Holding On

Chapter 15- Matt's Side of the Story

Lizzie heard three sharp rings coming from the downstairs clock, three a.m. She dragged herself out of bed carefully so she wouldn't wake Maggie. She tiptoed down the hall to her brother's room. She knocked softly on the door. "Matt." She whispered. "Are you awake?" Matt was staying at his parents' house during Lizzie's visit or at least until the plumbing problem in his building was fixed.

There was a stirring noise from inside the room and Matt acknowledged Lizzie's presence. "No." He said, his voice muffled under the covers. She opened the door anyway and shook her brother

"C'mon" She said. "I need to get a man's point of view." Matt muttered something but it was impossible to hear it under the quilt. "What?" Lizzie asked.

"What do you need a man's point of view on?" Matt asked, slightly annoyed at being woken up so early in the morning

"On Gordo!" Lizzie half-shrieked. "What should I do?" Matt stared at her, dumfounded.

"I have absolutely no idea." He said after a pause. "Why?"

She inhaled and wondered if she dared say it. "Because I think I want him back in my life." She dared. He stared at her, amused. Then he broke down and laughed.

"Lizzie." Matt began "You're chasing this guy away every chance you get. Why do you suddenly want to be with him?" It sounded crazy, even to her.

"I guess I just want to see if the old spark is still there." Said Lizzie "And I don't think it's fair to Maggie to grow up without a father figure around, especially when she's so curious about her real father. That's logical, isn't it?"

"No." Matt answered immediately. "But I think I can understand." He said, his tone softening. "Although, you have to remember that you were the one who ran away for years. You can't blame him for everything."

"But Miranda told him where I was and he didn't bother to try and find me for years." Lizzie said. "I can blame him for that." She sighed and fingered the carpet beneath her feet "And I guess the only reason I didn't take him back before was because I don't want Maggie to start to like him only to find that he'll leave again to make a movie and never come back. That would hurt her so much I don't think I could stand it."

"Lizzie, that's not wrong, but just give the guy a chance. I doubt he'll make the same mistake twice. And I doubt he'll be leaving to make another movie. I mean come on, have you seen his movies?"

"I like his movies." Lizzie defended Gordo. Matt glared at her.

"You would." He said. Lizzie didn't want this to turn into a bash Gordo conversation, so she changed the subject. "Ok, enough about Gordo. What about you?" She asked, exposing the real reason she came to speak with Matt.

"What about me?" Matt said curiously, not wanting to venture too much further in this area.

"I want to know about you and Christine." She said plainly. Matt pursed his lips.

"That's nothing, really." He said icily. Lizzie arched an eyebrow.

"Liar." She shot at him. "Come on. You know I'll find out somehow. You might as well tell me."

"It was just a fling, just for fun." He answered weakly.

"Then why do you look so heartbroken?" Lizzie asked. She had never seen her brother so upset and it worried her because she was usually the one who lost her head.

"Because she wouldn't go near me now if I paid her." He said, and then he winced, as if regretting his choice of words. Lizzie paused, as she was about to speak. Then reality hit her.

"Matt." She said softly. "Is Christine a prostitute?" He swallowed and buried his head in his hands.

"Was." He said finally. "She was. But, oh I don't know, she stopped, I guess and uh, chose a different profession." Lizzie looked puzzled so he went on. "I knew her from a few years ago." He stopped, looking hurt. "She didn't even remember me." He said softly.

"But, why?" Lizzie asked. "Why take up with a hooker? It makes no sense."

Matt stared at her. "It makes perfect sense." He told her, his voice stabled now. Lizzie didn't understand, so he went on. "Look at your life, Lizzie. Look at what you have." He said. "You've got a daughter, you've got a guy your crazy about chasing you everywhere, you've got a family here, and great friends back in Boston, and you don't rely on anyone, your able to take care of yourself. I don't have that. I don't know if I ever will."

"Matt, you have a lot. You-" Lizzie started.
"If you say I have my health I swear to God I will kill you." he hissed through clenched teeth. When he spoke again he was half-shouting. "Look at me! I don't have a girlfriend; I don't have any kids, until a little while ago I didn't even have a job. I have nothing. I don't even think I have my sanity anymore. He stood up and looked out the dark window. Lizzie got up from the floor and stood next to him.

"Matt, you never had any sanity." Lizzie said, trying to lighten he moment. He gave her a piercing glare and she became sympathetic again. "Ok, what does this have to do with you and Christine?"

"Remember when Melina left to go live in Pittsburgh?" Matt asked. Lizzie nodded. It had taken Matt a long time to get over her. He had called Lizzie every night for weeks begging for condolences. "Well around that time I took a look at your life and compared it to mine. The result wasn't comforting, so I found Christine. It was like a rebound thing, I only spent one night with her, but it was long enough to fall for her. I know it's stupid but-" His voice trailed off and Lizzie motioned for him to go on. "When I saw her again it was like heaven. I confronted her, but she didn't remember me. I went home with her that night anyway and she seemed to recall me. The next morning she woke me up early and told me to leave because her fiancée was coming over. I haven't been the same since.

Lizzie stood there in shock, unable to speak. She had been so wrapped up her problems lately that she had failed to notice from her many phone conversations with Matt that he might want to tell her something, to ask her advice on a problem. This was the result. Matt in love with a hooker. It was crazy. Straight out of a soap opera. "Just forget about her." Lizzie said. But she knew he wouldn't.

"I can't." He whimpered. He sat down on the floor and stared at the wall. "I always thought I would fall in love with Melina." He let out a little laugh. "Guess I was wrong." There was a pause where Matt let out a sigh. "If you want a man's point of view, Lizzie. Then take my advice, don't make Gordo go through this. If you really care about him take him back because you may never find someone else. Ever. And I don't think you want to spend the rest of your nights alone."

Lizzie was so shocked she obeyed Matt when he said to go back to bed before Maggie realized she was gone. Back in the comfort of her own bed she thought Matt was right. She didn't want Gordo to suffer. She'd call him when she got back to Boston. Maybe even sooner.