Title- Story of my Life
Chapter 5- Harpies of Hell
AN- OMG!!! I have reviewers!!!! -laughs wildly and dances a tribal tribute around room- Hahahahahaha! I'm happy beyond all belief!! I toss beautiful red roses of love in each of your general directions! -chucks roses with extremely sharp thorns at them- I thank you all so dearly!!
Um...-cough cough- Ahem. Sorry about that. I'm just so happy that I got five reviews in one day. -beams with delight- Anyway, I'm glad you all like the story so far.
K-chan xoxo- Remember, grasshopper; patience is a virtue. -bows, then breaks a wooden board with her head- Ow, ow, ow...
averaye- I try to update fast...I warn you, though, it might get slower after Christmas break. And I might change the summary...I just don't want it to make the story sound really cliched!
B.U.G.I.M.S- -backs away slowly- I'm sorry that I haven't written more...I'm trying, really, I am! Please don't go psychotic on me! And thank you for that compliment about my story! You make me blush! -blushes- See?
TenshiKaitou- I'm glad you think it's interesting! I'll try to keep it that way! -salutes-
Smoking Panda- Thank you! Bye the way, I love your user name! It's hilarious! (At least, to me it is. I have an odd sense of humor like that.)
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Some tragic poet said that two women are worse than one. That's true.
- Plautus
There are three intolerable things in life- cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women.
- Orson Welles
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Sasuke had proceeded to drag Naruto out of the food hall, down the main cell hall, and into their cell without any cuts. He did, however, have numerous amounts of bruises from where the blonde had kicked him. In relatiation, Sasuke had hit right back. Unfortunately, he hit a little to hard, and now had an unconcious Naruto.
"Well, at least he stopped talking," he muttered as he carried his cellmate into the cell and dumped him on his cot. Sasuke then proceeded to close the cell door and whistled at a guard. "Hey, Akimichi, lock us up."
The overweight guard laughed and locked the cell door. "You almost missed my shift, Uchiha," he informed Sasuke. "And then it woulda been five minutes until Shino made his round. That means that you would have been at the mercy of whatever female prison guard decides to help you, which might be none, since you turned them all down."
"Che."
The guard just sighed. "A prisoner, and they only have eyes for you. Go figure."
A voice came from the cell across from Sasuke's and Naruto's. "Chouji! Lock us up, wouldja?"
Chouji turned and grinned. "Hey, Shikamaru! You don't usually ask to be locked when the harpies come down."
Shikamaru just shrugged and began to shuffle through a trunk next to his cot. He looked calm on the outside, but he was frantically tossing papers and books on the ground. Kiba watched him, a mischievious grin on his face. "He borrowed something from Ino," the wild man told Chouji.
"Ha! Lemme guess- her prized Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix that was signed by J.K. Rowling?" The guard
"Yep." Shikamaru said sullenly.
"And he lost it!" Kiba shook his head, laughing. "Ooh, Shika, I'd watch my neck if I were you!"
"It's not lost!"
Silence.
"It's just in a different place than where I left it, that's all." Shikamaru complained.
"May God have pity on your soul," Chouji told him, before turning and walking back down the hall.
Shikamaru had now come to the conclusion that he had totally emptied the trunk. Therefore, he must have missed it while going through the trunk. Thus determined, he began digging through the pile of junk that had once been in the trunk and was now scattered across the room.
Kiba just sadistically laughed harder. "Man, what I wouldn't do for some popcorn right now. Who needs to watch a violent, R-rated movie when you can have Ino in one of her worst tempers?"
Shikamaru gave up and sighed. "Bah. This is all so...troublesome. It's just a book."
TWEEEEEEEET
Kiba currently couldn't breathe, he was laughing so hard. Shikamaru just crossed himself andmuttered, "God help us, here they come."
TWEEEEEEEET
"What the hell?" Naruto sputtered, sitting up straight. "Sasuke, what's that noise? Sasuke?" He looked around, confused. 'Where is he?'
"It's the whistle for the women's prison doors to be opened." Naruto heard Sasuke say, although it was muffled quite a bit.
TWEEEEEEEEET
Naruto got up, walked across the cell (which wasn't that big), laid down on Sasuke's bed, and then looked under the bed, his head upside down. He instantly became inches away from coal-black eyes. "Sasuke...what are you doing?"
"Hiding." he stated, his breath warming Naruto's nose. "Would you mind not letting them know where I am?"
TWEEEEEEEET
At this precise moment, all the men (but poor, unsuspecting Naruto) began a countdown. For they all knew that after exactly five blows of the extremely high whistle (which wasdubbed Lady, both because it was used by the women prison guards and because it was as high as a female's shriek) their halls would be filled with the most terrifying things of all the earth. The things that are worse than being burned alive while shot in both legs, stabbed in both arms, and forced to drink Anti-freeze all at the same time.
And these horrid creatures, which we all fear in the darkest hour of the night might spring out from under our bed and devour our precious bishounen posters are...
5...
4...
3...
2...
"Hey, Sasuke, why are you counting?"
1...
TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!
"SASUKE-KUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yes.
Fangirls.
"AAAAAAAAHH!" Naruto screamed, as suddenly thousands of arms were shoved through the bars of their cell.
"Sasuke-kuuun!"
"I made chocolates for you!"
"Mine are better than hers! Don't take them from her, Sasuke-kun! She's a bitch!"
"What did you say, you slut?!?!"
"I knitted you a scarf, Sasuke-kun!"
"Will you go out with me, Sasuke-kun?"
"Oh, Sasuke-kun, you're sooooo hott!!!!"
"I don't care if you're a murderer, honest!"
"What the fuck, Sasuke, what happened to you?!"
"Yeah! You're blonde...and you have sweet, warm blue eyes..."
The fangirls stopped their shrieking and stared at the shocked Naruto. He quickly recovered, though, and smiled sheepishly at the girls, making sure to stay as far from the cell door as possible. Rubbing his head, he stuttered, "Oh, uh, heh heh, I'm Sasuke's new cellmate. Nice to meet you all."
Silence.
Naruto's thoughts: Hey, mabye they're gonna shut up...
"Aw, you're so cute!"
Naruto's thoughts: -sigh- Nope.
"You're so adorable!"
"What's your name, cutie?"
"He can't be any older than fifteen..."
"Holy shit! What is up with everyone's warped sense of age? I'm almost seventeen!!" He interrupted angrily,
"Ooh, you know what that means, girls?"
"He's close to our age!"
"And you know what that means?"
"He's up for grabs!"
Squeals that could pierce a dog's ears were made by half of the crowd.
"Hey Hinata-chan, he looks like your type, eh?"
"Aw, leave her alone, she's blushing!"
"Hey, hey Kid! Where's Sasuke-kun?!" a harsh, less feminine voice interrupted.
"Yeah, I didn't come here to see some snot-nosed brat!"
Naruto snarled and jumped up towards the bars. "You wanna say that again, bitch?"
TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! CLEAR OUT, ALL Y'ALL!! MOVE YOUR SORRY ASSES, GIRLIES, LET'S GO! DINNERTIME, MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT!!! YOU CAN HARRASS LOVERBOY IN THERE TOMORROW!!!!!!" While Naruto flinched at the sound of that voice, the girls just groaned.
"Fine, Ino-chan."
"We're coming, we're coming."
"Bye, Kid!"
"See you later!"
Naruto's thoughts: Snot nosed...yeah, I'll show her snot nosed...I'll punch her there...and then kick her in the shin...and then stab her there...and if that doesn't work then I'll do this and...
Sasuke's thoughts: What the fuck, they thought he was cute?
And that was Naruto's first encounter with the Harpies of Hell, the Fangirl from the Fiery Lake, the Suck-up Spawns of Satan. -smile- I have a whole list of their names. I've been gathering them from the inmates since I came here.
