Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of ER, WB and NBC do. I am not making any money off of this story it is written for pure entertainment and the exercise of my imagination.
Author's Note: This story doesn't take place in any season, so therefore it doesn't contain any spoiler's. I don't like writing about current seasons. There's a little bit of what has happened on aired episodes but that is because what has happened in the past makes these character's who they are.
JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE ER
It was a hot and humid day in Chicago. Cook County ER was flooded with patients because of the heat. Everything from heat stroke to barbeque accidents were flooding into the ER today. And if the heat outside wasn't enough, the air conditioning inside the hospital ER had gone out again. It seemed that the only time it worked right was in the middle of winter when they wanted the heat.
One of the perks to being an ER doctor was that you didn't have to take your patients home with you. You didn't have the fear of being called into work at odd hours of the night unless you were on that night. And your pager seldom goes off unless you are working and on a break and the ER got slammed. These were just some of the reasons that young new doctors chose the ER as their area of practice. Although at County the pay was lousy, the hours long and grueling, and you often went unappreciated even when you did manage to put someone on the brink of death back together again.
With these kinds of working conditions, you never knew who was coming and going. Very few people ever seemed to stay at County very long anymore. Dr. John Carter was the only one who had spent any length of time at County. It seemed that he had been there almost forever now. There was no rhyme or reason as to why he had decided to stay that long. And as to how much longer he was going to be there was up in the air. He couldn't stay chief resident forever and there hadn't been any talk of him becoming an attending there. Although with as short handed as County was they sure could use another doctor, especially with the shocking departure of Dr. Greene. His leaving and untimely death had been a great blow to the ER. Not only had they lost a great friend and colleague, but they had also lost a great doctor. He had always managed to make time for listening to the complaints of all his patients.
Carter had strived to be like Dr. Greene. He was now the rock of the ER. Even if he wasn't an attending. Those who worked at the ER looked up to him. He had a rocky past with the death of Lucy and his stabbing followed by his drug addiction and having to be sent off to rehab to recover but he was proving to everyone that he was strong enough to overcome what was put in front of him now that he knew he could rely and count on his friends. He had almost lost everything that he had worked for he wasn't going to put himself in that position again. He loved being a doctor.
But today was the day that County was going to be turned upside down by the arrival of a new attending physician. One whom Carter was too familiar with. The one woman from his past that he never thought that he would see again, let alone show up in his ER.
She walked into the ER. Erin was tall and had beauty on her side. She had worked very hard to get thru medical school and her following residency to be able to be a highly sought after Doctor. She definitely didn't lack in confidence and the ability to take control of a situation. And she just happened to walk into the ER at the right time. They were down a doctor and she was badly needed today.
"Excuse me; I am looking for a Doctor Weaver or a Doctor Lewis?" She said to Frank, who was sitting behind the admit desk.
"I'll let them you know that you are here, why don't you have a seat in chairs until they can get with you." He said to her.
"Is this how you treat all your attending physicians?" She asked, "I'm Dr. Erin Delaney."
"Oh excuse me Dr. Delaney. Yes have a seat and I will let them know that you are here." Frank said to her.
Dr. Lewis walked by. "Who is that Frank?"
"That's a Doctor Delaney. She is looking for you or Doctor Weaver. I told her that you would be with her when you had a minute."
Dr. Lewis rolled her eyes. That was not the way that she thought her new attending should have been treated. She needed another set of hands and having her new doctor in chairs was not where she needed her.
"Dr. Delaney, I'm Dr. Susan Lewis. Kerry, um Dr. Weaver said that you would be here today. And we are happy that you are here. I am sorry that the desk clerk had you wait out here in chairs." She said to her.
"That's alright Dr. Lewis. I know how hectic these places can get. Dr. Weaver explained to me that you were short handed right now, and I am more than willing to help you out. "She said to her.
"Let me show you around really quick and then unfortunately I am going to have to put you to work. I am down a doctor today and when you are short handed to begin with doesn't help. And this place is swarming with patient s that need to be seen."
"Not a problem I am a fast learner and I am sure that you have an excellent nursing staff that can help me out if I need it. Nurses are the best asset that an ER has and they are so under appreciated at times." Dr. Delaney said.
Haleh and Malik overheard her saying this to Dr. Lewis.
"Did you just hear what she said?" Malik said.
"I sure did. A doctor that actually appreciates a nurse that's a new one. I wonder how long she will last around here."
"Probably not very long. She'll get overworked and leave just like everyone else seems to do." Malik said.
Susan gave Erin a quick tour of the ER. Erin made a mental note of where everything was. She was also hoping the nursing staff would be able to help her out if she got herself into a bind and couldn't find anything. She really believed that the nursing staff was a vital part of the ER and that Doctors couldn't do their jobs effectively if they didn't have good nurses. Erin got this believe from her mother who was a nurse and had done the job for several years even before her daughter had announced to the family that she was going to become a doctor. She valued everything that her mother had taught her about respecting those who worked with her, even if they were not what she was. A healer came in many forms not just that of a doctor.
Erin dug into the pile of charts that were before them. She knew that they needed to clear the board as efficiently as they could with out compromising patient care. She had been trained in one of the busiest hospitals in America and could handle about anything that came thru the doors.
"Haleh, can I get 150 of benedryl in exam 3 please when you have a chance?" Erin asked her.
"Sure Dr. Delaney." She said as she headed off.
Erin and Susan managed to get the board caught up before the next shift came on. Well Susan was a part of the next shift; with Kerry gone she was left picking up a bunch of extra shifts to fill out the rest of the schedule.
"Dr. Lewis, are you sure you don't want me to stay over for you. You look beat and tired; I don't mind staying for you." Erin said to her.
"No it's okay it was just nice to have another doctor onboard to help out today and to put on the schedule now. The night crew should be here soon and there is enough of them that I can go hide somewhere and take a short nap before it gets hectic again." She said, "Just hand off your patients to Dr. Carter when he gets here."
"Dr. Carter, is that John Carter?" She asked.
"Yeah it is. Why do you know him?" Susan replied.
"From a long time ago. He and I were in med-school together, but that was forever ago. I didn't know that he was an attending here?" Erin said.
"Well he's not an attending here. He is the chief resident for now." Susan said.
Erin had a puzzled look on her face, "oh I thought that by now he'd be done."
"I am sure that he will be happy to see you." She said.
"Oh I wouldn't be to sure about that." She said, "it's not like when we last saw each other we were on the best of terms."
"I'm sure Carter wouldn't hold a grudge. Or at least not for this long no matter what you did to him." Susan said.
"Can you keep a secret?" Erin asked.
"Sure. I'm not a big mouth come on let's go in the lounge and get some coffee first." Susan said pulling her down the hall.
As soon as the door shut behind them and they knew that there was no one else in there, "So what is the big secret that would make Carter not happy to see you?"
"I left him at the alter." She said, "we were supposed to get married and I got cold feet and couldn't go thru with it. I left Chicago and haven't been back since then. That was over ten years ago. I didn't even have the guts to face him."
"Wow. I could see now why he wouldn't be that happy to see you after all this time." Susan said.
"Yeah I know. I didn't know that he was working here or I might not have come. Even though I know that you desperately need the help." She said.
"I didn't know that Carter had ever been that serious with anyone. He's never had a serious relationship all the time that I have known him." Susan said.
Just then Carter came thru the lounge door for the start of his shift.
"Hey Susan." He said heading over to his locker. It was almost as if he didn't see Erin standing there.
"Hi Carter." Susan said as she looked up at Erin, "I'll see you later."
"Night Susan." Erin said.
"You're on tonight too Susan." Carter said turning around coming face to face with Erin. "Erin." His face went expressionless. He couldn't believe that she was standing there in front of him. The last time that he had seen her was the night before they were supposed to get married.
"Hello John." She said trying not to make anymore eye contact with him.
"What are you doing here? And why did you come back?" He asked.
"I'm working here now and that's why I came back. I had no idea you were here, if I had I wouldn't have come." She said looking at him awkwardly. She was extremely uncomfortable. She wished that she could just disappear. She never imagined that she would have to come face to face with him again.
"I can't say that I am happy to see you." John said coldly.
"I don't imagine that you are at all happy to see me. And I am sure that if you had you're way I wouldn't be here or anywhere ever." She said.
"I'm actually surprised that you are a doctor now. With your fear of commitment." He said to her.
"I don't have a fear of commitment John." She said. She wasn't going to get into anything from the past with him right now if she could avoid it.
"Funny that's not how I remember it." He said to her.
"I am not going to get into this with you here. In fact, I am not going to get into it at all with you. What has happened has happened and I am not willing to explain myself to you right now." She said to him.
"You never were willing to explain anything to anyone. You always left that to someone else. I was the one left to explain everything when you left that night and never came back. I bet you didn't even think twice about what you were doing did you?" He started to raise his voice at her.
"John Carter, I am not going to get into this with you. This is not the time or the place to be having this discussion." She said trying to get him off the subject.
"Are you ever going to have this discussion with me?" He asked.
"Probably not. I don't owe you anything." She said coldly.
"You owe me a lot more than you think you do." He said to her.
Another doctor walked into the lounge. Carter turned to her.
"Chen are you off?" He asked her.
"Yeah I am why?" She replied.
"Can you cover for me for a couple of hours?" Carter asked, "I have something that I need to take care of that just popped up out of the blue."
"Yeah sure I suppose I can." She said, "but you will owe me one."
"I'm not doing this John." Erin turned and walked out of the lounge.
"Thanks Chen, I owe you one." He said throwing on his coat and following Erin out of the hospital.
"Erin stop right there." He yelled.
For some reason Erin paused. She wasn't sure why she stopped she didn't want to have this conversation with Carter. Not now, not ever. In her mind she didn't owe him anything anymore. She said everything that she had to say when she got on that plane and left the night before their wedding. "Drop it Carter."
"I am not going to drop it and you are going to explain why you left like you did."
"That was over ten years ago. I am not going to go dragging up emotions from that long ago. I am sure that until today you were completely over me. Just leave it like that." She said.
He reached out and grabbed her arm to keep her from walking away from him again. She was not getting away from him that easily this time. He let her go once with out any word not a second time. He wasn't going to work with her every day not knowing what caused her to run from him the first time.
"Why are you so hell bent on knowing that which you don't need to know John?" She said to him.
"The same reason that you are so hell bent on not telling me what I need to know. You walked away from me with out even looking back. No phone call, no letter, nothing. You broke my heart back then and I want to know why." He said to her.
"I am not going to tell you why." She said turning away from him.
"Don't you do this to me again?" He said.
"Don't do what to you again. Leave you, is that what you don't want me to do again, or is it that you don't want me to leave you in the dark again. You have to answer to everything and maybe, there are no answers this time. You can't accept that can you?" She said to him.
"Erin, you can't be straight with me can you? It is either your way or no way. You are still the self-centered bitch that you have always been. And to think that I loved you enough to want to spend the rest of my life with you. That will never happen again." He said.
"Yes John, I am everything that you think that I am and then some. My only goal in life ever was to make you miserable. I never intended on marrying you, I could never marry you because I am so self-centered that I realized that by marrying you I would have ruined every career plan I had. I knew that I didn't need you to be an excellent physician, so I decided to get rid of you before you got in my way." She said looking at him.
John looked at her with quiet eyes. It was almost as if he didn't know what to say to her after she spewed all of this at him. He didn't know whether to be hurt again or to let it go now that he had the answers that she didn't give to him before. He had always wondered why she had left with out telling him why. "Really," was all he could muster in response to her?
"Yes really. There are you happy now that you have an answer to what you thought you needed to know. Is that everything that you wanted from me? Don't bother answering that, cause that is all that you are going to get from me. I don't owe you anything John Carter. I never have and I never will." She spat at him. She had just spit out an answer. She was angry with him for making her revisit the past. To revisit a point in time that she didn't want to remember. The real reason that she had left him still haunted her. His family didn't want him to be a doctor; they didn't want her to encourage him to follow their dreams. They didn't want her to be around him; in their eyes they saw her as a bad influence upon him. She had known that they had paid off some of Carter's other serious relationships that they didn't see fit, and she had been added to the list of people of wouldn't or couldn't stand up to the Carter family, or the Carter family fortune. Either way she wouldn't ever let Carter know what she had done, or what they had offered her to leave and never look back. She had never planned on ever seeing John Carter again. She wished with all her might that he wasn't here right now, that they were not having this conversation. She wished that she didn't have to stand here in front of him and lie to him all over again. Leaving him the first time had broken her heart, but she did it because she loved him and didn't want anything bad for him. She knew that the family relationship was strained as is; she wasn't going to be the person to come between John and the rest of the Carter's. If they were going to disown him, she wanted it to be because of something he did on his own, not because of his love for her. She couldn't make eye contact with him now. She didn't think that she would ever be able to look him in the eyes again. Somehow she hoped that Carter wouldn't notice any of this. She had gotten good at lying over the years and she would keep lying to him as long as it suit her purpose and kept the truth hidden from him.
There was an awkward silence between them now. Neither of them knowing what to say to the other after what Erin had just blurted out. Erin had nothing more to say to Dr. Carter. She had her own life now and hadn't come back to Chicago in hopes of finding him. That was the last thing on her mind. She had worked so hard to avoid him that seeing him walk into that lounge nearly destroyed her. She wasn't going to let it though. The past was the past, she didn't need him, and she didn't love him anymore. Or did she and that was the reason that she couldn't face him all these years. Was she still pining for the handsome young doctor that she had met as only a med-student? His deep brown eyes still wore his emotions clearly. He was almost as if he hadn't changed in all these years. Yet surely he had to have. He couldn't be the same person that she had walked away from. Just doing that surely had to have changed him. It had changed her in ways that she never imagined that it would. She stood there wondering if he was going to say anything or if she should just walk away, walk away and not give him the chance to say anything that either one of the might regret.
She turned and started to walk away. She wasn't going to look back. She would talk to Susan and see if she could make sure that they didn't have to work the same shifts if that would be possible at all. She didn't want to be around him. She didn't want to see his handsome face, his beautiful dark eyes; she didn't want to have to face the love that she had so precariously thrown away with out a second thought. She had broken his heart and she needed him to think that.
"Erin why do you feel you need to lie to me, after all this time why?" He said.
She turned and looked at him as she continued walking, "It's not a lie John. I am what you think I am and I will never be anything more than that. It's not possible for me to be anything more." And with that she disappeared out of his sight.
John watched her walk out of sight. He could tell by the way she had gotten so quiet that she was lying to him. There was no doubt there. He just didn't know why she felt the need to lie to him. Why she had to tell him all that bullshit. She must not have known that he knew what his family had done all those years ago, that they had paid her to leave him and never look back again. She was keeping up the front that they wanted her to. He knew that she was a proud woman and would never admit that she wasn't able to stand up to the elder Carters. All John wanted was for her to admit that she had loved him and that the only reason that she had left was because of the pressure from them. But how could he tell her that he knew her little secret.
