What Ifs and Long Walks
A few days later, Gil and I were walking along Lovers Lane. The evening was cool, a small reminder that the summer was giving way to the inevitability of autumn. Gil took my hand gingerly and laced my fingers with his as we walked toward the pond, a spot that he knew I had always adored.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, interrupting my small daydream.
"I was losing myself in the land of Unfulfilled wishes," I replied, in my ever-so whimsical manner. Gil stopped walking and gently turned me around to face him.
"I don't understand," he answered, a concerned, almost hurt look crossing his face. "Is something wrong Anne?"
"Oh goodness no," I said. I looked into his beautiful eyes and began explaining my reasoning. "It's just that when I was younger, my constant wish was that my parents had not died at all. I wished that they would come find me and take me home, a place that until I moved to Avonlea, I had never known. Before living here, I never felt as though anyone really cared for me, and I thought that if only my parents would return to me, I could truly be happy. I am just now understanding what the consequences would have been if it had come to be. I would have never come to live at Green Gables. I wouldn't have met you." I looked up into his face and felt my eyes water up. I held the tears back with all my might.
"Oh Anne," Gilbert replied, pulling me in to embrace me. "There are hundreds of other ways we could have met. At Queen's, or passing on the road; at a wedding of a distant cousin. Nothing could have kept you and I apart, Anne, you must know that. We are truly meant to be together."
"You really do believe in fate then; in providence, in destiny?" I asked, still not quite convinced myself.
"Anne, you and I have been through so much for providence not to have been at work. Just think of everything," he spoke matter-of-factly, as he so often did. His tone was even and commanding while still loving and gentle. "Even way back to when you broke that slate over my head because I called you carrots." At the mention of my hair, he wrapped his finger in a loose strand and gently pushed it away from my face, brushing my cheek as he did so. "You left Avonlea in search of yourself and someone to share your life with…and providence led you right back to the very place and person you left behind."
"I know, but what if…"
"Anne," he said in a compassionate tone. "Don't you think we've had enough 'what-ifs' for tonight?" Gilbert looked deep into my eyes, and I felt as though he was seeing into the depths of my soul. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me a little closer to himself as we continued to walk along the lane.
"Yes," I replied. "I'm perfectly content living in the moment tonight, Gilbert. Especially if this moment I'm sharing with you decides to never end."
"Speaking of our time together not ending," Gil slowed his pace some. He stooped down to pick up a white anemone, one of the beautiful fall-blooming flowers that can be found on the island. He handed it to me as he stood up and began his leisurely pace again. "I was just wondering when you'd like to start the planning." He seemed somewhat uptight about the question, and it looked like he was having difficulty saying what he wanted to. "I mean… I don't know when you want to be married…sometime soon- or if you want to wait until next summer, or if you want a winter wedding… I mean, I just wanted to bring it up for contemplation and discussion."
I was somewhat shocked at the confession. I mean, I wanted to be married, but I had never really thought about what time of the year I wanted to be married. Every young girl thinks about the ceremony and the dress, the flowers, and even the groom, but was I really the only child who hadn't decided when I wanted my ceremony?
"Well, I'm not sure, Gil. I mean, there's something special and romantic and magical about a wedding to begin with. But different times in the year add a whole new kind of splendor to it. I mean, with winter, everything is beautiful and fresh and glistening. Then you have spring, which brings wonderful flowers and warmth and fragrance. And you can't leave out summer, with swimming, boating, beautiful sunsets and bonfires. And there is autumn, with wonderful colors and harvest and apple pie." I'd known I'd gone off on one of my famous tangents, but once I'd begun thinking about the subject of marriage, and what time of year I'd like to be married, I couldn't stop thinking about it. My thoughts seemed to fly out of my mouth faster than I knew what was going on.
"Ok, ok Anne, I get it," he said smiling, knowing that I'd caught myself yet again in a self-induced ramble on a seemingly obscure topic. "Well, you think about it, and tell me what you think, and I'll do the same. How does that sound? And we can talk about it say, tomorrow night? My parents want you to come to our house for dinner so that they can spend some time with you. After which you and I have reservations for one carriage ride around Avonlea. That will give us plenty of time to talk, about everything. I especially want to hear all about Kingsport and this Morgan Harris. I've heard his name in quite a few conversations lately and I was curious about who he was, or is."
I began blushing and turned away. I hadn't known that Gil had heard about Morgan Harris and our outings while I was boarding in Kingsport. Has Gilbert heard that Morgan proposed to me? Oh dear, this is really not the type of conversation I want to be having with my fiancé. But I suppose if he wants to know about it, that it is much better that he knows now, than after we'd been married. I don't want him thinking that I was trying to keep this from him; I just didn't know how to tell him about Morgan Harris.
"Alright, we can discuss Morgan Harris tomorrow night. And I will tell you all about my time in Kingsport as well as how dull the summer has been without you to talk to and spend time with. I really do miss our old rambles in the woods. Maybe before it gets too dark tomorrow night we can do it again, you know, like old times."
"I'd like that," Gil said, before taking my hand again. I yawned, tired from the long week I'd had. Katherine and I had gone to the bonfire and then we'd made five apple pies for the end-of-the-summer picnic. I also scrubbed the entire house for Marilla because the new reverend and his wife were coming over the next day for dinner. After the reverend and his wife had called on us, I helped Rachel Lynde finish a quilt for Katherine. The summer was almost over and Katherine was leaving to move back to Montreal, which is where she was originally from.
"Why don't I walk you home, Anne?" Gil said in response to my yawn. "You look tired and I know you've had a long week."
"Thanks, Gil. I really do need the rest." I knew that the rest of the summer wouldn't slow down much and that I really needed all the sleep I could get.
Gilbert and I walked back to Green Gables a most serene silence. As much as I enjoyed talking to Gilbert, even being with him in silence brought us closer together. I think we communicate just as well sitting or walking in silence as we do by talking.
We reached the veranda and Gilbert walked me up to the door. "I had a good time tonight Gil," I said facing him with my back to the door.
"So did I, Anne," he replied, moving closer to me. I had the glorious feeling that he was going to kiss me, and my stomach turned to butterflies as he leaned in so that we were only a few inches apart. He gently kissed me, allowing his lips to linger on mine for a few seconds. Being kissed by Gilbert Blythe was the most intense feeling of satisfaction I'd ever had. I knew that my feelings for him went much deeper than friendship and admiration and that my love for him was rooted deeply, and would never falter. The best part of the feeling he gave me was that I knew that he felt the exact same way, and that I was going to be his Anne forever and into eternity.
A/N: sigh ok, I'm such a hopeless romantic that I can't help but write such fluff. All things considered, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I will try to update ASAP :o)
