true. Connor, you're the best thing I've ever done, period. Even if things didn't go the way I'd like them to, I look at you, and you still make me prouder than anything else ever could."

"Stop it!" Connor was fighting against tears now. Angel wanted to reach out and comfort his son, but he knew it wouldn't be accepted. "I…I have to leave," Connor said, going for the door.

"No. Don't, please," Angel said, reaching out and grabbing Connor's arm as he tried to make it past him.

Connor pulled away, making Angel stumble backwards. "Don't touch me," he snarled before running out of the room.

Angel went into the hallway, prepared to go after his son when he felt a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

"Let him go. He can handle himself."

Angel turned slowly. "Cordelia."

"In the flesh."

This wasn't time for another hallucination, no matter how real they felt. He needed to go after his son, not talk to an imaginary Cordelia who would disappear without a trace as soon as he closed his eyes. "I have to go after him, Cordy."

"No, you don't. Connor needs time right now. Give it to him."

Angel's shoulders slumped. He couldn't fight any of this. It was all too much. "I don't know what to do. I don't think I've ever felt this lost."

Cordelia wrapped her arms around him, pulling him to her. "I know it's hard now, but you're strong, Angel. We'll get through this."

Angel stepped back, although he kept his arms loosely around her waist. She felt so real. She smelled so real… "We?"

"Yes. We."

"Does…does that mean you can stay this time?"

"I can stay—for as long as you need me."

"I'm always going to need you, Cordy. Without you I…I fall apart."

"I know. But it's going to be better now. We can be happy."

The look in her eyes made Angel pull away. "No. I can't…I can't be that happy."

Cordelia cupped his cheek. "Yes, you can. It's okay. The Powers want to release you from your curse."

"What? I…"

"Shh…" Cordelia placed a finger to his lips to silence him before replacing it with her lips. Angel hesitated for only a moment before he pulled her to him with a growl. When they finally broke apart, Cordelia was panting, gasping for air. Angel's vampiric ridges were present now, and she reached up to stroke them. "It's going to be all right, Angel," she said softly. "You can let go now."

Angel lifted Cordelia off her feet. He didn't care what the consequences were. He didn't care if this wasn't really Cordelia. It felt like her now, and that's all he wanted. He could wake up tomorrow without his soul and he really wouldn't give a damn. If anything, he'd welcome it. A release from all this pain.

He carried her into the bedroom where he'd slept the night before, depositing her on the bed. She looked so beautiful, just like she had when they'd first come to Los Angeles. That's how he always remembered her. She'd been so young and bright then, the hard life they lived not yet taking its toll.

Not that Cordelia had ever been anything but beautiful. But then, she was even more extraordinary than usual. And her hair… He'd loved that hair the best. Long and dark with waves he wanted to get lost in.

That was the Cordelia stretched out in front of him now, waiting for him to make love to her. Angel took off his shoes and shirt before joining her, pressing his body over hers. He let his demon face recede before kissing her deeply. "I've missed you, Cordy," he said when he broke away, letting her breathe. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you, too," Cordelia replied, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "But I'm here now. I'll never leave you again. I'm yours until you're dust."

"Is that going to be soon then?"

Cordelia shook her head. "No. I made sure of that. Just don't worry right now, baby. I'm here."

Angel moaned, giving in...


This chapter has been edited for content.

Please, please review. I can tell from the hits that a lot more people are reading this than are actually taking the time to review. I spend a lot of time when I could be doing other things writing fanfiction simply to entertain other people, and really, asking people to leave one little review isn't that much…