The evening before Albus Dumbledore's funeral, Tonks was sitting in her flat in Hogsmeade, her thoughts on the day to come, when her doorbell rang. It was late in the evening; she wondered suspiciously who would be calling at this hour. Not many people came to call on her anymore - because, she thought wryly, they suspected she didn't want them to. She went to the door and was about to ask who was there, but she refrained from the action and, as was her usual procedure, peered through the tiny peephole that always enabled her to see the entirety of the person outside the door. One look was all she needed to recognize the visitor, and throwing Ministry precautions to the winds, she wrenched the door open. "Remus Lupin!" she exclaimed. He stood there in the hall just outside her door, looking as tired and gaunt as she had seen him last. "Is everything all right?" she asked quickly, with sudden fear. "Has anything -"
He shook his head with a small smile. "No, no, just thought I'd drop by for a few minutes. Everything is - in order, that is, as much as it can be right now. I hope it's not too late?"
"Of course it isn't," she said, with a shaky laugh. "I didn't know how much I would be able to sleep tonight, anyway...come in."
"I see you rebel against your own procedures," Remus remarked, his brow creasing slightly. "You've just invited me in, while neglecting to ask me any revealing questions." His tone was serious, but the way the corners of his mouth twitched betrayed him.
"Get in, " she said with warmth, pulling him in and shutting the door behind him. "Fancy anything to drink? I had a whole bottle of firewhisky," she said mournfully, "but I spilled it all over the kitchen floor last evening."
"No, thanks, I'm all right," he said.
"That's okay, then."
They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. "Do you want to sit down?" asked Tonks.
"Yes, thank you."
They sat down in the little sofa against the back wall of the room. Remus noticed that many coffee stains had been left in the cloth, although a simple spell could have gotten rid of them; the effect, he considered, was not wholly inartistic.
"All the rooms for rent in Hogsmeade are booked," said Tonks. "I don't know when it's ever been so full."
"Many people are coming to pay their respects," said Remus softly.
"A lot of the Ministry people, though," she said, frowning, "Scrimgeour's crew, and people like those, the way they're talking right now...they're more scared that he's gone than...sad, or upset, or anything. It's just - not as though they really care."
"I know."
"It must be very different at Hogwarts," she mused. "There, they all...you can feel it in the atmosphere, can't you?"
He swallowed. "Yes, it's been hard for the school; for the teachers, but also for the students. Dumbledore was the sort of man who endeared himself to people, even if he tried to stay detached. In his affection for Harry, for example. He let certain people get too close to him, perhaps." "
"What would you expect him to do?" asked Tonks sadly. "Distance himself from those he loved because he was afraid something would happen? I think he knew enough about the power of love to know that's the wrong way to go about it."
He was silent for some time, and then looked sideways at her pale face framed in mousy brown hair. "And you feel you share this wisdom?"
"I have enough proof of how love becomes a protector."
Protector. Remus thought painfully of Patronuses. "Tonks, please listen to me."
"Don't you go giving me your old excuses again," she said warningly. "You're not too old, you're not too poor, and you're certainly not too dangerous. We've gone through that enough times."
"I wasn't going to say that," he said slowly. "It's just that we were talking about Dumbledore...and I've been thinking...I've - lost a lot of people, you know that." He swallowed hard. "It's not that they were only my losses - quite the contrary, in fact - but they were all the people who were willing to be close to me. James and Lily, and Peter betraying them...Sirius, lost once to treacherous betrayal and found, only to be lost again...now Dumbledore...I can't have that happen again, I - you must understand that. I couldn't bear that pain again."
To his utter astonishment, she smiled. "Remus, that's the first selfish reason you've given me."
"The first - what?"
"You've exhausted all your noble ones. This means it's your last dish attempt; you've resorted to trying to make me feel guilty. Well, I don't, and I won't."
He laughed in spite of himself. "Nymphadora Tonks, you are utterly unbelievable. I've never known anyone so stubborn and unrelenting."
"Remus, you are the most stubborn man I've ever known."
"Two stubborn people aren't good for each other."
"Not if they both have what they want already." She cocked her head at him. "What do you want, Remus? You came here for a reason, you can't deny that."
"You know very well what I want," he said sharply. "I want - you, but I -"
"But what?"
He closed his eyes and leaned back against the sofa. "I can't argue anymore."
"You can't or you won't?"
He opened his eyes and smiled tiredly at her. "Does it really matter?"
"No," she said with a sound midway between a laugh and a sob, moving closer to him. "You've finally realized that, haven't you?"
"If you say so." He made to sit up a little straighter, but she chose that moment to kiss him, pressing him back against the sofa. He didn't resist it.
"Perhaps I ought to be going back," he murmured after a while, but without any apparent intention of doing so.
"It's past midnight by now," she pointed out. "You needn't bother."
"We should get some sleep before tomorrow, though."
"I know." She yawned and nestled against him. "Earlier this evening, I was convinced I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway."
"So was I." He sighed and touched her forehead lightly with his. "But life goes on, I suppose."
She kissed his nose. "It always does."
