Forgotten Daze
FF7 Fan Fiction

Chapter 11

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Cloud opened one eye. The world was brighter outside than it was before, but the light only splintered through his head, and caused him to turn away. Why was he still alive? /How/ was he still alive? He tried to move, to push himself over slightly, but his arm was caught underneath him, and at any slight jostle, pain shot through his side.

A shadow passed over him, and a hint of his previous anger flashed inside.

"You're not going to die," the SOLDIER stated in his gravely voice.

Despite his face being pressed into the dirt, Cloud scowled. At the moment he'd gladly give his life just to hurt that man. How could he have ever thought that he could beat Zack?

"Trading one hostage for another, I suppose," a new voice said. One of his subordinates, no doubt.

"Just bandage his wound," the SOLDIER instructed. The anger rose again.

"I'd rather die than be helped by you," the blond managed to speak, into the ground.

The subordinate tittered slightly. "What a hero," he mocked.

"Hey," the SOLDIER said abruptly, his voice deep. "Just bandage him up and get the hell out. They'll be back for him soon."

"Sir."

Cloud struggled to swallow the thickening saliva in his mouth, through a tight throat. They wouldn't come back for him, they knew better than that. That was why he had to do something himself, something to hurt the SOLDIER and improve Zack's odds when he came back to finish the job.

"You sure they'll come?" the subordinate asked, echoing Cloud's thoughts. He turned his head as best he could at the remark, facing the man who slowly approached him. The SOLDIER was out of Cloud's vision, but he could hear him as though he were standing at his side.

"Yeah. The SOLDIER they sent isn't worth the money Shinra wasted on him. He cares about this kid too much to leave him. Just like the other. He's too moral for war."

The other man was silent, and Cloud could hear as the SOLDIER slowly retreated from the small clearing. He had wasted his chance. The SOLDIER was too far for him to reach, he didn't have enough strength for much. The remaining man watched as his superior walked away, and broke into a frown when the footsteps died. He walked to Cloud's side.

Cloud clenched one fist tight at his side, ignoring the pain. Zack wouldn't come, he wasn't that stupid. And, Cloud realized, his own life didn't mean nearly enough for him to risk his own to save. He had to break through the pain and attack the SOLDIER; he had to do something himself to help. He couldn't be the victim any longer, he was never meant for the role to begin with. Tifa had been a victim -- people came for her. No one came for him, and things weren't going to change unless he did something himself.

The younger man grabbed his injured side, turning him onto his back. White light overtook him as he held back the ferocious pain that ripped through him. Another insight flashed before him, and Cloud inhaled sharply, preparing himself to move, but the man grabbed his wound, and after another moment of searing pain, his mind went dark.

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The woman hid her eyes once more with one hand, pressing down against them with a great force, her knuckles nearly turning white. She choked slightly, but quickly stifled it. Zack shifted uncomfortably in front of her.

"Thank..." the woman shook her head mid-sentence, holding back another sob. "Thank you."

Zack let his hand slip off of Rainer's head and took a step back from the scene, unable to focus on it. He looked around the house nervously, holding back an outburst of energy that threatened to consume him. The young boy buried his face in his mother's chest, still crying as hard as he had the entire trip down the mountain. His mother followed suit, giving into her emotions.

A few of the neighbors, who had undoubtedly stayed awake all night with the young woman, gathered around the mother and child, offering quiet console. Zack's soldiers gathered similarly behind him, all equally anxious.

The only sounds around them were of the quiet sobs and the occasional comforting words. Zack felt as though he would explode. His hands were clenched tightly. He needed to move, to do something. He needed to run outside and find that SOLDIER and rip that self-assured smile off his face and beat him until he couldn't move and show him just what happened when he messed with people as important as Cloud and Rainer.

Each thought only increased his fervor, until Zack was sure his inner turmoil was visible to everyone in the room. He turned to look outside the window into the bright dawn, occasionally catching the eyes of a few of his soldiers. They would quickly turn away, unsure of how to act.

Zack knew they couldn't stay in the house for long, but, as it had been made abundantly clear, it was his fault that Rainer was hurt to begin with. He felt as though his presence in the house was somehow an apology. Of course, outside the house, somewhere in the mountains, Cloud lie wounded, and, although he refused to even give into such notions, hopefully still alive.

The words of the SOLDIER continued to resonate within him. Zack's scowl deepened with every thought. He must have been putting on quite a show for anyone watching. Were his emotions and his morals really weakening? If he had brushed Rainer off, ignored him when they first spotted him in the fight, simply walked by the boy and left him to take the beating, he would have never been seen by the SOLDIER's men, and he would have never been taken.

It was the same thing he had always been told. Why couldn't he be like Sephiroth? Why couldn't he be the stoic, unflinching soldier who would follow his duty down to the tiniest detail? He had always let his emotions control him, he could never let them go and give into the bureaucratic way Shinra taught their soldiers to function. He had almost failed becoming a SOLDIER because he wouldn't let them break him down, he couldn't lose his personality in the dark depths of the corporate ladder.

And what about Cloud? Zack closed his eyes tightly. Shit. He took in a deep breath, forcing away his thoughts. Even if it was his fault they were in this situation, he still had an opportunity to fix them. And he /would/ save Cloud, just as he saved Rainer. He wasn't going to let such a mistake ruin what he had tried so hard to hold onto, let alone take away someone he cared about.

Zack turned from the somber scene, unable and unwilling to watch any longer. It wasn't as though he couldn't give up one for the other. He couldn't feel the relief the townspeople felt until both were safe. Brushing past the soldiers, who quickly followed turned to follow, Zack walked out the door.

Outside the house, in a shadow of the eaves, stood the last man Zack wanted to see, and the first one he knew he would.

"This mission has been a complete failure," the mayor said, casting Zack a dark glare.

The SOLDIER refused to return it, and merely turned to the men who followed him outside. "Make sure everyone reorganizes here. Make sure no one's been left behind."

They all nodded, and a few left to comply with the order. Still, the mayor watched the scene with the utmost contempt.

"What's your plan now? You've already lost a soldier, and an innocent child almost--"

"I know what's happened," Zack cut in, his ire rising. "Though I appreciate the recap." His expression was dark as he struggled to contain his anger. The older man was unimpressed.

A few of the soldiers who remained behind him looked around nervously, and Zack closed his eyes. They were questioning his decision. They had been since they recovered Rainer. Of course, if he could only take one person in such a situation, the innocent child was much more important than the soldier who was predestined to lose his life in battle. But the soldiers knew. They knew that Cloud was his friend, that they were close. And even though they would have made the same decision, they couldn't help but cast their eyes away from Zack's when he turned to them, at a loss for words.

"Well?" the mayor repeated, ignoring Zack's snide remark.

"We can't take him with this many soldiers," he answered quietly, doing his best to remain calm. "We're going to save-- we're going to go save the soldier I left behind. Then we'll regroup at Midgar--"

"How in the hell did you ever become a SOLDIER?" The mayor spat suddenly. "You're going to go /back/ for him? You already know that you can't win against him; you're only risking more casualties! How can you spend the lives of your men so flippantly?"

Zack didn't respond, watching him sidelong.

The mayor scowled, his upper lip curling in a grotesque fashion. "Because /that/ one was your friend," he said bluntly. The word grabbed him, and Zack turned to him sharply. "Aren't you trained? Haven't you faced a fatality before? Or do you always risk your own life, the lives of others, and the safety of an entire town because of your sense of morality? If it were any other soldier, you would leave him behind without a single glance back--"

"I wouldn't leave anyone behind!" Zack snapped, advancing on the older man. The mayor didn't move. Zack's features darkened considerably. "Don't use your pathetic fucking sense of decency to judge mine by. I wouldn't leave any soldier behind if I knew they could be saved."

The older man scoffed softly and turned away. Zack stepped away, quieting himself.

"I'll go myself."

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It wasn't so much that he was missed, so much as it was what had become routine in his life had now disappeared. At least, that's what Sephiroth believed. Even though Zack wasn't there, he knew the words that would come out of his mouth if he /ever/ discovered that he held any such emotion toward his absence. And they were words Sephiroth was determined to avoid.

It had been that way since they first met. Though he hated remembering it. Not that the situation had been bad, of course, but that it was another emotion he hated putting on his friend. Nostalgia? Loneliness? Of course he was quite capable of both of those, but Zack had spent a good number of /years/ trying to force emotion out of his usual listless self, and it had grown to a point where Sephiroth occasionally found himself /trying/ to remain stoic. After all, that was the only way could win the war against unbreakable joviality.

It was well past the designated office hours, but Sephiroth was still trudging his way through the ancient folders he had dug up. He had always had the authority to view any file on the other SOLDIERs (though he had not-so-surprisingly been unable to locate his own,) but until then he had no use for them. But his recent free time, or Zack-free time, at least, as well as the events in Antei, had given him a slight curiosity, and the clerk who had kept the reports for so long was far too intimidated by his mere presence in the small Shinra office to even wonder why he was making his first visit after so long.

The first he went for were those on the rogue SOLDIER in Antei himself. Were there ever any reports on his emotional and psychological state prior to his departure? The files blurred over information, occasionally hinting at the problem that would develop later on, but never once showing signs of an opinion or worry. They were all neutral, though they still spoke out to Sephiroth. He knew of one other person who might pick up on the same words and signs that he had, but even with the slightest thought of the scientist, Sephiroth felt the paper stretch in his hands, and had to focus his thoughts elsewhere, before he ripped through the important documents.

That was how he had come across Zack's folders. When he had finished reading through the reports, he was at a loss as to why he had even started. He knew it all; anyone who had ever met the man could piece together what kind of recruit he was.

Sephiroth did, however, find humor in the contrasting opinions of Shinra's finest. "Does not work well with other soldiers, not a good candidate," read one. No doubt the commander there was intimidated by his individuality. He was sure they had come to blows. The file on Zack's medical office visits was astronomical during his first few months. "Extremely high marks, meant for a leadership role," read another, commenting on the same. His refusal to conform was both a distress for army life, and a beacon for a good commander.

He had asked Zack once when they had first met how he thought he had ever become a SOLDIER. Zack only looked at him and smiled. "I'm not sure," he had said. "Probably because I was one of the first people who refused to be another kiss-ass like you."

Of course, Sephiroth had ignored him. Their battles had already begun by then, and Sephiroth knew that the other man was trying to get a rise out of him. "I think your instructors just wanted to get away from you without causing a fuss."

Zack had refused to lose as well, and held onto his smile. In the office, Sephiroth shut his friend's file. /Why/ had he /ever/ given into him? Their friendship, if it could be called that, was ridiculous.

But then, Sephiroth thought, opposite attract, don't they? He smiled slightly to himself at the absurd thought, and instantly realized what he was doing, and crushed it. He turned away from the files, a look of sheer disgust on his face. Even when Zack wasn't around, he still lost to him.

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Cloud had the distinct sensation of movement. He struggled in place for a moment, testing his limbs, seeing what worked. His eyes were heavy, and when he opened them a strong light blinded him. He tried to focus on anything, but the world was blurred. His thoughts seemed to come slow, but he struggled to recall where he had been, where he might be now. His entire body felt held in place, and he couldn't tell if he was being contained by something, or simply couldn't move his own body any longer. His head was swimming, and his stomach churched from the dizziness. The movement continued around him, and Cloud tried to settle his body, hoping that the feeling would stop. It didn't. He /was/ moving, it wasn't just the spinning of his mind.

His body immobilized, Cloud once again tried to focus on his surroundings. The light only intensified the pounding in his head as he opened his eyes slightly. He groaned instinctively at the pain, shutting them.

" ... Don't worry ... "

A voice reached him suddenly, and something inside him clicked on. Cloud resumed his struggle to move, the voice sounding somewhere far off in the distance. He needed to reach it-- he needed to get to it.

" ... to Midgar ... "

The voice was familiar, but so far away. He was at the bottom of a vast lake, struggling to swim up against the crushing darkness. He could hear the voices above the water, and see the dim, distorted outline of the figures above him, yet he couldn't reach them. He moved painfully, trying to speak.

" ... Za ... ck ... ?" he asked, his voice grating on his throat.

He was shifted slightly in his spot, and Cloud cringed, forcing himself to move against it. He needed to be able to see, he needed to know if the voice was really Zack's.

"We're almost to the town ... " it said again, seeming closer this time. " ... Don't worry ... just relax. You'll be fine, you're safe now."

The blond squinted in the bright, heavy light, and turned his head, the action consuming more energy than he ever thought. " ... Zack?"

"Don't worry Cloud. You're all right."

Cloud felt his breath catch in his throat for a moment as he realized where he was. Strong arms restrained him, holding him still down the steep mountain path. The blond wanted to speak, but the feeling froze him in place, and suddenly all the pain he felt was forgotten as his thoughts focused on his position. The dizziness suddenly sprung back upon him, and an overwhelming urge to be sick came across him. He had felt it before; he knew it, when he had seen Sephiroth in the Shinra corridors when he had first met Zack. But this was different. The feeling passed suddenly, and for a moment he forgot all the pain he felt. He was safe? It was an emotion he wasn't used to, but Cloud realized the relief he felt, and when the overwhelming urge to sleep washed over him, he gave into it's demand, and let his head fall against Zack's chest.

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Cloud's body was finally limp in his arms, his struggles for the moment silenced. Four soldiers walked behind him, their blatant fear masked expertly. He had intended to go alone. While his mind raged over what the mayor had said to him, the words struck true, and Zack couldn't ignore them. He couldn't risk more soldiers to save one. Not in a situation where he knew he couldn't win. But his men hadn't let him go alone. Even though they may have questioned his decision, in much the same way he himself did, they forced him to take them along. If he hadn't been in a terrible state of mind, Zack thought later, he might have been touched.

War was war, and soldiers were soldiers. But this wasn't war, and they were still children. It was something Zack had realized when he first came to Shinra, something he had said to his instructor at the time. It helped him move on, helped him retain what he knew as himself through the dredges of the system. They hated him for it, and they always would. Zack thought, on several occasions, that he had been promoted to SOLDIER not because he was so liked by the system, but because he was so hated that they needed to simply get him through.

The trucks were ready by the time they reached the town. He smiled at the men who waited, who returned the gesture. Cloud wrestled against him suddenly, clearly in pain. The medic, a soldier slightly older than the rest, motioned for Zack to bring him to the back of the truck. Together they laid him down carefully, and the man was at his side in an instant, removing the dirty bandages tied haphazardly around Cloud's small waist.

Zack looked back to the other men outside, and nodded. Half moved to the first truck, ready to return to Midgar. The other half began their walk back to town, Antei's protection for the next few weeks. Zack closed the back of their vehicle and moved carefully to the other side. He sat down at Cloud's head and watched the other man work intently.

"He's all right, right?" Zack asked as the truck began to move. The man nodded, a strip of white bandage in his mouth. He ripped it perfectly, never taking his eyes off the blond.

"The SOLDIER kept him alive, but not very well. The wound in his side is infected, but it's not bad. We can fix it easily. Just not here."

Zack looked Cloud over. In his state, it was hard to tell that the darkened spot on his side was the worst of his injuries. The medic pulled Cloud's shirt up further, cleaning the wound. His chest was covered in cuts and bruises. Zack grimaced slightly at the sight. He was supposed to protect him, gain him some experience, not leave him for dead on some god-forsaken mountain.

"His wrist is broken, though," the medic continued. "We can use materia and heal that much faster than it would naturally, though. Still, it can't give him back his strength. He'll need to rest for a good while."

Zack nodded. The medic lifted the blonde's waist slightly, still tending to the knife wound. Cloud grimaced, a half conscious cry escaping his lips. Zack ran a hand through his hair. He could almost believe that the sound was more painful than what caused it.

The medic glanced at him occasionally through his work. "You okay?" he asked.

Zack looked to him, somewhat surprised. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"You look pale."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah ... I guess I suddenly don't feel so well."

Cloud squirmed against the doctor's touch. His eyes were closed, but Zack knew he felt it.

"His wounds aren't bad," the medic said, picking up on the source of Zack's discomfort.

"I know but ... it's my fault he's like this."

The medic fell silent, thinking something over. "How exactly do you know him?" he asked. Zack was slightly confused at the question. "I mean, he's not even a SOLDIER yet, right? Do you only know him from this trip?"

"No ..." Zack searched for the words. How in the hell was he supposed to explain their relationship? He had damned near killed him when they first met, and now what? He had found a better friend in some recruit that could barely hold a sword than anyone else in Shinra, and now would rather slit his own wrists than watch as he squirmed in pain in front of him?

But still, he was his friend. He had to protect him. He brought him here, so it was his fault if something happened. That was why he felt so bad. Right?

"Well in any case," the doctor picked up, "he's going to be fine. The only thing you need to worry about is what you're going to tell them back in Midgar."

Zack forced out a quick laugh. "Yeah, I guess so."

The doctor smiled and turned his attention to his tools, cleaning them carefully despite the shaking of the truck. "Do you have any idea what started this?" he asked, turning to look at him. "The SOLDIER, I mean."

"No …" Zack shook his head. "I don't. I wasn't allowed any real information before this, I'll have to do some sort of research before I go back. He just … hates Shinra."

The medic let out a short laugh. "Seems to be a lot of people like that nowadays. Why, just the other day I heard of this group of--"

"Zack ...?"

The medic stopped mid sentence, looking to the blond. Cloud was as still as he was before, but his eyes were open slightly, a look that Zack could have mistaken for peaceful slumber if he couldn't also see the bruises and cuts on his face.

Zack moved forward slightly, still sitting by his head. He looked down to his friend and attempted to smile. Cloud took a few moments to focus on his face, and Zack's smile quickly unfolded.

"We're going back home," he explained, hoping the words would comfort him.

Cloud opened his mouth to speak, and Zack tensed. Regardless of the medic's words, he was still worried. "Didn't ... you say," he forced, his voice rough and full of pain, "that you were ... going to get back at me ... for what I did ... when we got to Midgar?"

Zack was silent. He closed his eyes and sat back, looking away from his friend. He knew he had to be strong, but right then, he didn't want to be. "Just sleep, Cloud." he said softly, one hand on his shoulder. "We'll be there soon."

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Cloud opened one eye. The room was bright around him, but this time his eyes began to adjust. The throbbing that had been such a constant in his head the past few days was gone, and his body felt light and unburdened. Slowly, he pushed himself up in his bed, the room taking shape. Though there was little pain left in him, though his body shook with every movement.

"Finally awake?" a voice next to him asked. Cloud leaned forward, his hands limp in his lap and his eyes closed. He didn't bother to turn.

"I'm no doctor," he said, he voice slightly rough, "but why the hell aren't I dead?"

Zack set a heavy hand on his head, almost pushing the blond back down. He could almost hear him smile. "It's a long story."

Cloud shook the hand off, turning toward his friend. Zack sat next to the bed, still smiling. Cloud watched him quietly, knowing that he felt an emotion, but was unable to show it. His memories of what had happened were muddled with his thoughts at the time. What was real and what wasn't? It all felt like a dream to him, had any of it even happened? Perhaps he hadn't even left Midgar for Antei. Perhaps he had only been in Shinra for a week. Perhaps ... perhaps he was in the hospital after he fainted in front of Zack, when they first met. "Zack ... did you-- Did you ... carry me?"

Zack was silent for a moment. "Well," he started, leaning back in his chair, "you really didn't seem up to walking on your own."

Cloud's head drooped back down onto his chest, letting out a short, tiring laugh. He was silent for a moment. "I don't ... remember much."

Zack's expression drooped slightly as he looked away, his eyes unfocused on the wall. "It was just ... bad. All around."

Cloud's stomach twisted slightly. He didn't like it when Zack was serious. "What happened to the SOLDIER?" The other man was silent. Cloud forced his body to turn slightly, facing his friend. "Zack?"

"He's still there," he replied. He turned back to him, a forced smile set. "In a nutshell, we failed the mission."

"What do you mean?" Cloud asked, the idea not penetrating. He might not have remembered a single event since he was attacked, but he /knew/ that Zack could have defeated the other man. "You lost to him?"

Zack's smile changed slightly, into something Cloud had never seen. "I changed our goal, and we decided it would be best to regroup here and send back a stronger force once we accomplished it."

"The goal? To what?"

The strange smile was still there. "To making sure there were no causalities."

Cloud looked to the ground, his face suddenly burning. "I'm ... I'm sorry."

"For what? You didn't do anything."

He could feel the color deepening. "You went back ... to save me, and couldn't ... "

"Cloud, you're the only reason I was /able/ to go back and save you. If you hadn't put yourself in that position to begin with, he probably would have killed me."

Cloud suddenly remembered that he needed to breathe. He inhaled sharply, and his head swam for a moment. What in god's name would he have done if Zack had been killed? They were both soldiers, they had both signed their lives over to a higher office, and yet ... he had never even once /thought/ that /anything/ could happen to Zack. The idea that he was mortal almost came as a blow.

A Shinra-issued nurse stepped into the small room, breaking the silence. She spotted Cloud's conscious figure at once, and smiled. It was forced, but so was the one Cloud tried to return. "I see you're awake, Mr. Strife. I'll tell the doctors. You should rest up the rest of today, and be sure to eat your food. You need energy."

With that, she smiled absentmindedly once more, and left. Cloud remembered his stomach at her words, and suddenly felt a heaving emptiness.

"I'm starving but ... I don't think I have the energy to eat," he said quietly, his body slowly sliding down in the bed.

Zack was quiet for a moment, and Cloud knew what it meant. Zack and silence were a dangerous pair. He turned to his friend suspiciously. Zack was turned away. The blond would have scowled had he had enough power to move the muscles in his face. Zack noticed him from the corner of his eyes, and turned back, breaking into a smile.

"Well, maybe you should just sleep then," he said, smiling.

"Why, what did you do?" Cloud asked.

"I've never done anything my entire life," Zack answered simply.

"What did you do?" He repeated. Zack looked hurt.

"Why do you automatically assume that I did something?"

" ... Where's my food?"

"What food?"

Cloud forced himself up once more, his arms shaking under his weight. He looked to the end of his bed, where a tray sat. Zack stood up. He looked back to Zack, who smiled, and then back to the tray.

"Did you eat my food?"

Zack laughed. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you're secretly a cheap bastard despite your ridiculous salary and will take a free meal whenever you can spot it."

"Don't judge me, Strife."

Cloud fell back against his pillow, letting his arms fall out from beneath him. He sighed heavily. "You ate my food?"

The dark haired man grinned sheepishly. "Well, you were asleep for a /really/ long time."

Cloud's expression remained the same. "So you /ate/ my /food/?"

Zack scowled slightly. "It's hospital food!" he explained, his arms shooting up for emphasis. "It's not any good anyway!"

"But it was my /food/!"

Zack sighed, exasperated, as though he were the victim. "Jesus, Cloud."

Cloud looked back to the tray. He was hungry. He was also happy. Cloud turned his head against the pillow as he laughed. "I really hate you," he said. He could hear Zack smile.

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"Your report?"

Zack looked to the man, standing at perfect attention. "The SOLDIER there has been considerably underestimated by Shinra. He has too many men and uses the monsters there to his advantage. We couldn't take him with just the amount of men we brought."

"And?"

"And," Zack continued, "I want to return, with more men and more supplies. We suffered no casualties this time, so I expect we would win if we came back with a greater force."

The man nodded slowly, more engrossed in a paper he held than with Zack's words.

"The paperwork seems to all be in order," he drawled, his eyes lethargically looking up to the SOLDIER. "I suppose that's all you can do at the moment. I'll complete the report and have you sent back out in a few weeks."

Zack nodded his assent. The man turned back down to his papers, his half shut eyes slowly moving over the words. Zack turned to leave, but paused mid-step.

"May I make one last comment, Sir?" Zack asked over one shoulder. The man looked up from his files, examining him slowly. Finally, he nodded. "There's one soldier who accompanied me on this trip that deserves special recognition. His SOLDIER exam is coming up soon, and I was hoping that his action in Antei could be reflected upon during the final decision."

The man sighed quietly, taking off his glasses. He set them down on the desk and returned his gaze to Zack. "Who?"

"Cloud Strife, Sir."

He nodded, waiting in silence for a moment. "I'll see what I can do."

Zack broke out into a grin. "Thanks. Sir."

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notes

- ... Hi!
- Sorry for the huge delay. Starting college kinda takes it out of you. Totally valid excuse! We'll just ignore the months wasted on Ragnarok Online...
- As for all the questions on the pairing of this story (WAIT THIS FIC IS SLASH?!) I might as well tell you now, though I figured everyone would have figured it out by now. This is a hardcore Rude/Tifa fic. Duh.
- In other notes... Game time!: Find the (almost verbatim) FF7 in-game quote! (yes I am really this lame.)