Forgotten Daze
FF7 fan fiction

Chapter 2


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There was no way to deny the slight feeling of superiority Zack felt as he stood in front of the young recruits. Wide eyed and impressionable, naive and determined; they all stood at attention, gazing upon the five SOLDIERs in complete awe, as they now gazed back.

If there was more to life than idle hero worship, the black haired solider who stood with a massive grin on his face thought, then he hadn't found it. Of course it was probably selfish, but Zack just couldn't seem to get himself to care. He had worked /damn/ hard to get to where he was, if he wanted to relish in the limelight, he felt he was more than welcome.

"Now," The bitter, hard-shelled instructor whom had personally made it his duty to tear down all of Zack's pride only a few years before, said, pacing the line between the SOLIDERs and the boys, "For many of you, this will be your final day here in Shinra. Some of you have worked hard, and will be rewarded. Others have treated it all as some game, and you'll be rewarded as well, the life lesson that I'll kick into your head as you hit the gravel outside the door face first more than enough compensation for your time here."

God, Zack thought, watching the man stare down the young boys with unflinching eyes, how had he kept himself from simply /beating/ that old man when he had the chance?

"As a little treat for you all, some of Shinra's best men have come here to see what you kids got. They're not being paid for this, they're all here off their own accord. You should all realize what a sacrifice they've made, just to see you little greenies on your last day here.

"I want you all to think back over your few weeks here over the next few hours. We'll be deciding who stays and who goes while you all enjoy your little selves here at the expense of President Shinra. For the most part we've already decided who's moving on from here, but if some of you use your last few hours to your advantage, who knows, you may get us to change our minds."

The instructor paused for a moment, looking out over the room of SOLDIER candidates. Some goodbye speech, Zack thought, although the man had never been good at doing much of anything apart from degrading insults. Finally the instructor sighed, waving a hand at them, brushing them away with a low murmur to signify that they were on their own for the final time. All at once the room erupted in voices, the recruits gathering around the five men, all brimming with excitement. The festivities had begun.

Zack amused himself with a few of the boys, listening to their stories of accomplishment and woe, encouraging them with a few personal stories of his own about the instructor's punishments for him when he had first come to Shinra.

Some of the boys seemed fitted for a higher position, others were far too eager to make it any further before the pressure of the system broke them. Of course, Zack had managed to survive the ordeal with his own personality still intact, but from what he could see of the energetic young boys, none of them had the vigor to keep up such a daunting task. After the fourth or fifth week of straight punishment for his insubordination, Zack had often thought of giving in. However, through circumstances that still eluded him, he had managed, and his unbreakable will ended up being the one thing that secured him his position as a SOLDIER.

Still, he couldn't deny the talent he saw brooding inside a handful of young recruits; they were strong and intelligent, they knew what to do and they knew how to do it. Zack felt relatively complacent as he realized that Shinra would always manage to produce soldiers of immense quality.

Zack continued to talk, examining the group as a whole. The strong leaders who would succeed, the strong leaders who's sense of self-satisfaction would be their demise, the followers who would become grateful men of Shinra, and the followers who would be crushed in the march upwards. Of course, there were many other types of recruits, but from what Zack had seen out of the corner of his eye, none were worse than the straggler, one of whom now stood silently apart from everyone else.

Of course, there always had to be one. Zack watched him quietly, ignoring the far too eager recruit that had been gushing at his feet for the past few minutes. The blond soldier stood in the corner, his eyes adverted to the nearby wall, his gaze completely blank. Occasionally Shinra would pick up the random shy fighter, a young boy who couldn't stand to be so much as looked at, let alone talked to by another recruit. They would usually come around by prelims, and if they made it past it, would usually open up quite quickly. Zack had seen them all, but something about the way /this/ boy held himself seemed different.

"When I heard about the opening I rushed right over, even though my mom said I couldn't, I was like, 'Well, I'll never know unless I try,' right? I mean, isn't that true? And my friend was going to come along, but he was like, 'No way, I'd never make it,' and I'm like, 'Come on, you have to try!' and he was like, 'Well, Maybe,' and I'm like, 'God, how many people do I have to try and encourage,' you know?"

Zack looked down at the boy. "What?"

"I ... " The recruits eyes widened, suddenly becoming aware of who he was talking to, and the slightly harsh, uncharacteristic tone that had appeared in his voice. "That's, I mean ... huh?"

Zack turned from him once again, looking to the straggler in the corner. He hadn't moved. Probably hadn't blinked. He might not have even been breathing. Zack nearly sighed from remorse. To be young and anti-social, what a pity. All it would take was a simple little ice breaker, perhaps the boy just wasn't comfortable in this sort of situation. Once he realized it was more a sending off party than a harsh judgment from their peers, he'd join in with the rest of the group.

"Mr. ... uh, Zack? Sir?"

Zack turned once again, looking down on the still quite eager to gush young recruit. The boy looked back up to him, suddenly very aware that Zack's constant amusement had vanished. "Excuse me," He said, attempting to smile as he turned away from the boy.

The straggler made no attempt to acknowledge anyone approaching him. Zack walked up to him, a wide grin already set. The boy continued to watch the wall, devoid of any signs of life. Just a simple ice breaker was all he needed.

"Enjoying yourself?" Zack asked, stopping a few feet from the boy.

The blond's gaze turned slowly to him, an expression of quiet annoyance hidden beneath his apathetic exterior. Zack's grin faded slightly as he watched, unsure of how the recruit would react. The boy said nothing.

Zack watched, suddenly at a loss. "Why aren't you in with everyone else?" Zack looked back to the large group of boys, all ecstatic over their positions, crowding around the soldiers and practicing moves on each other. The blond remained silent. Zack watched, confusion taking him over. " ... Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You're ... " Zack stood still, watching as the blond turned once again, staring off through the training room walls. Obviously he would need more than one ice breaker. Maybe something /else/ needed breaking. "Well what the hell are you doing here, then?" Zack couldn't help as his voice picked up intensity, however the boy stood unfazed. Zack put a hand to his head, suddenly flustered beyond words. "Do you not want to be training here? Come on, show me some of your moves. I bet you're one of those silent-but-deadly fighters, aren't you?" the black haired SOLDIER returned to his normal cheerful disposition, in hopes that the previous brush-off was merely a fluke. Zack ignored all thoughts that the boy looked as though he could be taken down in one hit.

"No," The boy's voice was softer than he had expected. "It's fine."

Zack stood to his full height, looking down on the blond's adverted gaze. Situations like this called for drastic measures, he thought, and /no-one/ brushed off the request of a SOLIDER first class. "Well, maybe it wasn't a kind offer."

The boy turned slowly once more, his eyes still not meeting. "I'm sorry," He said quietly, staring to Zack's feet. "I just don't think it's ... I don't think it's worth it, Sir."

"I'm /ordering/ you to, soldier, you /can't/ decline my friendly little invitation."

The blond continued to watch the floor, before turning to the side once more. "Yes, Sir."

Zack scowled to himself, not used to taking such assertive behavior. But then again, he had never been so easily brushed off by anyone, especially not a tiny little green recruit whom should have been overjoyed at being singled out by someone in the very position he was trying to attain.

"Hey, Zack!" The voice of another SOLDIER called from across the room. "Come here a sec, I need you to show these guys something."

The black haired man turned, scowling again. He turned back to the blond quickly. "Right. Excuse me for a second. Don't think I won't be back." Zack turned, all too positive that the blond wouldn't go anywhere.

Being anti-social was one thing, but the boy acted as if he was being put out just being there. Why bother attempting to become a SOLDIER if he was going to spend his time alone, refusing to do anything to help himself along the way? He needed a lesson, and Zack was more than willing to be the one to teach it.


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Shit.

Shit shit shit.

One day, Cloud assured himself, he'd find whatever sadistic bastard it was that constantly pulled his strings. He'd find him and tie /him/ up, make /him/ dance to whatever little whim passed him by. And once he was done with him, he'd find whatever little prick it was that controlled karma, and find out why in the hell none of it was coming back.

One day ... but, that was to say he would make it out of his last day in Shinra alive. Cloud closed his eyes, his arms crossed tight on his chest. He hadn't wanted attention. He thought he had made it quite obvious. By removing himself and distancing himself from everyone, by ignoring everyone that bothered to talk to him, by not even making /eye contact/ with anyone, that it was /quite/ obvious he did /not want attention./

Of course, he hadn't expected that the one SOLIDER notorious for being overly friendly, continually happy, and an all around free-spirit would bother coming to the prelim cuts. Just his luck, though, right?

"Hey,"

Cloud felt a pair of eyes watching him, another recruit standing nearby.

"Hey kid," he called again, moving closer. Cloud sighed internally, turning to face the boy, his attempt at distance already ruined. Of course Cloud knew who he was, the redheaded boy having already made it his duty to torture Cloud during training. Aiden watched him closely, a few others behind him. "What'd you do to get /his/ attention?"

Cloud furrowed his brow slightly, not knowing how to answer. The recruit took another step forward.

"Come on. You think we didn't see Zack talking to you?"

The blond turned to the floor.

"What, now you're too good to talk to me? Jesus."

"I didn't say that ... " Cloud mumbled, looking off to the side. Aiden only scoffed, and a few of his companions stepped forward as well.

"Yeah, you don't have to say it, you figure we all know. You won't talk to /anyone,/ you think you're better than us."

Cloud suddenly looked up at the boy, meeting his eyes. Aiden stood still, his bitterness not fully peaked. "I don't think I'm better than anyone." The blond forced himself to say just that, and to keep the rest inside.

"Bullshit."

Anxiety began to wash over him, all his attempts to remain inconspicuous failed. Why do such actions mean such things? Cloud closed his eyes, turning away from the small group. He didn't think he was better than anyone, how he truly felt couldn't have been more opposite.

"Hey, come /on,/ kid, don't ignore me!"

"I didn't do anything," Cloud said softly. Aiden scoffed again.

"Well what the hell is wrong with you, anyway? Jesus."

"I'd hate to have whatever it is that's stuck up his ass," Another recruit said. A few others tittered.

"Yeah, he just wants attention, anyway. My sister used to do the same thing, right before she started /cutting/ herself."

"Fucking hell I /hate/ people like that,"

"God, I know."

"So is that what you do?" Aiden asked, the other recruits falling silent behind him. Cloud glared at him, unable and unwilling to find the words to argue. "People like you make me sick, you know that?"

"I'm not doing anything," Cloud murmured, staring straight ahead. Aiden suddenly grabbed him by one shoulder, turning him until their eyes were even.

"This is your last day here, kid," He said quietly, his followers unable to hear. "Why don't you save Lieutenant Zack the trouble and fight /me./"

"I'm not fighting /anyone./"

"The hell you are," Aiden clenched his teeth, digging his fingers into Cloud's shoulder. The blond sighed, closing his eyes. He could hear as the redhead's anger grew, Cloud's dismissal obviously sending him over the edge.

All he wanted was to be /left alone./ He had failed SOLDIER, he had failed everyone at home, he had failed /himself./ Wasn't that enough for them?

Aiden grabbed his other shoulder, pressing the boy up against the wall. "Why don't you ever fucking /talk?/" He growled, glaring at Cloud. "You need to understand what you're doing, and if I have to beat it into you, then so be it."

"Hey!" A sharp voice yelled across the room. Cloud's adversaries turned quickly, scattering instantly as Zack rushed over. "What the hell are you doing?" Zack yelled, staring down at Aiden. "Jesus, get a life you little fucking insect."

Of course. His savior. If the SOLDIER needed any more evidence that Cloud was weak, that he should never have even bothered coming to such a place, that it was pointless for him to take any sort of interest in him ...

Aiden scowled, turning from Cloud and Zack and walking to his followers. Cloud began to wish he /had/ beaten him, at least then he'd be able to leave.

"What the hell are you doing?" Zack repeated, this time glaring down at the small blond. Cloud looked up, letting his arms fall to his side and his body language break. Zack met his gaze with anger, and Cloud turned back to the ground. If only they'd let him go, everyone knew he wasn't going to make it, why bother keeping him around for so long? "Are you as incapable of standing up for yourself as you are of talking to others?"

"No," Cloud suddenly felt all his embarrassment leave. He had come to terms with his position in life a good while ago, why should he suddenly let such trifles bother him? "I'm ... I'm used to it, Sir, it doesn't bother me."

Zack stood silently, his expression hidden from Cloud's view. Finally the man sighed, and Cloud let out a relieved breath, the other man most obviously ready to leave him alone for good.

"Jesus /Christ/" The SOLDIER growled, reaching out to Cloud and grasping him by his collar. Cloud's eyes shot up to meet the other man's, emotion suddenly rushing to him as he realized any anger directed to him from such a strong man was probably /not/ a good thing.

"W-what are you--"

Cloud's body was lifted from the floor, the other man's grip tight around his shirt. The blond hung in the air for a moment, watching the SOLDIER's icy blue eyes as he stared into him. Zack pushed his body back, suddenly carrying him to the door. Cloud's mind reeled as he looked to the other recruits around him, only some aware of what was happening to him. They watched in wonder as the strong metal doors were knocked open by Cloud's body, Zack shoving him through the doorway and into the hall.

The building became silent as the doors shut behind them, Zack taking the lead, dragging Cloud behind him, his grip as tight as ever. Maybe it /was/ karma ... after all, he /had/ gotten out.


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Zack slammed open the door of an empty training room, walking inside and flipping on the dim florescent lights. The boy was still behind him, having been dragged along the entire time without a struggle. He was silent, and Zack could only feel his anger grow.

"What's your name?" He asked, looking around the empty room. The boy was silent for a minute, the sounds of slightly labored breathing the only audible noise.

"Strife, uh, Sir ... Cloud Strife."

"Good," Zack nodded, looking to a nearby wall. At least he was smart enough to answer his questions. He picked Cloud up once more, the blond doing his best to hide any fear he might have felt. Zack closed his eyes, slightly unhappy that he had to resort to such a persona in order to teach the poor kid a lesson. With that, he threw the boy to the dark metal wall, Cloud bouncing off it with a sharp exhale and landing in a small, silent heap on the ground.

"Well then," Zack said, smoothing out his shirt. "I guess we have all the time we need to spar now, don't we?"

Cloud looked up to him, one arm rapped around his stomach as he attempted to win back his breath. His eyes held a hint of alarm, darting from the SOLDIER to the door behind him. Zack sighed, running a hand through his disheveled black hair.

The room fell silent again as Zack began to adjust his gloves, devising a strategy to work for the blond recruit. Cloud remained still on the floor, watching the ground and letting his breathing even out once more.

"So why didn't you stand up for yourself, back there?" Zack asked quietly, looking away from the boy. He heard Cloud shift slightly. "Are you not going to answer me?"

The blond remained silent, and Zack felt as his anger boiled up once more. He didn't care how little the boy wanted to open up to anyone, it wasn't a matter of figuring him out any longer, if he refused to talk and let pathetic little rodents like the other recruits walk all over him, then he needed a god damned intervention, however violent.

"Look here," Zack said, still turned away from Cloud. "I want to know why you're here. Why are you trying to become a SOLDIER if all you're going to do is take shit from everyone else, let them take full advantage of you, and decline an offer from one of the best SOLDIERs here to help train you?" There. The black haired man nearly smiled to himself, proud that he was able to get the question out so politely.

The blond moved slightly. "I'm ... " His voice was barely audible, and Zack turned to face him. Cloud's head hung into his chest, his arms lying on his lap, palms up. "It doesn't bother me anymore ... Sir, what they do to me. I'm ... used to taking it."

Zack looked down to him, unsure how to interpret the small self-explanation. "Stand up," He said finally, his hands on his hips. Cloud looked up to him, his eyes wide with confusion. At least, Zack realized, he had given up on his attempted apathy.

" ... Sir?"

"Stand up! And quit calling me Sir, it doesn't fit me. It's just Zack." Cloud's expression remained the same, and Zack sighed. "Stand /up,/ Strife."

This time the boy complied, struggling onto his feet, his arms hanging to his side listlessly. Zack looked him over once more. There was no way he could hold his own in /any/ fight, asking him to spar was probably sentencing the boy to death.

"You must work out," Zack said quietly, almost grinning. Cloud looked to him with slight distaste, his lack of muscle tone obviously apparent to him as well. So his attempt at help was lost on the boy along with his sense of humor. "So tell me, why are you here?"

"Sir?"

"Here, /here!/ You know, Shinra. Why are you training here?"

Cloud watched Zack for a moment before letting his gaze fall back to the floor, the boy suddenly the very image of despair.

"I just ... I wanted to become a SOLDIER, Sir."

The two men stood in silence, broken only by Zack's abrupt sigh. There was more to the blond than that, his demeanor had only screamed it to him from across the room. Maybe it wasn't even that important, but Zack prided himself on having a certain second sense about some people, and there was something there that awoke a strong sense of compassion within him.

There was something else there as well, Zack knew, he just couldn't decide upon it. Perhaps it was hidden talent, although the boy's lithe figure (well, maybe lithe was too elegant- the boy was bones, plain and simple,) suggested otherwise.

"You /wanted/ to become one?"

Cloud's eyes remained fixed on the ground, although Zack had seen the slight jolt as he realized his own mistake. The blond shrugged vaguely, turning to the side. "I know I didn't make it, I failed most everything we did."

"Really?" Zack couldn't keep a distinct personality pinned down for himself, forgetting for a moment that he had meant to make himself intimidating. "Me too. Although when I think about it now, I'm fairly sure my instructor had it out for me since the beginning ... " Zack realized he had gone off into a personal tirade once again, instantly silencing himself and scowling to regain his previous persona. "You can't tell me that's the only reason you're here. You can't just want to be a SOLDIER, there has to be a reason why you'd want to become one."

The blond fell silent (well, technically he had been silent for the majority of their acquaintanceship thus far, but he still had moments where he seemed to fall into an even more somber stance,) and Zack put a hand to his head, a low murmur barely audible even to himself.

"I-I want to become stronger," He said softly, picking up on the other man's annoyance. Zack's hand left his forehead for a moment, hovering a few inches from his eyes as he watched Cloud.

"Stronger?" He asked. He let his hand fall to his side, his nose crinkled in slight confusion. "Don't you think there are other ways to go about it instead of trying to become one of the most elite fighting soldiers in Shinra?" Cloud's expression was hidden, but Zack knew there wasn't one to see anyway. "What's so important about becoming stronger, anyway?"

"Does it matter?" Cloud asked abruptly, slight emotion apparent for the first time in his voice. So it was a touchy subject.

There was definitely something there, Zack thought, if only he could put a finger on--

Oh, god.

Cloud turned to face Zack, his own irritation over trying to be analyzed finally stronger than his desire to disappear. Zack knew the expression of horror that was now so apparent on him wouldn't be reassuring to the blond. Cloud's eyes narrowed slightly, watching Zack in question.

" ... What?" the blond asked, still slightly intimidated by the other man. Zack forced the emotion away, breaking into a grin.

"Nothing!" He said, far too lively. Cloud's expression didn't change, and Zack began to wonder how one mastered the you're-a-complete-idiot,-aren't-you? stare he was receiving. "Look," He said, trying to regain control of the situation. "I think I may understand your situation a little better than you'd think, so why don't you let me help you?"

Apparently, Cloud had only come out of his shell long enough to appear indignant towards the personality that couldn't help but show through. The blond had turned away once more, reverting back to his former stance, his eyes clouded and his face blank.

Zack sighed, again. "What do you have against help?"

"Nothing, it's ... " Cloud shifted in his spot, appearing more uncomfortable than he had before. "Really, it's not ... it's not worth it, I'm fine."

"You don't want to show me that you're weak?"

Cloud's breath caught slightly, but Zack knew it was from something entirely different from embarrassment. Cloud turned to him, his eyes narrow and questioning. Zack smiled softly.

"Honestly, I'm not out to gain anything, if that's what you're thinking. I really think I could help you, if you let me. I can't really sit by and watch some poor kid let everyone walk all over him and deny himself what he's been working so hard for, just because he's made himself so miserable."

" ... I never said I was miserable." Cloud murmured softly.

"So you're not?"

The blond watched Zack intently, his own blue eyes still unreadable to the other man. If it was a matter of trust, than the boy had nothing to worry about. Zack knew it wasn't, though, it was much deeper than that, much harder to reach. He had done it before, though, and he knew he could do it again.

The creak of a door opening jostled Zack out of his thoughts, and he turned to face a Shinra officer. Cloud repositioned himself against the wall, suddenly standing straight. The officer smiled slightly at Zack.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but you're wanted elsewhere."

Zack put a hand behind his head, a fake smile plastered to his face. Of course he had to be interrupted, Shinra could never let things go his way for too long. "Right," He said, moving to the door. The officer left down the hall, and Zack stood still in the archway, holding the metal door open. He turned back to Cloud, who was still standing, staring at the ground.

"I'm by no means done with you," Zack said, his cheeriness finally back. Cloud looked up to him. "We'll start training tomorrow, I'll come and find you, so don't worry."

The boy offered no reply, although Zack had known he wouldn't receive one. He let the door close behind him, and began off down the hall, no doubt to the one man he now apparently couldn't escape.

Zack nearly laughed to himself as he reached the elevator, the previous officer standing off to the side with a polite smile. God, he thought, it had been hell putting up with Sephiroth his entire time with Shinra, how in god's name was he expected to deal with two?


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Cloud thanked the ever efficient (or cheap, Cloud wasn't sure, since the company /did/ produce electricity,) Shinra for the motion detecting lights that had gone off, leaving his crumpled heap of blond hair and oversized Shinra uniform in complete darkness. So, he thought, unmoving from where he had let himself slide down, what had he learned today? If you want attention, do your best to remove yourself from social situations. If you don't ... actively participate in them?

The blond groaned, letting his head roll back, bumping against the hard wall. He felt horrible, guilty of something ... and the only thing that made it worse was the realization that if he thought too much about it, he might find that he /had/ actually wanted things to play out this way.

The thought was sickening, and he pushed it away as quickly as it came. He wasn't going to be anyone's burden, he wasn't important enough, and he wasn't worth it. Anyone else would have realized it ... but no, was he deserving of that? Of course not. He got the exception.

God. Damn it. Cloud was tired of thinking of things in terms of 'one day,' but he couldn't help himself. One day he'd just sink into the floor, disappear into oblivion and no one would be the wiser.

Except Zack. Hell. Cloud sighed, letting his muscles relax as best they could against the cold metal surroundings. Maybe it was best to just not think about it ... the soldier would obviously realize what he was doing, a futile humanitarian effort to help some poor boy he had found one day ... even if Cloud hadn't been consumed by the all-too-familiar voice of self-hatred, he still knew that he wasn't worth it. He may have been bitter, he may have been resentful, but damn it all if he wasn't aware of his own position. He had /failed SOLDIER./ There was nothing Zack or any other SOLDIER could do for him.

Still, Zack had overlooked one crucial point that made all of Cloud's thoughts completely meaningless in the end. By morning, he wouldn't be a part of Shinra any longer.


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