Thanks for reading and reviewing! It's great to read the feedback – lets me know what you guys like about it and what I can improve on.

While I was writing it, I thought that it would be confusing because the story does flips from the present to the past…I'll try to clarify the time more clearly from now on.

To answer some questions: the first chapter was a prologue, it has happened. And right now we are following Peyton (in the present and post heart attack) and her reminisces of their past together…in other words we are finding out how they got together to why Lucas isn't in Tree Hill (the present). I hope that makes sense.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH, especially the flashback used from the show (thanks to for the transcripts)
Title of chapter is a song by U2

Anything in italics is from Lucas's POV (his reflection on his life)
The rest is a flash back from Peyton's mind


Chapter 2: Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

Being a teenager is hard. It's the time where we are all desperately seeking independence, as we are no longer children depending on our parents to make all of our choices for us. But sometimes we find ourselves faced with decisions no one should ever face alone because we get confused and forget that it's alright to ask for help. Instead we find ourselves feeling lost and alone in the world, but if there is one thing that we need to remember in life, it's that we are never alone.


Flashback: January 2005

The day was dark and gloomy, paralleling Peyton's mood. Lightening flashed behind the clouds scattered in the sky that threatened to rain at any moment. Thunder rumbled in the distance, but Peyton didn't hear it. She was on the phone, desperately trying to get a hold of her father.

PEYTON: (Sighs) Pick up!

MACHINE: (Through the phone.) You've reached Sawyer dredging. If you'd like to leave a message for Larry Sawyer, please do so after…

Frustrated, Peyton hung up and dejectedly leaned against her desk. Suddenly she heard a knock on her bedroom door. It's was Lucas.

LUCAS: Hey.

PEYTON: Hey.

Concern was written all over his face.

LUCAS: So uh… I saw you cut out of lunch today. Just… wanted to know how you were doing.

PEYTON: (Looks down and shrugs slightly.) Been better. She looks away, but not before Lucas sees that she's on the verge of crying. Immediately, Lucas walked towards her with arms open.

LUCAS:Hey. Come here.

For the first time in month, Peyton found the comfort that she needed in his arms.

LUCAS: Sit down.

At the side of her bed, Lucas sits beside Peyton.

LUCAS: So do you know who wrote it? On your locker?

PEYTON: No. I don't even wanna know. I just want it to all… go away. Just… all of it.

Something on her beside table caught Lucas's eye. He peered over and saw the torn up picture of Jake and Jenny. Part of him was surprised to find it, the other part of him was jealous. Lucas had no idea how close Peyton, Jake and Jenny were before the left.

LUCAS: You miss Jake huh?

Peyton shot Lucas a look of shock, followed by anger.

PEYTON: You should go.

LUCAS: Peyton

PEYTON: No–You-OK. You can't just walk in here and ask me something like that! When is the last time we even had a conversation about something real?

LUCAS: I just thought you could use a friend.

PEYTON: Yeah, I could use a friend, you know but you don't qualify as that anymore, Lucas, because a real friend would know about all the crap I've been dealing with lately.

LUCAS: Like what?

PEYTON: Just go. Please.

LUCAS: OK. I'll go. Whatever you think… I really do care about you, Peyton.

He had come over, trying to be her friend, trying to come back into her life, but who was he to waltz back in and out of her life whenever it was convenient for him. Peyton was too stubborn to let him back in the easily, even though deep down, she didn't want him to leave.

From her bedroom window she stared at him. Finally, he stood outside on the sidewalk, looking back at her. He placed his hands back into his pocket and finally began to walk away.

Peyton stormed back to her bed and angrily threw her green square pillows on to the ground. "Who does he think he is?" she muttered to herself as she scooted her body to the center of her bed. As her head hit the remaining pillow, she heard rain falling against her window.

"Serves him right. I hope he catches a cold in that rain," Peyton said bitterly to herself before closing her eyes to sleep.

Minutes had passed and Peyton was still wide-awake. "Stop thinking about him, Peyton. He's not going to catch a cold. Its just rain. He'll be fine," she told herself. Even though she was upset with Lucas, Peyton felt guilty for kicking him out.


The rain fell hard from the dark sky, blurring the path in front of Lucas. His body shivered from the cool wind that whipped around him. Lucas was half way across the bridge when he noticed his dark surroundings were now lit up. Immediately he walked closer to the railings and off the road, giving the car ample room to pass him. The car behind him began to honk.

"How much more do you want me to move over?" Lucas muttered as he continued to ignore the honking.

Finally Lucas heard the car pull up beside him.

"Get in,"

Lucas squinted through the rain. He recognized the black car before he saw the girl behind the wheel.

"No, thanks," Lucas stubbornly said. He turned his head away and continued to walk.

Peyton sped the car up and crept beside him. "Come on, it's raining and it's cold,"

"I'm fine. Just go home,"

"Lucas…I'm sorry alright,"

Lucas looked back at Peyton and threw her a half smile, "I know, otherwise you wouldn't be here,"

Lightening lit the sky. "So, will you get in the car now, please?"

Lucas shook his head and yelled over the thunder, "You were right. I haven't been a very good friend to you. I wasn't there for you at all, but I just thought that I was doing the right thing by giving you space,"

"Lucas I didn't mean it," Peyton was beginning to get frustrated, "Would you just get your stubborn ass in my car so we can talk about this?"

Lucas stopped and leaned over. He looked at Peyton through the open window, "Do you really want me to get in?"

"Yes,"

"Then answer me this, would you have come after me if it weren't raining?"

The question stunned Peyton but at the same time she knew she wouldn't have come after him.

Lucas nodded, "It's ok. You don't have to answer," It was an honest statement. Lucas understood and wasn't upset with Peyton. "I'll be ok," He backed away from the car and walked away. Peyton sat in her car, watching him walk farther and farther away.

Without thinking, Peyton put her car in park and got out of her car and into the rain.

"Alright, so fine. Maybe I wouldn't be here if it wasn't raining," She yelled out. "But what difference would that make? We'd have to work things out eventually. You know that we can't keep avoiding each other,"

Lucas stopped in his tracks when he heard Peyton's voice. He was stunned to see Peyton heading towards him. Her curls slowly disappeared as her hair began to absorb the rain.

"Peyton, you don't even have coat on. Get back in the car," he lectured when he noticed that she was just wearing a tank top and sweatpants.

"I'm not leaving until you come with me, Luke. So either we stay out here in the pouring rain or we can go home,"

Lucas sighed as he began to remove his jacket, leaving him in only his t-shirt.

"Lucas, what are you doing?"

He held the jacket out to Peyton, "Here, put this on," she stared at him in disbelief, "Just put it on…please. You're freezing. It's not much, but at least it's still dry on the inside,"

Peyton pulled the jacket over her shivering body. She could the warmth from his body. She took a peek at his face.

"Come on, let's get out of this rain,"


Now in dry clothes and back in the warm Sawyer's residence, Peyton stood over the stove, stirring the warming milk. She was dressed in a dry pair of sweat pants and a tank-top. Her hair desperately tried to spring back into curls, but the dampness wouldn't allow it. It was gonna be one hell of a mess tomorrow.

As she stirred the milk, the rain continued to rap miserably on the windows outside. A clap of thunder roared outside, shaking the windows and causing Peyton to jump slightly.

Moments later, Lucas entered the kitchen, rubbing his wet head with a towel, "Hey, thanks for the towel and dry clothes,"

"No problem, I figured that you were about my dad's size," she said without looking up. Peyton spooned in a couple of spoonfuls of cocoa powder into the steaming milk.

"What are you making?"

"Cocoa,"

"Cocoa? You mean hot chocolate?"

The self-proclaimed cocoa connoisseur's jaw dropped as she faced the naïve boy. "You did not just call my cocoa, 'hot chocolate',"

He looked at Peyton with confusion. "I…um, never had cocoa?"

Peyton shook her head, "Cocoa-virgins,"

Lucas laughed, "Someone is 'coo-coo for their cocoa,"

"Hey, I take my cocoa very seriously here. I'll have you know that I make the best cocoa in Tree Hill," She placed a mug in front of Lucas who was now seated at the kitchen table, "Just so you know, once you try my cocoa, you'll never go back to what you call… 'hot chocolate' ,"

Lightening flashed through the windows. Lucas picked up his cup and sniffed it like a wine-connoisseur would with wine. "hmm…rich, chocolately," he commented in a British accent.

"Shut-up and drink it already," she laughed.

Lucas gently sipped the steaming cocoa, "Hey, this is good,"

A satisfied smile crept across Peyton's face just before she took a sip of her cup. "Nothing like 'a warm hug on a cold day',"

"A warm what?"

"A warm hug on a cold day…that's what my mom called cocoa. Every cold or rainy day, my mom would make me 'a warm hug'. I always thought that it was her special name for it, till I actually read the side of the canister…it was their slogan or something,"

Peyton closed her eyes, remembering the times she would share a cup of cocoa with her mom. It was secret tradition they shared; Peyton's father never even knew about it and this was the first time she had ever told anyone. It was also the first time she made the cocoa for anyone else.

"I remember her everyday, Luke. And its so hard knowing that she's never coming back. Sometimes I pretend that nothing happened…and that I would walk into the kitchen and there she'd be…right at the stove, making me a hug. Then we'd sit and talk about my dreams and about how proud she was of me, the way we used to," she bit on her quivering lip, fighting the tears, "I never meant to disappoint anyone,"

Without even realizing it, Lucas reached out and held onto Peyton's hand. He waited for her to continue, but she just stared down at the table. She wiped the lone tear from her face and shyly glanced at Lucas, "I'm sorry. I don't know why I told you all that,"

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Peyton, you never disappointed your anyone,"

She picked her mug and walked over to the sink. Peyton poured her cocoa down the drain and let the mug crash into the sink with the rest of the dirty dishes. Her head hung low as she rested her hands on the counter.

"Hey," Lucas came up behind her, "What's going on?"

"Nothing. It's fine. I just get emotional sometimes when I talk about my mom," she shrugged as she faced him.

He didn't buy it. The look in her eyes told him so, "There's something else, isn't there?"

She shook her head, avoiding his eyes at the same time.

"Peyton,"

"Luke, just drop it please…"

"If I did, then I wouldn't be the friend that you need right now. And you can throw me out again if you want, but this time I'm not leaving until you tell me what's bothering you,"

Her arms folded across her chest – partly telling him that she was going to hold her ground and keep it in and partly telling him that she felt scared and insecure about sharing her secret.

She took a deep breath before quietly starting. "I had a lot of things going on…my dad, Brooke, you, Tric…just everything in general…it felt like everything I touched just fell apart. And I just wanted one thing to go right for once, so I did it. I'm not happy I did it… and I wish I could go back…go back and erase that day,"

"Peyt, what did you do?"

"I did a line of coke," she nervously waited for him to freak out on her like Brooke and Haley did, but he didn't. Instead, he reached for her hand and held it. He also kept his attention on her, urging her to continue. Her eyes searched his for any trace of disappointment, but didn't find any.

"The thing is," she continued, "even though I regret it and know it was wrong," tears began to fall from her watering eyes, "it felt so good. It made me forget all of the drama, my mom, my dad…and about being alone. And now…sometimes I just…I want to do it again so I can forget everything again," her voice cracked.

His long arms pulled her into him. Peyton clung on to him as she buried her face into his chest, crying it all out. Peyton felt his hands massage her back, consoling her. Her body trembled against his solid body as she sobbed.

Minutes had past and Lucas still hadn't said a word. He waited for her to let it all out before he made his move. They pulled apart slowly. With his thumbs he gently wiped her fallen tears. When she looked into his eyes, he asked her, "Do you still have any?"

Shamefully she nodded.

His voice was stern, but not mean and it was filled with just as much worry as care, "Show me,"

In the foyer, Peyton put her purse down and held the tiny bottle out. Lucas looked at the bottle containing the drug and then back at Peyton. "I'm not going to take it away from you, Peyton. I just wanted to know…and I want you to know that you're not alone, Peyton. I am here and I will be here when ever you need me to be. If you need help or a friend…or just someone to hold you, you can depend on me. And when you realize that, I want you to get rid of it,"

She saw the sincerity in his eyes. For the first time, she felt like someone understood what she was going through and what she needed. Brooke and Haley had the best intentions, but they were just as scared as she was and didn't want to deal with it head on. Lucas was different. He knew it was something that she had to face but he wasn't going to let her do it alone, he was going to be right there beside her.

If she was going to get rid of drug, they were going to do it together, she decided. Without a word, she reached for his hand and led him out of the foyer. Standing in the bathroom, Peyton lifted the toilet seat and uncapped the tiny bottle. Her hand turned the bottle upside down and the white powder emptied into the water below, where it was then flushed out of her life forever.