A huge thank you to all of you who reviewed. I hope you like this chapter. Originally it was two separate chapters, but I rearranged/rewrote some stuff and turned it into one. And now the chapter you've all been waiting for - Lucas's fate is finally revealed...

Disclaimer - I don't claim anything, just the plot. Title of the chapter is a song by Sarah McLachlan



Chapter 9: Hold On

Basketball isn't my life. Sure, it's an important part of my life, but in the end, basketball is and always will be just a game. I now know that my life was Roewan, Sawyer and Peyton…it is my family. And as my life flashed before my eyes; I saw how I had let them down; I had let my wife selflessly sacrifice her own dreams for me; I had disappointed my kids by not being there for them; and I wasn't about to disappoint them again.

So as I lay there on the hardwood, drifting in and out of consciousness, I prayed for one thing…the strength to fight for my family. I promised myself that if I was given another chance, I'd tell them how sorry I was for not being the father or husband they needed me to be and that I would never left them down again. I was prepared to fight forever just to get my life back.


"Brooke, stop crying," Peyton tiredly said into her cell phone.

The moment Brooke heard about Lucas collapsing on the court, she immediately dialed her best friend. Brooke, who was living with Felix and their son Alex in Tree Hill, was unable to fly out to watch the game because of Alex's kindergarten graduation.

"I'm sorry," Brooke cried into the phone, "I wish I was there with you,"

Exhaling into the phone, "I know, listen, I have to go," Peyton didn't feel like talking anymore, let alone comfort Brooke. With all the worry and wondering of her own, Peyton was feeling drained and just wanted to be alone for a while.

"Okay, but the second that you find out about how Lucas is doing, you'll…"

"…you'll be the first person I call," Peyton finished Brooke's sentence.

"I love you, P. Scott,"

"Yeah, me too," Peyton hung up her cell and walked along the hospital corridor.

She made her way back to the waiting room, where her family was. Her hand was on the door, but she stopped herself from opening the door. She could see the tear stained faces of Karen and Haley, both being consoled by their respective husbands, who were also in disbelief. Peyton looked to the other side of the bleak white room through the glass window and saw all four Scott children sleeping. Roewan sat in the same chair as Sawyer, with her head resting on his shoulder. Roewan's younger cousins were also leaning on him for support.

Seeing that her children were ok for the moment, Peyton saw no point in entering. She felt as though she couldn't just sit around while waiting to hear news about Lucas's condition or be comforted by Haley or Karen because the only person she wanted to be comforted by was Lucas. Turning away from the waiting room, she made her way back down the long hallway.

At the end of the hall, Peyton automatically turned the corner and found herself walking down a deserted hall. The further she walked, the quieter it became. With her hands stuffed into her jacket pockets, Peyton's head hung low as she watched the moving floor beneath her feet. Suddenly a metal tray crashed down onto the floor behind her, breaking the calm silence. Startled, Peyton turned around to see a nurse picking up the contents down the hall.

Minding her own business, Peyton was about to continue with her walk when she noticed a set of doors to her right. These brown doors stood out from the rest of the pale white doors. From the windows of the peculiar doors, Peyton could see faint lights flickering about inside. A part of her wanted to keep walking, but another part of her wanted her to go in.

She looked down one side of the hallway, then to the other side. Seeing that no one was watching her, Peyton slowly made her way to the door. Gently, she pulled the heavy door open. Cautiously, she stepped into the dimly lit room, still unsure of whether or not she belonged there. With some hesitation, she finally closed the door behind her and glanced around the room. Straight ahead of her were rows of empty pews. In the front of the room, she saw a small alter with a large cross hanging above it on the wall. To her left, she gradually made her way to the rows of candles.

Standing in front of the candles, she picked up a wick and held into one of the already glowing candles. Carefully, she lifted it out of the flame and lit an unlit candle before blowing out the wooden wick.

Now standing in a pew, Peyton nervously sat down while keeping her eyes up at the cross. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to be in there in the first place. With the exception of her marriage to Lucas and the christenings of their children, the only other memories of being in a church were never happy ones – as a result, she wasn't exactly a regular visitor.

Shaking slightly, Peyton kneeled down and made the sign of the cross.

"Bet you never thought you'd see me come in on my own, did you? Believe me, I didn't either," Peyton said with an uneasy laugh. "Actually, I don't even know why I'm here…I just um…I guess I didn't know where else to go,"

Peyton paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "I know we don't talk much and I'm pretty sure You've got other important stuff to worry about…so I'll make this one quick. I know for whatever reason You need Lucas, I mean we all need him…and well this is the second time that he di..." she cut herself short from saying the word. Peyton couldn't bring herself to say it in the same sentence as his name. She carefully chose her words.

"Um…this is the second time he's been knocking at your door. And if for whatever reason you answer the door this time, please take care of him. Tell him I love him and ask my mother to look after him. I know they'd get along…" She held back her tears with everything inside her. The thoughts of loosing her husband scared her and she wasn't ready to.

Her fears and angers flowing inside her somehow gave her the strength not to give up, "I know I can't fight You, but I am begging you… please don't take him away from me. Maybe he hasn't been the same person I fell in love with, but when it comes down to it…he's still Lucas…and I still love him. I still need him in my life,"

Peyton choked back her tears. "My children need him. They need both of their parents," Her voice became angrier, "They don't deserve to go through the Hell that I want through when You took my mother away from me. I know how lonely it got and how much it hurts to miss her every single day. I'm not going to let them go through that. I won't go through that pain again…I can't…" exhaustion took over her mind and body.

Shaking with a mixture of worry and helplessness, Peyton's tears began to flow faster. With her arms resting on the bench in front of her, Peyton let her head fall into her arms and began to sob.

Peyton's eyes were closed tight, but there were too many tears too hold back. Her shoulders trembled as she cried aloud. Suddenly Peyton felt a hand gently consoling her back. Without looking up, she welcomed the comfort and found herself holding on to Haley, "Hey," Haley soothed. "Peyton…hun?"

Peyton couldn't answer; she had to let out her fears and frustrations out first. Haley couldn't remember a time seeing Peyton so broken and it broke her own heart as she held a crumbling Peyton.

"Peyton," Haley said softly again, as she tried to hold back her own tears, "It's about Lucas,"

"Lucas?" Peyton sniffed. Like a faucet, she turned off her tears and composed herself. She let go of Haley and wiped her eyes. "What? Where is he?"

Peyton held her breath as she felt her body tensing up, waiting for Haley to answer.

"Lucas…he made it,"

The stress in Peyton's body was released at the good news. In between deep breaths, she laughed and cried at the same time. Haley knew exactly how the tall blonde felt and hugged her friend.


Peyton Scott sat uncomfortably in the chair beside Lucas's hospital side with Sawyer sleeping in her arms. Roewan sat in a separate chair beside his mother. The room was dark and quiet, with the exception of the monotonous beeping of the heart monitor. It was well past midnight and although Peyton was tired, she remained awake. Besides wanting to be awake when Lucas came out of his slumber, Peyton couldn't sleep because she was trying to make sense of it all.

"Getting tired yet, bud?" Peyton asked her son. She gently cupped the back of his head with her free hand.

Roewan just shook his head. His eyes stared forward, at his father, who lay still and hooked up to different machines.

"What's up, dude? Why so quiet?"

The little boy looked down and shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing,"

Peyton wrapped her arm around Roewan and pulled him close to her. He leaned his head on his arm for a second before abruptly pulling away. Roewan shifted himself back to the center of his chair.

Her son's action confused her. "What's wrong?"

No answer.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Roewan chewed on his thumbnail – a trait he picked up from his mother.

Maybe he's just scared, she thought, "It's scary seeing daddy like this, huh?"

Roewan finally nodded his head.

"I know. It scares me too…but the doctors say that your dad is going to be ok,"

"When is he going to wake up?" Roewan asked quietly without looking at his mother.

"Soon. He just needs to rest a little, ok?"

"Ok,"

"Hey, I'm proud of you, you know,"

"For what?" He asked looking puzzled at his mother.

"For taking care of your little sister when I had to take care of daddy. Even though you were scared you made sure that she wasn't. You're a great big brother you know,"

Roewan flashed a small, timid grin that mirrored his mother's. "Come here," she said as she opened her arm again. Roewan leaned over and rested his head against his mother, just below Sawyer's sleeping head. Peyton wrapped her arm around her son and held him tight. She leaned over and placed a kiss on each of her children's heads.


Karen knocked softly on the door as she peeked her head into the room. With a warm smile, she softly greeted Peyton. "Hey, Peyton,"

"Karen, hey,"

"Can I talk to you for moment, Peyton?"

The bones in her knees cracked as Peyton carefully stood up. Her body ached form sitting in the chair and from holding Sawyer, who was now awake, for so long. She gently sat Sawyer down in the chair before making her way over to Karen.

"Keith and I are going back to the hotel. I don't think it's a good idea for the kids to stay in the hospital over night. We thought it'd be best if we watch the children while you stay with Lucas,"

"Oh Karen, I'm sorry. No, you should be in her with Lucas. I'll take the kids..."

Karen shook her head, cutting Peyton off.

Peyton knew there was no point in arguing with Karen. Peyton sighed, "Roewan, Sawyer? Can you say 'goodnight' to your dad. It's time to go. Grandma and Grandpa are going to take you back to the hotel,"

Sawyer looked at her older brother, who nodded his head. Roewan got out of his chair first and walked over to the bedside. From where he was standing he could see his father, but he knew Sawyer couldn't. He carefully pushed a chair closer to the bed. From the doorway, Karen and Peyton watched as Roewan then helped his sister climb onto the chair so she could see her father too.

"Roewan reminds me so much of Lucas when he was younger - always thinking about others first," Karen whispered proudly.

"It's because Lucas has a great mother,"

"So does Roewan," She wrapped her arm around Peyton. Peyton smiled and put her rested her head onto Karen's. "Peyton, I know you've had some tough decisions to make…And I just want you to know that I think you've made the right ones,"

Karen's comments caught Peyton off-guard, but at the same time, they comforted her. Peyton had always looked up to Karen, not just because Karen was a generously loving person, but because Karen was always a great mother to Lucas. Often times, Peyton found herself questioning her own mothering skills, since she only had a short time with hers. But even if Peyton didn't know it, that short time she had her mother was enough time to instill those skills in Peyton.

"So how's our boy doing?" Karen asked about Lucas.

"Still asleep…there hasn't been much change,"

Taking note of Peyton's own tired eyes, Karen wondered how Peyton was holding up, "So how are you doing? And don't just say 'fine'," Karen warned.

Peyton let out a grin, "Probably the same as you. Cool on the outside…but on the inside…" It was all she could admit about what she was feeling. Peyton was feeling everything - joy, relief, fear, frustration - and Karen understood completely. "Karen, you sure you don't want to stay? I mean we both could stay here with the kids…"

"Peyton, don't worry about it. I don't mind spending a little more time with my grandchildren. Besides, Lucas doesn't need his mother anymore. You're the one that Lucas needs by his side right now and I know that you're the first person he'll want to see when he wakes up,"

"Thank you, Karen,"


Peyton stood by the window all night. She positioned her head, that was leaning against the cool metal window pane, so that she could keep one eye on Lucas and the other on the now fading darkness. All night long Peyton stayed awake, quietly watching her husband sleep, and listening to the steady beeping of the heart monitor. As the sun began to rise, Peyton tiredly made her way to Lucas's bedside. Peyton took Lucas's hand in hers and sat in the chair beside the bed. "Squeeze if you can hear me…" she paused for a moment, waiting for Lucas to squeeze her hand. "Alright, keep being stubborn," she joked as she remembered the first time she visited Lucas in the hospital after his car accident in Tree Hill.

"I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I want you to know that things are going to be different. I'm not going to leave you here alone. I haven't changed my mind on us. So when you wake up, I'll be right here holding your hand. Then we're going to work on us because I can't not have you in my life. So you need to wake up," she urged through soft tears. "Please, Lucas, just open your eyes and come back to me,"

When Lucas didn't waken, Peyton stood up and carefully climbed into bed beside her husband. With her head gently resting on his chest, she listened to the steady beating of his heart - a sound that she would never take for granted again.