6. Emotion.
T: Now that I actually know where the heck this story is going I'm happier in saying that it's going to get a little rocky from here on in…oh and the ending is rather mean…apart from that though warnings are the same and I'm still not a member of Clamp but as it is/was my 21st birthday on the 31st of July I may get lucky!
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When she had found Subaru earlier in the day she had feared the worst.
Her brother had been laid on his front in the darkness, vivid spots of ochre blood clear on his hands.
Upon turning him over she had learned that the blood had run from his nose and though that was still not a comfort the piece of paper she had found beneath him had been.
He had chosen to enact the spell then…had chosen one selfish act in hopes of making his world a better place.
Once her brother was within the care of professionals she had attempted to fins Seishiro, fearful of what would have occurred to him the moment that restraint on his heart had snapped and wishing to let him know about Subaru's situation.
Rather predictably the man had again vanished and dejected she had gone to sit at Subaru's hospital bedside.
It was all too reminiscent of the time, over a year ago, when he had fallen into the depths of his heart and it unnerved her enough that eventually she had to leave his side, had to free herself from the suppressive atmosphere within the room even should the worst occur while she was away from his side.
She bought herself coffee from the canteen and on a whim purchased also a packet of bitter chocolate biscuits, thinking to share half with her brother once he had stirred from his 'sleep' .
She had refused to say or even think that other word which the doctors kept repeating with steadily increasing depression in their voices.
Her brother was not in 'that state', their scientific minds could simply not comprehend how deeply magical exhaustion could make him sleep…
To believe the other was unthinkable, especially when she knew all too well what 'that state' could do to a body.
Once Subaru had found his way back to life after the Year of the Bet, she had steeled her courage and gone to see Kakyo within his hotel room.
The staff had looked at her as though she were mad…had informed her that the person in that room had no wish for visitors of any kind and then had simply deemed to ignore her when she kept perusing the enquiry.
She had had eventually to buy a room for the night and then she had gone to find the room on her own, something that it had taken a good hour to do.
Though there had been a card lock on the door she had had only to push at the doorway and it had swung inwards.
He had lain, comatose, on the bed, his body a pail, emaciated thing.
Her heart had ceased hard and holding hard to the tears she had come to his side, her hands finding out his and pressing hard into his skin, willing that heat and life might return to him again.
"Kakyo."
Now, so long after the event, she begins to weep, not only for the man she loves but also for the man who is her other half.
A hand comes to wipe her tears away and she glances upwards only to be met by a single warm brown eye that she recalls well.
"Sei…shi…ro…chan…"
"Why are you crying, Hokuto-chan? What is wrong with Subaru?"
There is panic clear in his voice and indeed looking at him clearly she can see both this emotion and a myriad of others within his eyes.
It is both a joy to perceive and a disconcerting; a joy for it means that the spell has worked and disconcerting because always before Seishiro had been the emotional strength in situations of uncertainty and confusion.
Now he seemed as frightened as Hokuto herself.
"Subaru is unconscious…is trapped within a coma."
There, she had said the hateful word at last, had exposed it and thus would not again be able to hide it.
"Why?" The question is hard, cold and angry thus she responds to it with an anger of her own,
"To save you…to take your empty heart and cram it so full of emotions that you would not know what had hit you."
"For me?" Again the confused emotional vulnerability in his voice that had been there when he had visited her that night over a month ago.
She takes his hands into her own and her eyes never leaving his one remaining eye she explains what has occurred since that last time…of her discovery of her Tousan's affection and of the truth of the Sakurazukamori curse.
Once that is done she tells him of the counter spell and of the choice Subaru had obviously made to set Seishiro free of the restraints of the tree.
"The two of you are playing a very dangerous game, Hokuto-chan."
"Maybe, but anything is worth the risk if it makes Subaru truly happy again."
"Yet as he is now he can not experience happiness or sadness…"
She wishes to tell him that it does not matter…that Subaru has gladly sacrificed himself so that Seishiro can experience such things and yet she does not believe the older man will understand.
Instead she pushes herself onto her feet and enquires,
"Will you come and see him?"
He nods and though she has no real wish to enter back into the stifling environment she still pushes the door open and crosses back into the room.
He moves from behind her once there is space enough for him to do as such and coming to her brother's side he takes Subaru's left hand into his own.
"He has changed a great deal since the last time we truly talked."
"That is true, and yet that physical change is nothing compared to the change of the soul that he has gone through…the change you forced upon him."
There is silence a while then Seishiro lifts the captured hand to his lips and kissing the back of it once he remarks,
"He fascinated me when I saw him on that day so many years ago, not simply because he was beautiful, but because his soul was the perfect mirror to my own.
"I wondered if I might make that fascination love…wondered if I could taint the purity of his soul enough that he would not think twice of killing me…of becoming my successor.
"Yet now…" He releases his hold on her brother and his hands clench into the material of his shirt.
His breathing has increased and she has the sudden irrational thought that he is having a heart attack.
"Seishiro-chan, what is the matter?"
"I do not know." He replies as on of his hands rises to tangle amid his hair. "Hokuto-chan…why does my chest ache so? What is this emptiness I feel whenever I think of being without him…?"
She cannot abide now the distance between them and rounding the bed she draws her old friend into a hard hug.
He smells of an odd cocktail of sakura and old blood that helps remind her of what she already knows…helps remind her that he is a murder…yet in this moment he is again the man in was in The Year of the Bet…
Is again the man she had believed lost forever.
"Seishiro-chan, can you not guess why that thought hurts…why you feel now empty and alone?"
"Hokuto-chan…" There is confusion clear now in his voice and though he does not say as such she knows that he is requesting her help…is requesting again her friendship.
"You love him, Seishiro-chan and though that fact has been made bitter by your actions it is still a thing of joy.
"Yet because of what you have done you will find, as I have warned, that my brother is not the boy he was…or the man he could have become.
"He has become hard and cynical…unwilling to trust even myself completely.
"Yet I think that if you try he will allow you to earn his trust again…will allow you to once again dominate his heart."
"Hokuto-chan, though I can not doubt that you believe I love him, I am afraid that I can not readily agree.
"He is special to me and yet to name that connection love would be risking far too much.
"To love, even free of the curse, is to endanger not only Subaru but my very profession…for to love…to care, even a little, for one person in my line of work is to make them as a target and I shall not see Subaru killed or hurt simply for my sake."
He steps free of her then and bending to place a gentle kiss on her brother's forehead he mumbles a good bye before he leaves her alone again.
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T: No that's not the ending, though it was tempting! Nope I won't tell you what's coming next!
