I swear that am not as deranged and disgusting as my story suggests. If you do not like suggestive content … well, you should not have read the first chapter, let alone this one. I, personally, do not think corn is sexy; neither do I fantasize about carrots. It's just, I have this belief that Rory is in love with vegetables, and that she will never feel complete until she is one, and married to one. Jess is stupid in this chapter, so is everyone else. And I really DO believe that the girls in pink at the mall are really truckers in disguise! And I don't mean to offend any blonde people! I know some totally awesome blondes! I just wanted to cliché this Shiite-y story. Ok, take no offense, this is a joke story.
Disclaimer: Corn is … errr … not mine? Neither is the south park reference or the star trek slash suggestion. Scarecrows are from the wizard of OZ, SO THERE YOU DOROTHY WANA-BEE WEIRDOS WHO STALK ME TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO SUE ME FOR SUMTHIN! GET A LIFE! Lol, hehe. Anyway, Wheel of Fortune is for that trucker who wears pink and points at the words, I think. La Senza may not have male mannequins but they do have the name. Brian Adams belongs to the city of West Vancouver and the Ewoks. Kung Foo is Kung Foo is Kung Foo. Do I have to elaborate? Ok, so here is earth.

Jess and Rory were speeding through a cornfield. The highway was right beside them, but Jess couldn't figure out how to get onto it. I guess it didn't really help that he was a puddle.
"Oooooohhhh! Jesssjess! Look at all the sights! It's so beautiful! The yellow corn peeking out from behind the protective green husks! It's so sexy! I … just … want … one!" At this point, Rory was leaning out the car window, reaching like a maniac at the corn that was speeding past their window.
"Ahhhhhhhh!" She battle cried. Jess was staring wide-eyed at the seat lining, trying not to notice that his girlfriend was having a crisis.
"Is it that time of the month again, baby doll?" He muttered finally, she had started to rip at the vegetables with her teeth as they flew by the open window.
"I HATE it when guys say that! It is called my period! Eeeeeeeewwww… ok! Get over it!" She added a gob of spit to his increasingly dirty puddle-self.
"Sorry," He sobbed, and turned onto the highway.
"Scarecrow!" Rory screeched, pointing to the cornfield.
"Where!" Jess pulled back off the highway.
"There! Get it! Grrahh!" She pulled the scarecrow into the car through the window.
"Yes!" They cried together. Rory pulled rough cobs off the stuffed man, and Jess wrapped himself around the figure, finally having a somewhat humanoid shape.
At this point, Kirk and Luke both sat up simultaneously and said, "Oh, my god, you killed Kenny! Mr. Spock will have revenge for his fallen lover!" They then proceeded to fall back, unconscious, onto the rusty floor in the back seat.
Oblivious to them, Jess and Rory were making out instead of watching the road. In a painfully cliché moment, a ginormous truck came barreling towards them.
Jess looked up. "No! Not a ginormous truck, but a ginormous trucker in a teensy-weenie clown-car." They squished it without blinking an eye.
"Maybe this would be a good time to move back onto the right side of the road." Rory suggested, "But that's only a suggestion. The script writer said so." She stuck her tongue out at the invisible scriptwriter. Jess grabbed it with his and kissed her.
"But if we were in England," he said when it broke off, "We would be on the right … err, left side of the road." Nevertheless, he turned off the left side of the road and back onto the right (literally).
"Its time for Wheel … Ofvvvv … Fortunnnne!" Luke was awake again, mimicking the movements of a game-show contestant, yet oblivious to the rest of the car.
"Rory, what did you put in his coffee?" Jess wondered aloud.
"I don't know, some yellow stuff. I didn't give any to Kirk though." She pondered, all too like her IC character. "I really should stop pondering." She stopped pondering. "Good. Now, I need to come to a conclusion." She came to a conclusion. "Kirk is crazy. I need to know whether that is the right conclusion." Nothing happened. "Stupid scriptwriter!" She started tearing at her face.
"Chill out, honey bum. We'll put some music on." Jess inserted a Brian Adams tape into his C.D player. He and Kirk started to sing.
"Ahhhhhh! … NNOOOOOOO! … Damn it! … Stupid God-damn Brian Adams… NOOOOOO! I happen to be …. meeeeelltiinnggggggg! … Aaaaaaaahhhhh! Grog." She fell silent. A puke green puddle lay where Rory Gilmore once sat.
"Hey, you're like me!" Jess exclaimed joyously. He threw Rory out the window.
"What the … ahhhhhh!" She was sloshed into the face of Lorelei, who had let Nowhere out of her palm, ate its occupants, stolen the car and chased after Rory.
"Mommy, mommy, ooohhh! I missed you!" She tried to kiss her mom on the cheek.
"You are soooo not my daughter." She threw Rory back into Jesss' car.
"Thanks, Lore!" Jess gave Kirk a noogy and sent him back into a state of unconsciousness.
Rory swore and stared at a tuft of stuffing popping out of the seat for the rest or the trip.
They finally drove into New York after tossing Luke into Nowhere. Jess circled a shopping mall for an hour, then parked in an occupied illegal parking space beside an empty legal one. He ran, screaming, through a herd of pink-clothed blondes and smashed through the window of "La Senza" He grabbed the first mannequin he saw. The mannequin happened to be a male thong model, but he didn't pay any attention.
"Here Rory!" He dumped the large plastic man onto his girlfriend. She, grudgingly, wrapped herself around it, only to find a completely alien set of genitals.
"Oh, my god. You were in La Senza, you frigin' idiot! How can you have gotten the only male model there?" She started wailing as the herd of blondes transformed into dirty truckers and started to chase them.
"Ahhhhh!" Kirk screamed like a little girl. "Rory has a package! Yuck-y!" He kung-foo'd the truckers as Jess pulled out of the parking space.
"I wanna wanna wanna go to a motel and sleep!" Kirk whined right after they had passed the only vacant motel in town.
"God, Kirk, couldn't you have said you needed to use the bathroom before we left?"
"I don't need to use the bathroom!" He sung in a deep base voice. Suddenly he had a scary toupee sitting like road kill on his scalp.
"Don't deny it Kirk. I can see the wet spot." Rory said, a male-model-ish expression on her face.

"That wet spot is underneath Jess! I want to go to sleep but this car is smelly!" His face turned green.

"Jess! I can't believe you wet your puddle!" Rory pouted. "That's so gross!"

"Shut up! It's my little problem! Don't make fun of me!" He made a U-turn and they dropped Kirk off at a Motel.

"Whatever. Are we there yet?" She did the typical three-year-old-in-a-car act.

"Yes" He pulled into a parking space in front of a merry-go-round covered in flowers.

"What exactly is this, Jessjess?" She tentatively explored the abandoned amusement park ride. "It doesn't have walls." She stated finally, and collapsed onto a padded nylon seat. Jess crept in with her and had scary dreams about what his gang would do when they met Rory.

Ahahaha! Only one more chapter guys, then the trilogy of psycotysism will be OVER! To end it sooner, please review, for that causes me to write quiker. I shall answer all reviews at the end of CH.3 so if you feel unnoiced, stop it. Ok, push ze lil button down there on the left side of the screen, or else, I WILL TURN YOU INTO A PUDDLE!