Forgotten Daze
FF7 Fan Fiction

Chapter 6


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It was a mistake. From the first second Cloud looked in his direction, he knew it was a mistake. They were both in their generic Shinra uniforms, both carrying the same implemented weapon, both the exact same rank. They were equals.

He wasn't sure who made the first move, however, though the prevailing memory in his mind upon reaching his apartment was that he had tried to get away as quickly as possible.

"Where've you been, Strife?" Aiden asked, setting the butt of his gun on the ground. Cloud had turned his head slightly, looking to the redhead from the corners of his eyes. "I was beginning to think you might have dropped out."

Cloud refused to answer, shrugging slightly in a manner he had recently come into. Aiden continued to stare out from beneath his bangs.

"Still to good to talk to me, huh?"

"All you want to do is try and torture me," Cloud mumbled, staring ahead. He heard Aiden shuffle slightly next to him.

"I suppose it's just a vicious cycle, isn't it? You act like you're better than everyone, so I get mad. The more I get mad, the less you want to talk. The less you want to talk, the madder I get. It probably could have ended when it first began, but I don't think you're the type to quit the act so easily."

Cloud remained silent before he finally sighed and looked to Aiden. "I'm not acting anything, all right?" he was surprised at how controlled his voice was, considering his own anger. "I don't know what you think you know about me, but it's wrong."

A slightly bemused smile appeared on his lips. "Well, what you think I think I know about you could be wrong as well."

Cloud looked to him slowly, his scowl barely visible. "An easy way to end everything would be to just drop it now and forget we ever even talked once."

"Probably," Aiden said, nonchalance pouring from his words. "I just can't seem to, though, can I? You strike me rather close to home, Strife."

"What do you mean?" Cloud asked.

"I know people like you." Aiden said.

The blond's scowl was quite visible now. "Really. What am I like, then?"

"You think you're miserable."

"I /think/ I'm miserable?"

"Yes," Aiden turned his side to Cloud and leaned back, his arms crossed against his chest. "You come to Shinra to become a SOLDIER. You barely survive the first two weeks, but then one of the highest ranking officers in the company comes and decides to simply let you in for no reason, despite you not earning it at all."

"What does that have to do with me pretending to be miserable?" Cloud asked.

"Why did he taken an interest in you?" Aiden asked, watching as Cloud looked away. "Because you set yourself apart. It's the biggest cry for attention anyone can give. Sit in the crowd and be overshadowed. Sit away and people will notice."

"You think that's why I distanced myself from everyone?"

"If you were as depressed as you seemed, you would never have gotten the motivation to even try out for SOLDIER." Aiden said, rocking slightly on his heels as Cloud's anger continued to rise. "Therefore, you can't be as sad as you want everyone to see you as."

"Since when," Cloud said, his breathing slightly heavy as he worked to control his urges, "is someone's demeanor debatable?"

"I said I know people like you, Strife. I've seen them, and I hate it."

"I really hate to ruin your beliefs, but I'm /not/ miserable."

"Ah," Aiden nodded. "So it /is/ an act."

Cloud turned fully this time, his anger winning the battle. "No! God--No, it's not an /act,/ I'm not miserable and I'm not trying to make anyone else think that I am!"

Aiden smiled. Cloud felt his anger rise, the redhead's new personality, if possible, worse than his usual violent one.

"Look," Cloud started, "I could go on and make up a lot of shit about you, too. How you go around picking on the one person smaller than you, the one person you /know/ is weaker than you. You single him out and do your best to run him into the ground, hit him and knock him around when you need to, just to show all your followers how much better you are." Aiden looked to him slowly from the corner of his eyes, but Cloud only continued. "I'm sure everyone's /real/ impressed at how you're able to hit me. You've /definitely/ shown how much better you are. Go out onto the street and kick some wounded dog, too, I'm sure that would show people how strong you are."

"You little fuck," Aiden said quietly, a sarcastic laugh rising from him as a malevolent smile grew on his lips.

"I know /I'm/ impressed by your actions. I know you're stronger than me, everyone does. I don't know what you're trying to prove other than how easy it is for you take advantage of that. I suppose true pride comes from winning battles weighted in your favor. You can go back to all your friends and tell them about how you beat the pathetic little blond who made it into Shinra on accident that you don't think could even survive just /watching/ a battle--"

"Strife, you don't know /shit/ about me--"

"You don't know shit about /me!/"

Aiden turned on him sharply, the old personality surfacing quickly as he grabbed Cloud by his collar. "There's no one around, is there, Strife?" he asked through clenched teeth, only inches from his face. "Who do you think I'm showing off to?"

"You're pathetic," Cloud said. "You always have been pathetic and you always will be. Hit me if it makes you feel better, if it makes you think you've accomplished something." Cloud watched the other boy's eyes narrow as his sneer grew and his arm swung back behind him.

His fist came around fast, although Cloud had seen it coming from the moment Aiden walked to his side. It struck him awkwardly, the blond moving at the last minute in mild desperation. There was an instant ringing, and Cloud's world blurred for an instant, Aiden's displaced punch striking him on his ear. He fell from the redhead's grasp, his knees buckling from under him.

Cloud inhaled sharply, his teeth gritting in his mouth as his anger rose quickly. He glanced up in the split second after he collapsed, and spotted his opening. On impulse, Cloud felt himself rise, his own fist set, and swiftly let it fly into Aiden's stomach.

The redhead doubled over slightly, the force from Cloud's movement enough to deal a heavy blow. Before the blond could think, however, Aiden snarled and reached out. He stuck one foot behind Clouds and grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him so that he fell backwards. But not alone.

Aiden followed the topple, landing on Cloud hard. He quickly scrambled to a better position, his arms quickly grabbing Cloud's, and placed his knee squarely on his stomach, only inches below his ribs.

His breathing was heavy, and Cloud knew he was in pain. If that was all he could walk away from, he thought, then it was good enough. The redhead only panted and pressed down harder, stopping Cloud's breath. He suddenly hoped he /would/ be able to walk away with it.

"Pathetic," Aiden echoed, glaring down at the pinned boy. Cloud's eyes narrowed.

"You left yourself open," he replied, almost able to smile. "Or did you forget that seminar we had on stances?"

The pressure increased. "Shut your mouth, Strife. I'll tell you that once, because I know you never know when to stop."

Cloud almost laughed, and the pressure increased again. "The only thing ... " he struggled, "that ever gets to you ... is my dismissal of your threats. Do you really ... need me to ... reassure you ... by giving in to you?"

Aiden pushed down hard for an instant, a moment of white hot pain suddenly blinding the young recruit as he cried out inadvertently. Still, when his thoughts returned, he only sneered, unable to lose, unable to show the weakness that was truly there.

Another hit, another push, and Cloud felt the world go white once more, only this time it stayed until he remembered no more.




When Cloud opened his eyes again, he was in his apartment. There was the low sound of a conversation in the back room, and he barely recognized it as his roommate, Kail. Cloud turned his head, looking out over the room from the couch he had been strewn across. His head rang sharply with each movement, along with the erupting of flames inside his chest.

His ear throbbed as did one side of his face (had he been hit there too?) and he turned his head further to look to the doorway, where the voice was growing steadily. Kail popped his head out from around the corner, a phone nestled in the crook of his neck. He looked over Cloud's wounds, although the blond knew he had to have seen them before. Kail stepped forward, worry apparent in his eyes. Cloud shook his head, waving him away with an arm he had somehow managed to lift. Kail waited a moment before nodding, and reluctantly walked back into the other room.

Wounds were no surprise any longer. Perhaps he could convince Kail that they were an accident from sparring with Zack. Any talk of the SOLDIER normally sent the other man into an awed silence, but Cloud knew that his rivalry with Aiden, one of the best students Shinra had seen in quite a few years, was more than common knowledge within their small group of recruits.

Perhaps that alone would get him out of any explanation. With a soft groan, Cloud turned his head back and closed his eyes.


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The room was fairly cold, and Zack welcomed it. The window near the bed was cracked open slightly, the curtains blowing dreamily across the walls as Zack lay, letting the subtle breeze brush across his bare skin.

It was almost romantic, Zack realized, the way the curtains blew and the city was silent beyond the window, the room dim except for the stream of moonlight that had found it's way in, spread across the floor and the bottom of the bed. Of course, he was never one for formalities, but the distance between him and the other man did strike him as slightly strange. Still, it was what he had come to expect, and so he let himself enough the cool air, ignoring his thoughts.

It was a fairly good day. At least, it was for Sephiroth, and that was truly what made the difference in the end. It took an act of god for the silver haired general to be in such a good mood, even if Zack were the only one who would be able to decipher the man's hidden emotions. Zack was always willing to talk, and for once, so was Sephiroth.

Zack rolled on to his back, one hand strewn across his chest as he sighed and looked to the ceiling. He wasn't quite sure where he wanted to begin. His thoughts had been full the past few weeks, obscenely out of the inner circle of knowledge (a thing which, although he had seldom been involved, frustrated him to no end,) and desperate for some feeling of closure.

He turned to face Sephiroth. He had to start somewhere.

"So, how do you know that officer that gave me the Antei assignment?" Zack asked.

Green eyes slowly turned to him, a violent annoyance quite visible. Zack looked back to the ceiling, frowning. "Okay, wrong topic." He sighed once more, placing his arms behind his head. "You really think they've told us all that's going on?"

Sephiroth shifted slightly, dressing quietly. "I would doubt it."

There was a slight silence before Zack spoke again. "That's all you're going to say?"

"What else do you want me to say?"

Zack pushed himself up on his arms, scowling at the other man despite his turned back. "Why am /I/ assigned to go? And why are /you/ specifically /not?/"

"I'm not the only SOLDIER here. Does it really surprise you that much to know that Shinra believes you can handle some form of responsibility?"

"Well, yes, actually! But I'm not talking about that. You're Shinra's best. This sort of thing could be disastrous if the public found out or if the mission were to fail, don't you think they'd have someone go who they /know/ would win?"

"This from a man who is a shameless self-promoter?"

Zack crossed his arms across his chest defiantly. He had almost forgotten that Sephiroth's good moods were nearly synonymous with his own bad ones. He paused for a moment, thinking over his words. He had just done what every other soldier had at one point.

"Don't you ever wonder why people treat you like they do?" he asked.

Sephiroth did his best to appear vaguely uninterested. "How they treat me?"

"You know what I mean," Zack continued. "Everyone worships you. People come here just for you, as if just by being in the same town as you some of your greatness will rub off on them. I mean, it goes beyond idol worship sometimes, too. The people here /love/ you, without exaggeration. Doesn't that ever get to you? Don't you ever wonder why?"

"Are you trying to say I'm not deserving of it?" Sephiroth asked.

Zack sighed, despite his ability to pick up the slight sarcasm in the other man's voice. "You can break people so easily, you know. I don't think you realize that."

"I don't have that big of an impact on people."

"Yes you do!"

"Even so," Sephiroth cut in, "what difference would it make? Idol worship, as you put it, isn't the kind of thing that lasts forever. If someone has a hero that they look up to so much they confuse it with love, do they follow that love their whole lives? Does it shape them as a person? Everyone is always struck with reality, whether or not their hero is the one to do it. /I/ may be able to break someone, but it's not as if I'm the only way a dream can end."

"You just ... you don't get it." Zack stared back to the window.

"What brings this up?" Sephiroth asked.

Zack shook his head softly. "Nothing ... just, I know how you are sometimes ... "

Sephiroth shifted in his spot slightly. "So there's a direct cause for this?"

The black haired soldier turned back. "What?"

"There's someone like this that you know, so you want to keep them safe from me and reality?"

Zack nearly growled. "You're such a bastard sometimes."

"Sometimes? This wouldn't have something to do with that new recruit you've taken under your wing, would it?"

Zack sneered at Sephiroth's amused expression. "Maybe reality /would/ help him, then at least he'd know what a complete asshole you are."

"Tell me you didn't come here and do all this just to tell me to try and not hurt your friend."

"Because of the two of us, I'm the one notorious for using people this way," Zack mumbled.

"Of course, I forget you're the righteous one."

Zack sighed, his anger dissipating slightly. "Fuck off."

Sephiroth ignored the comment. "Why are you so intent on protecting him?"

"I just am."

There was a pause. "Are you interested in him?" Sephiroth was the only person who could approach such a topic with such an obvious disinterest. Zack scowled anyway, before quickly breaking into a smile.

"Why, would that make you jealous?" Sephiroth looked to him, his eyes blank. Zack's expression reverted. "Of course it wouldn't, what was I thinking?"

"As much as I'd prefer to stay away from naming such things, I'm not sure one could conjure up jealousy from this kind of relationship."

Zack's eyes flashed as he leaned forward, grinning madly until Sephiroth turned. The black haired soldier batted his eyelashes in the other man's face. "A /relationship?/ Really? Aw, Seph, that's so sweet!"

Sephiroth ignored the comment, standing. Zack continued to lean, balancing perilously over the edge of the bed. The silver haired man turned back to him as he put on his jacket.

"You never answered my question, Zackary," he said softly, making fine adjustments on his attire.

Zack couldn't hold back a slight growl. "Don't call me that," he said, falling back to a sitting position, still wrapped in blankets. Sephiroth nearly smiled. Every attempt he made to annoy his general fell flat, the other man a complete impenetrable shell. Yet the same man managed to succeed in working Zack's own nerves, a task he had previously thought impossible, using the same tactics he did. How it worked was truly beyond him.

His thoughts had faded into his usual string of darkness, angry with himself and Sephiroth (well, mainly Sephiroth,) before he realized the question he had been asked.

"Wait, what?"

"The kid you've been training," Sephiroth said from the doorway, leaning against the wall. Zack was positive he knew Cloud's name, if he wasn't jealous, then he was just an ass.

"Cloud?" he asked deliberately. Sephiroth turned, a hint of an expression enough to imply his agreement. Zack shrugged, his thoughts on other matters. "Of course not."

Sephiroth nodded. "Of course not."

Zack's gaze fell to the floor, tired and sore from his friend's attitude. The two were silent as they departed.


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There was a steady stream of poundings coming from around the corner. Zack continued his slow pace, stretching his arms out behind him. The vending machine came into view, a small blond pressed into it, his face flattened as he hit the plastic with little enthusiasm.

"Eat your money?" Zack asked, leaning against the opposite wall. Cloud's fist fell once more, sliding down the front of the machine as he slowly turned, his eyes glazed over with exhaustion.

"I just wanted some food ... " he mumbled, turning back so that his nose was flattened again. Zack smiled and walked over, pushing the blond away. Cloud toppled sideways, the wall catching him before he could slide to the ground.

"You shouldn't eat so soon after working out, you know," Zack said, examining the stuck merchandise. Cloud was silent, and Zack watched his displaced figure out of the corner of his eyes. "You gonna be okay?"

Cloud only shrugged. "I haven't slept in ... " the blond slid down the wall, bouncing slightly upon hitting the floor. He held one limp hand up, staring at the fingers. "Three days?"

Zack hit the machine, the food wobbling slightly, but failing to fall. "I've been with you until you got to your apartment, why haven't you been sleeping?"

Lifeless arms fell onto Cloud's lap as he watched the floor with unfocused eyes. "The first night I decided to just workout all night. Then the next night I couldn't sleep. So I worked out. Then the next night ... last night, I couldn't sleep either. So I worked out."

Zack eyed the blond strangely. "You know there is such a thing as too much." Cloud didn't move. Zack hit the machine once more, and the food continued to mock him. "What's with the sudden insomnia?"

Cloud was silent, and it took a moment for Zack to realize that it wasn't out of his own will. Cloud struggled to look up, the words hitting him slowly, and his response was even more lethargic. "Nervous, I guess."

"Over what?" This time the pouch remained completely still, a low curse rising from the black haired soldier as he glared through the impenetrable plastic.

There was a brief hint that Cloud was trying to express an emotion, but he gave up and let his head fall back against the wall. "What do you think?"

"You're permanently nervous, Cloud, how am I supposed to be able to distinguish between certain times?"

The blond scowled, and Zack was sure if he had enough energy, he would have shown his distaste through the hand that raised halfway, before falling back to the floor, defeated. Another strike, though this time the food tipped sideways, and was caught again.

"I need to get better. I need to get better /now./"

"For what?" Zack asked, his attention completely focused on the food. With a final bit of anger, he hit the machine straight on.

"Final cuts are in three weeks," he said. The small, vacuum sealed package fell, landing on the bottom of the machine with a dissatisfying crunch.

"Oh." Zack paused for a moment, thinking over the statement. Finally he shrugged, bending down to take the package from the machine. He tossed it to Cloud, and it bounced off his chest, landing in his lap.

He looked down at it slowly. "I don't want it anymore."

Zack scowled. "You little..." he started, walking to Cloud's side and grabbing him by the arm, pulling him back up. Cloud grinned slightly, but his exhaustion was more than apparent, and Zack held back the punishment he had intended.

"Come on, Spike," he said, pulling the blond along behind him.

Cloud shuffled slowly, before grumbling quietly. "Don't call me that."

For reasons that eluded him, Zack smiled at the exchange.

"So, your assignment starts soon?" Cloud asked as they walked through the building. Zack nodded.

"Yeah, it should only be about two weeks, though. It'll probably get you back on a natural sleeping schedule."

"If three days of straight work doesn't put me to sleep, nothing will."

A smile began to creep up on Zack's lips as he looked to Cloud. "How 'bout I tell you a secret," He said quietly, a hint of deviance in his eyes. "I survived the first few months of Shinra training with just two things. You want to know what they were?"

Cloud continued to shuffle silently. "If it's anything along the lines of pride and honor, I don't want to hear it."

"Oh, god no!" Zack grinned. "Drugs!"

Cloud stopped in his spot, eyeing Zack curiously.

"Drugs? God, you are the single greatest role model I have ever met."

The SOLDIER's grin only widened as he turned to face him. "I think one of the perks to a Hyper/Tranquilizer diet is that it fogs your memory. I mean, I barely even remember the manic nights or the come-downs or the way it warped me into the kind of self-hating monster that plagues mankind."

Cloud looked to Zack with lethargic annoyance. Zack only sighed and rolled his eyes. "They're natural. They wouldn't sell them in every store around the world if they weren't. The only thing you have to look out for is the mornings and nights when you switch off between them."

"Can't that kind of thing kill you?" Cloud asked.

Zack shrugged. "Probably."

The blond nodded. "If it puts me to sleep, it can't be bad."

"Exactly."

The two continued their walk.


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Cloud had never slept that well in his life. By the time he had reached the small hanger where Zack was preparing for the trip, his hypers were also in full swing. He couldn't remember a better morning since he had come to Shinra.

With the exception of a severe lack of attention, Cloud situated himself atop a large crate overlooking Zack feeling all but jolly.

His thoughts struggled to stay on subject, but the hanger's silence save for Zack's occasional curses gave him more than enough time to think over his situation.

He'd be alone for nearly a week, at the least. Even if Zack was able to go to whatever town it was he had been assigned to, march in and solve matters in the first five minutes, he would still be gone countless days. Apparently, he had been told, a large chunk of SOLDIER life was file cabinet upon file cabinet of reports over the most miniscule of events.

Planning out his first few days of Zack-free time was at first a blessing. He'd be able to sleep soundly, maybe lounge around his apartment for a day or so, watch the rare commodity known as television, read a book, explore the town on his own, spend some of his yet untouched salary in the many corners of Midgar ...

After two or three days, Cloud realized, he'd have nothing to do. Loneliness had already set in, despite the fact that the same black haired annoyance sat in front of him at that very moment, looking slightly more unkempt than usual.

"I would really love to know why /I'm/ given this job," Zack said, only a small fraction of the rants he had been muttering more or less to himself since he sat down.

Cloud knew there was no answer, and that Zack hadn't expected one, and let his thoughts drift off again, his feet hitting the side of the box methodically.

Final cuts were coming soon. Too soon. If there was ever a chance for him to become a SOLDIER, it was now. Surprisingly enough, the idea didn't bother him as much as it should have. But still, he needed to work hard the next few weeks if he was going to think he even had a glimmer of hope in succeeding.

With Zack gone, he'd have to force himself into his own routine of training. Without the incessant yells behind him, Cloud wasn't sure he could motivate himself to continue long into the night. And without such an insane schedule, how on earth could he ever hope to get any better at any--

"Quit that!" Zack yelled, grabbing Cloud's legs suddenly. The blond lurched forward, sliding down slightly. "It's enough that I have to do this, you could at least sit still!"

Cloud scowled and pulled his legs up, crossing them. He looked down to Zack, his thoughts obviously broken. "Why don't you just make one of your soldiers do it? That's what anyone else in your position would do."

Zack set a clipboard down, stretching his back out and looking up to Cloud. "Yeah, I would, but I don't trust them. They wouldn't do as good of a job as I will."

Cloud watched him closely. "So why are you complaining about being forced into doing it?"

"Because I don't want to!"

"You make so much sense sometimes it's unbelievable." Cloud muttered.

"What's with you today, forget your hypers?"

Cloud stuck out his tongue. Zack mimicked the action and returned to his clipboard.

The blond sat back on the box. "I just don't know what I'm going to do all week."

Zack shrugged, engrossed in the supply checklist. "I'm sure there's a hell of a lot to do there."

Cloud knitted his eyebrows, looking around in curiosity. "There?"

Zack's pen stopped mid letter, his eyes suddenly beyond the paper. Slowly, he turned to Cloud, his brow furrowed slightly. " ... Yeah, Antei."

The two men sat in silence for a moment, both examining one another.

Cloud raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Zack's expression fell suddenly. "Oh, shit!" he buried his face in his free hand, shaking his head and mumbling into his palm. He sighed, lifting his head and looking back to Cloud, a tint of humor in his eyes. "Say, how'd you like some field training?"

The blond was sure his expression was self-explanatory, but Zack's forced grin assured him that he would have to speak.

"What are you talking about?"

Zack did his best to give a comforting chuckle, quite possibly the most forced thing Cloud had seen in some while. "Well, I figured since you've got the big SOLDIER cuts coming up, some field training wouldn't hurt!" Cloud merely sat in silence, watching as the other soldier grew more and more anxious. "Plus, I mean, you're more competent than any of the soldiers I'm supposed to bring anyway, you know?"

Cloud wasn't entirely confident in what emotion he was portraying to the other man, but it only seemed to intensify his explanation.

"I mean come on, I'd rather have you behind me than some half-witted Shinra lackey, I know you're better than all of them, anyway!" Zack had turned his body to face Cloud now, his eyes looking rather desperate as he searched for a better explanation, his arms moving through the air wildly at every word. "How do you expect to be trained just in some sorry room in the basement of Shinra? You need real life experience!"

The blond thought about speaking, perhaps breaking the other man's tirade, but Zack's increased fervor after every blank stare he encountered was mildly amusing.

"You can't expect to get anywhere if you don't /try/ things, I mean come on, you can't rely on fighting just /me,/ why do you want to limit yourself so much?" Zack quickly looked around the hanger as though there were something there that could help him. "Don't be a dick, Cloud! You can't expect any results with this half-assed training program!"

"You're saying I'm going with you to this town?" Cloud asked, his voice surprisingly level. Zack's explanation was dragging into the realm of insults, as his failure to mention such an important fact to Cloud was somehow his fault. Zack gave a quick nervous laugh, his hand running through his hair out of habit.

"Yeah, is that a problem?"

The question was fairly obvious, although the previous drama made it seem as though it should have had a bigger impact on him. "No. That's fine."

Zack's hand fell from his head as he looked to Cloud. "Really?"

Cloud shrugged. "Yeah, why not? With you gone, I wouldn't have anything to do all week anyway."

A large grin broke out on Zack's face. "Well, great! I knew you wouldn't let me down like that. And field training like this will only help you get ready for your cuts coming up! I'll tell Shinra you made the initiative to get invited along, I'm sure that'll beef up your chances of getting accepted."

"Or get me killed," Cloud said softly.

"Hey now, you know it's my job to be the positive one, don't try to take my place."

Zack began to stand, a grin quite set on his lips. Cloud recognized the emotion and shrunk back. The black haired soldier had obviously just thought of something he could do to make Cloud's day a little worse.

"Well," Zack grinned, stretching as he stood, "now that everything's settled, why don't you finish up this work? Just go through all the material and make sure it's all in place, I'll be back in a few."

Cloud scowled slightly. "Even though you assumed all along that I knew I was going, and made a point that none of your soldiers could work up to your standard, you now say that I need to do your work?"

"Cloud," Zack looked to him in annoyance, holding the clipboard out in front of him, "just finish the checklist."

The blond frowned and snatched it from his hands. Zack beamed. Cloud sighed and wondered if he had remembered to bring extra hypers.


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