I DO NOT own the TT or the name Ryand'r. Everything else is mine. Reproduction and use of any of my characters is allowed with my permission only. Read and enjoy.

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Prelude to Insanity; Chapter 5: Billy.

Ryan followed the Titans' fearless leader up the steps to the elevator. Robin quickly swiped his card and the elevator doors sprung open. He motioned for Ryan to step inside.

"You first."

Gracious, Ryan thought. And suspicious. But he accepted the invitation anyhow and stepped into the elevator. Robin followed and punched in the button labeled "B3".

The elevator whirred to life, and with a soft humming sound began its descent.

Ryan was surprised that they were bypassing the training room he had seen earlier; he had figured that a combat test would most likely be performed there... unless this wasn't a combat test at all... But no, these people were heroes; protectors of the right and just, and besides, Koriand'r still had her organs intact. He was just being paranoid... Or perhaps just too trusting...

The elevator reached its destination on the tower's third sublevel, and the doors opened to reveal... black. The room was cast entirely in shadow. The lack of any light set off all of Ryan's warning bells, but he managed to stay slacked against every one of his fighter's instincts.

"Rule five of the soldier's handbook:" Ryan recalled his teachings, "Never enter an unsecured room under any of these conditions:

A: Possible hostiles

B: Poor or limiting visibility

C: A hostage situation

D: When escorting a principal or hostage

Two out of four..." he thought to himself, "not bad..."

Robin entered the darkness first, which relaxed Ryan slightly.

CLICK.

Ryan instantly assumed a fighting stance at the sound, his warrior instincts overriding his brain's command to stay relaxed. Suddenly, glaring light flooded the room: Robin had simply flipped the light switch.

Robin stared at him.

"What the heck are you doing? Hurry up!"

Ryan's arms flopped to his sides and he breathed out loudly in relief. He rolled his eyes as he stepped out, making a mental note to be less paranoid in the future. His expression quickly changed to one of wonder, however, as he gazed at the room about him. It appeared to be a sort of massive, metallic dome with various weapons and obstacles scattered about it.

"I think I've died and gone to the Danger Room..."

"Welcome," said Robin, with an air of pride, "to the Titans Tower training area."

"Wow."

"I designed it myself. State-of-the-art weaponry and defense systems, perfect for combat training of any kind. I can control the whole thing from that box up there," he said, pointing to a metal cubicle high up on the wall, "I'm going to take the lift up there, and you stay right here." He handed Ryan a headset equipped with a microphone. "You can use this to talk to me. Once I reach the top, I'll switch on the loudspeaker and you'll be able to hear me."

"Okay," Ryan said absentmindedly, staring intently at the various instruments of painful destruction laid out before him.

Robin stepped onto a small platform on the wall, and barriers sprung up around him. The platform then began its ascent up the wall towards the rectangular hole in the bottom of the control box. Shortly after the platform reached the box, Robin's voice boomed out over the loudspeaker, startling Ryan, who was fiddling with a swiveling gun turret.

"OKAY," said Robin's electronically amplified voice, "WE'LL START WITH A STRENGTH TEST. GO STAND IN THAT SQUARE ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO THE WALL."

Ryan walked over to the center of the square.

"Oookayy... now what?"

"Look up and catch it."

"Huh?"

He looked up.

"ACK!"

A giant metal platform emerged from out of the wall and slid down on a track. Ryan lifted his arms and stopped the falling platform effortlessly with his Tamaranian strength.

"Okay," Ryan said in to his headpiece, "what next?"

THOOM.

The platform suddenly got heavier.

THOOM.

Heavier.

THOOM.

THOOM.

THOOM.

"Is that the best you got?"

THOOM.

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Two minutes later...

THOOM.

Robin watched from his box, slack-jawed. The pile of weights on the platform got higher and higher.

"What the... no way... is he? That's not... Holy crap, he is... He's squatting it..."

THOOM.

Back on the ground, Ryan was pumping away, squatting down and standing back up like he didn't have well over a ton of weight on his back. He smiled as he lifted.

"Man, this is great stuff... I haven't had a workout like this in years..."

He stood up, took one hand off the platform, scratched his nose, and paused.

No more "thooms".

He looked upward.

"Yo Robin, what gives?"

"Uh, I'm out of weights..." he muttered. He coughed and regained composure. "OKAY, NOW A SPEED TEST."

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Meanwhile, in the Titan's living room, the remaining four heroes were engaged in various activities. Raven was reading a book of poetry. Starfire was sitting in a chair twiddling her thumbs and anxiously awaiting the return of her brother, and Beast Boy and Cyborg were caught up in another engaging rerun of Dragonball Z. On screen, the action unfolded...

"YOU SUCK, VEGETA!"

"NO, YOU SUCK, KAKEROT!"

"NO, YOU SUCK, VEGETA!"

"NO, YOU SUCK, KAKEROT!"

"NO, YOU SUCK, VEGETA!"

"LET'S POWER UP AND MAKE DRAMATIC POSES!"

"YES!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

(insert monotonous midair fight scene here)

You can just imagine the craters forming and veins bulging and gold stuff and rocks flying everywhere, right?

"This is the most annoying show I have ever seen," said Raven, looking up from her book. "Please, if you're to watch TV, at least have the decency to watch a show that isn't completely idiotic."

"Hey BB," snickered Cyborg, "you ever heard of a show like that?"

"Never," mumbled the changeling, engrossed in the onscreen action.

BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP.

"Aw, man," whined Beast Boy, "why do we always get an alert during my favorite show?"

Raven, thoroughly relieved, walked silently up to the screen and flipped a switch. The shirtless, massive-haired anime men disappeared, only to be replaced by the image of a tall blue-skinned man in a top hat and suit.

"Mumbo." Said Beast Boy with contempt. "You interrupt my cartoon! YOU SHALL DIE!" He suddenly turned at a swishing sound emanating from the direction of the elevator. Robin and Ryan emerged from the doors and made their way down to the main area.

"Ah, Robin!" Starfire chirped happily, "You have completed the testing of my brother!"

"Yeah, and I've got to say, the results are more than surprising."

Starfire's expression turned to concern. "Why, is there something wrong?"

"No, no! Nothing wrong. Just surprising."

Cyborg and Beast Boy walked up to them.

"What's surprising?" asked the android.

"Well..." said the Boy Wonder, leaning over to whisper in Cyborg's ear.

"HE BEAT ME BY HOW MUCH ?!"

"I hate to interrupt your little discussion," interjected Raven, "but in case you've all zoned out entirely, the Amazing Mumbo is making his exit." She pointed to the screen. Indeed, Mumbo was taking off down the street, cash spilling out of his magically enlarged pockets.

"Titans, go!" Robin shouted, heading for the elevator. He was followed by Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy. Starfire, however, had stopped to talk with her brother.

"Brother Ryand'r! Do you wish to join us in our chasing down of the bad guys?"

"Nah, like I said before, I never really got the hang of being a hero. I tried it once or twice; it just doesn't work for me. You go ahead and have fun."

"I will," Starfire smiled at him. "I shall return as quickly as possible, then will be able to spend some 'quality time' together."

Ryand'r returned his sister's grin. "Sounds like a plan."

Starfire waved at him a turned to go, but was stopped by Ryan's hand on her shoulder.

"Kory."

"Yes?"

"Be careful."

"Of course."

And with that, she joined her friends in the elevator, and they were off.

Ryan stared at the closed doors of the elevator for a second, and then walked off to watch some TV. He flipped on the screen and the coverage of Mumbo's daring robbery came up.

"Hmm. Let's see how the heroes operate."

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The Amazing Mumbo; AKA Some Old Balding Guy With A Pointy Nose, was once perhaps the most completely and totally random villain the Titans had faced in their illustrious crime-fighting careers (well, maybe except for that one alien dude with the dog, but he doesn't count). I say "once" because that title was recently taken by the Titans' latest arch-foe, the completely uncalled-for Doctor Bad-Man. Recently paroled after his first unsuccessful crime spree, Mumbo decided that power was to be found in numbers, and he set out to acquire a few partners in crime. Delighted upon finding the deliciously random and totally loaded Bad-Man, Mumbo quickly asked him to become his criminal co-worker. And thus the alliance was formed. Apparently, the bag-headed doctor was already hatching a scheme to conquer the city, and he was happy to discover that Mumbo had not done anything illegal since his release. Bad-Man had sent the magician to RadioShack to buy a massive sack of AA batteries for him, seeing as risking jail for batteries seemed a bit stupid, even for him. A simple enough task, he had reasoned. Unfortunately for the criminal duo, Mumbo just couldn't resist cleaning out the cash register before stepping out the door; which brings us to our current situation, with Mumbo running unopposed down the street in broad daylight.

"HA HA HA! Fool teenaged employee!" He yelled over his shoulder at the rapidly shrinking building behind him. "Learn to honor your coupons, or face the wrath of... The Amazing Mumbo!"

He turned back to the street in front of him, and his confident smirk became a look of abject horror as he saw a silvery-blue car rocketing straight for him. The vehicle suddenly turned sideways and skidded to a halt twenty feet from the escaping criminal. Mumbo's eyes popped out of his head and he came to a dramatic standstill, wildly flailing his arms and legs with dust billowing up behind him like something out of a... well... a cartoon. As the Titans stepped out of the T-car, Mumbo drew his wand and prepared himself for combat. Robin took the lead, whipping out his Bo staff.

"Titans! Go!"

The two females of the group flew up and began to throw their respective projectiles at the insane magician, Starfire throwing starbolts and Raven tearing up parking meters and pay phones and pretty much everything in her line of vision and hurling them at Mumbo.

The magician was prepared for the projectile offensive and whipped his wand through the air; making the flying objects explode into flowers and confetti. Another swipe and the starbolts turned into rabbits, which fell to the ground and hopped away. Robin leapt into the air and attempted to smash in Mumbo's pointy nose with his staff, only to have the weapon turn into a cobra.

"Unbelievable! I've gotten double-usage out of that gag! You're even slower than I thought!"

Robin, enraged at falling for the same trick twice, responded by smacking Mumbo in the face with his fist. The blue-skinned crook flew through the air, performing a double flip and landing on his feet, only to be met with a charging green triceratops. With a deep bow, Mumbo pulled the top hat from his head, holding it out in front of him with the bottom facing out. As the triceratops was about to connect, the hat blew up to twenty times its original size, and the blitzing Beast Boy ran straight through it. However, he did not tear through the other end as he expected, but instead found himself crashing through a third story window on a building across the street. He smashed into the ground and collapsed in an unconscious heap, reverting back to human form. Meanwhile, the hat was back to its normal size and had returned to its spot on Mumbo's balding blue crown; and Cyborg was trying his hand at knocking it off again. His right arm had converted to sonic cannon mode and he was blasting away at Mumbo, trying to incapacitate the slippery villain and failing miserably, and tearing apart three storefronts in the process.

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Ryan slapped his forehead. The "villain" had damaged one window. The "heroes", on the other hand, had ripped three stores to bits and were still going.

"Man, this sucks! Move, Kori! Do something!"

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Cyborg, not oblivious to the damage he was causing, had put away his arm cannon and was attempting to engage Mumbo in hand-to-hand combat. Contrary to popular belief, the android was not the "slow bruiser" of the team. His robotic limbs actually made him both stronger and faster than the average man. Unfortunately, Mumbo was no average man. As Cyborg tried to punch him, Mumbo used his magic to turn almost 2-D. His paperlike form was flying wildly in crazy loops around Cyborg's body, flying up the robot-man's arm as he threw a particularly sloppy punch. Cyborg roared in annoyance as the coiled paper magician slammed his flat body into his face. Cyborg stumbled back as Mumbo re-inflated himself with a laugh... only to receive an ebony-encased parking meter with his face. His magic wand, the source of his highly annoying power, went flying out of his grasp. It arced through the air and landed in Robin's outstretched palm. With one swift movement, the Teen Wonder snapped the wand in half.

"Oh no! My wand! The very source of my magic! Whatever shall I do? I know! Use the spare!" He cackled.

With those words, Mumbo pulled a secondary wand from his coat and blew Robin away in a barrage of bunnies. As he turned to blow Raven out of the sky as well, something caught his eye: an escape route! If he could get to that alley, he was home free. But it was not meant to be, as no sooner had he spied his getaway path then it was blocked by a recently recovered Beast Boy in gorilla form. Thinking quickly, Mumbo charged the opening, whipping off his cape and tossing it over gorilla Beast Boy's head. The cape suddenly constricted, blocking his air and vision. Mumbo leapfrogged over the gorilla's head and disappeared into the alleyway. As the other Titans attempted to contain the wildly flailing changeling, Starfire soared over the chaos and into the alley.

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"Yes! Go 'im sis!" Ryan cheered as he watched Starfire disappeared into the alley after Mumbo. "Wait, disappeared? Shit!" The newscast of the battle thus far was taken from the air by a news crew in a helicopter. When Starfire chased Mumbo into the narrow alley, the chopper was unable to achieve the angle necessary for a clear shot and instead decided it was more entertaining watching Beast Boy with a cape stuck on his head.

"No! No! Beast Boy, stop struggling! Cyborg! Jump on him."

"GAHHHH!"

"Oh, for God's sake, move." Raven said. "Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!" The cape over Beast Boy's head turned black and tore itself to pieces. Beast Boy, relieved to be able to breath again, reverted back to his normal self.

"Whew, thanks Rae. I thought they had me..."

"They?"

"Hey, what happened to the rabid clowns?"

"Huh?"

"Whoo, I'm dizzy." Beast Boy collapsed on the ground, oxygen flooding back to his brain.

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"What, are you all blind?! Go help her!" Ryan shouted at the television.

Robin's slightly distorted voice came through the TV speakers, "Hey, where's Starfire?"

"AUGH! You idiot!"

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Mumbo dashed through the alley as fast his legs would carry him, and when he found that that wasn't fast enough, he leapt onto a nearby dumpster and tapped it with his wand. The enchanted refuse bin took off on its tiny wheels, heading for the white light at the end of the alley. Suddenly, the white light turned green as Starfire floated down to block Mumbo's exit, her fists glowing with power.

"All right villainous villain! I give you this last chance to surrender yourself to the police!" She cried.

Mumbo's dumpster kept its course.

"Very well. You have been warned!" Starfire raised her arms and blasted the dumpster with all her might. The trash bin exploded, sending chunks of banana and half-eaten tubs of ice cream splattering all over the alley. The Amazing Mumbo went flying up in the air, covered in trash. He poked himself in the stomach with his wand and somehow turned himself into a massive rubber ball. Starfire looked on in amazement as the spherical magician bounced off the walls of the narrow alley. Only too late did she realize that he was bouncing straight for her. He slammed into Starfire at the end of the alley, sending her flying across the adjacent street. She backflipped off the pavement and gave him a full-force blast in the face. Mumbo careened into a wall, his hair smoking. He bounced off the wall, knocking a rather sizeable chunk out of it as he hit. He struggled to his feet, a snarl crossing his lips.

"For this most grievous insult, you shall pay!" He roared, snapping out his wand. "...Some other time." He flicked his wrist and disappeared.

Starfire rubbed her shoulder where ball Mumbo had struck her.

"This is most not good..."

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Back at the tower, Ryan watched as the news crew caught the last few seconds of the battle: Starfire flipping through the street, blasting Mumbo, and then watching in amazement as he disappeared into thin air.

"What? How did he...? Rrr... why didn't Bird Boy and the others back her up? Oh, right, they were getting the GLAD bag off of monkey boy," he growled at the TV. "A 'D' for teamwork in my book. I'll have to show these hero wannabes a thing or two."

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Back at the scene of the crime, Starfire had just emerged from the alley and had broken the news to her teammates about Mumbo's escape. Needless to say, they were frustrated about losing two evildoers in a row.

"BB," Cyborg said exasperatedly, "this is all your fault."

"Hey, at least I didn't blow open any shops."

"Well at least I didn't have a cape stuck on my head!"

"And what was Robin doing all this time?"

"I was fighting Mumbo!"

"Then how come he escaped?"

"Because I was helping you get his CAPE OFF YOUR HEAD!!!"

"Would you all please just shut up?" Moaned an annoyed Raven, "We won't catch any criminals by yelling at each other. We are all equally to blame for losing Mumbo, but at least Starfire had the brains to go after him. We lost because we failed to work together as a team. If we try to go one-on-one with someone as unpredictable as Mumbo, then we are sure to lose. But it doesn't really matter now. We lost; and we must accept it. We cannot dwell on past failures; we must catch Mumbo now."

Robin sighed, "She's right, we're acting like idiots, every one of us. We have to collect ourselves and try to find Mumbo again," he said, his confidence as leader returning to him, "let's head back to the tower and see if we can get any leads. If not, then it's combat practice. I think we need to brush up on teamwork." At their leader's command, the Titans filed into the T-car and took off towards Titans Tower. Starfire was eager to return to her brother.

"Hurry Cyborg! Can this machine of transport of yours go any faster?"

"Oh, you wanna see fast? I'll show you fast."

"Oh no you won't," said Raven, giving him a look that dared him to try.

Cyborg responded by stomping the gas, throwing Raven back in her seat.

"You-will-pay-for this..." Raven said through clenched teeth.

The T-car accelerated up to the parking structure by the bay and got sideways, practically flinging itself into the entrance. It screeched to a noisy halt in front of the keypad on the wall. Cyborg got out and punched in the code. As the door began to open, he walked back to the car, sat down and closed the door. He stared with a giant grin at the huge, straight tunnel opening up before him. Raven saw the glint in his eye.

"Ohhh no. No way. Cyborg. Cyborg, no. Victor, stop! No no no no no!"

SCRRRREEEEEEE!!!

Cyborg did a massive burnout, pushing his car to the limit as he released the brake and shot off down the tunnel.

"Cyborrrgggggg!!!"

The T-car quickly picked up speed as it sped down the long, straight tunnel, but Cyborg's baby was still far from its limit. The T-car was is fourth gear as Cyborg slammed on the e-brake and the car spun wildly to a stop in the center of the garage. Several nearby objects turned black and exploded. A grin the size of China was on Cyborg's face. Robin and Beast Boy wore similar expressions. Raven looked like she was having a panic attack; and Starfire was nearly ecstatic.

"We must do that again!" she cried happily.

Raven's eyes shot open. "Hell... no..." She managed to say between deep breaths.

"Hey man, whassup?" Cyborg had spotted Ryand'r rummaging around in the backseat of his car.

"Oh, just unloading some of my stuff," the Tamaranian responded, "Oh, and I meant to ask you earlier; how long am I allowed to stay here?"

Robin opened his mouth to speak, but Starfire beat him to the punch.

"Forever!" She said cheerily, running up to her brother and giving him a bone-crushing hug.

"Uhh... yeah, what she said... I guess..."

"Thanks man, I owe you guys big time."

"No problem."

"You will stay forever, won't you?" Starfire smiled up at him.

Ryan returned the smile. "We'll see."

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Will Ryan stay forever? Will the Titans catch Mumbo? What the hell does he want with all those batteries? Find out next time, on the next exciting episode of DRAGONBALL Z! ... I mean Hero's Story... or Teen Titans... whatever the heck you wanna call it...