Simon closed his eyes and gripped onto his seat. His mind was racing, his breathing rapid. He had never naturally taken to life on a ship.
Of course he had learned to cope, but it had helped that Serenity was a least a decent size, and offered as least some protection from the vastness outside. But the shuttle in which he now sat was very, very much smaller. He was currently feeing very exposed against the now very visible backdrop of the endless universe through the shuttle window.
Simon was trying to control his breath. He concentrated on breathing deeply, slowly. Bringing the oxygen back to his blood and his brain, to calm him, help him to cope. But his attempts to relax were short lived.
"What's your gorram problem?"
Simon was now getting used to Jayne's regular gruff barks. Simon flicked open his eyes and glared at the man, who was sitting alongside him, hunched over the controls. He was wearing as ever his khaki jacket and pants. The shuttle's steering wheel looked small in his large, dark hands.
"If you must know, I'm feeling rather claustrophobic," started Simon, "and not a little stressed – on account that my sister's life is under threat."
He made no effort to conceal the sarcasm in his voice. "Does that answer your question?"
Jayne momentarily took his eyes of the window in front of him and glared back. In the distance, the Alliance HQ was growing ever more visible.
"Well," grunted Jayne, "I guess I shouldn't have expected you to be useful or nuthin'. I was hopin' you'd at least be a bit more ruttin' entertainin'. Afterall, things ain't gonna be too cunnin' for us when we catch up with the Feds."
Jayne narrowed his eyes as he added, deliberately: "Ain't no reason we'll get through this alive."
Simon immediately sat up in his seat. Part of him sensed the merc was playing with him, but the words had been enough. He had to get through it. He had to find her.
He immediately forgot about the vastness outside, and demanded: "Well, I assumed you had a plan."
Jayne's eyes returned to the window before him. He watched his own reflection as he slowly reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a cigar, which he then pushed between his lips.
"I have," he said, languorously. "Fly the boat, get the girl, be a hero." A shadow of a smile crossed his face, as he then flicked a light an ignited his smoke.
Since he had started on the mission to find her, he had felt better. At least he was now doing something to get her back. With every second, he was closer to that body. Those long limbs…
His mind began to float back to those times before. If someone had said a few weeks ago he would have risked so much for a piece of skirt, he would have laughed. But he knew when he was beat. And there weren't no arguing with what lived in his pants, as it turned out. At least not this time…
His thoughts of her were interrupted however as Simon interjected..
"Is that it? I mean, what about when we get within the Alliance sensors? They'll at least want to know who we are. That is, assuming they don't just blast us on sight. I mean, you're not the pilot that Wash is. In fact I'm surprised you can fly this thing at all….."
Jayne, irritated, flashed the smaller man a glare. As he did so however he noticed how the younger man's colour was so similar to his sisters. The pale skin, dark hair. Of course their eyes differed…but it somehow comforted him.
Shame the gorramdumbass talked so much.
Simon continued: "I'm assuming of course that you can get the shuttle past them without us being spotted? I mean, we do have to get inside…assuming she's there at all…"
Jayne had had enough.
"Look," Jayne waved a hand towards the Doctor. "All you need to worry about is lookin' after yousel'. She'll be there. I know, 'cos it's the closest and best guarded Alliance HQ within swift path of Persephone. But when we do go in, things are gonna move fast. I can't keep an eye on you as well as do what I gotta do. So just go along with whatever I say, okay? Otherwise," and his voice took on a threatening tone, "you're gonna die."
He sucked on his cigar for a moment before reaching inside his jacket. Simon started as he then pulled out a laser pistol.
Jayne added: "And no tryin' to drug me or nuthin'…"
Simon tensed. "There's no need to…" he started. But then, he watched with confusion as the merc turned the gun around and proffered it to the Doctor.
Jayne looked at Simon, whose blue eyes had widened like saucers. "What?" grunted the merc. He gently shook the pistol in his hand. "You'll be needin' this."
Simon was amazed. He had thought, for a moment….
He exhaled, before replying: "I think…we already established at Niska's…I'm no gunman."
Jayne shook his head, grimly. "I think you'll find we'll..esta..est... find out y'are - when you got ten or so men firin' at yer."
Simon peered closely at the bigger man, looking for evidence that he was again playing games. He was slightly horrified to see however that Jayne had said the words with utter seriousness.
He was fully expecting, it was obvious, a very serious firefight.
Oh god, thought the Doctor. But then, what did I expect?
He started to murmur to himself: "Maybe we should have waited. Come with Mal. Maybe that way we could be certain in finding her. Maybe things would have been.."
"Safer?" Jayne's fierce voice once again broke though. "You really think so, y'dumbass? Because from what I've seen of these gorram blue hand people, there ain't no way to tackle this safely."
For a moment, Jayne's words hung in the air. However he then looked across at the Doctor again, as if considering whether to say any more.
Presently, he laid the pistol down on the helm, in front of the younger man. Then he added: "Look. I feel bad for what I did to the boat's engine. Kaylee's a sweet girl. Pretty. Hell, too ruttin' good for stuck-up gosa like you."
The merc caught the Doctor a hostile glance before he continued: "But. If I'm gonna do this I've gotta get there without Mal or any o'the others on my back, slowing' me down. There's just," The big man hesitated, momentarily, "There's jus' to much to lose."
Simon said nothing.
He felt both frustrated and annoyed that he had felt he had no choice but to rely on this man, who he both disliked and distrusted. But at the same time, as he looked at Jayne's profile - with that defiant, jutting jaw and those focused, resolute eyes - Simon knew he was also every so slightly intrigued.
He still had no idea why Jayne had decided to take this course of action which, to all sense and purposes, was madness.
It was true what Book had said. This was uncharacteristic. Jayne was no coward, but he also never stayed for a serious fight from which he could run. He also never bothered to fight where money was not the driving factor. So why – why was he now putting so much at risk for a girl he professed to hate?
There was obviously – something underfoot. There was something else that was driving the man. Something….suspicious. Not concern for him or River - that was too laughable. But what else, and how to find out? Simon looked at the big man and wondered.
He remembered Ariel. The lies he had told.
Simon had to be careful, he knew. He had acted perhaps stupidly at coming with the merc, but when he had made the decision, it had been one made only from his desire to reach his sister as fast as possible. It was no good feeling guilty about Mal.. or Kaylee. Now he was here, he would have to make the most of it.
Slowly, he reached out, and took the pistol from the helm. Jayne didn't flinch.
Well, thought Simon, at least I can shoot him if he tries anything. But then, he thought, why would he give me a gun if he meant me harm?
It was this thought, and also perhaps a urge to share his own fears, that then led Simon to lower his guard for a moment. He opened his mouth, and his voice trembled.
"Do you think we'll really – find her?"
At the spoken reference to River, Jayne shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Also a strange, slightly pained expression came over his face. Simon noticed the change, but said nothing.
He was relieved however when he heard the absolute certainty and belief in Jayne's reply.
"I will," said the mercenary, his voice leaden, "If it's the last gorram thing I ever do."
