Chapter 6:
Erin stood there still wide eyed and nervous, more nervous than she had been so many years ago when she had first met John. She didn't know if this was where she wanted this to go. Part of her was screaming for her to run away, this was a terrible mistake that she was about to commit and yet somewhere inside her heart there was a little voice telling her to go for it.
He wrapped his arms around her pulling her closer to him so that they were just inches apart from each other, nothing more than the wind could have passed between them right now. Her heart was beating faster in her chest now and she could feel her throat start to tighten up as her breath caught fast and was taken away by just how close she was to him. It was almost as if Erin's skin was on fire where he was touching her, and when he moved his hands up her arm there was a trail of goose bumps where he had brushed against her. Being close to John right now, it felt as if she had never left his side, as if they were picking up right where they had left off so many years ago.
She couldn't have said anything right now if she had wanted to. The feelings that were beginning to stir with in her were feelings that she had fought so hard to keep buried deep with in a part of her, they had been locked away and unreachable by anyone who had even attempted to bring them to life. Ten years was a long time to keep this kind of emotion bottled up inside of you, a long time to go with out feeling loved.
As Erin stood there and looked into his eyes she could have sworn that right then she could see that same look in his eye that said something that words had never been enough to explain. Some emotions ran deeper than words could explain. Love was one of those emotions. The way that it made you feel, the way that it took away your breath, made your heart beat fast in your chest, your skin tingle with the excitement from something as simple as the human touch.
With his hand he pushed back a stray strand of her hair that had fallen down covering her face. Now resting his hands, a touch that was soft and gentle, one upon each of her cheeks. She couldn't look away from him, even if she had wanted to. For she was held captive by his eyes. He was the only person that she knew whose eyes said so much; spoke so loudly that he didn't have to use words. One simple gaze from John Carter said it all.
They were treading dangerous ground. Feeling that could turn either way on a moments notice, for they were two people who at one point in time who loved each other with every ounce of themselves but yet it didn't come to be. She wanted to forget all of that but it wasn't something that she could forget. And if she acted on those feeling she didn't want to find herself in a position where come the morning she regretted this. She didn't know if he had some ulterior motive behind his actions, all of this could be nothing more than some kind of act, a twisted revenge. But the John that she knew wouldn't have it with in him to be that cruel, but then he could have change in those 10 years. Oh lord she was talking herself into backing out of it but then she didn't really want to back out of it and that might have been why she was still standing there and hadn't moved.
Carter could tell by the look of her face that she was having one of those internal battles, yet something inside him didn't want to let this moment pass. It was one that for the longest time that he had dreamed about. She was a woman that had a hold of him and he couldn't just let go, he too had tried with no success over the years, drifting from relationship to relationship but none of them lasting for any length of time.
He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers not waiting another moment and gave her a kiss that would shake her to the very depths of her soul. Her arms wrapped around her neck as he felt her returning his kiss. The world melted away as it became just the two of them, feeling as if they were the only two people in the world right now.
She had to wonder how he could do that to her as she pulled back a little from him, her head rested on his shoulder as she stood there staying in his arms but no longer in the passionate kiss that they had just shared. Part of her wanted to cry right now as old feelings surfaced and she could feel her heart ache just a little bit wanting more but unsure if she could continue on this road.
Carter kissed the top of her head before sighing softly now, not at the woman, but more at the situation that had found themselves in. He knew what he wanted but it was her reactions and her hesitations that were making him have second thoughts now. Right now that was the last place that he wanted his mind to go. All he knew right now was what felt good and it was having her in his arms. Heaven had never been so close to earth.
He ran his hands gently up and down her back in a soothing action, hoping that it would keep her calm, be something reassuring as it once was to her. He knew that he needed to find the way to make her know that this was a real deal, nothing but real emotion, the true feelings that he thought she had to have known he still held for her but had not be able to tell her he had. Those feelings had come rushing back into his heart when he saw the ring, the ring that he had given her there on her finger.
He could have sworn that it wasn't there when he had first seen her in the ER or there when they had, had that fight in her apartment. Yet tonight it was there as clear as the nose on his face. He had wanted to say something about what he had seen but he didn't want to start anything with the way that things stood right now, this was the longest since she had blow into town that they hadn't said anything hateful or hurtful to each other.
Carter reached down and swept her up off her feet holding onto her tightly as he kissed her once again. They didn't need the silence but he knew that right now they both wanted, they both needed the closeness that they were sharing. Nothing needed to be said right now, words could wait until later.
He carried her back to the bedroom. Not breaking the close contact that he had with her, with each step that he took he put a little more of himself into the kiss that he was giving her, getting closer to her and reconnecting just that much more with her. No longer was he afraid that he was going to get burned, that she would hurt him, he wasn't going to let her into his life enough for her to do that right now. He was only willing to let her in to ease the ache that he felt right now, to temporarily fill the void that she had left in his heart, to be able to say she was his just this one last time if that was all that was to be.
When he laid her down upon the bed her hands that had wrapped around his neck holding onto him, did not loosen, they pulled him in, she was giving him that open invitation that he had been waiting for. As the sun started to rise over Chicago marking the dawning of a new day, Carter and Erin welcomed something other than just that new day; it was the start of another page in their lives. A page that held uncertainty, betrayal and a longing for a relationship that neither of them new if they could give to the other.
