Chapter Three: Oh, the Confusion!
" My head hurts from even thinking about this!" Lily-Peter moaned.
" Then don't!" Remus snapped.
" Oh, shut it, Moony!" cried Lily.
" I'm Moony!" James reminded Lily.
" James, how long will we be stuck like this?" asked Peter, rounding on Sirius.
Sirius shrugged. " Ask James- I mean me- oh, go ask Remus!" cried James, flustered.
" I want me back!" Lily whined.
" Like I don't?" Peter scoffed, gesturing at his short, plump body. " I want myself back! I don't want top be a fat little boy!"
Lily scowled. " I'm not that bad! And I don't want to be a girl!"
Everyone laughed. " What's so funny?" Lily asked.
Trying not to laugh, Remus-who-is-in-James said," We'll have to look up this potion in a book, and see how long it will last."
Sighing, they exited the bathroom, leaving Myrtle howling behind them.
Peter and James searched the shelves in the library, for any books that mentioned their misfortunes.
Sirius and Remus, (James and Sirius) were occasionally flipping through a book, but found nothing, so they decided to be on lookout. They must have been in a library for a whole hour before anyone found anything, and everyone was growing tired. Finally, Peter emerged, running in excitement, from the restricted section. Panting, he stood on his tiptoes and shoved the book in their faces.
Peter gasped to Lily, " I can hardly breathe, Peter, you should go on a diet." He said to Lily.
" Excuse me!" Lily cried. " I am just fine the way I am!" Lily stopped to think, which looked hard. " And it's nice being tall for once."
Remus muttered to Sirius, " It looks so weird for Peter to be telling Lily to go on a diet."
Sirius-James nodded vigorously. "I won't be going near my girlfriend for a long time."
Peter read the page in a book, and summarized it for them aloud, " This potion lasts a month!" Peter wailed. " I can't be like this for a month! Where will I go? I can't even get into my own dormitory! James! How did you mix up a Controlling Potion with a Switching Solution? Fix this!"
Sirius jumped. " What can I do about it, Lils? I happen to have a Quidditch game in two weeks. I can still play, since Sirius is on the team- but I'm not really used to playing Beater-"
" You'll do fine, Prongs. I have to be Chaser and Captain!" cried Remus. " And I'm on the team, but Remus isn't!"
Remus (Sirius) turned pale. " I don't get to play!"
Remus and Sirius turned to James, or rather, Remus.
" Moony, you have to play Chaser and Captain," said Sirius, sighing.
"Me?" asked James, exasperantly. " I can't play! I'm no good!"
" You'll do fine," said Remus confidently. " We've seen you fly before- and it sounds so weird to hear James denying that he has talent, it's a nice change from bragging-"
James was panicking now. " Not in front of the whole school, you haven't! I can't! How am I suppose to be Chaser and Captain?"
" We'll help you practice," said Remus and Sirius together.
Peter wailed over all of them, " I can't get into my room!"
" And I'm not going in the girl's dormitory!" said Lily, looking disgusted. " I'll have to listen to their gossip, and who likes who-"
The Marauders grinned. " That can be an advantage," said Sirius, smirking. Peter slapped him.
" Siri- err, James!" he cried. " I- I mean she, no he can't eavesdrop on my friends!" he pointed wildly at Lily.
" Come on Worm- Lily," said Remus. '' It'll be fun! Besides, your friends don't have any secrets, do they?"
Peter sniffed, " No." he said in a very unconvincing tone.
" You'll have to sleep in our dormitory!" The Marauders cried gleefully to Peter-Lily.
" No!" she cried. " I can't live in that toxic waste pigsty!"
" I am morally offended," said Sirius defensively. " Those house-elves never come around to clean-"
" Only because those poor house-elves are afraid that they might break their necks tripping over a broomstick!" said Peter hotly.
" When they come in to clean at night, it isn't that hard to turn on a light," Remus protested.
James and Remus suddenly turned pale. " Night!" they both cried together, both struck with another unfortunate situation.
" What?" asked Lily, looking lost.
" You said that the potion lasts a month?" yelled Remus, rounding on Peter.
" Yes," said Peter quickly. "Why?" The other Marauders didn't need an explanation. They knew what Remus-Sirius was facing. Sirius would have to endure a werewolf transformation. Remus was very pale, and James said quickly, " See you, Lils- I mean Wormtail! We need to get to bed now- there's a huge test in Transfiguration, you know. Goodnight!"
They all descended to Gryffindor tower, and as they departed to dormitories, Peter called to Lily, " Don't you dare harass my friends!" After Peter-Lily asked Lily-Peter for a nightgown, they climbed the stairs.
Mumbling to herself, Lily darkly entered the girl's dormitories. Laughing at Peter's misfortunes, the others entered the boy's dormitory. Stepping gingerly across the ground, avoiding large objects littered so that the floor didn't show they approached their beds. Peter looked around in disgust. The ground was a sea of the Marauder's belongings, the beds were unmade, the walls were plastered with various Quidditch posters, and there was some unidentified green object splattered on the window. Grimacing, Lily-Peter gracefully approached the last bed, shuddering. " I am not sleeping in his bed!" she cried.
" Yeah, well, I don't blame you," said Sirius, shrugging.
As Peter continued to stare at the bed with mounting distaste, she noticed that all three of the other boys were staring at her expectantly. Peter noticed the pajamas in their hands, turned red, and muttered, " Sorry!" He turned around and covered his eyes as they dressed. After a few moments, Lily began to return to glaring at the bed, when the boys snapped, " No peeking!"
" I wasn't!" Lily said, embarrassed, pressing her hands over her eyes once again.
"Yeah, sure you weren't," she heard Sirius-James say.
" I mean, who can blame her with our dashingly good looks?" said Sirius- James. (James)
" You are the biggest egotistical prat that I have ever met, Potter," said Lily, though a smile was creeping onto her face.
" We all know that you couldn't resist sneaking a peak at me," said Remus. Sirius punched him in the arm. Lily went into the bathroom and changed. She couldn't figure out what was so funny when she emerged from the bathroom. All three boys were laughing so loudly that she hoped they didn't wake the whole tower.
" Shhh! What's so funny?" she hissed. They pointed at her, tears of laughter streaming down their faces. Lily's face turned red. What was wrong? All that she had done was change into pajamas...
Lily looked in wall length mirror by her boyfriend's bed and let out of a scream of surprise and amusement. The short, plump form of Peter Pettigrew stared, grinning back at her, wearing a long pink dressing gown and fluffy pink slippers--
Lily was crying with mirth, collapsing on the bed next to Sirius (James) and giggling insanely. "That-" she gasped, " Is--the-- funniest thing that I--have ever- seen," she could barely breathe, much less talk.
So, wiping tears of laughter from their now shining faces, they each climbed into bed. Lily didn't bother to change. In fact, the four joked about her wearing that outfit all of the next day to humiliate Peter.
Lily flat out refused to sleep in the bed until it had been thoroughly cleaned with the Scorgio charm. As they drifted to sleep at random times, Lily could hear the occasional giggle, but they were soon replaced by loud snores, and poor Lily groaned and covered her ears with a pillow...
Meanwhile in the 7th year girl's dormitories...
" What's wrong, Lils?" asked Alice, a friend of Lily's, as she climbed under her bed sheets.
" Oh, nothing." said Peter quickly. He clambered clumsily onto the only remaining bed.
"So," said Rachel Hallister, a dark haired girl who also happened to be Lily's best friend, as she flopped over her pillows. " Who shall we talk about tonight?"
" Frank, of course." exclaimed Alice in a dreamy voice. She and Frank Longbottom had been dating since sixth year, and was often all that Alice wanted to talk about during their 'girl time.'
Her friends, except Lily, let out sighs of exasperation. " Someone else tonight." piped up the smallest girl of the group, Hannah Rineson.
" Yeah," cried her twin, Hilary.
" How about," Rachel gave a dramatic pause. " The ever-charming Marauders?" The girls leaned forward eagerly, each giving words of approval.
" Who should we start with?" asked Peter nervously, thinking that the others would find it odd if Lily didn't participate in the conversation.
" Well, you want to start with James, of course!" said Alice, staring at Peter strangely. Lily turned red. " Sure, w-why not?"
" If you don't mind me saying so, Lils," said Hilary happily. " I wish that I played Quidditch with him! I would play anything!"
Hannah smirked at her twin. Hannah, being very small and fast, was Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team and saw James on the field nearly every day. All of the girls in the school were jealous that she spent so much time in the company of James Potter and Sirius Black.
" Now, now," said Rachel. " That's not make Lily suspicious," said Rachel, looking anxiously at Lily. " We'll just talk about his best friend!"
" Sirius Black," Rachel, Hannah, and Hilary sighed. Alice and Lily snorted, and the other three girls shot up." What?" asked Rachel defensively. " He's the most handsome, rebellious, talented--"
" That's enough," said Lily, laughing. " And we all know that James is talented."
" Well, yes." said Hannah truthfully. " But Sirius has the cutest puppy dog face-" Lily laughed at this, and her friends looked at her oddly.
" Okay, I get it," Lily muttered. " You all fancy Sirius-"
" No," said Hilary. " I fancy Remus. He's so shy, quiet, mysterious, but I'm too shy to say anything to him, you know, in case he doesn't like me," she finished in a small voice.
" Well, I know Remus well, through James, and I'm sure that he would like to hear that," Lily said to Hilary. " He might even- Oh, I dunno, write you some poetry?"
" Really?" she giggled, blushing. " Are you sure?"
" Of course," said Peter. " And Rachel- just tell Sirius how much you fancy him, he loves attention."
" I'll do that," she whispered.
Realization struck Peter. These girls couldn't go flirting with his friends right now, when they weren't even themselves! " But stay away from them right now." exclaimed Peter quickly.
"Why?" the girls chorused, looking confused.
" Because," said Peter plainly. " They're not feeling like themselves. Especially Peter."
" Oh, I hate Peter!" said Hannah huffily. " He's always following poor James, Sirius and Remus around, and when we were taking our O.W.L's, I swear that I saw him cheat off of my paper--"
The girls all muttered their agreement. Peter felt his face go red, and he clenched his fist.
" He not only follows the Marauders- he hides behind them, like they're his bodyguards or something!" Hilary put on a shrill voice. " ' Oh, Sirius, James! I just insulted a Slytherin and now they're going to beat me up! Hide me! Hide me!'"
All of the girls laughed, except for Lily, who muttered, " I'm tired."
Nobody else talked for the rest of the night.
The next morning
Lily awoke to see Sirius's grinning face right over her own. " Wake up, sleeping Lily-inside-Peter!" James cried. As Lily stood up, she saw that James was the only other one awake, perhaps eager to see Peter in a dressing gown again.
Lily rolled out of bed, and stood, and James went into a fit of laughter, that Lily thought would wake the others. She was surprised when it didn't.
Lily grinned. " James, do you know how weird it seems for Sirius to be up before anyone else?" James said brightly, " Right. Would you like to insist me in waking them up?"
" Sure, why not." she shrugged.
Sirius (James) marched up to Remus' bed and yelled, "Wake up, Siri!"
Sirius turned over, and muttered, " Shut up!" He threw his pillow at James. Lily glanced at him questioningly, "His pet name," James answered before she could ask. " He hates it. It's reserved for his er- lady friends."
" You mean one-night stands?" Lily scoffed.
" Actually, no. Sirius isn't as bad as everyone thinks."
" Oh, really?" asked Lily in interest. " So, he's not the lady's man that he seems to be?"
" Oh, he is." replied James as he sat on the edge of Remus' bed. " He, well, let's say that we set him a curfew." Lily giggled. James said, " There's a reason that I've never told you this before, but if there's one thing that will wake him up, it's to tickle him." He leaned over and tickled Remus-Sirius.
Sirius let out a high giggle and began kicking his feet under the bed sheets. " See?" James said. " And now that I've shown you, you must promise to never use this as a weapon against him."
Lily playfully tickled the sleeping body of Remus also, he squealed. " But it's fun!" Lily cried playfully. " It's so cute when the high and mighty Sirius squirms like that!"
" Now what he really hates," said James slowly, " Is when someone gets him-- right here." he tickled the sleeping Sirius under the neck,
Sirius sat straight up, giggling uncontrollably. He glanced around at Peter and himself, but-not-himself, looking confused.
" Wake up, sunshine." said Sirius (James) tauntingly to his friend, before going to wake up Remus-James. He shook his friend's shoulder roughly, and his head lolled around. " Wake up, Moony."
Sirius sighed, and opened the trunk at the foot of Remus' bed. He shifted through the contents until he found a bar of Honeyduke's Best Chocolate. He peeled back the wrapper and waved it around Remus-James's face. James sniffed, and bit the chocolate bar as he sat up. He warily opened his eyes, grinned, and snatched the bar from James' hand, " Thanks." he muttered, through a mouthful of chocolate.
" Remus is a chocoholic." said James loudly to Peter.
They heard the James-Remus yell " Hey!" from behind them.
" So, James," asked Lily in interest. " What wakes you up?"
" Well, said Sirius, from across the room. " You either talk about Lily, or tell him that he's late for a Quidditch game."
James shuddered. " It's my worst nightmare." they all laughed at him, and James said even louder, " Well, it is! What if Slytherin beats us? It could happen, you, know. If I'm not there in time,"
Nevertheless, with all of the small arguing, they were very late for breakfast the next day.
Sorry. It's hard. Was that too short? A/N: This chapter- though short to me took a long time to write. I had to start over several times and change the story because I would get the characters mixed up (Even more.) For instance, I was going to make James ticklish, but I confused the bodies, and had to change it so that it was Remus- Sirius who was ticklish. Bear with me-- this isn't the easiest fic to write! Raise your hand if I've confused you yet! Thank you soooo much to all of my reviewers. A new chapter soon, once I sort everything out.
