Authors note: O.K. Just want to let you know that we are totally ignoring the Half Blood Prince! And we have a fanart contest going on. Send me the links too your pictures (Another heros angl yahoo .com without the spaces) and the winner gets a character in the story. There would be cash prizes if we had cash.
Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter or Get over it or any other of the songs mentioned in this chapter. My friend Mi-Mi owns all of them, she's filthy rich, sue her!
Hermione was very angry indeed, if her vibrant crimson hair was anything to go by.
Some Slytherins had invented a little chant that they thought was funny about her hair, and had begun singing it loudly whenever she walked by. She tried to use her normal tactic and pretend that it didn't bother her, but they could tell it did by her emotionally controlled hair color.
Ron wanted to curse their wands so that they'd have to start pulling them out of their arses every time they stood up. This was not because their little song really bothered him- he'd actually laughed at it once. The reason he currently wanted to hex the would-be troubadours into oblivion was that whenever they sang, Hermione got upset. And when Hermione got upset, she needed someone to take it out on. And her choice in this particular situation was Ron.
Because it was Ron's fault, and he knew it, and he knew he shouldn't be afraid of her because she couldn't do any serious physical damage. He could totally take her in a fistfight, and Harry had taken to confiscating her wands right after classes because Hermione wouldn't hex him. But he'd be damned if Hermione couldn't wield her wit into a deadly whip of words. Not for the first time he wished he was smarter, and that he wouldn't get in huge trouble for cursing the Slytherins.
They were sitting at dinner and Hermione's hair was slowly getting redder and redder and the little darts Hermione was sending out with her eyes were getting sharper and sharper. He glanced momentarily towards the doors to the great hall, gauging an escape route. But all thoughts of escape, all thoughts at all really fled his head as he gazed upon the vision that had just entered through the doors.
He would have sworn that a golden light surrounded her and that as soon as she walked through the door birds started to sing and flowers began to pop up from the ground. Except that had this actually happened he was sure that other people would have noticed, and no one around him looked like they saw anything odd. The heavenly music that had filled his ears came to a jarring halt when he looked across the table from him. Harry who had been looking very depressed lately was talking to Ginny and Hermione was leaning over and pouring something in his drink. That wasn't what worried him though, she had explained about the potion and its effects too him at a time when she was not utterly furious with him (it was a cheery potion, weird name amazing results). What stopped him dead in his tracks and sent icy fear throughout his body was that while she was slipping Harry the potion she was also slipping her wand from his pocket.
He opened his mouth but no sound came out. Then it was too late. The wand was in Hermione's hand and a truly Slytherin smirk was across her face. With a flick of her wand his mouth was shut tight and then against his will he got up and started walking back to the dorm with another flick. Hermione stood up and followed and no one but a single Slytherin noticed the smirk across her face. He shuddered briefly and reminded himself not to ever piss her off before turning and engaging a pretty sixth year in a friendly flirting match.
Ron found himself able to talk just as the portrait closed up behind them. "N-now, Hermione, don't do anything rash…" He pleaded, swallowing hard and backing away from her as she advanced, a predatory look in her eyes. "Please, I didn't think it would last, don't, don't- ARGH."
Looking down his body, he found himself in purple sequined high heels, black thigh-highs, boxers, and a pink lacy shirt. In glitter across the front, it said "Your Wildest Dream." Looking in the mirror, he was horrified to note that he was wearing makeup. His nails were a fluoro pink and there was a little flowery barrette in his hair. On his back was a kick me sign, though he wouldn't learn that until much, much later.
You- you- you-" Ron floundered helplessly. "You-"
Hermione smirked and slipped her wand in her pocket, hair turning a very self-satisfied sunny color.
"You- you-" Ron continued, lost for words to describe the horror that was him. "Evil WOMAN!" He shouted, before finding his voice gone again and his body moving helplessly for the portrait hole.
He marched down to the great hall, Hermione gliding happily behind him, her hair still sunny. He realized that he should probably be happy that she was happy and that he could make her so. He should probably think that if a little embarrassment on his part could make her happy it was a small price to pay. It probably made him a bad friend that he didn't feel that way at all.
When he got there he found his mouth pried open by an invisible hand and words flew out. "Draco Malfoy shag me, shag me now!" He turned and glared at her before opening his mouth to fix that statement but all that came out was "Draco Malfoy shag me, shag me now!" He then found the spell keeping him in place lifted so he ran out of the great hall as fast as he possible could in four-inch-high stiletto heels. He went in bed and after many counter jinxes managed to get the clothes and make-up off and as he changed into his pajama's he still didn't notice the kick me sign attached to his back.
Back in the great hall Harry who was under the effects of the potion was laughing maniacally even after the meanest Slytherin had stopped. Ginny rolled her eyes and helped Hermione, who's hair was still bright yellow carry him up to the common room.
When Ronald Weasley woke up the first thing he noticed was that his back hurt, a lot. The second thing he noticed was that he was wearing a long, Victorian-styled blue dress. He managed to stop himself from screaming and waking the other boys and hurried to the bathroom. What he saw in the full-length mirror there was almost enough to make him faint, the extra-tight corset around his stomach was enough to push him over the edge.
When he woke up about five minutes later he looked in the mirror again. He had light blue eye makeup and lipstick on with glitter all over his face. The dress he was wearing was also light blue and it matched perfectly the huge fairy wings coming out of his back. He opened his mouth in a silent scream and ran down to the great hall (a move he realized later was not the brightest). Where Hermione's hair turned from bright red to sunny yellow instantly.
He tried to bellow 'HERMIONE' but all that came out was a whispered "Do it!" And his butt started to sway. Then he heard the Slytherins who hadn't noticed him yet singing the song the had made up about Hermione's hair. He couldn't help but break out into a loud chorus of
"It's fun to be a Fairy
And fly from town to town
Our fairy dust will keep you up you won't come down
Oh yeah
It's fun to be a fairy, and wear such pretty things
It's fun to carry love juice on your Fairy wings
What fools these mortals be
They try to play at love and make a comedy
Why can't these mortals learn
A fairy up above will never crash and burn
Oh it's fun to be a fairy
Ooh Ooh Ooh yeah
It's fun to be a Fairy
FAIRY POWER BABY!"
By the time he had finished his song everyone had turned to stare at him and started to laugh hysterically. He flushed red and stormed out of the hall, noticing angrily that Hermione's hair was still a very bright yellow.
It stayed that way all day, and Ron began to notice a pattern. Every half an hour, his outfit warped into something even more devastating, although the wings seemed to find no way to be more devastating, and simply remained. They did change color, though, with Hermione's mood, if he was in the same room as she was.
Every hour or so, he'd burst out with some catchphrase that had absolutely nothing to do with what he was doing at the time. Each time this happened, a new flood of marigold happiness settled itself over Hermione, and a new shade of embarrassed red darkened Ron's ears. Ron had never been so mortified as when he got three days' worth of detention for screaming out "SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A COWBOY!" In the middle of a complex Transfiguration spell.
Most of the teachers were fighting back laughter the entire time he was in their class. And giving Hermione points for doing the smallest of things. Snape took away twenty points and didn't bother to hide his laughter as Ron burst out with "HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!" Professor Flitwick asked him to give a demonstration just so he could parade him around in front of the entire class.
By the end of the afternoon, his shins were bruised and he was very grumpy indeed.
"Why do people keep kicking me?" He asked, annoyed.
Hermione gave a delighted little giggle and poured herself some pumpkin juice. Her hair hadn't changed from sunny yellow all day long and the color looked awful on Ron's wings.
It was Harry who took pity on him and gave Hermione back her wand with strict orders to take the sign off Ron's back, right now. He had no clue what charm she had used to put it on, and he had no clue how to take it off. Hermione sighed and took off the sign, her hair turning the light green of disappointment for an instant before Ron's clothes changed again. He was now wearing a bright yellow, very tight, very short, very rubber dress, that looked a lot like a rain coat. He was wearing matching boots, still tight with four-inch heels on them (which enabled him to tower even more over Hermione and to top it all off his wand had turned into a bright yellow umbrella. Hermione giggled again and Ron's wings turned a bright yellow to match his clothing.
"Come on boys" she whispered, hastily getting to her feet and dragging Ron and Harry along with her. "I have something I just have to tell you." Harry got up willingly enough but Ron stayed planted in his seat.
He meant to say 'I haven't eaten a meal in a day Hermione because of your stupid spell which you won't remove!' instead he started singing "It's raining men!" All the while getting up and dancing with Harry, and Neville and even Malfoy when he wandered past their table to make a snide comment. Ron decided that he would sneak down to the kitchens later and followed Hermione meekly.
She dragged them up to her Head girl dorm and Ron gaped at the freakishly large amounts of books she had lining all the walls and still piled in heaps all over the room. "Where did all these books come from?" Was the first thing out of his mouth and he couldn't help but wish the spell had decided to make him sing here, with his (most of the time) friends. Hermione smiled at Harry and her hair became the hot pink it did whenever she was overwhelmed by feelings of familial love (Ron scowled at his wings).
"Harry gave them too me. They were in Sirius' library but Harry didn't want them. I only brought the most important ones though, I have loads more at home." Ron gaped. "That's why I brought you here, anyway. One of these books has all the research they did to create the Marauders Map and to become Animagi and I thought that we should study it. Because it really would be quite useful you know. And its pretty easy once you know how to do it. I made copies. Both of you study them, don't worry about the potions, I'll make them. And also I want to try to make a marauders map except on a larger scale. So I'm going to be studying a lot along with the potion, so don't expect any homework help. Ron your wings are here to stay until my hair changes back but your clothing will go back to normal after you prove to me that you know all the information in this packet.
Ron frowned. "Hermione," He said patiently, "That's a lot of work. D'you really expect me to read and learn it all? It's impossible! I mean, c'mon, I don't even-" What he 'didn't even' was never to be said, however, because at that moment a cleverly levitated heavy packet hit him in the middle of the forehead.
"Okay," He said dazedly, "I guess you do expect me to read and learn it all."
Harry grabbed his packet out of the air before it began resorting to blows.
Hermione beamed at them both. "Thanks, you're the best. I'm sure you'll find the reading very informational and-"
Neither boy was listening. They seemed to have a mental block regarding the word 'informational.' This, however, didn't mean she'd stopped talking
"-and I expect you to-"
Nope, still talking shop.
"-and are you even listening to me at all?"
"No." Her friends replied in unison, and for some reason, she wasn't mad. She laughed along with them.
Hanging around with boys so much must really be getting to her. Either that or she found Ron's new outfit very amusing. It was probably the second because once you hit six years of friendship you probably have suffered all the damage you are going too. And Ron's new outfit really was quite funny. He was wearing a lime green mini-skirt with a bright blue top that said "Fuck Voldemort; literally" Harry looked at him for a minute deciding whether he should laugh or be annoyed at Hermione for laughing. But when he looked at Ron's very mismatched clothing and wings he couldn't help but start laughing hysterically along with Hermione.
Ron scowled and turned his back on his two friends who were rolling on the floor clutching their stomachs. He stalked back through the corridors before he was stopped be a noxious, oily voice. "Mr. Weasley stop where you are. Turn around." Ron did so, still scowling. He looked at Snape's happy smile and felt like throwing up. "That will be twenty points from Gryffindor, and two nights detention with Mr. Filch for violation of the schools dress code."
"Hogwarts doesn't have a dress code!" Ron protested.
"You really should read Weasley, it's mentioned very clearly in 'Hogwarts a History'. There is to be no profanity or mention of whoever the dark lord happens to be at the time on clothing. You are in violation of both of these rules."
Ron opened his mouth to say something that would no doubt lose him more house points and add another detention to his plate. Instead he ended up doing a song and dance routine to the Backstreet boys 'I want it that way'.
Which didn't really help his detention record any either, he suspected, once his total number of detentions acquired for the day was seven.
Later that day, he was trudging up to the kitchens, Harry in tow. No Hermione this time- she'd had to read more of The Packet. She was bloody obsessed with that packet. And this was only day one! Ron shuddered to think how awful she'd get about it by the time they'd all fnished it. She'd probably get all starry eyed and start singing sonnets to it.
If you could sing a sonnet.
"Really, mate, I don't see why she's torturing you like this, it's completely-" Harry could no longer stifle his laughter as Ron's ensemble became a blue velvet ballroom gown and a canary yellow feather boa.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want." Ron said grumpily. "But when I get these ruddy wings off, I'll show you-
Let's get physical, physical! -Oh hell." The redhead put a hand to his head and sighed. "I need some quality comfort food, mate."
"Bacon and spice cake?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow as they came to a halt in front of the painting of the bowl of fruit.
"Yeah." Ron said, tripping over a heel as he clambered to the door. "Sounds perfect."
While Harry and Ron were shoveling down disgusting comfort foods Hermione was scribbling notes in the margins of the notebook. She had already started the potion, which would take about six months of very hard work to brew, and was now looking for ways to expand the Marauder's map. She scowled and her hair turned bright red when Blaise called up the stairs. "Hermione! We need to work!"
She brushed off her anger, he was right they did need to work, and finished her note before running down the stairs.
"What do we have to do?" Her hair was back to its original color for the moment. "Oh god the dance! I totally forgot. It's next week. We'll need…" Hermione's hair was green as she launched into a complicated discussion with her counterpart.
"Hermione." Blaise interrupted, blue eyes sharp and pointed. "Slow down. I can barely understand you, much less take notes, when you're talking like that."
Hermione's mouth opened, then snapped shut. Finally, she said "You… take notes? On what I'm saying?" Her hair was bleached to a stunned white, with a hint of silver amazement.
He gave her an odd look. "Yeah, of course I do. I can't order the party supplies if I don't remember what you told me to get."
Chocolate eyes wide, Hermione gasped. "Well, this is a new discovery." She said breathily. "How delightful. You're the first person I think I've ever met who actually listens when I talk about important things. How unexpected. I treasure this moment."
Blaise again gave her a very pointed look. "You're a bit off, y'know?" He said conversationally. "In the head. Do your friends know about this? Should I put a bulletin outside the Gryffindor common room?"
Hermione flushed; her hair turned a very angry magenta. "Well… well… at least I'm not a Slytherin!" She turned on her heel and sped off, in the vague general direction of the library.
Blaise sighed to himself. Yes, that one was a loon, all right.
Her pink hair was tainted a delicate lavender, and he was pretty sure it wasn't embarrassment.
