Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the creation of Nobuhiro Watsuki, with the manga and anime rights belonging to Jump Comics and Sony Entertainment, respectively. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only. FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0_o you may contact me at kaoru_koishii@yahoo.com

Chapter Twenty-one

*************

She sat on the bed, calmly looking at her father. It'd been an hour since she'd woken up, her cries had subsided sometime ago but not the fear which lingered like poison corrupting the blood in her veins, shadowing her perspective, the view on reality as she knew it. The dream had been so real, too real for her liking. She told her father about it. Leaving out only the tiniest details. The nightmare had been bloody, too horrific to recount but she'd done it to ease her father's nerves. She wished she'd brought some of her pills with her but she never thought she'd have a need for them. She didn't think she'd ever have to be medicated when she was so far away from him.

Time had slowed for them both, worry gripping her father while fear coiled around her form, squeezing tighter and tighter. An oppressive feeling encompassed her and now all she wanted was to be alone. To be able to cry again or scream, tear her hair out or simply break things. She turned her eyes towards her father, hoping he understood what it was she meant rather then what she said. "Papa, you really need to go to bed, I'll be fine it was just a nightmare." Her voice was coarse from having cried but she tried to smile all in an attempt to make the worry fade from her father's face.

A deep frown creased the brow of his features, still handsome even at the age of forty-eight. "I'll just stay till you fall asleep." His tone despite being gentle left no room for argument. She nodded in acceptance before she settled back under the covers, facing away from her father's watchful gaze. She closed her eyes even though she didn't feel sleepy. She had been afraid of closing her eyes; afraid she'd see the murder of him as a child.

So bloody, the whole scene had been too bloody. He'd been nothing more than a child of seven playing in the middle of the road under the waning light of the dying day. The crimson mane had caught her eye and it was of no surprise that she was drawn to the lonesome boy. She'd picked him up, holding him close against her breast. She'd touched his face and smelled his hair. All the while thinking, even as a child he'd been beautiful. At his request she'd played with him, laughing as they ran around. The world paused for them while they played. Right up until he asked her to fetch him water, she should have known something was wrong then. A well had appeared some forty feet from where she'd stood. She figured she just hadn't seen it before so she did as he wanted, she walked away to get his water. It was when she reached the well that she turned to look at him. Men had appeared from the shadows, attacking him. Slashing without dismembering him. They'd ripped him open, almost turning him inside out. She'd run to his side hoping to help him in some way or at least have them kill her too. But they didn't, they'd only laughed at her, even as she threw herself over his body, blooding the clothes she wore.

Her hands began to shake as fear and dread gripped her heart once again. Kaoru shut her eyes tighter; feeling like her heart would stop. Through the haze of feelings and the raging fear she realized she was having another anxiety attack. She hoped that was the case, the attack would give her the shakes and steal her breath, till she blacked out. That's what was supposed to happen without the medication anyways.

She closed her eyes and waited patiently till all was black. There was only a small pause in which everything stopped but all too soon it passed. She opened her eyes and sat up feeling a strong headache pounding on the side on her temples. Her eyes moved to the left side of the bed where her father's head rested on a small corner. She shook her head and slowly stood. She pulled her cell phone from underneath her pillows before she walked out of the room.

She turned it on, somewhat disappointed that she didn't have a message. She drew the phone closer to her face as well noting the time on the phone. "It can't be ten."

That must have meant she'd blacked out then because last time she checked, it'd been three fifty-three a.m. She put the phone back into her pajama bottoms. She could wait another day to call him. It's not like he'd missed her so much that he'd called her. She scrunched up her face and headed for the bathroom. Her father's plane left Sunday at eleven a.m., too early from her point of view.

She washed her face and brushed her teeth before she headed back to bed. Maybe she could convince her father to stay in for the day. He'd looked tired after coming home from the meeting then to make matters worse she'd deprived him of the little sleep he got. "Poor papa," she thought as she eased back into the bed. Careful in her movements so that she didn't wake him up. She lay back on the many pillows of her bed, closing her eyes again; slowly she began to relax. She felt safer now that the sun had come up.

*************

"Kaoru."

"Kaoru."

"Koneko, can you hear me?" He'd called her several times before Kaoru's eyes slowly opened. She looked at him sleepily. He didn't look tired anymore. "What time is it?"

"It's about four. I have lunch ready." He smiled at his only daughter, helping her sit up before he put a tray of food on her lap. They both began to eat off the large plate and after a long silence, he cleared his throat.

"How often do you have nightmares?"

Kaoru's brown creased. "I would say this is the first one I've had since I came back from New York."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded her head. "Why?"

"Well I was thinking," he paused a moment. "Kaoru wouldn't you just rather come home with me?"

Her mouth fell open at the sudden suggestion. The wheels in her brained worked over time as she tried to piece things together. "Is that why you came home for the Holidays, so you can take me back?

Kenji shook his head in the negative. "No koneko, I just wanted to see you. Don't you want to come?"

She bit her lip and looked down at the plate in her lap. "To be honest papa, I don't feel now would be the best time. I'm somewhat afraid of leaving Japan."

"Why?"

"We never found out what caused me to lapse into that comma like sleep. All we know is that it happened when we reached New York and that I got better once I returned. I'm not saying that was the cause," She stressed as she halted his protest with her hand. "I'm just saying that I'd like to hold off on moving to New York. I would like to turn twenty-two without any fear."

"Kaoru," he didn't know where to even begin. Eventually he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He knew she was right. He held the same reserves but the thought of her coming home was more than appealing. He loved his daughter more than anything in the world, he just wished she were closer to him. They hadn't separated for over seventeen years, not until she became sick and even then everyday after work he would go and sit with her till midnight, sometimes he would even sleep at the hospital.

"I understand." He sighed in resignation. He didn't like it but he understood.

"I'm sorry papa." She really was though her excuse was only a half-truth; the main reason why she wanted to stay was because of something else, better said because of some else.

He nodded. "It's fine." He couldn't help feeling sad. Still he harbored hope, he would wait sometime of course but then he'd asked her again. He hoped that eventually she'd move out there with him. Even if she didn't live with him anymore, she would at least be closer. Close enough to see and talk to, plus he'd get to scare off all the worthless boyfriends he knew she would one day begin to date.

*************.

It seemed as if all she did lately was cry. After a long good bye her father had left, promising to visit again soon. She'd begun crying in the car, just as he'd turned into their street. It been almost twenty minutes since he'd left and still all she could do was cry. She lay on her father's bed, trying to calm herself.

A pounding headache had settled on the sides of her head, beating her temples mercilessly. She was afraid of going to sleep and she was upset that Kenshin hadn't called her. Not once, not even to leave her a message. His absence seemed to fuel her anger and it made her suspicious. What or better said who had kept him so occupied that he hadn't even bothered to call her?

Sniffling she sat up, now that she really thought about it. He hadn't even said he was going to miss her. Her eyes narrowed, feeling the stirrings of jealousy. She'd missed him, even been a bit afraid to be without him and he hadn't even called. Her chest filled with righteous anger. Well if he thought she was just going to sit by while other women batted their eyes at him, then he was sadly mistaken.

Wiping the last remnants of moisture from her eyes, she stood and made her way to the gym. A good workout would set her mind at ease. Suddenly determined she decided she'd spent the day without him. Not just that, she'd go back to practicing her Kempo as well. She'd beat anyone who even half looked at him, male or female. And she knew he had a large male following, she still read the gossip columns in the newspaper and the magazines.

Time dragged on without someone to talk to but after a couple of hours it didn't seem so bad. Four hours had passed and now she found herself struggling out of a hot bath. She might have over done it a bit. Still it's something she was going to keep up with. She spent way too much time at home; she'd lost touch with who she really was. She hadn't done anything, not even the volunteer work she'd loved so much when she was young.

Well not anymore, her father's visit was a wake up call, she was spending way too much time focusing on him and if she allowed that to happen then he would end up becoming her whole world again. And she knew how devastating the loss of that could be. A deep breath helped expel some of the troublesome thoughts that seemed set in worming their way into her thoughts.

She pulled her robe off the small hook, tying it around her waist. Tomorrow she would call Seibo Byoin and volunteer her time. With any hope she'd still get a spot on the children's ward. She left the bathroom feeling positive about her tasks.

She walked back to her papa's bed, fixing the covers and everything back into place. She did the same with the guestroom, pulling the covers off, she refused to think of what they'd done on the bed. The reason's why she/d missed him so much. She rushed through her cleaning trying to get out of the room as fast as she could. Her high and mighty positive outlook wavered in the face of so many reminders.

A lump had formed in her throat, but she ignored it. She wasn't going to call him and she certainly wasn't going to give in and invite him over. She went over to the kitchen and fixed herself a small snack, she wasn't in the mood for food but she knew she had to eat. Her weight had been going up and down lately, she figured it was her depression and the medication's effects.

Sighing she half-swallowed bites of her sandwich as she slumped onto the couch, tossing a chip into her mouth from time to time. The house fell awfully empty. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that tonight would be her first time alone in the house since leaving with Kenshin just a bit over a month ago.

She tossed a glance at her watch; it was still pretty early just a bit after two pm. She turned the tv on, surfing through channel until she came across Gone with the wind. The movie had already started but she hadn't missed that much. She propped some pillows in a corner of the couch then settled herself in. It was a long movie so she figured it'd be best if she got comfortable.

*************

"Somehow, someway I know I'll get him back after all tomorrow is another day."

She'd already been crying ever since the loss of the baby when Rhet had blamed himself. She loved this movie. She dabbed her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater, her breath hitched in her throat from having cried for so long. The letters had started to roll but in a corner of the screen she realized they were announcing Scarlett. She remembered leafing through the book and so she had an idea as to what was going to happen. She stood feeling her muscles stiff from having been sitting for too long, over three hours.

Kaoru made her way to the bathroom. Thinking, she'd order some Italian food, open a bottle of whine and then sit back and watch the movie. She used the bathroom in a rather rush afterwards she washed her hands and headed for her room. Fetching her purse quickly she peeked into the living and was relieved to see that it hadn't started yet.

She called the house of pasta and ordered her usual meal all the while she looked for a bottle of rum. On finding it she took it to the living then went back to the kitchen for a coke and a large glass.

Finally she sat, now only waiting for the food. She made a face at the actors they used to play Scarlett and Rhet, though after a couple of minutes they grew on her. This new Scarlett certainly seemed bolder than the first.

The pounding on her door made her sit up. She'd been so caught up in the movie she hadn't heard the delivery boy. She rushed to the door and opened it; she'd caught the boy just as he was about to leave. "Sorry?" She apologized handing him the money as he gave her the bag. "Keep the change;" she shouted already closing the door. She ran down the hall with the food trying to hurry so she wouldn't miss anything.

'Hmm,' she thought as she sat with the bag in front of her, nothing too important had happened while she was gone. She began to undo the knots on the bag, bring her food out. She began to eat, slowly chewing her food until she realized she had indeed missed something terribly important.

"Oh he's going to be sorry now." Kaoru smiled. "She's pregnant." Somehow the news seemed fitting. Suddenly happy she began to munch away, washing her food with the drink at her side.

It wasn't till the end of the movie that she realized the whole bottle of rum was gone. The room was quite dark when she stood. She swayed in her step but she paid no heed to what it meant. She picked up her trash including the empty bottle of rum and threw it all away. She felt a bit light but she didn't stagger so she figured she wasn't really drunk.

She turned, leaving the kitchen when she suddenly remembered the nightmare she'd had. She paused not knowing what to do. There was no way she was going to take any pills like this. "I guess I can have a bit more to drink." That thought didn't appeal to her but the dream. Really, there was nothing worse than seeing a child slaughtered like an animal. She remembered the blood and that made her mind up for her. Turning back into the kitchen she headed straight for the sink, she kept the liquor in the coverts underneath. She took a bottle of vodka and then headed back to her room.

She turned on her nightlight then sat on the bed. She took a large swig from the bottle and almost choked on the liquid as it burned her throat. It'd been a while since she'd had vodka or gotten drunk for that matter. Another swig from the bottle made her realize that it got easier to drink the more she had it and so she took another swig. Drink after drink until the bottle felt light in her hand. Kaoru brought the bottle close to her face; she could see just enough left for one more drink.

"To the love of my life," she slurred. Raised the bottle and took the last drink. She lay back with the bottle in hand wondering why she hadn't fallen asleep yet. Wasn't she drunk?

Her eyes closed while she pondered. Her body was awfully heavy and wasn't that a sign of something. She turned on her side causing the bottle to roll off the bed, hitting the floor with a loud sound.

The phone rang loud near her ear and she jumped, surprised to see it so close. "Wha's d'matter?"

There was a pause on the other end. "Are you drunk?"

Her thinking process was slow but she recognized the voice. "Kenshin." Her mouth formed into a resentful pout. "Why didn't you call me all week? Didn't you miss me?"

"I did."

"Then why didn't you call me?" Her voice wavered. "I had a horrible nightmare Kenshin." Tears began to fall down her cheeks and she hugged the phone closer to her ear. "You where little and we were playing." Her voice cracked. "They killed you right in front of me." Unrestrained tears feel freely down her cheeks, rolling down her chin and throat.

There was another pause though not as long as the first. "I'm coming over."

Kaoru nodded obediently, "Kay." She clicked the phone back into place after only two tries; proud of herself she sat up and stood. The first step took her too close to the left and the right led her right into the wall. She made her way to the bathroom rubbing her head and the side of her face. Somewhere inside she realized that she might have had a bit too much. Although she didn't see anything wrong with it, she hadn't expected to be woken up. "D's right."

She turned the light to the bathroom and staggered to the sink. Kenshin might not like her like this. She shook her head to emphasize the fact. "Dftly not." She brushed her teeth in a hurry suddenly feeling she had to pee, she half spat into the sink before she rushed over to relive herself.

She burped, feeling the acidic taste in her mouth. She made her way to the shower and turned the water on. It wasn't till she made a grab for the soap that she realized that she still had her clothes on. "Kaoru-baka.' She thought stripping down. Hitting her head on a knob when she took the last sock off. The water began to turn red and she just knew she'd cut herself. "Shit!" She cursed. One thing at a time, she thought; she had to finish her shower first. Kenshin's car is fast, so she had to hurry.

She was able to finish her bath and put a band-aid on her cut before the doorbell rang. She put her hand over her racing heart. "Kenshin." She tied her robe and headed out to let him in. She stepped out from the bathroom and ran into a firm body, screaming loudly until she realized who it was.

"You need to lock that fucking door." He said, making her look at him. The cut near her temple drew his attention; his eyes narrowed suspiciously as he touched the side of her face as well. "Did something happen?"

She shook her head, trying to get closer to him. "I walked into the wall and fell in the shower." Her arms snaked around his waist and she tried to lay her face against his chest but he kept her from doing it.

"Is that really what happened?"

She nodded. "I want to hug you now."

He searched her face for any signs of mistruth but at finding none he brought her closer to him. "Why where you drinking?" He asked after a moment.

"I dint' want any nightmares." She said pulling back to see his face. He nodded and led her away from the bathroom and to her room. He slid the covers back, allowing her to get in before he did the same. "No," she pushed him out. "Take your clothes off."

The corners of his mouth turned up and he was glad the room was dark. He shook his head in amusement and slowly began to disrobe. He paused when he heard her moving around the bed and realized she was taking off her robe, the sound of the heavy material hitting the floor confirmed his thoughts. His pants, which were the only item left, he took off faster then humanly possible.

He had come over to make her feel better not himself, he reminded as he slid beneath the covers with her. Her body was cool against his and she drew closer trying to steal his warmth. "Rest Koishii" He said scooping her into his arms, he positioned her against him differently than he usually did, trying to minimize the contact between certain parts of themselves.

"I'm not sleepy anymore." She struggled to turn further into his warmth but his hold was strong and she had trouble shifting. She bit her lip thinking a moment before laying her palm on his chest. Her palm began to smooth over his skin until it was caught. He held her wrist firmly against his stomach. "You need to sleep."

"Mou," She said in exasperation. She yanked her wrist from his hand and turned away from him. Sure, she thought, now he let's me go. "Kenshin-baka." She muttered under her breath just loud enough for him to hear.

Kenshin closed his eyes, breathing out like only a frustrated man could. It was for her own good, he thought. Though he didn't see how depriving her of something she wanted could be good. He frowned in the dark.

She'd turned away from him, she hadn't completely moved away as she still lay in the middle of the bed but they no longer touched and after a week without seeing her it'd been hard to turn her away. Didn't she know that. He sighed again, struggling to clear his thoughts so he could fall asleep. Tomorrow, he thought, I'll make it up to you. Breathing in he jasmine scent he fell asleep.

*************

Only a hint of the sun was visible when he woke. His eyes where slow in opening and he blinked several times trying to adjust his sight to the poorly lit room. A glance at his watch made him realize he'd finally gotten some decent rest. Four hours of sleep wasn't so bad, he thought as he began to disentangle himself from her limbs. He hadn't been able to sleep very well without her at his side but now, he yawned. The bit of rest he'd gotten felt like more than enough. He pulled the covers back as he sat up, a soft crack was heard as he rotated his head to the sides. His body was tense from having remained in the same position while he slept. Usually he spooned behind her but he hadn't wanted to do anything she might contrive as acceptance to her advances. She was tired and needed rest. Stifling another yawn, he tossed his legs over the side. Her hand caught his arm then, surprising him for a sec. "Didn't you sleep?" He asked, moving neither forward nor backwards.

"I slept." She said drawing closer. "Though maybe not as much as you'd have liked?"

He frowned at her answer but didn't turn. Kaoru's hand smoothed over the skin of his thigh and for a moment he closed his eyes, allowing the caress. Kaoru pressed soft kisses against his back, slowly trailing upward as she sat up. She kissed the span of his shoulders before she kissed his neck. Her tongue darted out and it's then he made a move to stand but she'd anticipated his movement. Her arms had been snaking under his arms, so when he made the sudden moment he only succeeded in bringing her closer, as her chest now firmly pressed against his back. "It's pretty early don't you think?" She asked as she nipped the side of his jaw.

He steadied his breathing. It was pretty early, he reasoned. It was only six and he didn't have to be at work until eight, he debated the idea though in the end he thought it might wise to just go ahead and give in.

Kaoru took his silence as acceptance and slowly began to move her palms over the front of his chest, feeling the hard muscle, flexing as he firmed under her touch. She breathed against his ear loving the feel of his body. She hadn't realized just how much she'd missed him till right now. She licked the shell of his ear, watching as he squeezed his eyes tight when she nipped his throat, flicking her tongue over his bottom lip. He groaned, suddenly glad he'd given in.

This version of chapter twenty-one is edited. But as I keep saying, you can read the entire chapter if you go to my website. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review.