The day dragged by as though it had transformed into a snail. The endless droning of teachers rang in the students' heads as dreams of tiger lillies and freedom to lay among them carressed gently at their imaginations. Dreaming of a time when they could jump into the water of the lake and swim, pretending to be a fish, living a carefree life under the surface away from all the rest of the world. Dreaming of flights far away from the classroom to places no one ever dreamed of, not even Shakespeare himself could think of.
The last bell was long anticipated by many, but not half as much as by Draco Malfoy. He stared at his watch during his last class. His eyes began to droop slightly. He contemplated the bell's wonderous ring in his head. It had been over a week since Tru's accident. He hadn't been to visit her since the first night. He didn't know whether to be angry at her...or be sad. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked down at his papers. Regular notes were replaced with empty parchment rolls in front of him. For a week he couldn't think straight. All he ever anticipated was the bell. Just to get out and away from everyone else. No one knew why he was truly upset except for Harry. Harry would look at him and see the disappointment in his eyes every day. He knew that all too well.
The bell finally rang and he grabbed his things and flew out of the room before anyone could say a word to him. Ron, Hermione, and Harry had endured, somewhat of a silence from him. Ron and Hermione didn't totally understand his disappointment in Tru like Harry did. It was indeed hard to explain, as they had never truly felt that way before, the feeling that someone you trust, doesn't totally trust you. It was a horrible feeling. And Draco was all to familiar with it. But never like this. Never.
Slowly, he trudged down the hall, putting his books into his bag. He felt someone push him from behind and he fell. Pansy Parkinson and a large group of other Slytherins walked by laughing calling out rude and crude comments back to him. Rubbing his head where the wall had hit it. He scowled after them. Harry, Ron and Hermione came up behind him and helped him with his books, telling him things like "Ignore them." "They're worthless." "They don't know you." It was good to know these things. Though he already did know them. When they were done, he told them he'd catch up with them later. This phrase became repetetive over the last few days for them. He was always going off alone now.
When he was alone, he decided maybe today he'd just go to visit her. Who knows, she could wake up today. Slowly, he progressed to the Hospital Wing. The silence of the halls was unbearable. But he was the only one who heard it. For the rest of the people around him, it was loud and crowded as usual. Finally, the fourth floor. Empty except for a couple of ghosts and two other students ahead of him. The Hospital Wing itself was filled with few people as well. Madam Pomfrey was tending to a young girl who had somehow swallowed an owl's egg. Remus Lupin was in a chair next to Tru and Tru herself of course was in the bed.
Draco approached them and smiled sheepishly at Remus. Remus smiled up at him and stood. He reached a hand out and Draco shook it. "How are you today, Mister Malfoy?" Remus asked him. "I'm doing a little better than I have been, sir." Draco replied.
They stood there for a moment in complete silence. "Would you like to talk to her alone?" Remus asked, half glancing at Draco. Draco gazed up at him for a moment then at the ground. "Perhaps...if you didn't mind.." Draco mumbled. Remus nodded, patted Draco's shoulder, and without another word, left the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey followed and the little girl fell asleep.
Draco sat in the chair next to the bed and sat there for a moment. Contemplating just what he really wanted to say. He didn't know what to say, truthfully. She couldn't hear him which would make everything he felt, every speck of emotion that he wanted to let out, pointless. He leaned forward clamping his hands together and with a deep sigh, he looked at Tru.
"I just don't get it." were his first words. "I mean...you seemed to trust me fairly well. I thought we were good friends. You...you could have told me you know." He stared at her blank figure as though wishing for an answer, yet knowing he wouldn't get one. He stood up. "I wouldn't have ran. Is that what you thought? That I would run off in fear of you? I know you are protecting yourself AND the rest of us with potions like your dad. He told me. Everyone told me. I wouldn't have told a soul. Didn't you know THAT?" He had begun to use hand gestures and staring at her during emphasized words as though she and him were having a real serious talk. Which was the whole point of this.
"I hope you don't think that I am like I used to be. I wouldn't use this against you, you mean too much to me. I trust you with everything. I have told you everythi-" He stopped. He couldn't finish that sentence...if he did it would be a lie. He hadn't told her why he wanted to change himself. He hadn't told her of the beatings and the other horrible tortures in his past. He sank back into the chair. He never realized that until just now. "I'm sorry..." he whispered softly.
"I'm...so...so sorry Tru..."
"Sorry for what?" a mumble next to him startled him so that he leaped from the chair. He looked down at Tru. Her eyes slowly opened and she stared at him. His eyes gleamed with happiness and he sighed with relief. "You're all right!" He went down to hug her, taking her in his arms, she put her own around him with as much strength as she could get. "What are you sorry for?" she repeated. He sat down and she sat up and stared at him. Her face was pale and thin from a week of not eating. There were light bags under her eyes and her hair was tangled in some areas. He sighed and looked her straight in the eye. "I um...I found out about your...your condition."
Tru stared at him. And then she knew. "How did you find out?" she asked. Her voice had a hint of urgency in it. "Tru you don't have to worry about it...I'm just...sad you never told me. Did you think I would be afraid of you or that I would use it against you? Because I would never do that to you." She could see the sadness gleaming from the back of his eyes. She knew that if he found out later this would happen. She didn't know why she never told him.
"I...I don't know why I never told you. I do trust you Draco really I do...I guess I was afraid that you would be afraid. Or abandon me." as these last words exited her mouth, she stared up at him and she saw something she'd never seen before in his eyes. She remembered the night she'd spent talking to Harry.
"Look at me Harry, I...I'm so different and I'm so afraid of hurting someone it's insane! I know I won't but I'm still scared and...and...look at Daddy! Mother abandoned us just because he's like this. And I know that will happen to me too! There's no escaping heartbreak for me anymore Harry. None at all. I know that if I ever fall in love, the only thing I'm afraid of is that if I do, the man I love will abandon me. I know I can trust my friends because I know that I won't fall in love with them like that and they won't abandon me."
Her own words echoed in her brain. She remembered wanting to tell Draco many times, but feared he would abandon her if she did. She never feared that with the others. She loved all of her friends. And yet she couldn't bring herself to tell Draco from fear of abandonment.
She stared at him and something new came into her eyes, he saw, and she knew...
She turned away. "I'm really sorry Draco. I know you wouldn't abandon me...I'm so sorry." She threw herself into him and gripped onto him as though for dear life. She thought he was angry at her. He stroked her hair "Hey...It's ok...I understand. But, there's something else I need to tell you too." She looked up at him and leaned back. "What is it?"
Draco sighed and looked away.. "Well...I never told you about...why I decided to change myself. You always asked me and I never told you." Tru just gazed at him. "You have to know. Because I trust you." he took a deep breath and looked at her. She was staring right at him to show she was listening. "Ok." she said.
He sighed and began. "Well...it's just that...I was always abused at home. Tortured, kicked, screamed at, smacked, jinxed, everything! And For some reason I realized I wanted to be just like my father." his face became disgusted. "And I want anything BUT that. I wasn't being who I wanted to be, I always had to hide who I really was because I thought Slytherins were my friends and they were all I had. I hated myself. I always snuck out at night and I was myself when no one could see who it was. I hated it. I HATED IT." he stood up. The rage he had hidden from all of this was finally coming out from it's lonely, dark cave that was his heart.
"I couldnt' take it anymore! I knew I wasn't loved by anyone. ANYONE. ESPECIALLY MY PARENTS! I HATE THEM! THEY PUT ME THROUGH ENOUGH! I COULDNT TAKE IT ANYMORE! And also, I found out that my mother was also resorted when she was in school so she could be with my dad. She used to be just like me now, not evil and wanting good from everything and my father changed her. And now she is...is...a LUNATIC! LIKE HIM! I COULD HAVE HAD A GOOD LIFE AND HE RUINED IT! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!" He kicked the bed several times and sat back in the chair. Tears of anger and frustration leaked from him and Tru took him in her arms. He sobbed into her shoulder for a long time.
"Shh...Draco it's all right. It's ok. I'm here for you, because you are you, and that's why you're my friend. And you're better than them. you always were." He looked up at her. "That's why I care for you so much." He said, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "You helped me realize just how much I wanted to really be who I was. You let me out of my prison." He smiled and she smiled back. They hugged one another and sat there for a long time. "You're a wonderful friend to me." he said to her.
She looked at him and held him tighter. "I love you Tru." he said. And he meant every word, friendwise and everything else. If only she knew that. But he truly loved her as a friend.
"I love you too..." she whispered back. And she meant every word, friendwise and everything else. If only he knew that...but she truly loved him as a friend.
