A/N: I know the last few chapters have been short, but this one is longer again. I have been getting a couple of questions about when you will find out where Lorelai and Luke went. I'm afraid you will have to wait a while longer for that but be patient, it is coming. Enjoy chapter 10 and review, I love getting reviews.
Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.
Chapter 10
They left the house and headed for Luke's leaving the mess in the kitchen for later, they were both famished and couldn't wait another minute for food. Lorelai had to check in at the Inn, after being away for a week, so after breakfast she reluctantly said goodbye to Luke and got in her jeep.
"Hi Sookie." Lorelai said entering the kitchen and trying to sound normal. Sookie knew her so well and she didn't want to discuss everything with her right now. She wanted to pretend that this was just another day at work, a day like any other day, not another day without her daughter.
"Lorelai!" Sookie dropped what she was doing and hugged her friend. "It's good to have you back."
"Thanks Sook." Lorelai hugged her friend tightly, maybe a little too tightly, because Sookie pulled back and looked into her eyes.
"What's wrong?" She asked her friend, holding Lorelai's arms, and stopping her from turning away. "What happened? Did you fix it? Is Rory okay?" Sookie had a million questions but when she saw Lorelai's eyes well up with tears, she stopped asking questions and took her friend by the hand. She quickly led Lorelai into her office, away from the prying eyes of the kitchen staff and closed the door. "You didn't fix it did you?" Sookie said sadly and hugged her friend again.
"I tried, I really tried." Lorelai hung onto her best friend as the tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. "But I failed."
"Tell me what happened." Sookie pulled Lorelai down to sit beside her on the couch opposite Lorelai's desk and as much as she didn't want to talk about it when she first saw Sookie, suddenly she wanted to talk to her. Talking to Sookie always helped Lorelai and this time it was no different.
She told Sookie about Lane's visit and the letter she had written to Rory and the trip and how Rory wasn't at the house when they returned and how upset she was and how great Luke had been. She told her everything because Sookie was her best friend and it felt good and she knew she was lucky to have a friend like Sookie.
"And now the trip was for nothing. She doesn't want to see me. She doesn't even want to talk to me. What am I going to do?" Lorelai asked when she had finished her story. "I can't live without her, Sookie," She let out a big sigh. "I can't, I just can't."
"You won't have to." Sookie reassured her. She had sat quietly and let Lorelai tell her story but now she had something to tell. She held Lorelai's arms again and faced her squarely to make sure Lorelai was listening. "Rory loves you Lorelai, she loves you a lot."
"Sure, she loved me, I know that, but what if she feels differently now. I hurt her, Sookie, I hurt her badly."
"She hurt you too, Lorelai and you still love her." Sookie hated seeing Lorelai like this. "It was a fight, it doesn't mean you won't make up." Sookie couldn't hold it in anymore. "She phoned me Lorelai."
"What?"
"Rory, she phoned me while you were gone."
"She phoned you?" Lorelai couldn't believe it. "What did she want? What did she say? Sookie come on, this is no time to be like the first kid in Stars Hollow, the one without speech. Come on Sookie." Lorelai was almost vibrating, she was so excited.
"Okay, okay." Sookie smiled. "I'll tell you everything, just let me get it out."
"What did she want?"
"She said that you told her that I knew what had happened and she apologized to me." Sookie shook her head. "She said that she knew she had let me down and she was sorry. I didn't know what to say. I just told her that she hadn't let me down, that I just wanted her to be happy. I told her that we all wanted her to be happy and I thought that maybe she was crying a little bit after that." Sookie took a breath and noticed that Lorelai was crying again. "Jeez," She smiled, "I make all the Gilmore girls cry these days."
"Thanks Sookie." Lorelai hugged her friend. "You are a great person, and a great friend to both the Gilmore girls."
"Wait there's more." Sookie was still excited. "That's not why she phoned. What she really wanted was to make sure you were okay."
"What?" Lorelai's mouth dropped open a little and then she smiled. "She did?" She asked shyly.
"Yeah, she asked about you. She wanted to know if you were okay."
"What did you say?" Lorelai asked quietly.
"I said that you were upset and worried about her. I told her that you missed her terribly and that you loved her and that nothing should keep the two of you apart. I told her that you needed her."
"Thanks." Lorelai stared at the floor, thinking about how much she loved her daughter and just how much she needed her.
Sookie took Lorelai's hands. "And she told me that she missed you a lot too and that I should tell you that she love's you and then she hung up." Sookie hugged Lorelai and just let her cry.
"She loves me." Lorelai said through her tears and Sookie nodded.
Eventually Sookie went back to work and Lorelai went and sat behind her desk, still thinking about Rory's call to Sookie. "She still loves me." Lorelai said to herself and with renewed hope tried to think of something she could do. Something to get her daughter home, where she belonged.
By the end of the day, Lorelai was tired and frustrated. She had had Rory on her mind all day and she still didn't know what to do. She walked into the house and called out Luke's name. The house was quiet and she realized that he would still be at work. She sat on the couch and listened to the silence. She hated the house being this quiet. She remembered the first day she had come home after leaving Rory at Yale. The house had changed on that day. It was no longer the house that Rory and Lorelai lived in. It was just her house and she had hated it. She longed for the days when Rory would come running in after school, filled with excitement about something new that had happened. She wanted to wake up in the morning and meet Rory in the kitchen, where they would make coffee and pop tarts before they went to work and school. She wanted Rory to need her and tell her everything that happened in her life like she did when she was younger. She sighed. Rory was not a kid anymore. She was an adult and she had her own life.
Lorelai stood up slowly. She knew she had to let Rory have her own life. She knew she had to let her make her own decisions, even if they were bad decisions. She walked quietly into the kitchen. Nothing in her life had ever been as hard as it was to let Rory grow up. She stopped when she got to the door of the kitchen and saw the mess she and Luke had left it in that morning. She smiled, remembering the event that had caused the mess and absently rubbed her shoulder. It was sore and she knew she would have a bruise there from when her shoulder had hit the wall this morning.
She smiled and started cleaning up the mess. She picked up all the things that had hit the floor, the cutlery, the place mats, the mail, the paper. She threw the dishes in the dishwasher and washed the pots and pans from the uneaten breakfast. Once she had most everything in order, she sat at the table and drank a cup of coffee. She began to go through the mail, sorting out the bills, from the junk mail, when all of a sudden she gasped and held an envelope perfectly still in her hand as she read the front of it over and over again. All it said was 'Mom'.
Unlike Rory, who had to work up the courage to read her mother's letter, Lorelai opened it immediately and although she didn't use a letter opener, she was careful with the envelope, just as Rory was. Lorelai removed the letter but before she opened it she walked back into the living room and sat on the couch.
Dear Mom,
I read your letter yesterday and I have thought of nothing else since that time. I loved it and I love you. I will always love you and I knew most of what you said already, except the part about when I was a baby in the crib. I know that I come first in your life. You show me that every day and you have shown me that everyday of my life by your actions. I hated it when you said that you were sorry, that you could have done better raising me. You were perfect, the perfect mother. I was and am the luckiest person alive to have the wonderful Mother that I have. You are so beautiful and alive and funny and you taught me so much. You never tired of my never ending questions when I was a kid and you always answered them honestly. You never glossed over them when it was a difficult subject, like I saw my friends parents do. I noticed things like that because you were different. You always listened to me and I'm really sorry that you didn't have that growing up because it made me feel special and important and happy. It told me that you care what I think and that you like who I am. It gave me confidence and the ability to form my own opinions and believe in myself.
I have been sitting here now for about 2 hours, reading and rereading what I just wrote, especially the last line. You gave me confidence and the ability to form my own opinions and believe in myself. Believe in myself. I have always believed in myself, up till now. Anyway, I know now that you only got mad and turned me away because you thought it was best for me. I know now that it wasn't because you thought I failed or because you didn't like me anymore but at the time, it just hurt so much. I know that I hurt you a lot too. I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me. I know that you wanted me to talk to you, and listen to you, but I shut you out and that hurt you. You are my best friend and I always want to share everything with you, but you are also my mother and I want so much to please you and make you proud of me that I don't always feel that I can talk to you about things that I am ashamed of in my life. Remember when I got a D on my first paper at Chilton and I didn't tell you. You found out when you went to the parent teacher night. Well this is kind of the same thing, only magnified many, many times. I was ashamed of the D, I didn't want to let you down and I am ashamed of quitting Yale. I know I have let you down this time. The difference is, that this time I am an adult and I have to figure this thing out by myself. I can't run home to Mommy every time something goes wrong.
Lane came to see me last week and she said a lot to me, but the one thing that keeps rolling around in my head is that it doesn't matter if I can do it or not I have to try. She said that everyone who really loves me won't care if I fail or not, if I really try and give it all I've got. I know that that is true with you. You have always taught me to reach out, grab onto life and hang on and I try to do that, but I'm not as good at it as you are. You have always done that, and look at you now. You have your own business, with Sookie and I am so proud of you.
So don't apologize to me, don't say that you don't deserve another chance, and don't ever, ever question my love for you. You are the best person in the world, you are my Mother, my best friend and like I said in my valedictorian speech at Chilton, you are the one person that I most want to be like. I love you
Now having said all that, I have to tell you that I can't come home right now. I need time to think, to decide what I want out of life, and to decide what I am going to do about it. Just know that I will come home soon and that I am not mad at you, this is what I need to do.
Love forever,
Rory
Lorelai, hugged the letter to her chest and closed her eyes. Well, she's definitely better at this letter writing thing than I am, she thought to herself. Of course she is, she's a journalist. Lorelai smiled and thought about her daughter, her beautiful, sweet, smart, talented, wonderful daughter, and for the first time in a while, thinking about how much she loved Rory didn't hurt quite so much. Mitchum Huntzberger had hurt Rory a lot and she had reacted impulsively by stealing the yacht with Logan and quitting Yale. Lorelai let out a big sigh. Like Mother, like daughter she guessed. She, herself, was known to act impulsively on occasion.
Lorelai read the letter again and again, analyzing every sentence, every word and thinking about her daughter and trying to figure out what Rory was thinking when she wrote it. Finally she brought the letter to her chest again and closed her eyes, happy that Rory seemed to be taking a step back and looking at what she wanted out of life. The only thing Lorelai wanted now was for her daughter to come home.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it, but either way please review. Thanks.
