Holding On

Chapter 12- Most Active Hours of the Day

Lizzie rolled over and looked at the bright red numbers on her clock. 3:03am. She had been lying in her bed for exactly one hour and still wasn't the least bit tired. She kept thinking about Jake. What had he wanted to tell her? Why hadn't she stayed? Turning away from the light of her clock, she saw her phone. Lizzie dialed Jake's number. She couldn't wait until morning. It was tearing her up, not knowing.

The phone rang five times before Jake picked up, feeling upset for being woken up from his slumber. Lizzie couldn't blame him. "Hello?" he answered.

"Jake? Before I left today I sensed you were going to tell me something. So what is it?" Lizzie asked, eager to get straight to the point.

"Lizzie?" Jake said. "How about I come over there because if you start talking now I swear I'm going to fall right back to sleep."

"Alright." She said. She was upset that she had to wait longer. She wanted to know now.

But Lizzie didn't have to wait much longer, for Jake arrived at her apartment in less than fifteen minutes. She was making coffee. "So what were you going to say?" Lizzie asked pouring Jake a cup of coffee.

"I have no idea." Jake groaned, as he fought to stay awake. "What were we talking about? And can it wait until morning?"

Lizzie frowned. "We were talking about Gordo. And it can't wait, besides, you're already here."

"Ok. Just give me a sec to wake up." Jake whispered. He headed to her bathroom and when he came out there was water on his face. Lizzie guessed he had splashed cold water on his face. "Now," He said sounding much more awake. "Gordo is the guy you used to date, and now want to kill. Right?"

"Exactly. And you were saying something like I should give him a second chance because you knew what he was going through. So how do you know what its like for him?" Lizzie asked brightly.

Jake's lips curved upward. "You used to stay out late before Maggie was born, right? 'Cause no one is naturally this energetic at three in the morning. You have to work at it."

Lizzie smiled faintly as she remembered her carefree high school days. "That's beside the point." She said with a hint of amusement in her voice. Jake small smile turned into a bright grin. He laughed as she as blushed scarlet.

"Alright." Lizzie said, realizing that he wouldn't tell her anything unless she gave him an answer as to how she came to be so awake in the early hours of the morning. "When I was a senior in high school I got into this big fight with my best friend and Gordo was the only one who understood me. So, every night I would sneak over his house at exactly 2am then we would talk until four. After the first week or so I became accustomed to only five hours of sleep."

"What happened after that?" Jake asked. Becoming completely engrossed Lizzie's story.

"I made up with my friend about a two months after I started my moonlight voyages, then Gordo asked me out. Didn't seem right to keep up the visits after that. But I still love the early hours of the morning. It's so peaceful in the middle of the black night. You can do anything, go anywhere and no one can stop you, or- disapprove or judge. Its heaven" Lizzie finished. There was a pause "So enough about me. What you haven't made your statement yet."

"Your right." Jake grumbled. "Now here's my story. In high school I started seeing this girl Grace. We stayed together and when I was in collage we had a son, James." He hung his head to hide the tears.

"You left?" Lizzie asked realizing he did know how Gordo felt. Jake swallowed and picked up his head, looking her in the eye.

"Not right away." He said with certain ferocity in his voice. "It was hard, managing the baby & school, it would have been hard even if I wasn't in school, but I didn't leave yet."

There was silence in the room. Lizzie turned her head toward the window. She thought how she had downsized Gordo when Jake had done nearly the same thing. It must have made him feel awful. Lizzie turned back to him, silently telling him to continue.

"After I graduated James turned two and we found out he was autistic. It got to hard right there. I could barely handle a child who communicated easily, but I just couldn't handle a child who was autistic. So I left. Haven't been home since." Jake finished.

"Is that way you teach autistic children?" Lizzie inquired.

Jake nodded. She understood. "It's the only way I feel I can make up for leaving."

"You could always go back." She suggested. "Try to work things out."

Jake snorted. "You won't give Gordo a second chance. It's the same thing isn't it?" Lizzie looked down at her coffee. "And I know Grace she is strong. If I came back she'd slam the door in my face without saying a word." There was silence again.

"So what are you going to do?" Lizzie asked.

"Nothing." Jake answered. "What do you want me to do?"

Lizzie ran her fingernail along to rim of the thick coffee mug. "Did you love him?" She questioned.

"James? Yes. Very much."

"Did you love her?" She finished. She had unveiled the question that most people never dared ask. It was quiet. Electricity hummed in the air. Steam poured from the coffee pot. He needn't have said the answer, Lizzie already knew. But he had replied anyway, maybe making her pay for crossing the line and asking the question.

"Yes." He said finally. But Lizzie's torture wasn't over yet. "Did you love Gordo?" Jake retaliated. Once again silence.

"I think so." She said.

They both knew what they had to do, but were afraid. They couldn't try to make it work out with their pervious lovers. And as they were being pulled toward each other, they were breaking away from Grace and Gordo.

Lizzie broke her rule and let Jake spend the night.

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Author's Note:
I know. I know that chapter was shorter than most of the others, but they'll get longer. But it ended in a cliffhanger, well, sort of.

Keep the reviews coming!!!!!!!!!!