Finally, an update! I hope you haven't forgotten about this story. I apologize for the delay, but after my vacation, I had jetlag and became lazy. But it was awesome to read the reviews when I got back...thanks to all! I hope you like this chapter as well and the next one should be up in a couple of days. Keep reading and reviewing!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the OTH characters. Title of the chapter is a song by Lit.


Chapter 6 (I Am) My Own Worst Enemy

Looking at my life from the outside, you could say that I was living a fairytale ending. I may not have deserved it all, but I had everything I had ever dreamed of: I had a wonderful wife, two great kids and I was playing some of the best basketball of my career. Who knew that it would all change in a heart beat…


June 2017

"Damn it, Luke…where the hell are you?" Peyton whispered angrily into the phone. It was the fifth time that night she had gotten Lucas's voice mail. "It's almost 9 and Roewan wants to know why his father isn't home to celebrate his birthday. If you don't come home soon…" Peyton choked out, frustrated tears.

For the past month, Lucas had not been acting like himself. He was hardly around for Peyton or the kids anymore. He'd stay out late and would sleep all day. She noticed the sudden change in behaviour but figured that it was because his team was vying for the last playoff spot and Lucas was stressed out. She wanted to talk to him about it but was worried that it would just stress him out even more. Missing his son's birthday was the last straw.

Wiping the tears, Peyton hung up the phone and carefully lit the 5 candles on the chocolate cake. Composing herself, she took a deep breath, picked up the cake and made her way to the dining room where Roewan and his 2 year old sister, Sawyer, were waiting.

Entering the room, Peyton couldn't help but notice the look of disappointment and sadness in Roewan's blue eyes. The look killed Peyton and nearly made her drop the cake. She cursed Lucas in her head for breaking her son's heart. Sawyer, on the other hand, was still too young to understand and was overjoyed when she saw the chocolate cake.

Luckily for the 28-year-old blonde, she had years of experience at hiding her feelings. She plastered on her fake, excited smile and began to sing 'happy birthday'.

"Wait, don't blow out the candles yet. I want to take a picture," Peyton set the cake down and grabbed the digital camera. Focusing the camera on Roewan, Peyton couldn't bring herself to snap the picture. She knew she didn't need a picture to remember her son's sad eyes; it was already etched into her head.


Later that evening…

With a frustrated sigh, Peyton threw her sketchbook onto the coffee table. She lay down on the sofa and stared at the ceiling for a while. She was beginning to get tired of waiting for Lucas to come home. Turning her head, she stared at the pile of magazines on the table.

Peyton sat back up and reached for her bag. She fumbled through it until she found the book she was looking for. The book wasn't another sketchbook. This one was filled with ideas for her own magazine.

She had started it the night she quit her job in New York to be with Lucas. Peyton had intended on starting it up as soon as possible, but life just got in her way. During the basketball season, she'd travel with Lucas on road games and a couple of years later, she was busy raising Roewan and a couple year after that, Sawyer. But the main thing that prevented her from going through with the project was her old friend, self doubt. She was scared that she wouldn't be able to do it. It scared her enough to keep it a secret from Lucas.

Her mind became focused on her dream career. Thoughts about the day seemed to disappear as fresh ideas about the magazine began to take control. Unfortunately, her moment of calmness ended as Lucas suddenly stumbled through the front door.

Startled, Peyton looked up to see a drunk Lucas, trying to regain his balance. "Hi, honey," he slurred.

The sight of her husband not only brought back the anger, but also left her speechless.

"Aww, you didn't have to wait up for me,"

"I don't believe this. You know you're not supposed to be drinking…damn it Luke. Where the hell have you been?"

Lucas shrugged his shoulders, "Out?"

"Out…" she pressed her lips together, trying to keep herself from yelling. She didn't want to wake up the kids. Peyton took a deep breath to calm herself down, but it didn't work. She slammed her book down on the couch and stormed over to Lucas.

"You don't look too happy to see me,"

"Do NOT say another word, " she glared at him.

"Wow, if looks could kil…OK, got it…not another word,"

"You know, Luke, I've been pretty damn patient with you lately…you've been coming home later than usual…drunk I may add…you never spend any time with the kids or with me and I never once questioned it, but after what you did to our son… it ENDS tonight!"

With her face in his, Lucas could now see her fury. He began to realize that she was seriously upset with him. But he didn't have a clue why.

"You don't remember do you?"

Lucas stood still, trying to think.

"Jeez, Luke…your son…his birthday!"

His face dropped. Lucas couldn't believe had had forgotten. "I…I'm so sorry,"

Peyton shook her head in disbelief. She didn't want to believe that Lucas would forget something important. "Unbelievable…sorry isn't good enough anymore. You say it all the time, but you never mean it cause you do it all over again. Look, you can disappoint me or upset me all you want, but you are not going to do that to my kids. I'm not going to let you do that to them they deserve better,"

Lucas broke his eye contact with Peyton, but he could still feel her disappointment in him. He slowly walked passed her and sat down on the couch. With his head in his hands he thought about how careless and negligent he had been. His eyes then fell onto Peyton's open sketchbook that was sitting on the coffee table. He saw a disheartened Roewan sitting alone in front of his birthday cake. Seeing the sketch somewhat sobered Lucas up. He reached out for the book, but Peyton moved it aside and sat down on the table, directly across from a tearing Lucas.

Peyton's anger for Lucas subsided as she saw the guilt and ache in his face. Deep down she knew Lucas loved his children and never intended on hurting his son. Up until a month ago, Lucas was a great father who was always making time for his family. His sudden change in personality made her wonder.

Gently, she took his hands into hers, "Lucas, what's going on? Are you stressed?"

Lucas avoided Peyton's eyes by starting at the floor.

She kept on guessing, hoping he'd talk to her, "Is it because of basketball? Playoffs?"

Lucas shook his head 'no'

"Is it something I did?"

"No," he replied quietly, still avoiding her eyes.

"Ar…are you having an affair?" Peyton stammered.

"No," he immediately answered.

She was relieved to hear the answer. She knew Lucas wouldn't cheat on her, but her mind had to know for sure. "Then tell me," she watched the tears well up in his eyes again and it was beginning to scare her. "Lucas, please don't shut me out. You're scaring me,"

Lucas wiped his eyes, "I'm not shutting you out. It's nothing. Don't worry about it," he stood up and headed towards the stairs.

"Lucas," she called out to him, but he was already up the stair. The tears she had been holding back finally fell from her eyes. Alone in the living room, Peyton wept. She wrapped her arms around he small body, hugging herself tightly. She felt helpless and scared and didn't know what to do next.


Morning…

The banging of the closet door and slamming of drawers woke a slumbering Lucas.

"mmm…Peyton, I'm trying to sleep," Lucas moaned as he pulled a pillow over his head. It was an ill attempt at trying to shut out a furious Peyton. She continued to slam the drawers shut and stomp across the room.

Finally Lucas couldn't take it anymore. He sat up and glared at Peyton until he saw what she was doing, "Peyton? What are you doing?"

"OH, so now you want to talk?" Peyton asked rhetorically as she folded a pair of jeans into his black suitcase.

"Peyton, where are you going?"

"Oh, I'm not going anywhere," she said bitterly, "You are,"

"What? Why? Just cause I don't tell you what's going…you're gonna kick me out?" Lucas asked angrily and jumped out of bed.

"So you admit that you're shutting me out?" Peyton waited for Lucas to answer but he never gave her one. "You know, shutting people out and pushing people away…that used to be my thing, but do you know why I don't do it anymore? Because I realized how lonely it got and it wasn't anybody's fault but my own. Not only that, but I have a family with two kids who need me…and they need you too Luke….I need you,"

Lucas stood in front of Peyton with his hands on his hips, he focused his eyes on the window as if it was his only escape from the conversation. Peyton couldn't read his face; there was no emotion.

"I will always be by your side, Luke," she said softly, "Never question that, but right now I've got our kids to think about. They can't be around this. So unless you tell me that's going on, I don't have any other choice,"

After waiting several moments for Lucas to answer, Peyton gave up and resumed packing.

Lucas snapped out of his thoughts and reached for her hands, "Peyton, stop. Please,"

"Give me a reason to," She turned and looked up into his eyes, but his avoided hers. With a delicate hand she turned his face towards hers. "Please, Lucas,"

Lucas saw Peyton pleading with him through her eyes, but couldn't find the words to tell her what was going on.

Disappointed that he didn't open up to her, Peyton pushed him away from her and slammed the suitcase shut. Although she felt like breaking down, she remained strong and held back her tears. Throwing him out was the last thing Peyton wanted to do, but she couldn't watch Lucas slowly destroy his life anymore and she wouldn't let their kids watch it either.

"Do you need anything before I go?" he asked.

Peyton continued to ignore him as she picked up her suitcase.

"Do you have enough money?"

"Damn it, Luke, I don't need your money…I just need my husband back,"

Without looking back, Peyton stormed out of the room, leaving a troubled Lucas alone in the room. As he watched Peyton walk out, his heart ached, not just emotionally, but physically. Dispassionately, Lucas walked over to his side of the bed.

He completely ignored the bottle of Propranolol pills, the drug that he had been using ever since he was diagnosed with HCM, which was resting on the nightstand. Instead he opened the drawer. Hiding in the back of the drawer, he pulled out another bottle of pills. This bottle was filled with Amiodarone, a much stronger medication. Without hesitation, he opened the bottle and swallowed a pill without water. He stared at the bottle with tears welling in his eyes as he felt the pill slowly slide down his dry throat.

Exhaling deeply, Lucas put the bottle of pills into his suitcase. Without any hurry whatsoever, Lucas wiped the tears away and stood up. He then headed to his son's room to make amends with him before it was time for them to say goodbye.

A/N: I pulled the names of the HCM drugs off the net. This may not be accurate information!