Ever Wonder If...

Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina, any of its characters, or any thing Love Hina-ish. Ken Akamatsu does. So thank him for creating this awesome manga series.

A/N: Well, it's chapter 2 so time for some really weird stuff! Don't worry, nothing bad! Right now, I have no idea who to pair him with. Maybe I can't pair him with anybody, because he's a girl. Hmm...I'll get back to you on that...please R&R!

"..." Denotes speech

Italics Denotes thought

Bold Denotes sound effects

::blah:: Denotes time/time change

------------- Denotes scene/scene change

Denotes daydreams and sleeping dreams

Chapter 2: Keitaro Goes Shopping

::10:30, Sunday Morning::

---------------Hinata-sou Living Room-----------------

"Okay, so here it is, in plain English," Naru said. (A/N: Perhaps I should say plain Japanese. I wonder if they have a phrase like that?) "Keitaro is a woman."

"Right," everyone said, including Shinobu who had returned.

"So we have to teach him what it means to be a woman," Naru said.

"Right!"

"So first she has to look like one!" Kitsune said. "Here! I got clothes for you!"

"Kitsune! Why did you get my clothes?!" Naru asked angrily.

"Because you two are the closest match," Kitsune explained. "She can't wear Motoko's because she's too tall."

"Like I would actually lend him my clothes!" Motoko said.

"And look at her chest! It's about the same size of yours! I checked!" Kitsune continued to say, causing Naru and Keitaro to blush violently.

"Kitsune!" Naru whined.

"Well she can't go out like that! So unfitting!" Kitsune said, pointing at Keitaro.

"Why not?! This is the clothes I normally wear!" Keitaro said.

"Yeah, but you're not normal!" Kitsune said. "Most girls don't wear pants!"

"You wear pants every day!" Keitaro shot back.

"I don't count! Now go wear that!" Kitsune said. "Err...actually, maybe you should go help her, Naru. I doubt she knows how to put that on."

"EEEH?!" Naru shrieked.

"I can do it myself!" Keitaro shouted, and he left.

"You know...Kitsune...he can wear his own clothes still," Naru said.

"Yeah, but it's more fun this way!♥" Kitsune giggled. Keitaro came out, decked out in a blouse will frills and a mini-skirt.

"Oooo...so cute!" Kitsune said, and incidentally this is what everyone thought.

"It's kinda cold," Keitaro said. "How can girls wear this all the time?"

"You get used to it," Naru said.

"But...I'm so exposed..." Keitaro said.

"Like I said, you get used to it," Naru said.

"I refuse to wear this!" Keitaro put down.

"Whatever, it's not like I care," Naru said. "Do you smell something burning?" Keitaro sniffed the air.

"Hmm...you're right something is burning! Hey, where'd everybody go?" Keitaro panicked, looking around the living room and finding only him and Naru there.

"Eh? There's a fire outside!" Naru said, sprinting outside followed closely by Keitaro.

"Aaaah! What's burning?!" Keitaro shouted.

"Your clothes," Kitsune replied. "You obviously don't need them anymore."

"Nooo!" Keitaro cried.

"Um...Kitsune...this is really unnecessary," Naru said.

"No! It is vital! Otherwise Keitaro will turn out like you!"

"What?!"

"Always at school, unnecessarily wearing un-cute clothes in an ugly hair cut," Kitsune said.

"I wasn't that bad!" Naru shouted.

"Yeah, I mean 10 to thirty guys still came after you!" Kitsune said. "Not fair at all!"

"So you guys should go shopping!♥" Kitsune said, and she went inside.

"Err..." Naru stammered.

"Why? Why did she burn all my clothes? Aaah! She even burned my boxers!" Keitaro cried.

"C'mon idiot. I hope you have some money, because it looks like we're going shopping," Naru said, and she dragged Keitaro away from the fire.

"Shopping?" Keitaro asked. "I hate shopping for clothes!"

--------------The Mall--------------------

::11:30 AM, Sunday::

"Oh, so cute! ♥" Naru said, holding up a shirt with a little duck on it. "Wouldn't this look great?" Keitaro just sulked. "Oh, why am I asking you, anyways?! I'll just get it!" Keitaro continued to sulk. Somehow, he had been forced to come along to buy new clothes. And since he had to, Naru told him he might as well get girl clothes, being a girl and all. Maybe this is what the genie was talking about. If I am ever to understand women, perhaps I should start trying now, Keitaro said, and he decided to stop sulking and enjoy shopping like a proper woman.

"I think it's actually very cute! ♥" Keitaro said in his girliest voice.

"Now you're just mocking me," Naru said. Great, that worked well, Keitaro thought. "But at least you're paying attention now," Naru commented. "Seriously, since we can't do anything about Kitsune burning your clothes you might as well buy clothes in good taste that are cute."

"Good taste?! What was wrong with my other clothes that were not good taste?" Keitaro demanded to know.

"Well, they were kind of plain and ugly," Naru admitted.

"Hmmph. I liked those," Keitaro said.

"Well you'll like these too. Here, take this," Naru said, handing Keitaro a bunch of shirts and skirts. "We'll do underwear next," Naru said, still browsing.

"Un-underwear?" Keitaro gulped.

"C'mon, you don't think you'd be wearing boxers did you? And you'll need bras, too," Naru pointed out.

"Ah...well...maybe?" Keitaro said. STOMP! Naru smashed her foot on Keitaro, causing him to hop around in pain.

"Don't be so immodest! Only loose women don't wear any bras!" Naru said. "Idiot!"

"Sorry!" Keitaro said sarcastically. "But I just can't get used to it!"

"Don't shout!" Naru said, putting her hand over Keitaro's mouth. "You're attracting attention."

"Then," Keitaro whispered, "How about you buy the," here Keitaro coughed, "Unmentionables...and I'll go back!"

"Wimp!" Naru accused, letting go of Keitaro. "Fine! Whatever! Leave! I don't care! But I'm not buying any of your clothes for you!"

"Sorry! I'm sorry! I'll go!" Keitaro groveled. He had to get clothes, after all.

"Good. Let's go," Naru said. They walked into the, ahem, unmentionable section of the store. Yes, Keitaro had passed it many times, and maybe, just maybe even looked through it. But he had never gone through it looking to buy something, especially something for himself. It made him, to say the least, very uncomfortable. It was evident on his face, sweat pouring down.

"Idiot!" Naru whispered hoarsely. "Stop looking so nervous! I'm not feeling comfortable too and I'm not showing it!"

"I-I can't help it!" Keitaro said, shaking. He could just imagine what would happen.

Imagined Scene

Keitaro was holding up a bra. "How am I supposed to know what size I am?" he mused to himself silently. He looked at himself in a mirror and guesstimated. "About this big? Good enough," he said.

"AAAAAAAAH!" a woman screamed. "It's a pervert!"

"Huh?" Keitaro said, looking around, and saw the woman pointing at him. "No...wait...it's not what it looks like!"

"PERVERT!" the woman kept on screaming. "He's a guy dressing up as a girl!"

"No!" Keitaro shouted, while the police came and arrested him. Suddenly, a folder was handed to him. "DEATH SENTENCE?!?!?!" Keitaro shouted in horror. "How-?!"

"Too many acts of perversity. Here is the witness," the judge said, and pointed to Narusegawa.

"You finally get what you deserve, pervert!" Naru shouted at him.

"NOOOOOOO!!" Keitaro screamed as they dragged him away.

"Hey! What are you doing?!" someone asked Keitaro.

"Eh? Eh?" Keitaro asked nervously.

"Why are you clenching that bra so tightly?" Naru asked. Phew, Keitaro thought. It's only Naru. Plus my daydream could never happen.

"P-P-PERVERT!" another lady yelled.

"EH?!" Keitaro said in alarm. "N-no! It's not what it looks like," Keitaro said automatically. "Eh?" No one was pointing at him, nor was Naru slapping, kicking, or generally punching the heck out of him. Instead a woman was smacking a man who had done something or other...probably grabbed her butt or something like that. Phew, Keitaro thought again.

"PERVERT!" another lady shouted. Keitaro instinctively ducked.

"It's not me!" Keitaro whined.

"Um...what are you doing?" Naru asked. "PERVERT!" she suddenly screamed, swinging her foot.

"Aaah!" Keitaro yelped, lying lower, but it seems that Naru was not aiming for him and smacked down a guy behind her.

"Total pervert! Grabbing my butt!" Naru huffed.

"PERVERT!" another woman screamed.

"What is this?" Keitaro asked. Suddenly 10 men appeared in front of the store.

"Hahahaha!" they laughed in unison. "We are the pervert brigade!"

"Ugh..." Naru sweat-dropped. "They're worse than you," she said to Keitaro.

"I wasn't that bad!" Keitaro protested.

"Our mission: to grab cute women's butts!" the pervert brigade continued.

"Um..." everyone in the store stuttered. "What kind of mission is that?" they asked themselves.

"So if all the cute women that we haven't grabbed could just line up right here..." one of the members of the pervert brigade said, pointing to a line right in front of them.

"PERVERTS!" Keitaro suddenly yelled, not being able to take it anymore. How could anyone be this stupid, daft, idiotic, dense and retarded at the same time? "Have you no chivalry? No honor? No basic code of conduct or common sense?" he asked them. "Why are guys so dumb and perverted?!"

"My question exactly," Naru whispered in his ear.

"Hey, it's not like we're fooling anyone," the leader said. "It's not like we call ourselves the Nice Brigade, or the Honor Brigade. We want everyone to know that we're the Pervert Brigade!"

"ATTENTION ALL MEMBERS OF THE PERVERT BRIGADE!" a voice over the PA system of the store said. "PLEASE STAY WHERE YOU ARE SO THE POLICE CAN COME AND ARESSET YOU PROMPTLY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION."

"Yeah! Take that, perverts!" Keitaro shouted.

"Jeez, missy, what's your problem?" one member asked. Luckily the store's customers came to his defense.

"It's people like you guys that make the world such a nasty place!"

"She's right! What's wrong with you!" etc. etc. etc.

"Well, if they're gone, do you still want to buy bras and panties?" Naru asked.

"Oh...heh heh...I forgot..." Keitaro said.

"Idiot!" Naru said. "Let's go." So they went back to the bra aisle.

"How am I supposed to know what size I am?" Keitaro whispered, back to feeling nervous.

"What? Do you want me to feel so I can measure it?" Naru asked.

"Feel?" Keitaro said, dreaming up several scenes in his head that caused his nose to start bleeding.

"Perv!" Naru said. "Stop it! Do you think I'd actually do that? Weirdo!"

"I can't help it! You said it!" Keitaro accused.

"Yeah, but don't you know that's obviously a joke? You can feel yourself in a changing room and take several different sizes to figure out what size you are, pervert," Naru told him.

"Fine! Give me some and I'll do it," Keitaro said resignedly.

"How about this?" Naru asked, and when Keitaro looked his eyes bulged several centimeters from his head, breaking his glasses, in typical manga form.

"Those?!?!?!!?!??" Keitaro asked. It was a lacy bra, the kind he actually had seen on Naru (not on purpose!). "I, um, want something less showy..."

"This isn't showy at all! I wear it all the time," Naru said, then suddenly stiffened. SLAP! "Look what you made me say! Seeing a girl all the time made me too comfortable!" Naru cried, while Keitaro rubbed his face from the slap. Oh my! I'm am sooooooooo embarrassed, I could just die! Naru thought, the blush on her face getting redder.

"Anyways," Keitaro coughed. "I'll just go try these," he said, showing some plain cloth ones. "Uh...I'll be back." And Keitaro left Naru where she was and went to a changing room.

"Wait! Keitaro!" Naru cried out.

"Eh? What is it?" Keitaro asked. Naru got closer.

"Um," she whispered. "You're not allowed to try those on."

"Why not?" Keitaro asked.

"Well...you just can't. Are you allowed to try boxers on?" Naru asked.

"No! Don't be absurd!" Keitaro said.

"So what makes you think you can try those on?" Naru asked.

"Err..." Keitaro answered.

"Here, you might as well try these on too," Naru said, handing him the various skirts and blouses he/they/she had picked. "And hide the bras in this huge pile so you can try it on. That's how I sometimes try them on." Keitaro just stood there with a huge pile of clothes in his hand. "What are you standing there for? You'll look even more suspicious, go, go!" Keitaro slowly dragged his legs. He didn't really want to go, but somehow he managed to will his legs to slug forward.

"Hello, ma'am," a sales lady greeted. "And how many items will you be trying on today?"

"Um, these," Keitaro said through the huge pile of clothes.

"Okay, and how many is that?" the lady asked.

"Uh...about 8 items," Keitaro said, guessing.

"Okay, please proceed to the nearest empty changing booth, and hang this on the door," the lady said giving Keitaro a little plastic tag that said "8" on it. Keitaro struggled to walk to the nearest one, and when he finally got there dumped the clothes on the ground.

"Ugh, I hope I never have to do this again," Keitaro said and turned to the mirror. "Ahhh! I'm so sorry...oh wait that's me," Keitaro said, mistaking his reflection for a woman. He hadn't actually looked at his changed body since the genie changed it yet, and so he examined every inch of it. You know, Keitaro thought, That genie actually made me a cute chick. If I saw myself on the street I'd say I was cute. Keitaro continued to examine. I need new glasses, these just make me ugly. Especially as a girl. Heh, just like Narusegawa. Though the genie went overboard with the breasts. I mean look at it! It's just bulging out of my shirt! It seemed, to only emphasize his point, suddenly the bra he was wearing (Naru's) broke by way of the clasp in the back. Great. Exactly what I need. He took of his shirt, and immediately started to blush red. Well, I can't help it, I mean it is my body now, he thought, but that did not stop his blushing. I'd better try these on before someone gets suspicious.

----------------------Outside the Changing Rooms-----------------------------

"What is taking that idiot so long?" Naru asked herself. "It's almost been 15 minutes!"

"Excuse me, do you require assistance?" someone asked Naru.

"Eh?" Naru asked, turning around to face the sales lady.

"Do you need anything?" she asked. "It looked like you were looking for something, and my sales intuition is never wrong!"

"No, I'm okay," Naru told her.

"Are you sure? I can sense it..." the lady asked, putting the middle and forefinger of each hand on her temple and humming. "I will use my psychic powers..." she whispered in this pose.

"Uh..." Naru said, sweat-dropping.

"Wait...you are looking for a person..." the sales lady continued. Is she psycho? Naru thought.

"This person is very important to you..." the lady added.

"W-what?! That's not true at all," Naru denied hotly.

"In fact, this person may be your boy–" BAM! Suddenly the sales lady went crashing down onto the floor. She did not get up; she was definitely unconscious.

"Eh?" Naru exclaimed, and saw that Keitaro had bumped into her. Thank goodness! "So, does it fit?"

"Shhh!" Keitaro said, looking around nervously.

"What's the problem?" Naru asked.

"Shhh!" Keitaro hushed her again. "Let's talk in the bathroom."

"Ugh! You pervert!" Naru said, automatically aiming for Keitaro.

"Hey! I'm a girl! Do you think I'm gonna go into the men's bathroom? It's not like I'm going to peep on you going to the bathroom. I just want to talk. Let's move slowly, follow me." Keitaro slowly moved towards the restrooms. He literally inched his way there.

"What are you doing, idiot? It'll take all day!" Naru complained.

"Shhh!" Keitaro shushed her again, and continued to inch towards the bathroom. Naru checked her watch. It was 1:00pm.

-------------The Bathroom------------

::1:30 PM::

"Stupid idiot!" Naru shouted, hitting Keitaro. SMACK!

"Sorry, but it was necessary!" Keitaro said.

"Why?" Naru asked.

"Because I'm not wearing a...heh heh...um...bra," Keitaro mumbled.

"What?!" Naru shouted, causing the women in the bathroom to turn and look at her. "Heh heh, sorry..." Naru apologized to them.

"It broke spontaneously," Keitaro whispered.

"Give me it, it's mine anyways," Naru whispered back. Keitaro handed it back. Naru examined it, and saw the broken clasp on the back. "Darn it, this was virtually brand new! How big are you, anyways?"

"I don't know! I don't know how to measure!" Keitaro whispered panicked.

"Hmm...bigger than me...probably about Kitsune's size?" Naru asked.

"I don't know!" Keitaro responded in a low voice.

"Okay, you can't go out without a bra, so stay here and I'll go buy one about Kitsune's size and we'll hope for the best." Naru left, and Keitaro was there in a tight (to him) shirt and skirt with no bra and somebody else's panties. You can say that he felt very very uncomfortable. Why, why must this happen to me? Why?! He thought miserably.

"Excuse me," someone said, "If you're not using this stall can you move?"

"Hmm? Okay," Keitaro said automatically and he moved. Suddenly the fact that he was also in a women's bathroom added to his discomfort. Why did I agree to this? Oh yeah, otherwise I'd have no clothes at all. He waited.

"Ara!" a voice cried, and the door banged open. BAM! A lady fell on the floor.

"Are you okay?" Keitaro immediately asked, out of his kind heart. He felt for her pulse. No pulse! He thought nervously. This means...she's dead!

"Ah, hello!" she said, getting up. Recognition struck Keitaro's face.

"M-m-mutsumi-chan!" he cried.

"Hmm? Yes...I am Mutsumi!♥" Mutsumi said. "But...who are you?"

"I'm...uh..." Keitaro stuttered, realizing he couldn't say he was Keitaro. How would she understand?

"Hmm..." Mutsumi said pensively. "Aha! You look like someone I know!"

"I-I do?" Keitaro gulped.

"Yes! My friend, Keitaro-kun!" Mutsumi said, causing Keitaro to faint. GOOMPH! (A/N: in one version of Love Hina that I own, "goomph" was often the sound that was written when the people crashed to the floor, so this is what sound means now and in later chapters).

"Ah-ah, that's nice!" Keitaro said.

"Mutsumi-chan?" a voice said from the door. It was Naru.

"Naru-chan! Imagine meeting you here! And I was just talking about Keitaro-kun too! Where is he?" Mutsumi asked.

"What? Why would he be here?" Naru asked.

"Well...aren't you on a date?" Mutsumi asked.

"WHAT?! Of course not!" Naru shouted. "I'd never go on a date with that guy!" So comforting, Keitaro thought sadly, sweat-dropping.

"Oh. Well, I'll see you later!" Mutsumi said, waving goodbye.

"Uh...bye!" Naru said. An awkward silence ensued. "Oh, yeah, here it is," Naru told Keitaro, handing him a plastic bag. "I also bought everything else. I'll meet you at the front of the store and then we'll take the train home."

"Okay, I'll see you," Keitaro said, going into a stall.

-------------Hinata-sou-------------------

::3:00 PM::

"We're home!" Keitaro called out. Kitsune came out.

"So, what'd did you buy?" she asked.

"You don't need to know!" Naru said.

"Hey! I went to all the trouble of burning her clothes and this is the thanks I get?" Kitsune said, faking injury.

"Why do you keep on referring to him as a female?!" Naru shouted.

"Well, it's obvious, isn't it? It's because she's a female," Kitsune said.

"Not in spirit!" Naru said.

"Well...she looks like one," Kitsune said, hand on her chin.

"Um...I'll be leaving now..." Keitaro said.

"Don't you want to study?" Naru asked.

"Huh?"

"We have a mock test tomorrow, don't you remember?"

"AHHHHH!" Keitaro said. "But...but...they won't know that I'm Keitaro! And "I'll fail! AHHHHHH!" Keitaro shouted, panicking and running around everywhere. "SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!"

A/N: Woo hoo hoo! Chapter 2 done. Hope you're enjoying it, and hope no one's offended at this! Please R&R!